by Lynn Landes
They are laying stretched out beside each other, and their mouths move as if still sucking. Sue smiles through her tears.
“God gifted you with two beautiful sons and they will grow in grace. You can rest knowing they are strong, healthy and loved.” Sue leans back and clasps her hand.
“I want to… hold them. Will you help… me?” Her breathing is growing shallower, and Anika hurries to help her.
“Of course,” she murmurs.
Glenn steps into the room and sucks in a breath. Sue is vibrating with excitement as she looks at her babies. Her skin looks grey next to the healthy, pink color of the boy’s skin.
Anika ignores Glenn’s presence and moves quickly to help her. She props a pillow under each arm and tucks both boys against their mother. One in each arm.
“This is the first time… I could hold them without the screaming.” Sue stares in awe at each baby. “They are so beautiful. I did good, didn’t I?”
“You did amazing,” Anika replies with a shaky smile.
“Thank you for coming.” Sue looks up and smiles.
“I’ll leave you with your husband now.” Anika moves to the door and stops when Sue calls out to her.
“You are wrong Anika, calling yourself weak.” Her voice grows stronger, and she leans forward, “When I go to heaven, I will find her, your Rosie, and I will tell her about her mother with the big heart. I will love her with all that I am.”
Anika's tears can't be held back as she rushes past Glenn and into the hallway. Sobs rip from the depths of her soul, and she can only stumble into the nearest room to cry out to her God.
“Help me understand,” she whispers in the dark.
Chapter 5
“Glenn,” Sue struggles to catch her breath, “I need to tell you…” she gasps in pain and closes her eyes.
“Let me take the boys,” but she immediately squeezes them closer to her body with her frail arms.
“NO!” Sue starts coughing, and Glenn grabs the drops off the nightstand and pours a spoonful as instructed. When her spell subsides, he offers her the medicine and tries to stop the trembling of his hands.
“Thank you,” she whispers. Glenn grabs a cloth and dips it in the bowl next to the bed. He wipes her mouth, smiling when she closes her eyes at his gentle touch.
“I wish…” she looks at him, “I wish I could stay with you. Glenn, please don’t be mad at me.”
Glenn stretches out beside her on the bed with an arm around her shoulder and stares down at their sons resting in her loving embrace. “How could I ever be mad at you, Sue. You gave me two miracles.” Sue turns her face and rests her head on his shoulder.
“I wanted you, Glenn. When we were children, I would watch you…” her voice fades as the memories flash. “So tired,” she murmurs and her eyes close for a second. Her breathing is labored, and her skin is ice cold.
“Rest, then. Don’t try to talk.”
“No time,” she mumbles. “I knew it was wrong, to love you. I was never for this world. I just wanted to know love before…” Glenn lifts her chin and kisses her silent.
“You are loved.”
She sighs and smiles against his mouth. “Liar.” Her brown eyes open wide, and she is frantic for a moment, “Promise me, that you… will not let anger grow in your heart.”
Tears fill his eyes as he stares at her. “I promise, Sue.” She relaxes at his words.
“Talk to me, Glenn.”
“Close your eyes, my love.” Sue presses a kiss to each dark head smiling at the contented sounds.
“The sun is shining Sue, and if you listen, you can hear them teasing each other. Grass and dirt fly up into the air as they race across the field on two horses. Identical brown-haired boys, laughing and racing to see who can get back to the barn first. The dogs chase behind them, barking and trying their best to keep up. They are strong, healthy, and rambunctious… do you see them, Sue?”
Sue smiles and nods. Her breathing grows slower, as her heartbeat stutters and stops for the last time. One moment she is struggling to stay and the next all her pain is gone. Looking down on the man she loves and her children, she feels the light of God surround her as he calls her home. It is warm, loving, and waiting. When she turns to go, all worry, fear, and guilt is wiped away as she runs freely into the arms of Heaven.
Glenn feels the moment her heart stops but can’t bring himself to let go of her just yet. He prays that God will guide his wife home and help him be the man he needs to be. “Go in peace, My Angel.”
Chapter 6
Anika keeps the boys in the nursery upstairs during the wake and funeral. The doctor believes they are still too weak to be exposed to that many people and she is relieved. Sue was loved by the Ward family and a large church family, but she is still healing herself.
On the third night after Sue’s funeral, Quinton’s cries wake her. Though her bruises have healed some, her ribs and back still cause her trouble. She moves as quickly as her body will allow her to. Delaney sleeps soundly in the double bed they share as she grabs her wrapper. Quietly, she pulls the door cracked to their room so Delaney can rest.
“Hey little man,” Anika calls softly. His cries slow when he hears her voice, and she smiles gently, as she reaches in and places a hand on his belly. Chilled, she pulls her wrapper over her chemise and whispers, “No need to work yourself up, I'm here.” Quinton kicks his feet and begins rooting around on his fist. As she lifts him to her shoulder, he turns his little face towards her cheek, and she giggles when he tries to suck on her face.
“Sweet boy,” she coo’s and just as she turns towards the rocker a shape looms in front of her causing her to clutch the baby protectively to her chest. Anika doesn’t scream, but instead curves over the child, turning partly away, with her eyes squeezed tight and waits for the first blow.
“Easy, now. I didn’t mean to scare you, Mrs. Coltrane. I heard his cries and came to help.” Glenn lights the oil lamp on the side table and stares at her as she attempts to control her shaking.
Mortified, Anika straightens up and faces him in the soft glow. “Forgive the interruption… I didn't know you were in here.” Quinton begins to fuss, causing Anika to pat him and walk the floor on trembling legs. Allen hears his brothers cries and wakes at the same moment.
“No apologies needed.” Glenn looks away, not sure if she realizes the picture she presents at that moment. Dressed in a tattered white dressing gown and wrapper which has clearly seen better days, bruised and embarrassed, yet willing to protect his sons. Anika is a puzzle to him. He picks up Allen and ignores the way her golden red hair ripples around her shoulders. “I'll just take Allen and change him, knock on my door when you have fed Quinton, and we will switch. Does that sound alright?”
“Yes, thank you.” Glenn hurries from the room, and a sigh of relief escapes her. Thirty minutes later she returns Quinton to his cradle after changing him. Full, and content he sleeps soundly.
“Better get on with it then,” she whispers to herself as she crosses the hall as quietly as she can. Thankfully, the other family members are on the other side of the house. A quick rap on the door and he whispers for her to enter.
Opening the door, she sees Glenn in a wingback chair holding a content baby. He is awake and staring up at his Daddy.
“I can take him now, so you can sleep.” She crosses to him and stops when she realizes that she is alone with him in his bedroom in the middle of the night.
“I don’t sleep much these days.” He yawns and looks at her standing in the middle of his room with her large wide eyes. “We will be spending a great deal of time together, Mrs. Coltrane. To damn with propriety, you can’t possibly care for two infants in the middle of the night alone,” he holds up a hand when she begins to protest.
“I only wish to help, and I’ve hardly spent any time with them since they were born. Most of my time was spent caring for my sick wife and working the orchard.” Glancing down at his son, he touches his cheek gently, “I almost lost them, so for
give me if I seem too forward.” He stands up and walks towards her, and she forces herself not to back away. Glenn watches the fear flicker across her face for an instant before she tamps it down.
“You and Delaney will never have to fear for your safety under my roof. That is a promise.” Her eyes study his face, a scruffy beard, with red stress streaked eyes and behind the exhaustion, anger for her. Anika is speechless as she reaches for Allen. Holding him close to her body she turns to walk to the door and pauses to look back at Glen. At that moment she doesn't see an employer, but a friend.
“Thank you, I, … I don’t know what to say to that. My husband promised to love, honor and protect me, none of which he did. So, you’ll forgive me if I seem jaded.” Anika stares at him with a challenge in her eyes and turns to leave.
“Sue was right, you know,” Glenn says and runs a hand through his hair, stopping her in her tracks.
“Right about what, Mr. Ward,” Anika asks as she pivots to look at him.
“About you not being weak. I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman with the strength I see in you. Delaney is lucky to have you and so are my boys.”
Touched beyond words, Anika smiles. “Thank you for saying so, though I don’t feel very strong these days. I’m hoping to change that.”
“Perhaps we could both use a friend. Call me, Glenn.”
Anika doesn't hesitate to reply. “I could use a friend, and since we've blown all sense of respectability out the window, you may call me, Anika.”
Glenn smiles for the first time in months and watches her leave. He returns to his chair and picks up his Bible, intending to read, but finds he can't quite bring himself to open the book. It is almost impossible to understand how that gentle woman could have been put through so much. Confusion wins for one more night, and anger finds a foothold.
Chapter 7
They came when the call went out that Sue had passed away. For the next three weeks, neighbors brought food, offered services and did whatever they could to ease her passing. Anika saw some familiar faces from church and some new. She was treated with trepidation by the younger female members of the church and invited to attend when the children were healthy enough by the older families.
Anika glances at the mirror in the house, all of them are covered with black mourning cloths, every surface of the home seemed to be in mourning. It is a shocking difference when compared to Saul’s funeral. Anika glances at Delaney playing with a doll and smiles as she nurses Quinton. They share a large bedroom connected to the nursery, which makes caring for the twins easier. Her favorite feature is the window seat, with its beautiful view of the land facing the front of the house. Often, she sits and quilts at night when Delaney is sleeping.
The Ward family have been spoiling Delaney, and she is blossoming now that the fear is diminished. Children rebound quickly, and her nightmares are not as frequent.
Beneath the sadness of losing Sue, is an undercurrent of joy at having two new grandsons who are thriving. Daisy offered to help with the boys in the middle of the night, but Anika insisted that she catch up on her sleep. The boys are putting on weight quickly, now that regular meals are available. Daisy spoils Anika, feeding her often and insisting she rest and recuperate. Anika smiles down at Quinton and grins when she realizes healing is a family affair in this house.
Glenn's nightly visits have become routine. Anika doesn't complain, he merely takes one of the boys and lets her have her privacy until they switch. They whisper in the dark of simple subjects, the farm, the orchards, and the children. The bags under Glenn's eyes grow deeper. His clean-shaven face is covered in a weeks' worth of growth, and he is angry all the time. Often his knuckles are bandaged, and he has bruises on his face that he doesn't bother explaining. Everyone notices but no one speaks of it, hoping that he will figure out a way to deal with it soon.
Dr. Parker is thrilled at how well the boys are doing and encourages Anika to continue sleeping, eating, and feeding the babies. Daisy has made sure to keep her fed and Allen has been teaching Delaney how to care for some of the farm animals.
Anika finishes with Quinton and lays him in the wooden cradle with his brother before stepping to the window to enjoy the evening sunset. The bruises on her face are gone while her body is still recovering from the abuse. Not to mention childbirth and nursing twins. Feeding two babies is a challenge, but she is determined to get them on a schedule instead of nursing them every hour.
Glenn is walking back from the barn and glances up at her window as if sensing her presence. He frowns and touches the tip of his hat, and the black cloth around his arm reminds her of his loss. Work has become his saving grace. Exhaustion beats at him, but he finds sleep elusive, so he rides, works and works more. Delaney is ever watchful of him as if she senses the rage boiling in his soul. As Anika stares into his eyes, her heart weeps for him, this man who has been through so much. She presses a hand to her stomach and decides the strange feeling in her stomach must be hunger.
The past five years of his life have been hellish, and he will not lie to himself and say he isn’t questioning his faith. His wife is buried only three weeks now, and he is having feelings for a woman he barely knows. Is this another test? Anger boils, and he stamps it back down. Sleep will not come easy this night. Turning back to greet their guest he is unaware that the woman caring for his sons is wondering the same thing.
A carriage comes rumbling down the dirt lane, breaking the moment. Glenn smiles for the first time in a week when the door opens. A young woman leaps down, ignoring proper protocol and runs flinging herself into his open arms, knocking her hat from her head revealing red hair.
Pushing back from his bear hug she snaps, “Let me breathe you moose,” and they laugh as she grabs his face and looks into his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Glenn, I came as soon as I could.”
“Thank you. God, it’s good to see you. Let’s go inside.”
Anika frowns as they walk away arm in arm and reminds herself that it’s none of her business. “I just work here.”
“Mama, who are you talking to?” Delaney asks looking up from her book.
“No one sweets.”
“Delaney are you happy here?” She asks.
“Yes, Mama. I’m sad that Mrs. Sue had to go, but I’m happy we get to stay. You won’t leave me will you Mama?” She asks twirling her long dark curls.
“Come here, Delaney.” Delaney moves into her mother’s loving embrace, and they sit on the window seat. This has become a daily question in the last week. “Mrs. Sue was sick for a long time, and I'm not sick.”
“I know, Mama, but I don’t want to lose you.” Delaney sniffs, Anika hugs her close and closes her eyes, sending a quiet plea to find the right words to comfort her daughter.
“Delaney, I can’t promise I won’t die, because that is one thing that we all have to walk through some day. What I can promise you is that you will never be alone.” Anika pushes Delaney back and looks into her eyes. “The book of Joshua says, ‘Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go,’ and that means you are never alone.”
Delaney smiles and hugs her tight. “I like that. Can I go see Mrs. Daisy now? I am through with my lesson.”
Anika nods with relief and sighs as Delaney skips from the room. The fear Delaney carries is a mirror image of the fear weighing her down. Allen stirs and begins to fuss. Anika picks him up and lifts him to her shoulder, patting him gently.
“You can’t be hungry already, piggy.” He burps loudly, causing her to giggle.
“That’s a beautiful sound to a Father’s ear.” Anika turns slowly to greet Glenn and his visitor.
Anika smiles softly, “You’re just in time to visit with them.”
“Anika Coltrane, I’d like to introduce you to Savannah Ward, my sister.” Savannah steps forward, eager to see the babies and meet the woman who saved them.
Sister, of course. The resemblance is in the coloring and
blue eyes. Anika hides her surprise and relief. Saul wasn't faithful during their marriage, and her anger at him grows when she realizes how he has colored every aspect of her life. She is ashamed when she realizes she automatically assumed Glenn was the same way.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Coltrane.” Savannah's eyes drop to baby Allen draped across her shoulder. Tears flood her eyes, and she covers her mouth with a hand.
“Please, call me Anika. Would you like to hold him?”
Savannah glances up at Ward and takes a step back only to have her brother gently shove her. “Don't tell me you're afraid of a tiny baby?”
“It's just that he's so small, Glenn.” Savannah stares at Anika with a blush of embarrassment. They are the same age, yet here she is caring for three children.
“Oh, he’s growing by the day. Quinton is the smallest, but he’s very strong,” Anika encourages her. Glenn moves over to pick him up. He seems even smaller held against such a large man.
“They’re so beautiful,” Savannah wipes her eyes with a cloth.
“Alright, peanut, you promised no tears,” Glenn wraps an arm around her shoulder and pulls his sister into his side.
“Look at him,” Savannah reaches out a trembling hand and touches a tiny fist. “He’s perfect,” she murmurs.
“Yes,” Anika whispers, wondering if Savannah is speaking about the baby or the man. He's so gentle, despite his size. Saul almost erased the memory of how a man should treat women.
Glenn’s blue eyes stare at Anika as Allen turns his face into hers rooting around as if still hungry and buries a small fist in her strawberry blonde curls. Anika smiles and presses a kiss to his temple. He sighs against her and settles back down.
“I’ll try, but you have to stay, Glenn,” Savannah says breaking him free of his reverie. He nods and guides Savannah to a chair. “I’ll hold Allen first,” she nods at him and grins. “He’s a moose, like his daddy.” Glenn laughs as Anika walks over and places him in her arms.
