Chapter 11
Blood drenched and still on my knees, I looked up at Sky with an expression begging for help. Unconcerned, she simply turned and started packing her shopping cart not showing the slightest feelings of remorse for her bunk mate who was tipping on the edge of a nervous breakdown . Why was she so cold towards me? Did my mere presence offend her so profoundly, that she was unwilling to even show an ounce of pity? I still wonder if she really didn’t care for me or perhaps she was doing what she did because she cared, trying to make me tough enough for the new world. Undaunted by the brutal slaughtering of the little reaper, Sky led the way out of the store as if nothing had happened, pushing her shopping cart with furious intent.
Immediately as I exited the store doors I felt the contrasting heat of the little reapers warm blood against the cold air. The breeze which brought a chilling cold front across the city, made things so much worse for me, Now I had to get rid of my jacket and freeze in an attempt of cleansing myself of the incident. By the time I had exited Sky was already in the parking lot, she furiously waited for me while I stripped down in front of the deserted store. Sky expressed her anger on an abandoned Chevy Corvettes side mirror as she kicked it clean off the car. I presumed she was portraying her feelings through the constant anger, perhaps she did feel hurt by killing the little Reaper, and maybe that was her coping mechanism, maybe Sky had channelled all her anger in an attempt to deal with all the sorrow which surrounded her.
But I was not interested in her unnecessary hissy fit right now, she could moan and grumble as much as she wanted, I had more pressing matters which needed attending to; I was still in a frenzy while trying get all this sticky warm reaper gore off my body. From head to toe I had been painted a sadistic red colour; dark chunks of meat and thick plasma dripped from me, covering the paved parking space. I moaned in disgust as I picked away pieces of the girl’s brain matter which lay on my shoulders, and felt so violated, so dirty, from her blood which stuck to my hair. Only in a shirt and shorts I stood shivering in the cold as I kicked away my jacket which now lay covered in her blood. First thing I’d be doing once we got back to the bunker was taking a long, and I mean long shower! Regardless of how cold it would be anything to wash away the memories of the experience, anything to get that girl, no scratch that, “that thing” out of my head.
Who was I kidding, it wasn’t going to be that easy, I could refer to her as a reaper or thing as much as I wanted, and it would not change the fact that all I saw was a little girl. Maybe I was not aged enough in this new world, perhaps I needed more time in the field with these creatures. Perhaps time would make me a seasoned killer just like Sky and the rest; they clearly had no problem slaughtering Reapers in the most brutal of fashions.
But for now I was still me, I was still sensitive to the entire situation of what people had become, and one thing I knew is every time I would look into Zara or Shahkierah eyes I would see that little girls face, she would not just disappear from my memories, but I hoped in this new twisted world, something else would redirect my attention and help me forget about the entire incident.
After wallowing in self pity, I composed myself and started making my way towards Sky, but before I could reach her she stormed off and with her back turned she sarcastically shouted, “All done there princess?”
I completely ignored her; I was way too cold and emotionally unstable right now to deal with her petty little comments. All I did was walk behind her, In a Zombie like state, “no pun intended!” hoping to get home as soon as possible. The emotional toll was much more taxing with this little Reaper as opposed to her pin stripe suite wearing counterpart. With the first Reaper the feelings of shock and fright surmounted me, where as now I was filled with sorrow and disbelief. To think how many children died when the rocks fell, or worse the ones who now had become these mindless monsters, prowling the continent on a constant killing spree, just to satisfy their hunger. The graphic picture which fabricated inside my head sent me into a state, it did not take long before all that bottled up masculinity which I had been storing up, came pouring out. As I pushed the shopping cart I sobbed like a baby, thinking about all the children killed by the tragic events which had been bestowed upon us. I had not cried like this in a long time, it was as if an influx of emotions had just come upon me, and now involuntarily, I had an outlet to release all the anxiety, sorrow and pain I had been bottling up these last few months. Sky turned to see what was going on, but as soon as she saw me crying she simply shook her head and began walking faster, trying to make as much distance between her and my bothersome blubbering.
The trip back to the bunker was much quicker this time round; I was too deep in thought to look around at the city which had enthralled me, on our first journey to the SS Mart. Before I knew it we were passing the dilapidated bank. Not long after, Sky snapped me out my trace like state as she lifted the manhole cover. We had reached the Sewer and immediately my mood changed, I had been released from the gloomy prison my mind had trapped me in, and now was free and full of excitement to see my family. I was so glad I’d soon be back in the relatively comfortable surroundings of the bunker, all I wanted to do was shower, eat and sleep, but that would have to wait we weren’t home just yet. As Sky slipped down the long metal steps with ease, she hit the ground ordering me to start lowering her all the items one by one. I unloaded every can, box and gun until the shopping carts were completely empty. I then joined her at the bottom where we filled up our rucksacks as best we could, Filling our hands with as many guns as possible. The rest of the items we packed neatly in the corner. It would take everyone’s help carrying all this bounty back to the bunker.
Oh how the dark creepy passageways of the sewer felt like a refuge to me, compared to what lurked up top these passageways where like Disney world. The bunker was insight, I saw the faintest light shining from underneath the crack of the large steel door, and in an instant a feeling of appeasement subdued me, leaving me motionless as I stood smiling, so happy to be home. However my happiness would be short lived, as I knew what awaited me on the other side, I knew a dark cloud would hang over the joyous moment. Smith was going to kill us for disobeying him, I was terror-stricken as I thought about the consequences of my actions, and even though I worried about the ass whipping I was about to receive, I was more concerned that I had broken his trust.
Smith had saved my life and in my eyes I owed him everything, I would be completely shattered if he lost all trust in me. Perhaps I was an approval seeker, I recalled doing the same thing with my father, working as hard as I could, going the extra mile, not for self growth, but doing it all in the hopes he would have more faith in his son, and now I was repeating the pattern with Smith.
I could hear the giggles of Zara echo inside the bunker, and the worries of what Smith would do to me disappeared. I could not restrain myself as I smiled from ear to ear; I was home and eager to see how thrilled everyone would be with their gifts. Sky reached for the bunker door, but just as she was about to knock I grabbed her hand; the guns she held so meticulously went crashing to the floor. As she looked up at me, I was sure she was going to rip my throat out.
Shit! How could I have forgotten to give her, her gift? I was nervous, I would have to explain to her why I was giving her this piece of jewellery, and now that she had seen me cry, it would be a lot harder. So I manned up, bit the bullet and began.
“I know you may think I’m some kind of loser Sky, you think I’m a hindrance to the dynamics of the group.” ”But I hope in the future you will come to know how much I care about every single person in that room, you included.” ”You may think of me as weak and soft, and that’s okay, I have not yet adjusted to the New world, and who knows maybe I will never be the strong renegade warriors you, Sharif and Smith are, but I promise you, I’ll try to do my part around the bunker and try help in as many ways as possible.”
Sky was about to speak when I stopped her dead in her tracks,” This is a little gift; call it
a peace offering, a thank you, or a promise to show you I will strive harder in my attempts to become tougher, I want you to trust me as you do the others and I know In time I will gain your trust.”
I gently took her arm and slipped the bracelet around her wrist. She stared at it then looked at me without saying a word. Her eyes watered, but she held her tears back while concealing her emotions like she was so used to doing. She removed her hand from mine, and then slowly ran it slowly across my cheek; I could see the guilt expressed across her face, she knew what she did was wrong. Fair enough she had saved my life, but to leave me there covered in that little girl’s blood, not even lending a hand. That was not how family treated one another and that’s exactly what we were down here, family. She felt bad for pushing me so hard, subtly she replied to my gesture.
”It’s not that I want you to be tougher, I just...” She paused, in an attempt of swallowing her pride, and then continued, “I am just not good at this the whole showing affection thing.” ”Smith and Sharif have been with me for so long they are like family, they know the type of person I am and the girls well, they are like my own kids.” ”What I’m making a poor attempt of saying is, trying to be tough out there will either get you hurt or killed; don’t let my actions affect who you are.” “You’re perfectly fine just the way you are; it’s my own insecurities which make me seem so cold towards you.”
”You need to understand Cairo, that you don’t know everything about this new world just yet; there is still so much you need to find out.” ”I have learnt over the years that people are different out here, people can do terrible things without being held accountable.” “Sometimes people have no choice in what they become, because this environment chooses for them.” “In Time you’ll understand what I mean, but all I can do now is let you know trust out here is not something that can only be earned, trust comes with time, it comes with the evaluation of what type of person you are, or if you are a person at all!”
What the hell was Sky talking about! Smith had told me everything about the new world, I knew all about the Reapers, the Rocks, and our isolation from the rest of the world. So what was she rambling on about; and this whole “if they are a person thing”? Did she think I was just going to one day wake up and say, “Hmm I’m feeling a bit Reaperish, let me start chowing down on my bunkmates!” . Was she was just being paranoid about having me around for no reason? For now I would leave those questions for another day, our relationship had leapt forward in strides and I did not want to put any strain on it with unnecessary questions. Sky looked at the bracelet once again, smiled then said, “Absolutely beautiful!” Immediately she snapped back into renegade mode and began banging on the Bunker door.
As soon as the bunker doors opened Zara came scampering out, darting past her father’s legs and into the arms of Sky. Sky dropped everything to the floor at first sight of the young girl and grabbed her ever so tightly, as if they had been separated for years. Sky squeezed Zara, whispering in her ear how she missed her, Anxious little Zara had other plans though; she broke free from Sky’s arms and began jumping in excitement, “What did you get me, did you bring food, did you see any Reapers? A thousand and one questions at a time, the young girl could not control her excitement. She was running circles around us searching our pockets in attempt of finding anything edible. But before Sky could answer Smith appeared at the door.
With a stare which pierced through my soul, I braced myself for what was about to come. Smith walked up to me, and raised his hand into the air, I closed my eyes in anticipation of the stinging sensation I would soon feel across my cheek. The old man stopped, he could not find it in himself to strike me. Looks like age was catching up to him, he had become much more sympathetic over the years. If I were in his platoon in his younger days and had disobeyed him like I had, my unconscious body would be laying face first on the ground right now.
Unsure of how to express the mixed feelings of anxiety and panic which brewed inside him during our absences, he began doing what he did best. He shouted at the top of his voice, telling us how inconsiderate we were, how foolish leaving the bunker without the support of Him and Sharif. Smith was right though we got lucky with the little reaper girl, the situation would have been much grimmer if Sky had not reacted as quickly as she did. We took a gamble leaving the safety of the bunker by ourselves, and after being able to bring back the amount of good we did it was totally worth it, and once Smith saw the amount of fresh food, medication and toiletries we brought back, I knew he would soon calm down, forget about the whole thing and just enjoy the rewards of our hard work.
Eventually after the old man’s anger had dissipated, enthusiasm now took its place. He was interested in seeing what we had brought back with us. I explained to the others where we left the goods. So all six of us took the journey back to the manhole where we had stored our bounty. The process was quick, it only took us one trip and we managed to get everything back. After setting the goods in the middle of the room, the light of lanterns exposed the generous amount of resources we had collected. Everyone was around the pile of goods scratching through them like children under a Christmas tree. Smith shouted,” Tonight we eat like kings!” and with that Sky knew her queue, she headed straight to the pans, eager to cook with such a variety of food for a change.
But that was not all we had for them, as Sky prepared the meal; I took the opportunity to surprise everyone with their gifts. I’d obviously start with my little princess. So I called Zara over and told her to close her eyes and stick out her arms, she did as I asked. I placed the Barbie box into her hand and told her to open her eyes. Zara flipped out, she began running around the room holding the box in the air, screaming at the top of her voice, “Barbie, Barbie it’s a freaking Barbie.” Sharif yelled at Zara, scolding her for using such inappropriate language; Smith sat giggling knowing exactly where she had picked up the word.
Next I gave Smith his Machete; he seemed more excited than the little girl, waving the blade around until Sharif asked him to please console the dangerous weapon. Then it was on to Sharif, I placed the book into his hands and said, “Good read my friend, hope you enjoy it.” Sharif stood and uncharacteristically hugged me. It was rather awkward, but I could see how appreciative he was of the gesture. Content with myself I stood smiling at my new family like a proud mother hen watching her little chicks.
“I’m glad to see you all enjoy your gifts, hopefully they will keep you busy and out of my hair.” I laughed at my own lame joke, and then felt a slight tug on my shirt. Shahkierah was standing at my side looking ever so lost, staring up at me wide eyed and about to cry.
“Yes sweetie, is something wrong?”Confused the shy little girl just put her hands out waiting to receive her gift. I grabbed my rucksack and searched through it. I showed the little girl there was nothing there. She sunk her head and started walking back to her bed.
“Shahkierah, please do me a favour, somehow my jacket got underneath the food pile, would you be so kind and dig it out for me, my back is aching.” The polite child bit her tongue and did what she was told, she wanted to tell me to get my own damn jacket, but being the good girl she was, she restrained herself. She lifted the cans and saw the scrabble box lying at the bottom of the pile. Then paused like a deer caught in the head lights confused yet excited at the same time.
“Do you think I could ever forget about you? You know you my rock star.”
I loved little Zara with my whole heart and soul, but Shahkierah meant allot to me. We shared a unique bond; I guess because everyone else always fussed about how cute little Zara was I felt obliged to shower Shahkierah with extra affections. She and I would sit for hours each day talking about the old world, she missed it so much. Mostly because she missed her Mother, in a way I could relate, I missed my family as well but I was lucky my family was still alive, she on the other hand had no one left except the five people in the room.
Zara asked me,” What about Sky, why did you not get anything for Sk
y?” I told her Sky was a very special Lady so she got a very special gift. Sky walked over to Zara and showed her the beautiful bracelet around her wrist, then said,
“He got quite good taste don’t you agree?”
This was the first time I saw Sky blush; her cheeks went a rosy pink as she tried hiding her smile.
The mood soon changed though, as Sharif caught a glimpse of the bracelet around Sky’s arm. He walked up to her and furiously asked where she got it. I intervened and explained how I found it and gave it to her. In a flirtatious attempt towards Sky I told him, “It was the most beautiful thing I could find in the store, for the most beautiful women in the new world (Cheesy yes, yes, I know). But I couldn’t understand why he was angry at the fact that I had given her the bracelet? I thought perhaps it remind him of something his wife used to wear. I was completely confused at his behaviour which was beyond obscure.
Sharif stormed across the room to the new guns and furiously began loading bullets into the magazines. I was about to walk over and find out what I had done to upset him so. But Smith stopped me, telling me to let him have his space. The girls were just as confused, so Smith decided to set up Shahkierah scrabble board in hopes he would distract them from the argument. He called me over too and told me to join them, but I wanted to know what was wrong with Sharif. This time around Smith shouted and immediately I heeled like a well behaved puppy.
Sky walked over towards the frustrated man and sat beside him. She slowly ran her fingers through his hair; she whispered reassuring words in his ear. That’s when it hit me! It wasn’t the bracelet, it was the gesture. Sky and Sharif had become more than just friends. The two of them had developed a relationship.
I had seen the two of them spending more and more time together but had never taken notice. They spent time after time in the passageways together and disappeared in the darkness for hours on end. I had always thought they were doing washing or perhaps just scouting. Not taking notice of the obvious, it never occurred to me that they were intimate to such an extent. Still the situation was strange, I tried picturing the two of them together and sure the older Arabic man had a rugged good look to him, but I would never have pictured the two of them being together let alone the two of them consummating their relationship in a sexual way. I cleared the images from my head almost immediately. In a way I guess I was a bit jealous, but not because I was in love with the young woman, Just the fact that she could be the only woman we would see in a while, basically I figured the gap of me being with a woman was closing more and more rapidly.
That night after returning from the pipeline, I decided to have supper and spend some time with the girls, I needed to take my mind off the influx of information this day had over ridden me with. While lying on the girl’s mattress as we finished our last game of scrabble, I looked over my shoulder and got a glimpse of the two lovers cuddled up In each other’s embrace. It was as if they were waiting for me to find out about their relationship before partaking in any open affection. I could see Sky was much more intimate than Sharif, She held him tightly while he lay staring at the ceiling; perhaps he felt awkward in front of the girls. After all they had decided to put their relationship on hold since I had woken up. The girls were not stupid though, they knew Sky and their father was an item, but being the smart little sweet hearts, they asked no questions. I wondered how the relationship between their father and Sky affected them. Was there any animosity towards this new woman in their father’s life? I highly doubted it, the way they interacted with Sky was similar to that of mother and child, and they needed her down here. What about Sharif, how torn the poor man must have been, while trying to hold onto the images of his wife as he fell for another woman.
I soon forgot about the two of them while battling my own demons, as I jumped into bed I was over whelmed by nausea and a constant deep throbbing in my head. I tossed and turned all night on my mattress until Smith eventually got up, took his blanket and went to sleep on the floor, He could not take my constant agitating any longer. But I was not moving around simply because I was a bit uncomfortable, no I felt awful and was sure I had contracted a stomach bug or something similar. Sweat run down my face, leaving my pillow soaked, I was burning up with a fever but felt bone chillingly cold inside, my teeth throbbed and my back was completely riddled with pain. All of a sudden a bubbling sensation came from deep within my gut, I had no time to run outside, or even ask for a bucket, before I could think a river of puke was being sprayed across my mattress.
The others quickly woke, and Sky was by my side in no time, checking my fever. I felt embarrassed as I lay completely covered in my own vomit. Sharif told Zara to get a wet cloth and hand it to me. As the young girl passed it on I wiped my face and my shirts collar which was covered in large chunks of food from supper time. Sky ordered me to remove my shirt then she proceeded doing her medical duties. She placed the back of her hand to my forehead and here I could see the shock on her face when she felt how hot I was getting. Next she opened my mouth to check for signs of dehydration. After a few more test Sky came to the conclusion I had picked up food poisoning. But she could not understand how the symptoms hit me so suddenly, a few hours ago I was perfectly okay, now I was feeling like I was about to die.
Sky was going to administrate a bunch of home remedies due to our limited rations of medication. She explained that the first thing we were to do was give my stomach the chance settle, which meant no eating or drinking until the morning, next she’d cut my intake of water to small sips until I was rehydrated and my body could handle larger amounts and then she would try flush the sickness out by making me drink more liquid than I was passing out my system. Lastly she would give me an antibiotic if it came to that. Sky knew our lack of medication was going to be an issue in the future so she wanted to see if I could make a recovery before administering the pills.
With the tests done, Sharif offered to drag my mattress out into the passage way until the morning where he would clean it for me. Smith made a bed of blankets, right next to his, and the girls sat by my side, regardless of the pungent vomit odour from my mouth. I was amazed at how they were all so sympathetic towards me, it reminded me of when I was back home and got ill, my mom would move heaven and earth to make me feel better. Even though there presence comforted me, the pain would not subside, as the night went on the pain intensified, until eventually I managed to fall asleep.
Morning came and instantaneously I woke to a strong familiar aroma, I had not smelt this beautiful secant in a while, it completely enveloped the bunker as it gently flowed across the room. Begging us to acknowledge it, ridding us of the lingering presence of the previous bad odours and lifting every ones mood in the process. Before moving, I remained in my bed for a few minutes just indulging in the joyous smell which was freshly brewing coffee.
Once again I was the last one to get out of bed, this time having good reason as my stomach still felt like it had been passed through a shredder. Fighting through the pain I felt a sharp sting run down my side, the pain overwhelmed me to such an extent it made me buckle by the knees then collapse back onto my blankets. Sky demanded I stay in bed; handing over the cooking to Shahkierah. Sky came to my side with a bucket of clean water and a rag, all ready to give me a morning pampering. After wiping my forehead down and checking my temperature she made me finish an entire bottle of water. Once she was satisfied I was okay, she went back to her pots
This was going to be awesome, even in my discomforting state; I was not going to miss out on eating all this food, hell no! Sky was just finishing up, adding the last touches to the full course breakfast, all of us sat there in utter silence waiting for her to give the signal. Sky had put together an ensemble of fluffy powdered eggs scrambled and cooked to perfection, the thinnest crispy fried spam I had ever seen, looking ever so much like rashers of bacon, sautéed canned mushrooms and lastly the pot of black gold which was brewing in a large steel pot. Sky must have collected all these items, including the coffee o
n her little gun excursion. She was always thinking about her girls, and knew how they were going to enjoy this breakfast. Shahkierah and Zara had been going on and on about a picture in one of the magazines where a family was sitting around a long table, set out with a five star breakfast, from croissants to poached eggs. The kids would sit whispering about how one day they would have this and that. Thinking it was all just a game and no one would take notice of them. But Sky did, it wasn’t the five star breakfast from the magazine but down here it was more than sufficient.
Sky began complaining about the portion sizes as Sharif dished up large mounds of food in each plate. Moaning that we were not construction workers and were on a budget, there was no need for such large portions. Sharif simply ignored her as he halved the plates then served breakfast to each of us.
Once I had finished my breakfast I fell asleep, from there all I can remember was waking up and hastily running outside where I once again demolished our pit toilet.
Northern Exposure: The Divided Page 11
