by Joyce Meyer
I can well remember when God was training me in the grocery store checkout lines, but I did not know it was training for my future.
For about a two-year period, every line I got in had either a slow clerk, a new clerk in training, a person in front of me who had items with no prices, a cash register that ran out of change and had to be replenished, or a change in shifts so I had to wait while the clerks balanced out the register.
In those situations, I would do what anyone would do — get in the shortest lines — but they always seemed to take the longest.
I believe there is a message for us there. In the natural, we are always going to choose what looks like the shortest route, but it does not always turn out to be the best one.
I could even pray about which line to get in, and still end up in the one with the most trouble.
For a long time, I would be frustrated, upset, aggravated, angry, and not doing a very good job of hiding my feelings. This display of a lack of self-control only made me look foolish, and I am sure, made the clerk (who was probably already feeling insecure), feel even worse.
I obviously did not need to have a national radio and television ministry — and be known and recognized by many — as long as my behavior was that impatient. As long as I could not even “wait properly” in a grocery store checkout line, I certainly would not be able to wait on the other things that would be necessary to see the fullness of God’s plan.
Yes, very often God starts with the little things that seem of no consequence to us, but are actually very important. You see, it is a principle: If we are patient, it will show up everywhere. And if we are not patient, it will show up everywhere. God can’t take a chance on us until His character has been established in us. We are His representatives — His ambassadors (2 Cor. 5:20) — and we are to give Him glory and bear good fruit.
Recently, I was in a store during the Christmas shopping season, and I waited a very long time to pay for one little item. The people in front of me had stacks of items, and it would have been very nice to be allowed to go ahead of them, but it did not happen.
I even had the experience of being overlooked once, and someone else was taken in front of me. Several ladies were waiting on customers, and when it finally came to be my turn, the lady said promptly, “Thank you for waiting. Are you who I think you are? Are you that lady on television?”
Then she said, “I thought the minute you walked in the door that you were her.”
Now what if I had been acting improperly, behaving impatiently or getting angry because I was not served in proper order?
Believe me, I see many things now that I did not see while I was on the potter’s wheel — while God was reshaping my attitudes and developing the fruit of His Spirit in me. Of course, I still make mistakes, but I always let out a sigh of relief when I have been in a pressure situation and God has given me the grace to behave properly, and then I discover that someone standing around had recognized me as “the lady who preaches on television.”
I remember another situation when my entire family was in a restaurant eating, and the waitress tripped and dumped an entire tray of water, coffee and tea onto my husband. He was so kind and patient with her. He even talked with the manager to make sure the waitress did not get in any trouble. She had only been working there two weeks, and she was crying.
The restaurant was very crowded, and it was her first really big table to wait on. I am sure each of us can sense how she felt. She returned later with another tray of drinks, and as she leaned across the table to where I was sitting, she said, “I think I’m nervous because you’re in here. I watch you on television all the time.”
My heart rose up within me, “Oh, thank You, God. Thank You, thank You, thank You, that we did not act badly in this test.”
We must realize how hurt others can be by our impatient behavior, and how it can adversely affect our witness.
Hurrying Steals Joy
God has spent a lot of time teaching me that hurrying steals joy. Because He is not in a hurry, or, we might say, He does not have a “hurry up” spirit about Him, neither should we. After all, we are created in His image.
Can you imagine Jesus behaving the way we do? I doubt that He got up in the morning and began telling the disciples to hurry up and get ready so they could get on over to Jerusalem and hold a conference.
Not only does God have a timing concerning when we will see the manifestations we are waiting for, but I also believe there is a timing that we are to live in. Perhaps I should say, a speed at which we are to live. It should show up in our pace in life. How we walk, talk and eat reveals something about our attitude toward waiting.
There is a pace that is comfortable to walk at, but the “hurry up” spirit that prevails in the earth today makes us want to rush and do things that don’t even require rushing. Some people talk so fast you can hardly take in and digest what they are saying. Others become irritated if you don’t understand them immediately, and asking them to repeat or explain usually draws their wrath.
Many people don’t really eat, they devour their food. Sometimes people who eat too fast have problems with overeating. I believe there is an emotional satisfaction that we obtain from eating. Not only do our bodies need the nourishment, but we are to enjoy our meals. If we take time to enjoy them thoroughly, we may find that we are more satisfied and require less food.
People are just generally in a hurry. So often today when we ask others how they are, they respond with, “Busy.” That automatically makes me feel rushed. I get the impression that they wish I hadn’t stopped them even to inquire, that I had left them alone. Most people are definitely living life in the fast lane, but it is not the lane in which we would find Jesus if He were living in the flesh on the earth today.
Make a decision not to live your life in a hurry. You won’t enjoy it if you rush through it. Everything will go by in a blur.
Often people complain about how busy they are — how tired they are — but they don’t do anything about it.
Make a decision! Taste of life! Savor the flavor of each day. Take some time each evening to ponder the day’s events, especially the little special things that happened.
Meditate on the things that brought you joy, and you can have the pleasure of enjoying them all over again. If you are going to have to hurry all the time in order to do what you are doing, make a decision to do less.
Is getting out of your house in the morning on time a nightmare of rushing and frustration? Make a decision to do less, or get up earlier. Declare war on the spirit of “hurry up”!
Too often we are either overcommitted or under-committed. What we really need is balanced commitments. God is not impressed with our excessive activity, even when it is done in His name. Remember that peace leads to joy. If Satan can steal our peace, then he will also get our joy.
Let Patience Have Her Perfect Work
But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.
James 1:4
When patience is fully developed in us, Satan cannot control us emotionally. This is why he fights so hard against the development of this particular fruit.
Humility is said to be the cardinal virtue out of which all the others grow. Patience is closely related to humility. As a matter of fact, I teach that impatience is pride. Impatience says, “I am far too important to have to wait.” Or, “I have my plan, I’m on the move and I don’t want anyone getting in my way.”
James said that when patience has had her complete work in us, we will be perfect and entire — lacking in nothing. By then we will have grown enough to be out of the range of being able to be controlled by Satan, or by his work through circumstances or irritable people.
Don’t despise the events in life that work patience — things that cause you to have to “wait well.” They are friends, not enemies. They are helping you get where you
are going. Their purpose is to help you get there with joy.
If you are in God’s waiting room, which I am sure you are if you are like the rest of us, have a seat. Enjoy the wait! Don’t be in such a hurry. It will only make you miserable, not anyone else. God has provided for you to have an enjoyable wait. Relax and enter in to His joy!
12
Freedom in Relationships
For you, brethren, were [indeed] called to freedom. …
Galatians 5:13
Concerning the matter of enjoying life, we are all at different places in the road. Some enjoy life thoroughly, others not at all. Some enjoy it a little, and some have never even realized that they should enjoy life thoroughly.
We want to remember at this point what I have shared previously. Jesus said that He came that we might have and enjoy life, and that we might have it in abundance — to the full until it overflows. (John 10:10.) We are commanded to enjoy our lives, at least that is the way I have decided to look at it.
To enjoy life we must have liberty, and we must allow others to have liberty.
Some of the hardest work a person can take on is the job of trying to control everybody around him.
I spent a lot of years trying to control my husband, my children and my friends. I was not doing it because I was mean. As a child, I had been abused and controlled myself, and I think somewhere along the way, I decided it was either control or be controlled. I was afraid to let others lead because I felt that if I did I would never get anything I wanted.
My experience had been that anyone who had any authority in my life had hurt me, and I was not going to let that happen again. I did not really even understand that I was a controller — that I had become the very thing I hated.
I did understand that I was not happy. I had no peace and joy, and I surely was not enjoying my life. I knew I had a problem, but I did not know what it was or how to fix it.
I have been sharing chapter by chapter, things that God has shown me during my own recovery, and this chapter is no exception. This is something I have learned that has immensely helped me to enjoy my life and all the people in it.
Not only did I have a problem with attempting to control others, but in certain ways, I allowed people to control me. I was overly concerned about what they thought. I tried to live up to their expectations and silent demands.
This was the case especially among groups of people with whom I desired to be in relationship. I wanted to be a part, but was still on the outside looking in. It seems to me now as I look back, that I tried to control those who loved me, and lived in the fear of rejection of the people whose love I desperately wanted. As a result, I allowed them to steal my liberty.
God did not create us for any kind of control except self-control. We are to willingly give Him the reins to our lives, not try to keep them, nor give them to people who want to use us for their own benefit and advantage.
I have come a long way, and I believe I have been able to help a lot of people along the way. I am free to be me, and I am free from the need to control others.
Be Transformed, Not Conformed
Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you].
Romans 12:2
God’s will for us is transformation, which takes place from the inside out, not conformation, which is someone’s external, superficial idea of what we should be, nor our own efforts to conform to their ideas, expectations and demands.
Often the world wants to draw the borders of a box for us and put us in it. The problem is, the box is their design, not God’s.
I can never be happy and fulfilled living in someone else’s box, and neither can you.
Most people think we should do what they are doing — be part of their plan. This is wonderful if God agrees, but when God says no, we must learn to say no. We must also learn to say yes when He says yes.
People have expertly developed methods of saying in a round-about way, “If you don’t do what we want you to do, then we will reject you.” Parents say it to their children, wives say it to husbands and husbands say it to wives. Congregations say it to their pastors. Friends say it to friends. It exists widely in every type of relationship.
The pain of rejection is hard to bear; therefore, we are very tempted to simply comply rather than to stand for our freedom. We can quickly become men-pleasers instead of God-pleasers. (Eph. 6:6 KJV.) Then we are not happy. There is no peace and no joy. We are not enjoying anything, and often we don’t even know why.
We must be led by the Spirit if we are to enjoy the journey. We cannot be led by our friends and relatives.
Sometimes when we finally see that someone has been controlling us, we get very angry with that person, and all the years of our lives he or she has stolen from us. God had to show me, when I was in the anger stage, that it was just as much my fault as the other person’s.
Nobody can control us if we do not permit it. Sometimes we are so tense and fearful around others — so concerned that we won’t impress them — that it makes us totally miserable. It also steals our confidence and keeps the gifts of God that are in us from coming forth.
One night before one of our conferences, I went to the prayer room and found my worship leader doing stretching exercises. I thought to myself, “Now what’s he doing? He’s supposed to be getting ready to lead worship.”
He saw me looking at him and said, “The Lord told me today when I was preparing for tonight to be loose.” What he said struck me because I was teaching on liberty that night, and the first definition I had found in my study for the word “liberty,” was to be loose!
When you get around other people, whether it is people you know or don’t know, resist the temptation to be tense. Just relax, and loosen up. Be free to be yourself. If your friends will not allow you to be yourself, are they really your friends?
God was saying to Chris, our worship leader, “Don’t feel pressured to perform.”
The thief comes to kill. (John 10:10.) What does he desire to kill? The life force in us. He wants to stifle and suffocate it with fear and insecurities.
We talked at length earlier in the book about legalism and how if we live under the Law, it steals the life from us. The letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. (2 Cor. 3:6.) If we are not careful, we can allow other people to become a law to us.
Free From Comparisons
Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.
Romans 14:13 NKJV
There are many things that each of us cannot do, but there are also numerous things we can do, and do well. We don’t have to compare ourselves or our abilities and achievements with other people or their talents or accomplishments. We are free to be individuals. God has an individual plan for each of our lives.
Some of our lives will intermingle together, but each of us must have the liberty to be led by God. We even have the right to make our own mistakes and learn from them.
God told me once, “Joyce, just because you’re right does not give you the right to cram the right thing down everyone else’s throat.”
Even God allows people the right of free choice, and we must maintain our right in that area, in addition to being certain that we are not party to stealing someone else’s right.
I finally discovered that I did not have to be like my husband who has many wonderful qualities. I did not have to be like my pastor’s wife, or my next door neighbor or the lady at church who seems to have it all together.
We allow other people to become a law to us, thinking we must be what they are. It steals our freedom, and it’s no one’s fault but our own.
You don’t have to compare your prayer life to another person’s or your Bible study habits to someone else’s. As long as you feel sure in your heart that you are doing what God is leading you to do, that is all you are required to do.
When I think of the word “liberty,” I sense life. When people preach liberty to me, I feel life. When legalism is preached, I sense death.
We want to please people and make them happy. It’s not that this is wrong, but that it can lead to wrong.
It is scriptural to try to live in harmony with others and in peace with everyone. (Rom. 12:16,18.) Just make sure that your desire to please does not cross over the line and lead you into a controlling relationship.
Remember, when you give up your freedom, you also give up your joy.
Live and Let Live
“Live and let live,” is a phrase that was designed to say, “Let’s all be free.” It means, “You mind your business, and I’ll mind mine — and vice versa.”
Did you know that even the Bible tells us that we should mind our own business?
… make it your ambition and definitely endeavor to live quietly and peacefully, to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands. …
1 Thessalonians 4:11
This is something we must endeavor to do. It should be our ambition to mind our own business.
I have definitely discovered that the application of this principle aids me greatly in enjoying my life.
Many times we get into things that were really none of our business to begin with, and those very things make us miserable. There is no anointing on us to handle someone else’s affairs. That is why things get so messy when we get involved where we should not be. There is obviously a place to get involved and help someone in need, but there is also the balance line that should be honored.
My husband and I have three children who are married, and I can tell you for sure that if parents don’t learn to stay out of the affairs of their adult children, it steals everyone’s joy. Advice can be offered if not offered too freely, but as soon as there is any sign of that advice being rejected, the wise person backs off immediately.
