Ready for a fight, she enters the kitchen and finds Tara at the kitchen table buried in an old grimoire. When the door opens, Tara looks up. ‘You’re back.’ Relief sounds through these three words.
‘Yes. How long has it been?’
‘Just a couple of hours; the kids have gone to school.’ answers Tara, immediately understanding her concern.
‘See what you’ve done to me?! Fairy sucked me back in.’
Tears well up in Tara’s eyes, but Ceri is determined not to feel sorry for her mother.
‘Do you want some tea? Something to eat?’ Tara gets up. It takes a minute for her to get going. These days she’s so stiff.
‘Sure.’ Ceri plops in a chair following her mother with her eyes. Frustration is coming off her in waves, and she does not doubt that Tara is attuned to her feelings. Let’s see. Slowly, she allows some of her anger and resentment to flow toward her mother. Now Tara even flinches. The undercurrent in the room has become almost unbearable when Tara turns toward her with some tea and fresh sandwiches, agony showing in her face. ‘Please. Have some tea. If you let me, I will explain everything to you. I know it’s too late, and you probably will never forgive me, but maybe you will understand why I chose not to tell anybody.’ Tara struggles against the continuous anger of Ceri that fills the room. ‘Why I didn’t tell you.’ She manages to say.
Silently, Ceri takes the tea and the food. She has no intention of making this any easier on her mother. She had no right to keep this from her, and nothing she can say will change her mind.
Tara pours herself a cup of tea and chooses a seat at the table closer to Ceri. For a moment, it’s completely quiet, except for the crackling of the air. When witches’ emotions run high, there is no hiding from it. The air is full of Ceri’s anguish, and at some point, it will need to discharge. When it’s clear Ceri is not going to give her an inch, Tara starts to speak. ‘Lucy and I were sixteen. Our mother had a fragile disposition, and I think the burden of the Wand was too much for her. Most days, she stayed in her room, and our father had left many years before. He was incapable of staying here in this house. He didn’t understand what he had signed up for.’ Wistfully, she recalls those days long passed.
‘And—?’ prompts Ceri.
‘Right, that’s a different story. So, we were free to do whatever we wanted as long as we got good grades in school and did our witch schooling, which we mainly got from our ancestral spirits. Lucy and I explored Fairy and made friends with Mab. In hindsight, she probably befriended us for ulterior motives, but we thought she genuinely liked us. We were naïve those days. Of course, we thought we were smart and so powerful. Our witch powers were just coming into full bloom—we were just brash young witches.’ A small smile plays on her lips.
‘We went to elaborate Fairy parties and met so many interesting creatures. It was enchanting. Lucy was always more worldly and had been exploring the ways of the world. I, on the other hand, was shy and unaware of most things. In many ways, still a child. It was a different time then. Young people are so much more sexually active these days. I was still a virgin. Lucy and Felaern had an instant connection when they met, and I’m sure they had been intimate. Lucy told me there was nothing like having sex with a fairy. I pretended I knew what she was talking about, but in reality, I had no idea.’
Ceri is staring at Tara, unsure of where this story is going. Tara sips her tea and gathers her courage. ‘One day, I walked the ways on my own, and Felaern found me. I’m sure they can sense a human in their realm. Also, he was called the Keeper of the Land, no idea what that meant. Maybe he could manipulate his surroundings. Because when he found me, and we walked through the forest, it was so beautiful; I’ve never witnessed such beauty again in my life. The trees were otherworldly with the freshest green leaves, and birds were singing magnificent songs. Everything was so alive! I don’t know how to describe it to give it justice. As a witch, I felt connected. Now I understand that Felaern was seducing me, but in those days, I was young and stupid. I thought he liked me, I had no idea what he was doing and I certainly didn’t want him in “that” way.’ A small tear escapes Tara’s eye, betraying how hard she is finding this revelation.
Ceri feels uncomfortable about forcing her mother to tell a story that’s so painful to her. But, what about her own pain and agony knowing she will be being bound to Fairy for the rest of her life? She keeps quiet and waits for Tara to resume.
‘He…he brought me to a sort of tent, which overwhelmed all my senses, and he gently put a hand on my back to guide me inside. It was the first time he had touched me, and it was also the first time I realized that this wasn’t what I expected. Inside of the tent, all there was what resembled a bed. Everything else seemed to be flowing, and I got disoriented. I wanted to leave, but he blocked my way out and started to touch my face. I backed away, and he just kept getting closer…’
At this memory, Tara caught her breath. ‘I’m not Lucy.’ I managed to say. Again, he touched my face, and this time let his hand trail from my face to my breasts; this freaked me out, and I tried to sidestep him, but he just gave me a gentle push, and I fell back on the bed. Unconsciously, I reached for my magic, but it was gone. I freaked out and kept trying. He climbed on top of me and whispered in my ear; “Your magic is blocked here.” I tried to get away from him. But he was more than a thousand years old, and I was only a young girl.’
Ceri is shifting back and forth in her seat, getting uncomfortable about where this story was going. She keeps quiet, knowing she has to hear it all.
Tara gathers her strength to go on. ‘He… he…’ She seems unable to go on. ‘He forced himself on me. I screamed, but it didn’t do much good.’
Ceri’s anger immediately subsides, how could she hold on to it, when her mother has been through something like that. The silence stretches. Finally, Ceri and Tara look at each other. Much is said there without words. It’s clear Tara loves her dearly and that she has been unable to work through her pain over this. Ceri understands now why her mother never told her, but she’s unable to forgive her for not telling her that she’s part fairy.
‘How did you manage to keep it a secret? Why does everybody think I’m your youngest child?’
The air in the room is deflating; the charged energy transforms into a slight drizzle. Tara bends her head and when she looks back up, she knows she has to finish this story if she ever wants to have some form of relationship with her daughter again.
‘As I said earlier, my mother stayed in her room. So, when my belly started to grow, we could get by with a spell here and there. She never paid much attention to us, so keeping it a secret from her wasn’t too hard. Lucy and I knew we needed help when the time came to give birth though. Mab was furious with Felaern; he was one of her lovers, and this was not something she tolerated. She’s very jealous. In front of the entire Fairy court, she denounced him and took away his immortality. We didn’t know that was even possible. He was devastated, and from then on, he started to age.
And as you know, time runs differently in Fairy.
To us, however, she stayed understanding and supportive. Little did we understand the world and Fairy even less. Thinking back, I often wonder how we could have been so naïve? When I was due, we stayed in Fairy, and Mab had arranged for help. The birth went without any problems, but when I wanted to hold you, Mab appeared and threw us out of Fairy. It was terrifying. Mab transformed into a creature of our nightmares, no longer a beautiful fairy woman but instead a dark, scary monster with horns and flames flowing down her skin. She told me that you were payment for taking her consort from her and that Lucy and I were never to set foot in Fairy again. If we did, she would punish us and make us slaves for the remainder of our years.’ A sob escapes Tara. It’s been a long time since she allowed this memory to surface. ‘I cried and cried for months. Lucy and I tried every spell we could think of. We tried to get back to Fairy, barely escaping Mab’s wrath. Months turned into years, and we never managed to get you ba
ck.’ The old pain is back like it happened yesterday. Ceri is mortified. As she has experienced enough of Fairy herself now, she can believe this is the truth.
‘Is this the truth?’ She asks Sparkle. No doubt, the fairy in her ear knows all about this. He has been too quiet. ‘It is.’ He whispers while Tara answers, ‘Yes,’ thinking that the question was for her. Ceri slumps in her seat. Her heart breaks for Tara. To be raped and then to have your baby taken away from you is unthinkable. Then the possibility of losing her own children comes back to the surface. All these jumbles of feelings are overwhelming. Better focus on the last bit of the story. ‘How did you manage to get me back?’
‘Lucy and I exhausted our knowledge, and then the whole sordid episode with the Wand and Lucy’s banishing happened and I was unable to do anything. Many years later, I met Seamus, and he was so kind. After we had Freya, I was depressed, missing you, my firstborn. It took him a long time to drag the story out of me. I was so ashamed. Once Seamus knew though, he wouldn’t let it go. It took him many years to find out where you were in Fairy and after Ron was born, he wanted to try to get you home. I might not be able to go into Fairy, but Seamus could and he succeeded in getting you back. It was the most precious thing he did for me. Mab was beside herself, but she has no power in this world. Seamus loved you like you were his own. As only a few years had passed in Fairy, it only made sense to tell everyone you were our youngest.’
‘I loved him.’ is all Ceri manages to say.
The thought of being a child of rape is too much to handle. She will need time. Her mind races, as she tries to make sense of it all.
Tara looks spent; this must have been so difficult for her.
In the jumble of Ceri’s emotions, she feels a tiny spark of compassion for her mother. Not enough though, so she’s not able to comfort her. Not yet.
‘Thank you for telling me.’ She manages to squeeze out and gets up and leaves.
PART 6
Four of Cups ‘Apathy’
‘If you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at will change.’
—Unknown
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN SPACE AND TIME
The Crone is knitting, the light is dim, her shawl is dangling down between the vines, and there’s no end to it. Lounging on a bed of leaves, the Maiden is playing on her phone. Mother is busy somewhere among the vines of life.
‘Maybe I shouldn’t have interfered with the Madigans; that evil witch Lucy is now torturing one of them!’ Crone sounds genially concerned.
‘Why? Interfering in people’s lives is what we do. What else is there?’ Pointedly, the Maiden looks around, vines as far as the eye can see. The dim light has no source, it’s like they’re floating in a space of nothingness. ‘If we didn’t have that, we would die of boredom.’
‘We can’t die.’ The Crone automatically replies.
‘Exactly. THAT would really be torture.’
The Crone doesn’t look convinced, it’s very unlike her to feel sorry for someone. For more than a day now, the feeling that she’d made a mistake has been bothering her. Wearily, she eyes the Wheel, should she give it another spin? When she looks back, the Maiden is looking at her. It would be stupid to think that she isn’t paying attention.
‘Don’t spin the Wheel. Mother will have a fit if you spin it too often. You know what she’s like.’
They both spot Mother coming closer. Maiden bends toward the Crone and whispers in her ear. ‘I’ll handle it. I have something way more fun in mind.’
By the time Mother reaches them, they’re back to knitting and playing on the phone.
‘Has anything happened?’ Mother inquires.
‘All is well,’ reports the Crone. The Maiden winks at her behind Mother’s back, she has a wicked sense of humor. The Crone is afraid the situation hasn’t improved.
NEW ORLEANS
Ceri rushes out of the house, as she can’t breathe. Without thinking, she rips open a portal to Fairy and steps into the tranquility of Felaern’s home. Bewildered, she looks around; this is the last place she wants to be.
‘Ceri, stop! Please. Let me help you.’ sounds Sparkle in her head. This only upsets her more.
Panicked, she opens another portal, and this time she steps through into the Honeycomb. The whizzing of the flying machines, the chatter, and the smell of spices calm her down a little. This is one of her favorite places in Fairy. Will she ever be able to enjoy being here again? Her mind is racing and pulling her in all different directions. To be a byproduct of rape makes her sick. Her lying mother. Everything. It is just too much. Her stomach lurches, and she throws up right where she’s standing. The fairies don’t pay attention; they discretely move around the soiled spot. For the first time in her life, she doesn’t have Bert to comfort her. What will she do now? Her children? The thoughts jumble through her brain, and none of them stick or seem to have any direction. She’s in a spiral of despair, and an overwhelming, crushing sadness takes hold of her. The plants and other living creatures around her are starting to droop and wither. Unaware of the effect her mental state is having on the Land of Fairy, she drops to the ground and shuts down. Shock, she must be in shock. Now the creatures start to crowd around her. A tiny fairy lands next to her face and slaps her. No reaction.
‘Make way,’ sounds the booming voice of the Octopus fairy Cephalop. The sea of creatures parts in front of him as he takes charge of the situation. One of his tendrils gently examines Ceri. Physically, she’s okay. When he touches her ear, his synapse tingles. Now that’s interesting. Carefully, he lifts her up and takes her to his home, behind the stalls where the Honeycomb extends, and there are an infinite number of rooms and houses that the comb is composed of. His home is an interesting combination of a honey yellow color surrounded by a watery blue. All the outside sounds are sealed off as soon as he closes the door. Quickly, his tendril reaches out delicately to find the thing in her ear. Once he touches Sparkle, he hears a voice in his head. A smile forms on his alien face. ‘Cephalop, greetings! I’m Sparkle, appointed to mistress Ceri by Felaern. She’s in shock; she has had some bad news, and it has confused her. I tried to reach her, but she can’t hear me anymore.’
Cephalop doesn’t hesitate and starts to undress her.
‘Hey, man, what do you think you’re doing?!’ demands Sparkle.
‘She needs to find her way back. She’s the Keeper of the Land. This is affecting us all. I will put her in a salt bath. Hopefully, floating in the saltwater will help calm her down.’
Outside the trees and flowers are slowly withering. Ceri’s state is affecting the entire Land of Fairy.
SOMEWHERE ON THE I-10
Luna has been driving most of the night. It took some persuasion, which was hard as she didn’t want to use her powers on Tom. That generally is not received well. Finally, she convinced him that as long as Bridget was being tortured, the chances were slim that Lucy would draw any other cards. And also, if she were to draw her card, now that Luna knows how it feels, she could pull over to the side of the road.
They’re very close now to the second crossing. Luna turns right onto a dirt road. This looks more promising. Although Lucy’s house in Boston was on an ordinary street, her guts tell her that this house was built with a purpose—one that would be better kept hidden from mere normals. Now that the car is bumping along on the dirt road, Tom starts to stir. Luna thrusts out her witch sense and gives a little yelp of victory when she feels the power of the ley lines in this area. Unable to resist, she speeds up. Please, Goddess, let this be the place. She pleads quietly.
‘Where are we?’ Tom looks around the desert area.
‘Almost at the second crossing.’ Luna’s voice sounds eager. Tom understands. He’s concerned about his former partner. He knows she can be tough as nails, but to be tortured like that…They need to move as fast as they can.
Luna drives more with her senses than with her eyes now. The power almost shines, and it’s hard to resist as
a witch. She drinks it in while she tries to locate the center. There! A beacon of light is visible in her witch sight. She slams the brakes, here it is. When she jumps out, she finally realizes there is no house here. Immediately the light dims, and disappointment takes over. Gone is the euphoria of a minute ago.
‘I’m sorry.’ says Tom and pulls her close. A dry sob escapes her. ‘I know. We can’t lose hope. We have to keep going.’
Luna peels herself away from Tom and nods. ‘You’re right.’ Within seconds, Tom sees Luna transform back into the confident witch he has come to know and to love.
NEW ORLEANS
Tara stares out of her bedroom window; she can feel the heat from the sun through the glass. Tourists are taking pictures of their home, which is one of the oldest ones in the neighborhood. And although they have tall hedges, people always manage to peek through somewhere. For years, she used to put discouraging spells on the perimeter, but the neighbors had asked her to be more open to the tourists. It is good for the neighborhood. Now she’s used to the inquisitive faces, and she doesn’t even notice them today. Her thoughts are miles away, searching for Ceri. No doubt she has left for Fairy. She can’t feel her anywhere. This has been the hardest thing she has ever had to do. These weeks have been the worst of her life. The only worry she had a few weeks ago was to whom she would pass on the Wand. It seems like a distant memory now. Too much has happened. With everything going on, she has lost the trust of her family. Seamus has left the painting, and there is no one she can confide in anymore. A little voice inside her head tells her to get up and do something about it. Where should she begin? Very slowly, she moves and stumbles as she tries to get up—too long in one position for these old legs. Holding herself up with the back of the chair, she manages to slide behind her desk. Maybe a new card will give her a direction to take.
Quickly she shuffles, and with her left hand, she draws a new card. The Four of Cups, what is it trying to tell her? In the picture, a goose is mesmerized by her own image, unaware of her fellow geese taking flight. The cups are scattered around her. Apathy, missed opportunities, is she not seeing what is right in front of her? Did someone offer her help, and she missed it? This wallowing in self-pity is definitely not helping the situation. She shouldn’t just sit here while Bridget is being tortured, and Ceri is going through these life-changing events. That’s it. She needs to start to help, one thing at a time. Old age is no excuse; she has so much knowledge and spirit left in her. Time to snap out of this! With a smile, she puts the card on her altar. You’ve got to love the cards. A kick in the butt was just what she needed.
The Magical Tarot Deck Page 20
