“Absolutely. Should I pick you up?”
“Yes please.” We both started at the sound of his dad calling him to come down.
“We’ll be working on reversal of that inferiority complex,” he said as he ran down the steps.
It had been two weeks since I had met his dad and he and I were together almost every day. But today was different. We were quiet as we sat at our favorite table in front of the bookstore. It was my last day in the city and no matter how much I tried to enjoy his company, the thought of being away from him and all of the positive changes in my life made me feel miserable.
“Come on,” he said, breaking our silence. “We need today to be epic. I won’t have a partner in crime when you go home.” His voice was melancholy.
“I’m sorry. I can’t find many reasons to be excited about going home. Everything I really like is right here.” I gave him a shy smile after I said it.
“Trust me, I would go with you if it were possible.” He took my hand and lazily entwined his fingers with mine. That was the extent of us. We had held hands, cuddled on the couch watching movies, and gave each other long and lingering hugs as we parted, but that was all. We hadn’t made any declarations and never spoke about what was going on between us. I think we just agreed that we would enjoy whatever it was.
I looked at my phone to check the time and I knew I had to get back to have time to pack.
“I’m sorry. I have to head to the loft. I need to make sure I have everything ready since my flight leaves so early.”
We both hopped on his scooter and I held on a little tighter than necessary. I wanted to be as close to him as possible for the little time we had left.
“Can you do me a favor?” I asked.
“Anything. Hide in your suit case and go home with you? Done,” he joked.
“Take the long way home.” And he did.
9.
He parked the scooter and stood with me. His hands held mine as he stared down at them.
“You’ll call and video chat as soon as you land?”
“I might have to wait until I get home and to a wifi connection, but yes. As soon as it’s possible I will call you.”
“Ok, because I’ll be waiting and worrying.” He squeezed my hands then brought them up to his lips and gave my fingertips a light kiss. I could feel goosebumps pop up all over my skin. “I can’t do the long goodbye thing.” He pulled me into a hug and squeezed me tight, but I wasn’t ready when he pulled away. I needed more but he was already walking away. He didn’t look back. Didn’t wave. He was on his scooter and gone.
I walked through the front door and gave Haley a pitiful wave before going up to my room and falling apart. It wasn’t just Tru. It was everything. I didn’t want to go back to life as Fugly Fenley.
I sniffled as I packed my suitcase and tried to remember any small thing I liked about home. The list was short.
1. My parents (usually)
2. Sunsets in the desert.
3. Pizza at The Windsor.
4. My favorite comic book store.
Aunt Haley had offered me dinner but I was too upset to eat and she was wise enough to give me my space. Eventually I changed into the tank top and boxers I would wear to bed, but when I crawled under the covers, sleep felt like an obstacle I couldn’t conquer. I tossed and turned then finally sat up in frustration. That’s when I heard the sound of my phone vibrating with a call. It was 2:00 am and Tru’s name was on my screen. I answered on the second ring.
“Is everything ok?” I blurted out.
“No. Nothing is ok and I was hoping you could come down stairs.”
I looked out of my window and saw Tru standing on the steps looking up at me. It had started to sprinkle outside and I thought about inviting him in, but Haley would not approve. Instead, I slipped on my converse, grabbed an oversized hoodie, and ran downstairs.
The rain was a little more steady by the time I got to him, so I pulled him under the awning to give us some cover, but it wasn’t much help.
“What’s going on? What’s wrong?” I asked.
“You’ve been crying,” he said softly, then he reached a hand to my face and traced it along my cheek.
“Do I look that terrible?” I asked, wishing I had looked in a mirror before I ran downstairs.
“Not terrible. Beautiful. But your eyes are red and puffy.” My heart stopped a little at the word “beautiful”.
“Beautiful is a stretch,” I said, looking down at my feet. He lifted my chin up to make me look at him.
“When are you going to learn to accept a compliment?” he asked with a sympathetic smile. I shrugged. “Seriously, I’d like to find the person who gave you the complex and kick their ass.”
“That would be a long list of people,” I said, wishing I hadn’t. I could see a tiny spark of anger light up his eyes, but he shook his head and it passed. We both knew we didn’t have time for that conversation.
“You have me all mixed up and my stomach is in knots,” he said in a rush. He looked up and sighed, collecting himself. He took a deep breath before he spoke again. “I couldn’t let you leave without doing something I have wanted to do all summer.”
“What is it?” I asked.
“Kiss you,” he said and this time it was his turn to blush. I automatically felt light headed. This was a “never had”. Never had a date. Never had a boyfriend. Never had a kiss. Never.
I played with the hem of my tank top, hoping it would mask my nervousness. I didn’t know how this worked. Was I supposed to tell him to go for it? Or just pucker up? Both seemed like terrible ideas, and I was relieved when he instructed me on what to do.
“Close your eyes Fenley.” I did as I was told and felt the drumming sound of my nervous heartbeat in my ears. I felt his knuckles graze my cheekbones softly before he gently held my face in his hands. His thumbs traced my jaw and I could hear his breathing. It was a little unsteady like mine. And just as I was falling into a trance from his gentle hands on my skin, a new sensation hit me. His lips. The feel of them made me shiver all over. He pressed them against mine, gently at first, and I could feel the soft skin clinging together as he pulled away just a fraction. He made a small noise that sounded like a moan before he kissed me again, harder and with more intent. I wrapped my arms around his neck to keep myself from falling down, and that’s when he pulled me in tighter. My lips instinctively explored his kiss and I was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling of not being able to be close enough to him. We both reluctantly came up for air.
“That was incredible.” He said, sounding a little stunned. I could only nod that I agreed. “I’m not ready to let you go yet,” he said as he pulled me against him and wrapped his arms around me.
“I’m not ready either,” I admitted. The rain got a little heavier and our awning was no longer a very good shelter. I pulled him by the hand and led him up the stairs and into the loft. Haley could get mad at me. I didn’t care. I needed Tru as close as possible for these last few hours. I walked him over to the sofa and grabbed a blanket that was draped over a chair. We took off our rain soaked jackets and got under the cozy blanket. Being in his arms was all I needed to help me fall asleep.
10.
We were both startled awake by the sound of Aunt Haley clearing her throat. When I opened my eyes I could see her scowling at us with crossed arms.
“You don’t have time to explain. You have a flight to catch. And you,” she said pointing to Tru. “You can show yourself out.” She went to the kitchen to start breakfast.
Tru took my hands and held them as we stood in my doorway.
“I have fallen for you Fenley. No matter how far away you are, that won’t change. We don’t need to make any ridiculous promises to each other, but I need you to know.” I had so much I wanted to say to this. My brain was overflowing with so much I had wanted to tell him all summer.
“I do know,” was the best I could come up with.
He leaned down and softly kissed me aga
in before pulling me into the warmest hug I had ever had.
“Call. As soon as you can.” I felt him kiss the top of my head before he let go. I watched him run down the steps and out of the building. I wanted to catch every last glimpse of him before he was gone for good.
I leaned my head against the airplane seat and watched as everything got smaller and smaller during take off. Normally, I would be terrified as we ascended, but my mind was already in the clouds. I replayed the kiss over and over again in my mind. I didn’t want to forget any small detail or moment, but there was something else trying to take up space in my mind. Fugly.
Would she still be there when I got home? Was I gone long enough for people to forget all about her? I sighed and thought back to the moment I first heard the name. Hunter and I were in sixth grade. He had always been around. He was a constant. Any time his mom was over, Hunter was in tow. He was just turning into the blonde haired, brown eyed, and perfectly sculpted jock he would eventually be. And he already had the attention of Jessica Adams, the most popular girl in middle school.
One day, as Hunter and I walked home, Jessica stopped him. I’m sure it had taken her weeks to come up with the courage to do what she did next. She asked Hunter to the movies. I could still picture how he nervously put his hands in his pockets and looked back and forth between Jessica and me. I was no one. Just another awkward middle schooler.
“Sorry Jess. I have plans with Fenley,” he said, clearly disappointed. From the look on her face, it was obvious she wasn’t turned down often. She was angry.
“You’re seriously saying no because you want to hang out with that fugly thing over there?” I would have been dead in that moment if looks could kill.
“That’s Fenley,” he said defensively.
“Fugly Fenley,” she corrected as the little group behind her laughed.
I wanted to scream at him to just take the date, but it was too late. Everything changed. The name stuck, and maybe a little bitterness on his part never went away.
He and Jessica dated on and off all through school after that. And she tortured me on and off. It didn’t take long for Fugly Fenley to morph into Double F soon after. I would hear it barked at me as I walked through the halls, usually followed by raucous laughter. How the joke didn’t get old was beyond me.
I only had a few days to collect myself before junior year started. I pushed all of the pointless “what if” thoughts out of my head and went back to focusing on Tru. I thought about how much easier going home would be if I had him at my side.
I was startled when I heard the pilot over the speaker. We would be landing soon. Too soon. It was go time, and I wouldn’t be able to ponder the possibilities anymore. I wondered how the airline felt about stowaways.
1 1.
I let the escalator carry me down to the lower level and I was in no rush, but something I saw had me confused. I thought I saw Hunter’s face in the crowd at the bottom of the escalators. I scanned the crowd again and realized my eyes weren’t deceiving me. It really was him. It was his unmistakable mop of blond hair. I pulled the earbuds out of my ears and walked up to him, but he was looking over me.
“Hunter?”
He looked at me with a question on his face and then it hit him. His brown eyes grew to twice their size.
“Fenley? Wow, look at you!” He said, a little more surprised than I was comfortable with.
“Where are my parents?” I asked, ignoring his comment.
“Your parents had some catastrophe to deal with in Flagstaff with your cabin. It couldn’t wait, so I volunteered to get you.” He said it like it should explain everything.
“You volunteered? I could have taken the shuttle.”
“No, I don’t mind. Really.” I saw his eyes travel from the bottom of my feet, up to the top of my head, and back down again. Then something about him shifted and he seemed a little more nervous than usual.
“Well thank you. I just have one bag to get.”
As we stood at the baggage carousel he tried to make small talk, but what happened the last time I saw him wasn’t far from my mind and I wondered if he thought about it too. I was in the middle of telling him about my new workout routine when I felt my phone buzz. My smile grew from ear to ear when I saw Tru’s name on the screen.
“I’m sorry, I have to get this.” I turned away to answer it.
“According to my calculations, you have been on the ground for at least ten minutes and no call,” was how Tru greeted me.
“I’m so sorry. Being home is overwhelming, but my feet are safely planted on the ground. Can I call you later?”
“Yes. Can I say I miss you?” He asked with a little bit of a pout in his tone. I took a deep breath.
“I miss you too.” I saw Hunter’s curiosity perk up after I said it. “I’ll call you later tonight.”
Hunter was trying to pretend he hadn’t been eavesdropping after I hung up.
“So,” he said with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “Are you hungry? You haven’t had a Diablo Burger in a while.”
“I haven’t had a lot of things in a while,” I said with sarcasm as I thought back on Aunt Haley’s strict diet of organic foods and juices. I only ate real food when I was with Tru. “A Diablo would be amazing right now.”
We both got buckled up and before he started the car he turned to me.
“You’ve changed,” he said bluntly.
“You have assessed this in the twenty minutes I have been home?”
“I assessed it,” he mocked “the moment you left town.”
Hunter was staring at me instead of reading his menu. And even though I knew exactly what I wanted, I used the menu as an item to fiddle with. The awkward tension was thick between us and I knew I needed to be the one to break the ice. I opened my mouth to say what was on my mind but was cut off by the sight and sound of Brady Banks walking into the restaurant. He was loud, vulgar, popular, and one of Hunter’s friends.
He spotted us almost instantly and made his way over. I could tell he didn’t recognize me at first, and it took him until his fifth fist bump/high five combo to finally see it.
“Holy shit! Fug...I mean Fenley? Summer has been good to you.” The way he said it made me feel violated somehow.
“We’re about to order, so...” Hunter said as a hint for Brady to leave, but Brady didn’t take the bait. Instead, he plopped down next to Hunter with his eyes on me the whole time. I had a sudden urge to take a shower. Hunter turned and gave him a pleading look. “Dude, can you give us a few?” he said under his breath. Brady’s smile grew from ear to ear.
“Alright. I get it. I’m going so you two can be all alone,” he said in a way that accused us of way more than just grabbing burgers and fries.
Hunter stared daggers at Brady until he was finally out of sight. I stared down at my hands, absentmindedly playing with them.
“So tell me everything you did while you were away,” Hunter said. I couldn’t look at him.
“He almost said it. I wondered all summer if they would still call me that,” I whispered, not really intending to say it out loud.
“Shit,” he said in frustration. I saw him sink a little in his seat. “I never did.” I shot him a look like I didn’t believe him, but he sat up in defense. “Seriously, I never did. That day and what you heard...it was all terrible timing. I just wasn’t in the mood to deal with them, you know? I just blew it off hoping they’d change the subject. I never wanted you to hear that. I wish you had walked up on one of the dozens of times I told Brady I’d give him a beating if he didn’t shut the hell up.” He looked at me expectantly, but I didn’t know what to say. Finally I surrendered.
“Can we just forget it?” and forget Fugly, I thought to myself.
“Not unless I know you know that I’m not like that. I’m not like them.” Something about the way he said it grabbed my attention. This wasn’t just about me. This was about him. Something was going on that I didn’t know about.
“I d
o know. And at some point I hope you tell me what’s really going on.” He looked at me with a grin.
“I will. Now let’s get some food. Your mom bought about ten more cow figurines and I promised I’d get them on a high shelf for her.”
My mom was cow obsessed. Our entire kitchen was cow themed and every once in a while a cow would sneak its way into the decor of another room, but my dad would make sure to remedy the situation.
“My dad must be thrilled,” I said sarcastically.
“I wouldn’t know.” He shrugged after he said it. This was the nice thing about being with Hunter. He knew me. He knew all about me. All about how my dad was a closed book and impossible to read. He knew that my mom was ridiculously conservative and looked like a mom from an 80’s movie. He knew that I loved to watch Adult Swim and I was always tired at school because I stayed up too late.
These little things made it possible for me to forgive him, but Double F was never far from the back of my mind, and I wondered if he still saw me as her.
12.
Everything was quiet when we got to my house. I forgot about how quiet the suburbs were. Brooklyn was all noise, all the time.
Hunter went straight to the kitchen and grabbed the step stool from the pantry. My mom had little glass shelves above the kitchen sink and they were filled with cows of every variety. Sadly, they also obstructed the view to the backyard.
“I feel so gross. Traveling makes me feel scuzzy,” I complained.
“So go shower. I’m in no rush.”
He was avoiding his house. This probably meant both of his parents were home, and he was staying away because they couldn’t have a conversation that didn’t end in an argument about college.
“Well, if you don’t mind, I think I will. I’ll just be a few minutes.”
I went into my room and stared at it like I had never seen it before. My gray walls and black trim were exactly how I had left them. My pink comforter looked just the same, and my bookshelf was still filled with classics, but it felt different. I felt different.
Fugly: Book One of the Fenley East Series Page 3
