by Lynn Landes
Whispers, nudges, judgmental glances and no one moves to greet the family.
Daisy clutches onto Allen’s arm as they take their seat in the back of the church. Anika and Glenn carry the boys, while Delaney runs off to Sunday school.
“Welcome.” Pastor Donegal smiles and glances around the church. “The first order of business this morning is to discuss the incident at the Wards home last week.
Glenn starts to rise, only to stop when the Pastor lifts his hand.
“Mr. Darlington is here and has a few words to say.”
Clearly flustered the banker hurries to stand in front of the pulpit. Only Rhemi is sitting next to him this morning. As he kept his promise and sent the women away.
“I’d like to first offer my sincere apologies for the accident that occurred. My wife and daughter are away helping take care of an ailing family member, but let me assure you, they are sorry for the misunderstanding.
Grumbles ripple through the church, and Anika stops Glenn from speaking with a hand to his arm. Anger rips through his body when he thinks of how sick she was.
“I can assure you that nothing like this will ever happen again. My wife felt terrible that this hurt the children, and as a token of our goodwill, we have ordered blankets for the Orphanage for every child, along with winter coats for each one.”
Excitement rushes through, and everyone begins smiling and talking. “That's wonderful. Now let's put this incident behind us and move forward as a church family,” the pastor implores.
After a lesson on forgiveness, Anika hands the baby to Savannah and walks outside to find Delaney.
“Mama!” she waves excitedly and starts to make her way towards her Mother.
Anika gasps when a man steps in front of her. Her stomach drops, “Good morning, I am trying to get to my daughter,” she says softly and tries to step around him only to be blocked.
“No problem, Ms. Coltrane. I just want to make it clear that when the Ward family is through with you, I would be glad to hire you for your… services.” He glances down at her dress and tips his hat before stepping around her, hurrying to his wife.
Tremors shake her body as she lets it sink in. “Mama! Come watch me skip,” Delaney shouts, knocking her from her shock.
“Coming, Delaney,” she plants a fake smile on her face as reality strikes home. Some dreams are meant to stay dreams.
Rhemi straightens his tie as he climbs into his carriage and watches Anika with growing anger and resentment. It’s time to pay her a visit and claim his ride.
Chapter 21
Savannah is working inside the cabin when she hears a horse outside. Stepping out into the cool air she watches her brother nervously. “You’re off early.”
“I am.” Glenn slides down and ropes the horse to the front porch. “I meant to come with you on Sunday night, but it was a crazy day. So, here I am.” He dusts his jeans and stomps his way up to the porch. He glances around and then back at his sister who has gone oddly silent. She is wringing her hands with apprehension.
“What’s got you in such a state.” The house looks well cared for. It is a small one-bedroom cabin, built by his grandparents.
“Glenn, I’m not sure I’m ready for you to see this.” She holds up a hand to block him, but he laughs.
“Your starting to worry me, Savannah. What on earth have you two been up to? Brewing anything illegal?”
“Wait!” She tries to say, but he jumps around her and throws open the door.
Kerosene lanterns glow along the walls, casting a golden light around the room. Memories flood in and he smiles. “It looks good. You guys have been busy. It’s so clean.” He frowns when he realizes there is no furniture save a tall table.
Savannah follows wondering how he is going to react. “Anika helped me get it clean. She hasn’t been back since I… decorated,” she laughs nervously.
Glenn walks forward to the table and looks down. Six by eight-inch images of soldiers, both Confederate and Union line the table, and all of them surround a larger tintype. It is a thirteen by ten-inch tintype of a battlefield. The images hanging on the walls at varying heights are all framed in gilded frames, but this image needed no dressing. It revealed the horror of what was left behind. Bodies littering battlefields. Hands reaching up from a silent graveyard, begging for release.
Glenn stumbles backward as the smells and sounds of war batter his mind. Savannah watches in horror as he turns and runs outside, slamming the door back as he goes. He falls into the grass and vomits his lunch. “What have you done?” he gasps when he catches his breath.
“I gave a face to the ghosts which haunt you and so many others, Glenn. I gave a voice to the dead who deserve to be mourned.”
Glenn staggers to his feet. “No, you just made the nightmare real.”
“I didn’t think you were ready, you should have listened to me.” Angrily she wipes her tears away.
“Ready? No one needs to see the face of death more than once, Savannah.”
Savannah laughs a bitter laugh, but she doesn’t back away this time. “Someone has to. When you are ready come back and see what is really here, it is the legacy of the lost, and they deserve to go home too.”
Glenn is stunned silent when she stops inside the house and slams the door without another word. Inside her dark room, his bag sits in the corner reminding her of the promise she made.
“Soon, Oliver. Glenn needs me right now.”
Glenn rides back to his house and stomps inside, to find his family at dinner.
“How could you be part of that?” He demands of Anika.
“What are you talking about?” Allen asks his son.
“I’m talking about what Savannah has been doing at the Homestead with Anika’s help,” he accuses. Anika slowly lowers her fork and stares at him.
“Where is Savannah?” Anika asks softly.
“She hasn’t come home yet,” Daisy replies.
“I see.”
“See what? I don't understand how you could be a part of such a travesty.” Glenn turns to leave, but before he can go, Anika snaps at him.
“You only understand something if it pertains to you. Not everything is about you, Mr. Ward. Your sister is hurting, and though, she hasn't yet shared with me why, I know enough to be there for her when she is ready.”
No one speaks for a moment as Allen stands up slowly. “If my daughter is hurting then she shouldn’t be doing it alone. Daisy?” He reaches for her hand.
He doesn’t ask twice, Daisy grabs his hand and jumps up. “You two coming?” Allen tosses over his shoulder as they leave.
Anika tosses her napkin on the table. “I need to see to the children.”
“That's it. You don't have anything else to say?” Glenn is beyond angry. The images are still burned in his mind. He scrubs a hand over his eyes in frustration. Anika stares at him and sighs before taking his hand and drawing it away from his face.
“Glenn, whatever it is that upset you, I had no part of. Savannah has become a good friend, and I’m sure she didn’t mean to upset you. Give her a chance to explain it to you. She’s your sister.”
Her touch floods him, and she is surprised to feel his hand trembling. “I wouldn't wish this for her or for you,” Glenn murmurs. “You should not have to see…”
“You can’t control everything Glenn. Even if you could, I’m not sure you should. I’ll get my coat and ask the housekeeper to stay with the kids. You can show me what has you so upset.”
The Homestead is lit softly with lanterns when the four of them arrive. “Mom maybe you and Anika should wait outside,” Glenn suggests one more time.
“Thank you for your concern, Son, but I will be with my daughter.”
Allen stomps up the front porch hoping the noise will inform her of their arrival, but she doesn’t come out. “I’m not knocking on my own door,” Allen grumbles and pushes the door open. They enter single file into the small room.
Anika allows her eyes to adjust, n
ot sure what she is seeing. It is clean as she and Savannah had left it, but all the furniture has been removed except for one table. In the center of the room is a table with a lantern glowing. Daisy gasps when she looks at the table and Allen guides her away allowing Anika and Glenn to step forward. A large tintype sits in the center of the wooden surface surrounded by smaller images. On the left side of the large picture are Union soldiers, on the right Confederate. The center image is a bloody, battlefield. Anika gasps as the horror unfolds in her mind.
Allen and Daisy move slowly around the room looking closely at the images on the cabin walls. At first, the images are more of the same, soldiers dressed for battle but if you look closely, you see more. Nurses tending the wounded, Pastors reading last rights, Women weeping over the covered body of a loved one. Some of the images are of wounded soldiers in camps set up to care for them.
Savannah steps out of the back room, set up as a dark room and stares in stunned silence at her family. “What are you doing here?”
“Did you take these, Savannah Ward?” Allen asks hoarsely.
Daisy sniffs and wipes her tears while she waits for her daughter to answer.
Anika moves slowly through the images and her heart stutters. ‘Saul, experienced this?’ Glenn stays close to her in case she needs him and glares at his sister.
“I did,” she whispers.
“Why?” Daisy asks.
“Why?” Savannah laughs a harsh emotional laugh. “Because someone needed to.”
“No, Savannah, no one needs to see this,” Glenn gestures at the images as if disgusted.
“You look brother, and only think of yourself, but look closer.” Savannah marches towards the wall and points. “Tens of thousands of soldiers died, maybe more.”
“I know that Savannah, I lived it!” Glenn roars. “Live it still, every night in my dreams! Not a second goes by that I don't carry this.”
“You aren’t the only one to lose someone!” Savannah shouts back and doesn’t bother to hide her tears.
Anika nods slowly in understanding as Daisy rushes to her and puts an arm around her shoulder. Of course, Anika could kick herself for not seeing it sooner.
“What was his name?” Annika asks softly.
Allen and Daisy listen in shock as she sobs out her answer. “Oliver.” Great heaving sobs shake her body, and she finally mourns him. “Oliver,” she cries and thinks of all he could have been. Glenn marches to the back room and comes back with two chairs for them to sit on.
Daisy sits next to her daughter, Savannah burrows in her neck and cries until she has no tears left. “You never, …you didn’t, … I, I don’t understand.” Daisy stammers.
Savannah laughs and accepts the handkerchief from her father. “I know, Mom.”
Glenn walks slowly around the room, and he takes in the images. Soldiers, young and old, on both sides of the war. All doing their duty, fighting for a cause they believed in. Women, nursing the sick and diseased. The dead being buried and more.
Allen trails around the room and stops in stunned admiration at the new images. “You took these?” he gasps. “All of these?” Daisy steps to his side, and they move slowly through the photographs. Images of buildings, farms, barns, and churches all as beaten down as the men. Like the survivors, they carry scars as well.
Glenn runs a hand over a large tintype of a shabby looking General Store. Half the room is missing, but customers line up to buy what they can. Savannah watches them and hope sparks as they all stare intently at the images.
“The Sisters of Mercy said I could travel with them as long as I didn’t let my photography interfere with the duties of nursing and caring for the wounded. He came in with gunshot wounds to his side and chest. We did what we could to save him, but he faded a little bit each day. Oliver watched me taking photographs of the soldiers returning from the battlefield, but he never spoke, he just watched.” Savannah walks over to the images lining the wall.
“I didn’t think much of it at first, because some of the soldiers had broken minds.” She glances at Glenn. “You understand?”
“Yes,” he replied hoarsely.
Savannah travels down the wall. “One day I was storing a tintype in my bag, and another one fell to the floor. It was of this church,” she walks quickly to the wall and points. They all move closer to look. “The bell took a hit and was knocked from the steeple.”
“Pulled from the steeple,” Glenn says, and Savannah nods.
“Before I could move Oliver spoke. ‘Show me.' I showed him the picture, and he smiled. ‘Now that is a picture,' he said.” Savannah laughs remembering and runs a finger over the picture. “For two weeks I nursed him.” She points to a picture of Oliver, with a bandage around his head, young, and battered on a cot. “I tried to save him,” she whispers and turns back to them.
“The images seemed to give him hope, so I showed him the others. Oliver got so excited, then. He made me promise to retrieve his bag from a friend and give my word that I would see it returned to his brother, Eli.”
“What was in the bag?” Glenn asks almost afraid of the answer.
“Tintypes, hundreds of them. Like the ones on the table, but much more important. It was his dying wish that the dead be remembered. He spoke of his family, his home, his brother and of all the things he wanted to do when the war was over.” Savannah's voice breaks.
Daisy takes her arm and guides her back to the chair. “I didn’t love him, not like what you and Dad have.” Her eyes snap to Glenn and Anika, but she doesn’t say the words. “We were friends. He had the same vision I had. The ability to look and see more.” Savannah falls quiet, thinking about her friend.
“When the fever set in, the Sisters told me he wouldn't have much time, and on his death bed he made me pen a letter to his family and promise to process the images and see them returned to his brother.”
“That is a large promise,” Allen murmurs. Savannah lowers her head in shame.
“I couldn’t do it,” she whispers.
“Couldn’t do what?” Glenn asks.
Savannah jumps up and begins to pace, tossing her red hair over her shoulder.
“My images are after the war, his are from the battlefield. Moments captured, of soldiers, impacted by bullets and sabers. Diseased, starved, and mass graves. I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing it. I only got through half of them.” Guilt weighs heavily on her.
Anika stares at the large battlefield and closes her eyes. These are the images Saul couldn’t live with.
“It was an unfair promise, Savannah. His family will understand,” Daisy explains.
“While I worked, I sent letters to the families of those I nursed, telling them of their last moments. I visited the ones I could get to. I hoped it would help ease my guilt. I arranged for his body to be returned home but I haven't sent the letter he asked me to or returned the bag. I couldn't get through them. I just needed to come home and heal my mind. Being with you all has a way of washing away the horror, if only for a little while,” Savannah explains as her Mother hugs her close.
“I had no idea…” Anika says as she stares at the gruesome scene. “Saul came home, but he wasn't the same. This explains so much,” she whispers. “You must finish them. This is important,” she says louder.
Glenn walks around a second time and stares at the faces. So many died, and families will never know how. God speaks to his heart saying, ‘Trust me.’
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, plans to give you hope and a future,” Glenn quotes. He walks over to her and stoops down, taking Savannah’s hands in his. “You didn’t have to bear this burden alone. Forgive me for being so selfish. I will do better, that is a promise. I will help you with this, but this time you won’t be alone. Together we will see your promise fulfilled.”
Savannah weeps and throws her arms around his neck, “Thank you.”
Anika wipes away tears and moves around again to look closer at the imag
es. All the noise fades into the background, so intently is she looking at a bloody battlefield scene that she doesn’t hear them talking. When Glenn touches her arm, she jumps.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you ready to go?”
“We can wait a minute if you need to,” Allen offers.
“I’ll bring her with me.” Glenn offers and Savannah nods.
“I’m tired. I think I’ll ride with Mom and Dad. Lock up for me,” she asks.
Anika doesn’t speak as they leave, she just returns to the scene and traces her finger over it. “Saul was a farmer. Not a fighter. The boy who went to war never came home. I used to tell myself that it wasn’t him, but a monster in the form of the man I once loved. It helped to explain the rage. Looking at this, I’m not sure what to think.”
“You’ve seen enough of this, let’s go.”
“Why? Do you think I’m too fragile to handle the truth?” Fury strikes fast, and she turns on him.
“Of course not, I’m only trying to protect you.”
“It’s too late for that, Mr. Ward. I can take care of myself.”
“I don't know what you want me to say?” Glenn glares at her.
“Let’s go.” She stomps towards the door only to jump when he shouts at her.
“Anika, what do you want from me?”
Her steps falter, and she turns on him with a glare. Stomping over she shoves him in the chest, “I want you to live! Live for those didn't come home, Glenn. Live for those who came home and were never the same.” She shoves him again, shocking him with her strength and rage. “Live for those baby boys who need a Father, Not a monster!”
“I’m not Saul,” Glenn grabs her hand and pulls her close, “I’m trying,” he whispers. “I promise I am.”
“I don't understand, Glenn.” She cups his face in her hands gently. “What will it take for you to look and see what a miracle you are?” She pulls away from him and steps back. “I'm sorry, I'm angry at Saul for not being strong enough, and I'm angry at myself for not being what he needed, and I'm mad at you for not realizing that God has never left you. He is waiting for you to come home.”
