by Vonna Harper
Tonight, he didn’t want to devote any more brain cells to trying to figure her out. “How’s your physical therapy going?”
“Fine. Perfect. Couldn’t be better.”
“You’re a lousy liar.”
“There’s that.” Croft rubbed his thigh some more. “Spending hours behind the wheel doesn’t help.” Holding on to his chair back for balance, he repeatedly touched imaginary gas and brake pedals. “Let’s go for a walk.”
“Do you want me to grab you a second beer?”
“No,” Croft said after a longer than necessary pause. “Do you have some cold water?”
As Banner dug into the ice chest, he came to the too-simple conclusion that his friend was taking serious pain meds and didn’t want to mix them with alcohol. Darn it, Croft should be off the heavy stuff by now. Either he’d become addicted or healing had a long way to go. He didn’t like either possibility.
The newest batch of residents had been here long enough to have settled into their rooms. Some might be out exploring their for-now digs. It wouldn’t hurt to run into them. Nothing serious of course, just some casual comments about rural life.
He didn’t like matching Croft’s pace. His friend had never walked this slow. He debated asking his dad to look into Croft’s medical records, but if he did, that would draw unwanted attention to Croft. Hell, he understood what it felt like to keep a barrier around himself.
“You don’t know where she is?” Croft asked. “Did you let her know what was going to happen today?”
“If you’re talking about informing her about the new residents, I did.”
“I want to talk to her before I take off.”
“About what?”
“You.”
He glared at Croft, who kept walking. “What about me?”
“You can be a bastard. She doesn’t have to put up with your shit.”
No, she didn’t, but as long as she was here, she’d have to take him like he was. “What makes you think she’ll tell you the truth?”
“You don’t?”
“I’m not sure.” He didn’t like having to say that.
“Maybe I want to warn her,” Croft said. “Give her a heads up about what’s tangled inside you.”
He didn’t want to hear that, damn it. He could control himself, and on those occasions when things threatened to cut loose, he’d always been given enough forewarning to get off by himself in time.
“While you’re at it,” he said, “you’d better warn her not to turn her back on you either.”
“I won’t be seeing her every day. It’s not me who decided she needs looking after and brought in line.”
The conversation had gone much further and deeper than it needed to.
“The lesson worked. Did its job.” He tightened and relaxed his fingers as memories of how it had felt to slap her ass pulled him up and away. He’d loved most of it. “If she knows what’s good for her, she won’t push it.”
“Maybe you’re looking for a reason for a repeat performance.”
“That’s not how I look at it.” I don’t think. “She spent her childhood running free, making her own decisions.” He grabbed Croft’s arm, forcing the other man to look at him. Their eyes held the same darkness, the same secrets and nightmares. “She was used. Sexually. She didn’t have anyone to protect or love her. That leads to mistakes.”
Croft didn’t try to pull free. “The same kind of mistakes you and I made?”
There they were again, bogged down in the past.
“I learned from my mistakes,” he said. “So did you.”
His features pinched, Croft pressed his free hand to his thigh. “Yeah. And look where we are. As messed up as the kids we’re supposed to be helping.”
One more word, a single phrase, and he might not be able to stop himself from punching Croft’s lights out, but if he did that he’d lose his only real friend.
Chapter Fifteen
From where she stood at the open barn door, Asha studied the two men. She recognized Banner all right. Her still-tender ass remembered too much, and she was certain she hadn’t forgotten a word of his warning. The men’s body language fascinated her. One moment it was as if they wanted nothing to do with each other. The next they communicated in that wordless way only a few people were capable of.
Croft. That was what Banner had called the man with the limp. The way they acted around each other, she concluded they were or could be close friends. Going by their awareness of their surroundings, she was certain they carried similar emotional baggage. Maybe they’d been wounded in the same battle.
Maybe Croft knew the story behind Banner’s scar.
Pushing aside the warning not to ask questions she shouldn’t, she stepped outside. Thankfully Banner hadn’t insisted she wear the ass plug all the time. One night had been enough—or, more to the point, it should have been.
No matter how much Banner pushed and prodded, she’d never admit that the plug had felt like ownership. She was a free, modern woman. No way could she want a man to possess her most private places. She should be appalled at the very idea.
She was, damn it.
Slamming down the voice that insisted she was lying, she shoved her hands into her back pockets and approached. Thanks to Banner’s explanation, she had a fairly clear understanding of how and why Escape existed. She agreed with most of the concept. If there were aspects of the program, like allowing the patients to do everything they wanted, that she questioned, as Banner had made clear, it wasn’t her concern. She fed, watered and cared for the livestock. End of story.
All except for wondering what would happen if something she did or said collided with Banner’s edicts.
Keeping her hands out of sight, she strode toward Banner and Croft. Her steps were taking her close to the ultimate in masculinity.
“Asha.” Croft held out his hand. “I figured we’d run into each other. Hopefully you haven’t had too much trouble handling Koko. He’s a stud all right. Full of himself.”
Croft was right on that score. In fact, she’d debated bringing that up with Banner. Her recommendation would be that they leave the stud free to live with and knock up the mares. Trying to convince him to agree with being ridden was a fool’s errand.
“Some studs are a breeze to handle as long as they aren’t around mares in heat.” She had trouble keeping her attention off Banner. “That isn’t Koko. He has a one-track mind.”
Croft chuckled. She noted he was leaning to one side. “In other words, he thinks like an eighteen-year-old boy.”
“Pretty much.”
“Speaking of,” Croft continued, “how has it been going for you with the soldiers? Let me put this as bluntly as possible.” He glanced at his bad leg. “As I’ve learned from personal experience, a man changes when he realizes he can no longer take his body for granted.”
Was that what it was like in the past for Banner?
No. His actions of the other day had left her with no doubt that he was a man in the most primal way.
But there was more to a man than the ability to sexually perform. In contrast, Koko was four legs and over a half ton of sexual energy. The stallion would never concern himself with battles lost or won, let alone wounds. A mare’s rejection meant nothing. He’d keep trying to mount her for as long as he could stand.
“I’m still feeling my way with the soldiers,” she said. “Oh, I don’t mean it like that. I don’t have much to do with them. They want to talk, joke around some, but I try to make it clear that isn’t my role. I’m not sure that’s the right approach, but…”
Croft divided his attention between her and Banner. “I think I get it.”
“How are you doing?” she asked Croft because the conversation was making her uneasy. “I don’t mean to push, but my guess is you sustained some kind of injury.”
Croft slanted a look at Banner. “There’s a lot of that around here.”
And you know what happened to Banner. “That’s one reason
I’ve been insisting that the men don’t have anything to do with Koko. Unfortunately they think he’s amazing. Andy in particular wants to ride him, but that takes an experienced horseman in excellent physical condition.”
“Do you think he’d go against your rules?” Banner asked. “Do something stupid like sneak into Koko’s pasture?”
“Hopefully I got my point across, but I can’t promise anything.”
“It sounds like you need to talk to the kid,” Croft told Banner. “I’m short on time but I’d love to see the stud before I take off.” He held up his cell phone. “Take some pictures.”
She pointed toward where Koko was. Having a mostly ordinary conversation was helping her relax. Besides, the more she got to know Croft, the greater the chance he’d tell her what he knew about his friend. As they walked up the incline leading to where the horses were, she noted Banner’s slower-than-usual pace. Obviously he was taking Croft’s injury into consideration. He really hadn’t spoken to her today. She didn’t know how to react, whether to be relieved.
“You moved the horses to a different pasture,” Banner said. “Why?”
“I want them to be mostly grass fed this time of the year. Hay’s expensive. If they’re left in one area for too long, the grass doesn’t have a chance to grow.”
“I like her,” Croft said. “A woman with an eye to the bottom line.”
“I’ve always been like that.”
As the pasture came into view, she acknowledged how much she’d told Banner about the financial reality of her childhood. She guessed he’d grown up taking a roof over his head for granted. He’d gotten what he needed and most of what he wanted. Maybe that was all it took to explain his insistence that she obey his edicts.
She had to stop trying to understand him, darn it!
A couple of men stood just outside the wooden gate, the horses clustered around them. Judging by the horses’ body language, the men were feeding them.
“You don’t have a problem with that, do you?” Croft asked. “Koko can’t get to them, can he?”
She couldn’t help but chuckle. “He isn’t inherently dangerous. I’m equally concerned about mares fighting over treats and men getting in the way of flying hooves and bared teeth.”
“That’s Dade,” Banner said.
Alerted by Banner’s somber tone, she looked his way. He and Croft stopped walking, prompting her to do the same.
“Dade?” she asked.
Banner shook his head. “He used to be a rodeo cowboy.”
“Maybe he can go back to it once he’s out of the service,” she said.
“No.” Banner’s voice was barely above a whisper. “Not with the hips this damnable war gave him.”
Hurting for someone she had yet to speak to, she studied Dade. The other man was Andy. Between the two of them, she was observing more emotional wounds than she wanted to think about. Banner and Croft weren’t in a hurry to interrupt whatever the two other men were discussing. The longer she stood close enough to Banner that she could note the rhythm of his breathing, the less inclined she was to do anything else.
Andy’s behavior around her, to say nothing of Banner’s insistence that she not interact with the young man, had resulted in being on the receiving end of a thorough spanking—and more. She’d be surprised if Banner wasn’t replaying that. Of course he expected her to handle herself in ways that met his approval. She’d do the best she could, but she wasn’t Banner’s idea of perfection.
There were worse things than being ordered to lower her pants and offer up her ass for correction. Things like being ignored.
Sudden movement caught her attention. Andy had gotten in Dade’s face. Dade was backed against the fence, his hands fisted, staring up at the taller but less muscular man. The horses had shied away, but curiosity was getting the best of them—that and whatever the men had been feeding them.
“That’s enough.” Banner’s command startled the horses. One whinnied. “Whatever the disagreement’s about, it’s over, got it?”
Dade and Andy acknowledged Banner then went back to staring at each other.
“Great,” Croft muttered. “Acting like a couple of five-year-olds fighting over a bicycle.”
“What can they be fighting about?” she asked. “They just met.”
“Maybe. Maybe not,” Banner said. “Stay here.”
The heck she would. She’d wait until Banner was focused on the two combatants then make sure she was close enough to hear. This was her world after all.
Banner’s and Croft’s approaches were casual. If she hadn’t spent as much time as she had around Banner, she probably wouldn’t have noticed his straight back and squared shoulders. She imagined how his posture made his scar stand out.
“What’s this about?” His tone hard and loud enough to carry, he directed his question at Andy.
“Nothing,” Andy snapped, followed by something she couldn’t hear.
“That’s a pile of shit.” Croft went nose to nose with Andy. “Don’t give us any crap about you having no idea why Dade’s pissed. And Dade, I don’t want you saying you aren’t. What the hell is this? You two just met.”
“No we didn’t.” Dade spoke without moving his lips. “We went through basic at the same time.”
“And you rubbed each other the wrong way?” Banner asked. “Holding on to grudges is the last thing we need here. I will not put up with it.”
“Neither will I.” Despite his injury, she knew Croft would never back down. If being around Banner didn’t take so much emotional and other energy, she’d want to get to know Croft better. However, from the moment she’d met Banner, he’d taken up a great deal of space inside her. She might never understand how she felt about the intrusion. “What is this about?”
Andy and Dade exchanged a look that said answering was the last thing they wanted to do. Given how Andy’s behavior had and was still complicating her life, she wanted to believe Dade was the innocent party.
“I understand you competed in rodeos,” she said when the silence drew out long enough to be uncomfortable. “Does that have anything to do with…”
Banner had swung his body toward her, a predator taking his measure of someone or something he hadn’t expected to see. He’d ordered her to stay out of this, but she wasn’t wired that way. She’d deal with the ramifications later.
“Used to,” Dade muttered. “Those days are behind me.”
And you hate it. “Which event?”
“Broncs and bulls.” Dade’s attention shifted to the horses. “Mostly broncs.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” she said as her awareness of Banner kicked up another notch. Had she interjected herself into the situation to draw his attention to her? The thought of how he might act if it were just the two of them heated her throat and the space between her breasts. She swore he’d taken up residence in her mind and might never leave. As for her heart— “Usually that means a longer career than bulls,” she managed.
“Not for him.” Andy’s laugh grated on her nerves. “He’s competed in his last rodeo.”
“What the hell do you care?”
Judging by Dade’s reaction, he’d all but forgotten he had an audience. It took a rare man to climb onto the back of a horse that loathed being ridden. If she had the upper body strength it took to grip a rope while a furious bronc or bull put everything it had in it into a battle to dislodge whoever was on his back, she might be tempted to try the events. On the other hand, as much as she longed to take on the challenge, she didn’t have a death wish.
Pulling herself back to the here and now, she realized Andy must have answered Dade. Whatever he’d said, it was clear Dade hadn’t wanted to hear those particular words.
“What’s your problem?” Banner demanded of Andy. “Dade’s life isn’t your concern.”
“What do you know?” Andy shot back. “You weren’t there during basic when all we heard was how Dade was a better athlete than the rest of us put together.” He stuck out
his chin. “Dade bragged he’d get through this so-called war without a scratch. He wasn’t afraid of anything.”
“I never said that.”
She shouldn’t take sides between Dade and Andy. That was Banner’s and Croft’s department. More to the point, Banner didn’t want her here.
Her concentration shifted to the man who controlled her thoughts. Banner wasn’t doing much of a job of keeping his emotions to himself. Maybe he wasn’t trying. If anything, he was tenser than Dade. Wishing she could climb inside his mind, where, hopefully, the truth of him lived, she wondered why this was personal to him.
Of course she would. There was so much she longed to know about him.
“What’s your point?” Croft directed his question at a red-faced Andy.
“My point?” Andy looked confused. “That it’s about damn time this cowboy admits he’s human.”
Dade groaned, drawing her attention off Banner and onto the wounded rodeo rider. Maybe it was the way the sunlight reached his features, but there seemed to be more lines than there’d been a few minutes ago. Same as Croft, Dade deliberately balanced his weight.
“Think what you want,” Dade said. “Just leave me the hell alone.”
“Did you hear him?” Banner asked Andy. “Give him space. If I catch you agitating him, you’ll regret it.”
“Yeah? What are you going to do about it?”
“Kick you out of the program. Send you to where every word you speak is monitored. Judged.”
Andy opened his mouth as if to argue only to close it. After a tense moment, he stared at her. Thinking he might say something stupid like how he wanted to stay here because of her, she turned her back on him. She couldn’t stop herself from wondering how she’d react if Banner had spoken. The more time she spent in Banner’s presence, the more complicated everything became.
Maybe it wasn’t so bad.
“Dade,” she said in an attempt to bring her thoughts to where they belonged, “you know horses. I’d like you to observe the stallion. Maybe give me some pointers on how to calm him.”
“Short of gelding him?” Dade asked.
“Yes. Absolutely.”
