by Lynn Landes
Anika is mortified by Delaney’s revelations, but she knows it will eat her little soul up if she doesn’t speak of it. “Delaney, come here,” she calls softly. Delaney walks over and is pulled into her mother’s lap.
“The Bible says in Revelations, ‘He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, for the former things, have passed away.” Anika takes Delaney’s hands, “Do you know what that means?”
Delaney shrugs her shoulders, “I think it means, Daddy is forgiven for hurting us.”
“That's right, angel. Rosie is in God’s arms, protected, cherished and loved. Daddy is forgiven, and all the pain that made him angry is washed away. He loved you, Delaney. When you were born, he was so happy. You were wanted and loved. Never forget that.”
“I’ll try, Mama. Can I go play?” Anika nods her head and watches her run off chasing the dogs.
Bowing her head, she wonders if she will ever believe the words she preaches. Glenn picks up Quinton who has started to fuss and sits in the rocker. Anika glances at him, “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”
“I’m not. Thank you, I needed to hear that verse today.” Anika glances at him in surprise.
“I like the thought that Sue is free from pain and suffering.” He leans forward to stare hard at her. “Tell me what the verse means to you.”
Anika stands and walks bouncing Allen who has started to fuss. When he calms down, she answers him. “It has multiple meanings to me. For my Rosie, it means that she is held in our Father’s loving embrace, free of pain and suffering. For Saul, I guess it’s the same. The demons that drove him to drink and … lash out, are no more. For me…, I’m not sure.”
Glenn stares at her and smiles, “You're not sure, or you're not ready to share that with me yet?”
“I should lay the boys down for their nap.” She moves inside quickly, so he doesn't see how his words have touched her.
Glenn follows slowly to a downstairs room they’ve turned into a nursery. He hands his son over, watching as she tucks them in. Anika turns expecting him to be gone but finds him watching her. “I need to check on Delaney.” She moves past him quickly and steps out into the autumn air, thankful for the cool breeze. Allen waves when Delaney joins him for her evening pony lesson.
“You’ll have to face your feelings sooner or later,” Glenn says from behind her.
“Why? It changes nothing.” Anika whirls on him. “Why are you pushing me? I'm doing the job you hired me to do, aren't I?” Her emotions are boiling just below the surface, and he has no idea how hard it is to keep her daughter from seeing it. A blush of anger colors her cheeks, and her hands are trembling as she balls them into fists.
“Of course, you are, but your daughter is picking up on your feelings, Anika,” he chides softly. “She is afraid to forgive him until you do.”
“How Glenn? I know that I should forgive, and I even understand he was damaged from the war, but it still hurts!” When the first tear spills, she angrily scrubs it away with her fist. “Who gave you the right to judge me?” she glares at him. Part of her is hoping to anger him and push him away.
Glenn snorts, “I’m not judging you, Anika. I want to help you, the way you helped me.”
“I didn’t ask for your help.” Anika storms past him and into the kitchen to wash dishes.
When Glenn follows, she ignores him, while she scrubs.
“You’re right, you didn’t ask for my help, but I’m going to give it anyway because that’s what friends do.”
Turning to him, she laughs, and it is a bitter cold sound, even to her ears. “I don’t need any more friends.” Glenn goes still and stares hard at her.
“Just what does that mean?” He demands.
“Nothing,” but the tears fill her eyes and she lifts her chin in defiance.
“We don’t lie to each other, Anika,” he chides her softly.
“Things were said about me at church this morning. It would seem a lot of men want to be my ‘friend’ when you’re finished with me.” Anika tosses the cloth on the counter.
Glenn is stunned and horrified. “Finished with you?” He grabs her by her upper arms, and she senses an undercurrent of more beneath the surface. “You know better than that.”
Shame fills her soul, she bows her head and rests it on his chest. “I'm sorry, Glenn. I do know better. It was a bad day and I'm angry. I thought by getting away from the bad memories and starting over we would have a fresh start, but it's not to be.”
Glenn softens his grip and pulls her close, “I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to experience that kind of condemnation. Who was it?”
“It doesn't matter.” Lifting her head, she stares into his eyes, “This morning I realized that I will never be free of the past. The guilt and burden I carry is mine alone. I've written a letter to seek another wet nurse for you and I mean to mail it tomorrow.” She tries to pull away, but instead of releasing her, he shakes her.
“You aren't leaving us, Anika Coltrane,” he declares loudly. “You told me once that I didn't have to carry it alone. The guilt and burden you speak about were never yours to carry. You did nothing wrong, and God is waiting for you to let it go, and so am I.” Slowly he leans in and presses a kiss to her shocked mouth. Glenn tugs her close and growls in frustration, “Please don't make me wait much longer, Anika.”
“Glenn!” she gasps. Never has she allowed herself to hope for more with him. “I, I … don’t understand,” she stammers.
“Then let me make it clear for you. I love you. I love your gentle nature, your kind spirit and your heart for God. I want to make you my wife and be a father to your daughter, but not if you are broken. The boys and I deserve a whole woman. I’ve waited for you, Anika. I’ve given you the time I thought you deserved out of respect for what you’ve been through, but I need you. When you are ready to start our lives together, let me know.” Glenn releases her and walks swiftly out of the house leaving a stunned woman behind.
Anika sinks to her knees on the kitchen floor, trembling in amazement. ‘Glenn, loves her?’ How did she miss it? ‘When your heart is full of shadow the light can’t find a way through,’ she hears in her soul. Tears of joy stream down her face and she laughs out loud.
Savannah calls from the screen door in the kitchen and enters like always. “Anika! Are you hurt?” she rushes over and helps her friend stand up. “What’s wrong, speak to me?” She exclaims.
“He loves me?” She whispers. Savannah freezes and stares at her.
“Who loves you?”
“Glenn loves me.”
Savannah laughs. “Of course, he loves you. It’s about time he told you.” Anika stares at her best friend.
“You knew?”
Savannah shrugs her shoulders. “Everyone knows, Anika.”
“What?” she gasps. “How could you not tell me, you’re supposed to be my best friend!”
“I am your best friend and that is exactly why I didn’t tell you. Some things we must figure out on our own, Anika. The question is, do you love him?” Savanah pushes her long red curls over her shoulder and sits down.
“I don’t know, Savannah. How do I trust my feelings again? I thought I loved another and…”
“And?” she prompts.
Anika turns and glances out the back door to Delaney riding a pony. She waves excitedly at her Mother, and she whispers, “And he gave me my greatest treasure.”
Savannah smiles with relief. “Exactly. If that horse kicked Delaney would you blame her or would you blame the horse,” Savannah demands?
“Neither, I would figure out why he acted out and correct the problem.”
“Right, but would you demand that she never ride again, because she might get hurt?”
Anika grins at Savannah realizing how stupid she has been. “No, I wouldn’t because we can’t live our lives in fear.” Anika can feel the chords around her heart loosening as she chooses to let the light of l
ove inside, instead of hiding in the shadows.
“Thank you, Savannah!” she throws her arms around her and hugs her.
Glenn is in the barn brushing a horse down when he hears her behind him.
“I keep fighting voices in my head that tell me I’m not good enough to love you.”
He turns slowly to look at her.
She steps closer. “You say I am worthy, but I’m afraid, Glenn. What if I’m not strong enough? What if I fail you?”
Frustrated he pulls her close and kisses her softly.
“You could never fail me, Anika. You just must believe that God made you to love me. Believe that we don't have to go through this life alone. We can share our victories just as we have shared our sorrow. Together we can heal. Are you brave enough to love me?”
“You don’t understand, Glenn.” Her hands grip his shirt. “I’ve loved you from the first moment.” Tears stream down her cheeks, “Your loved healed me. It showed me that I’m strong when I feel weak. I believe I was made to love you, Glenn.”
Relief flows through his body and he presses his forehead to hers. “God’s mercy is beautiful, and his grace is our greatest gift. Marry me, Anika Coltrane?”
“Yes!” She laughs when he lifts her with a shout of joy and marches from the barn.
“Glenn?”
“You gave me your word. You’re mine now, Anika.”
Allen and Delaney are on the porch with Daisy alerted by Savannah when they see them. When Glen shouts, “She said yes!” Daisy leaps to her feet with a shout of joy. Savannah laughs and Delaney squeals.
“Time to plan a wedding,” Allen says with a laugh.
Chapter 29
Anika walks slowly to the grave of her husband and daughter crunching the autumn leaves under her boots and denims. The horse stays where she leaves her, giving her privacy. Hopefully, she will be back before anyone knows she's gone. Both stones are covered with leaves as most things are in the fall season. She kneels and clears each with a gentle hand.
“Hi, baby girl. I miss you. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of you. I like to think of all of you together. Saul, your grandparents, and even Sue. Give them my love.” She places a stone painted with a beautiful butterfly on it by Delaney.
“Delaney has a new hobby, painting rocks. Well, truthfully painting anything. She’s really good at it,” she says with a laugh. “She sends her love.”
The second rock is painted for Saul, it has a rainbow on it.
“Saul, Delaney wanted you to have this as a reminder of God's promise to always bring something good out of the storms that we walk through. I need to tell you…” she sniffs and takes a deep breath, wiping a tear away, “tell you that I forgive you. I know you were sick and broken and I pray that God has healed your heart the way he's healed mine. I wanted to let go of all the past hurt, and I know it will take time to get there, but I promise to keep saying I forgive you until I mean it with all my soul. I loved you once, and I know I have to let go of the hate and hurt to walk the path God has chosen for me.”
“Daddy, if your listening,” she pulls his letters wrapped in the twine out and hugs them to her heart. “I’ve read all of your letters. Thank you for never giving up on me. Whenever I need to hear your voice, I will read one of your letters and think of you with love. Tomorrow I’m getting married.” She smiles up at the early morning sunshine. “I love him, and he will be an amazing father and husband. I wish you were here with me, but I know we will all be together again someday. I love you.” She cries silently for a little while and blows her nose.
The horse nudges her and she laughs reaching up for the reins.
“I know, the time for tears is over.” She swings back up into the saddle and rides for home.
Epilogue
Anika smiles at Delaney when the music starts. “Are you ready?” Standing in matching ivory silk bustled dresses they are a vision of loveliness. Anika’s gown is corseted with tiny ivory buttons down the front.
“Yes, Mama.”
They chose to be married in church the Saturday before Christmas, with only a few guests present. Dr. Parker and Clara are witnesses, along with Savannah, Allen, and Daisy.
Some of the church members came after the ad Allen, and Daisy put in the newspaper announcing the engagement of the daughter of former Senator Thomas Bowden to Glenn Ward.
Anika and Delaney hold hands and step to the end of the aisle between the pews. Glenn’s eyes fill with tears as he looks at them. How could one man be so lucky? He holds her eye proudly with his as she walks toward him. Her eyes fill, and she doesn’t try to wipe them away. When the pastor starts talking Anika’s doesn’t hear the words, she is so stunned by her love for Glenn that everything else fades into the background.
“We are gathered here today in the house of God to join this couple in Holy Matrimony. Who gives this woman to this man?”
“I do,” Delaney says clearly causing Anika to jump and look down at her daughter with a grin. Delaney takes her hand and places it in Glenn’s and walks to Savannah.
The witnesses chuckle and the ceremony continues. “The couple has written their own vows.”
Glenn squeezes her hands reassuringly and speaks clearly. “I, Glenn Ward take you Anika Coltrane to be my wife, loving you now and as you grow and develop into all that God intends. I will love you when we are together and when we are apart; when our lives are at peace and when they are in turmoil; when I am proud of you and when I am disappointed in you; in times of rest and in times of work. I will honor your goals and dreams and help you to fulfill them. From the depth of my being, I will seek to be open and honest with you. I say these things believing that God is in the midst of them all.”
He slides a gold band on her ring finger.
Anika beams up at him. “Glenn today I choose you to be my husband. I promise to be faithful, honest and supportive as God watches over us. With God’s help I will be the wife you need, deserve and have chosen.”
She slides a matching gold band on his finger. Then she surprises everyone by her next words. “You have shown me a world I’d forgotten. You have accepted me into your heart as flawed as I may be. All I ask of you is to accept me for who I am and who I will become. Accept my heart and cherish it, for it is yours. Love me as I love you. Accept me into your children’s lives and let me love them as my own.”
Glenn cups her face in his hands. “I will.”
“Now, wait a minute, I didn’t ask the question yet?” Pastor Donegal chuckles with the family and witnesses.
“Do you Glenn Ward take Anika Coltrane to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
“I do.”
“Do you Anika Coltrane take Glenn Ward to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“I do.”
“Good. With the power invested in me by the State of Pennsylvania, I proclaim you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Cheers erupt, and Glenn draws her slowly in. He kisses her reverently and wipes her tears with his thumbs. “No more tears, wife.” He commands.
“Kiss me again husband,” she orders.
Glenn kisses her firmly and Delaney laughs, jumping up and down.
The End
Before you go!
Don’t forget to read Savannah’s Story
In Book 2 of The Promise Series
Savannah's Promise
Check out this Historic Romance by Lynn Landes
Available now!
Perilous Dreams
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About the Author
Lynn Landes is the author and independent publisher of multiple fantasy books in all age brackets. Her stories sp
an the spectrum of Fiction, from historical romance, paranormal, romantic suspense to Christian fantasy including the best-selling Covenant Series.
Educated as a teacher Lynn never lost her love for literature and began writing at an early age. Poetry, short stories and fiction. She regularly can be found in the car rider line at her children’s school writing on receipts, napkins or whatever scraps are at the bottom of her purse. A Virginia girl at heart, she lives with her husband and three children in South Carolina, where she is currently studying Dragon Script with her ten-year-old daughter.
Visit Lynn at www.followlynnsthread.com
