Chapter 16
“Steady yourself Cairo, keep your head clear, concentrate, don’t let him overwhelm you, show him you are in control.” Sharif guided me as I focused intensely while trying to control my barbarous counter-part. His methods were sound and his teachings were effective for smoothing the transition from human to beast. My body would soon become accustomed to the pain and somehow numb itself from the transformation and thanks to Sharif’s guidance I could now almost transform at will.
“That’s it Cairo!” Enthusiastically he jumped out of his seat elated by his work. Like a proud coach rejoicing in their athlete’s success, he was over whelmed with the work we had both achieved. I grunted, trying to show him I acknowledged his excitement, oh how I wished I could communicate in this form. But unfortunately, vocally I was limited to grunts and roars.
But it was not all bad; I guess the good out-weighed the bad. I could do things that I did not even think possible a few months back. The physicality I possessed in this state was tenfold that of my human form, the possibilities now seemed unfathomable. The raw power that surged through me felt as viable as the blood which pumped through my veins. I felt indestructible, like a freight train at high speed, I reckoned not even the Reapers could stop me; this made me eager to put my new abilities to the test. Now that I had more authority over the transformation, I wanted to push the boundaries as far as possible. Unfortunately down here in the limited space of the sewer it was hard to do so, I would however have to wait until Smith felt I was in control enough to go top side.
But I chose not to dwell on future aspirations, I had no time the way Smith and Sharif where working me to the bone. In the mean time I would keep my plans of going top side to myself, between the two men I was over whelmed with work and most days felt like the load was too much to bear. Some days I would wake up thinking the tedious lessons where pointless, and on others Id let my fluctuating Tempers get the better of me and storm out the room, before the beast made an uninvited appearance. Luckily I had Sharif’s patient temperament tutoring me and keeping me as grounded as possible. Even though his lessons became time consuming and repetitive, I hung in absorbing as much as possible. Knowing I was not only prepping my mind and conditioning my body for the transformation, but using the teachings as a temporary escape from the constant questions which bugged my mind.
My teachings with Sharif where broken down into three parts. Firstly, using meditative techniques to help me deal with the physical pain which was caused by the transformation. Secondly, I was learning the most efficient and effective way to transform from human to beast. Lastly and what I believed to be most important, finding a calm in my mind and coming to terms with what I had become. I had to accept that I was not just Cairo Goodridge any longer, but now had two identities of both man and monster.
Some days he would make me change back and forth until my clothes were blood stained and dozens of disposed teeth lay like a box of spilt tic-tac at my feet. In the beginning I wondered what his intentions, where for making me change back and forth. But soon realised that each day I was transforming faster and faster and was almost at the stage where I could change at will, with near to no pain.
Most of all I suspected Sharif’s primary intentions were to insure the readiness of his newly developed weapon. I would be insuring his girls a better chance of survival, if I could get a grip on the change it meant if ever there was a threat I would not have a problem doing so. He understood being in the transformed state was the easy part; speeding up the process of the transformation would be much trickier. It may sound a bit selfish, but I understood where he was coming from, I was basically only a glorified uncle to the girls but would risk my life for them, so from a father’s point of view insuring his babies’ safety was a number one property, even if it meant using his friend as the object to do so.
Sharif continued preaching his cognitive lecture, trying to make sure I was in a serine state of mind as I started the transformation. I cantankerously grumbled at Sharif before obliging to repeat the tiresome procedure. The exercises were becoming painfully monotonous, but I had no other choice than to compose myself and being once again. At first I could not get enough of turning into the beast, but now all I wanted to do was go collapse on the mattress and spend the rest of the day sleeping in the bunker or chatting away aimlessly with the girls. “Again Cairo breath,” Sharif was insistent; there was point in pleading my case, he was not the slightest bit concerned about how tired or sore I was, all I could do was succumb to his persistency and do as he said.
I took a deep breath and began, listening carefully to Sharif’s instructions.
“That’s it Cairo, now slowly inhale through your nose... pace yourself boy!” “Good work, take three second intervals and exhale through your mouth.”
I did as I was told. “Clear your mind; you are a blank canvas about to paint your own serenity in the vast openness of your mind.”
” Picture the one place you felt most at ease, the most desirable place you could be in, now picture yourself there.” “think of a time when you were at your most happiest and mould the two scenarios together.”” You are in complete control of your surroundings, your head is free of everything else, and you are entirely secluded in that moment.””Good, don’t stop breathing!” I gritted my teeth from the pain and heard him shouting, “Stay in your serene state of mind, think of only the place you are in and don’t forget to breath!” as I focused on Sharif’s instructions a picture of my apartment appeared. Almost immediately I felt as if the pain subsided as I fell into the plot of this pretended world Sharif made me conjure up. I floated away in my own dreams as my body took over, transforming me without my own acknowledgment. I took a journey into my subconscious mind and found this harmonious place Sharif had sent me in search of.
I could see myself in my apartment on my bed, but I was not alone. I felt strange, many times Sharif and I had gone through this exercise as I changed forms but usually I would picture myself on a beach in the warm sun or alone in a quiet green meadow. This was the first time I saw myself at my apartment, and what was more ambiguous was that for the first time I was not alone. She was next to me and we lay on my bed laughing as if it was a normal Sunday afternoon, a time when I had not a care in the world. Conflicted about her presence I wondered why she was here. This was not a happy place nor happy moment after what happened. So why was my mind portraying these images of this love tyrant known as Layla. The sensation felt so real the images so vivid, I could swear I felt her breath on my face and her touch on my skin. The heightened sense from the transformation made everything more existent, making me fall further down the rabbit hole into this illusory place.
I could see each crinkle on her nose as she laughed, I could see the glitter in her eyes and feel her warm breath run down my neck as she nestled her face close onto my shoulder. But as the dream went on she started disappearing, I tried holding onto the images, why I was unsure. I should have let her go after what she had done to me but I had no control over my subconscious mind and like they say, the heart wants what the heart, and my heart clearly wanted Layla. But I would soon find out she is not all my heart wanted?
I focused harder and as my mind dawdled down the road of delusion, she appeared in my head again. But this time she had her faced turned from me as we cuddled under the duvets spooning. I whispered sweet nothings into her ear and fell deeper into the imaginative ruse. Then lifted my head from the bead and watched as the setting sun shone through the window, directly into our room leaving an orange glow across the apartment. I pulled her closer, as the images became more real each minute, and then told her I wanted nobody else other than her by my side. The hallucinated girl turned to face me, and as I saw her face I was snapped back to reality. Apparently Layla was not the only girl on my mind. But what did this mean, was I so infatuated with Sky that the sensation was strong enough to push out the images of Layla? Before I could dwell on the moment the transformation had ended, w
ithout warning snapping me back into reality.
“Well done Cairo, two minutes, thirty seconds.” “You have shaved off a whole forty seconds from last week’s practice, if you keep this up I’ll bet you by the end of the week we’ll have you changing in only sixty seconds.” “I’m proud to call myself your tutor, your ability to harness everything I teach is outstanding and in time I am sure your capabilities will be astronomical.” As I looked at the pride which oozed out of Sharif I found it hard to think this was the man that had attacked me a few months back. The more time we spent together, the trust I had completely lost for him, was slowly creeping back, as I withdrew my guard.
I was done with one lesson just to get ready for the next. Some days I felt like a lab rat constantly being tested in a perpetual circle which seemed to have no means to an end. There were so many days I felt like all this training was for nothing, what was the point if I was going to be trapped down here unable to put my abilities to use. I mean I could be doing so much good for the entire group, I could learn to protect us and make fear of the reapers. With the lesson done Sharif grabbed his stuff while fumbling about trying to rush back to the bunker in time. It was his turn to help prepare supper and he knew how moody Sky would be if she was left alone with the burden. He patted me on the shoulder while trying to put on his jacket, then joked about how Sky was going to not let him touch her for a week if he was late. I laughed trying to sound as unaffected by his obtuse joke, thinking about what I had just mustard up in my subconscious mind with the same women he shared a bed. With Sharif off to the bunker I had to get to Smith for my second lesson, hoping his teachings for the day would help me forget about Sky. I started making my way to an abandoned section of the sewer, which had become somewhat of my simulations room. A place Smith and I could work on my abilities with complete disregard of our surroundings. This was the only place I could truly let loose, and not worry about how much damage I left behind.
The surroundings were we worked was under construction but had not been completed, I’m not sure what the construction team was building down here before they were forced to abandon their project, but whatever they were building, inevitably they had built the perfect simulation room for my calamitous lessons. As I walked into the dimly lit room, I saw Smith already waiting. He patiently sat beside a broken down pillar, sharpening his machete on the corner of the dilapidated concrete slab. With my arrival, he placed his blade on the floor, approached me and with no hesitation my lesson began.
The purposes of our lessons were to harness my strength while I was in my changed form and using it in an effective way, basically he was teaching the beast how to kick ass. This early in our training he stressed that our main goals were to use my raw power and durability as my main choices of attack. He wanted me to be direct and promised me that over time he would teach me more fancy attacks, but now brute strength and momentum were my weapons of choice. He also helped me get a better grasp on the movement of the new form. Honestly in the beginning I could barely walk, like a new born gazelle falling over my own feet. But now I could run, jump and walk effortlessly, thanks to the hours and patients of the old man. Even though both lessons became tedious, I enjoyed smashing through the concrete pillars with Smith so much more than Sharif’s meditational lectures. I could release with Smith, the opposite of what Sharif taught me. Both lessons were vitally import as I learned how to control the chaos which lingered inside, but could release it if need be. But there was something about being in the form and causing destruction which just felt right, many times I wondered was that what the beast was created for, complete and utter obliteration of everything in its path? But only time would allow the satisfaction of finding out its true purpose, for now all my attention was needed as I had Smith standing across the room, eagerly awaiting the commencement of the day’s lesson. All that was left was for me to transform one last time and begin smashing shit!
”Exactly as we practiced boy, “He screamed out his instruction...Now.” With that I knew my cue and took off on a collision course with a pillar Smith had hacked a large X across. I exuded with confidence eager to impress him as I galloped towards the target. Not thinking my effort would fail so dismally, I carelessly tripped before making contact with the pillar and went smashing straight through it. This was not the calculated well timed tackle we had been practising and I tumbled down the passage for a meter or two unable to stop myself. Embarrassed I slowly got up and recomposed myself, thankfully the only thing hurt was my pride.
This was not like me, the last few weeks I had been making such progress, with few to no errors at each lesson, so why was I was so out of it today. The only reasoning behind my lack of concentration had to be thanks to the pictures of Sky, which I had conjured up in my earlier lesson. The reasoning behind them had me lost, and even though I had always been physically attracted to her, this seemed to be so much more. Did our imaginative affair have me so unfocused I could not do something as simple as tackle a pillar? I was not sure but knew this was not the place to dwell on it, I had to focus or Smith would have my ass. Smith walked towards me, without looking in my eyes he simply waved his hand in a downward motion and I knew what was expected of me. I took a knee next to him, but still towered over the short old timer, my height did not intimidate him though, he did not allow my size to threaten him, and oh no, he treated me no different in either form.
”Listen boy; don’t think of yourself as a bull smashing through a wall, picture yourself as a graceful cheetah swiftly chasing its prey through the Savannah.”I stomped away not quite understanding what he was talking about, he followed me, jumped up and grabbed me by the ear, I could only image how hysterical it looked as the old man scolded this gigantic beast.”Control your speed Cairo and accelerate only once you are a few feet from the pillar, focus on your footing, don’t just clumsily run at it, and remember speed will come, now focus on accuracy."
I nodded in agreement then lined up with another pillar, before charging with reckless abandon I focused on what Smith had said, instead of galloping full speed I jogged towards it, when I got close enough I exploded with a burst of acceleration, I smashed through it with ease. Now I had to stop myself before running into its counterpart who stood directly behind it. So I threw my left hand to the floor which immediately slowed me down before I came to a complete stop. Smith came running toward me cheering, he was ecstatic with the progress. There was a lot more work to be done, but that was fine with all the spare time progress was inevitable. I dusted the rumble and concrete sediment off my enormous chest while stepping away from Smith before returning to my human form. After impressing both my tutors my days work had finally come to an end, but even though I was so tired and wanted nothing more then the comfort of the bunker, I was hesitant in return knowing I would be in the presence of Sky.
Fatigue sounded so much more appeasing than a constant battle of trying to hide away these strange new feelings. I figured it be better to rather participate in another laborious lesson of Smashing through pillars with Smith than sit an in the awkward company of Sharif and Sky. How could I get rid of these feelings, this was not what I wanted yet somehow its all I wanted, I did not want to come between Sharif and Sky but I felt like I was being drawn to her ever since the day at the SS Mart. I was trapped down here having to deal with the existence of this new foreign entity, the trust issues between myself and the rest of them and now this realisation of how allured towards this beautiful women whom I not only shared a room with, but was the student and friend of the man she loved. This was the problem with this new world we lived in, even though we had so much time on our hands, the problems we were dealt all seemed to pile up at once.
Five hours had passed since Smith had decided to return to the bunker and I was left alone, drifting away in the cold desertion of the passageways. But eventually I came to terms with my immaturity and opted for the comforts of the mattress and a hot meal rather than the cold and emptiness of the passage. As I walked back to the
bunker I tried to regain my confidence, reassuring myself, “she was just a girl, a girl who I had been with for so many months” and tried understanding why I had these feeling of resentment towards Sharif, I loved him like an older brother and even though we had our trust issues which might I add were on the mend, I would never do anything to intentionally jeopardise his relationship with Sky, so why the hell could I not get a grip and stop the way I felt, after all it was just a dream.
As I entered the bunker the only person left awake was Sky, good old Murphy and his damn law! I felt angry as I saw her tucked away in Sharif’s arms, she smiled as I walked in and pointed to the full plate of food she had put aside. I smiled back and shook my head, even though I was so hungry I wanted nothing more than to jump in bed and get this awkward day behind me. I kicked off my shoes and threw my top to the floor before jumping into bed. While falling asleep I could not help myself from thinking of Sky. She was so unique, so strong at heart, playing the role of mother, nurse and warrior, she embraced many titles, not afraid to shine in all aspects. This is one of the reasons I was so drawn to her. Thankfully I soon fell asleep while hoping these feelings would dissipate.
“Cairo, Cairo” Sky’s voiced echoed through my slumbers. Great! Not only did I have to deal with her in reality, now she was taking over my dreams. Her voice became more real by the second until I woke to find her bent over, her face just inches from mine. I blinked my eyes thinking I was still in a dream, was she about to kiss me? She looked glanced at me then smiled and said, I know you going to want to strangle me, but I need you help opening these stubborn spam cans.” Smith and Sharif have already taken the girls to wash up, and one of those morons has taken my camping knife.”” So please do that arm changing thing you do and help me out love.” Sky was referring to a trick Sharif and I had mastered before we started transforming my body. He and I first started for days on only focusing to transform my arms until I was good enough to stop the transformation at any single limb I desired. This took half the pain and effort and frankly was I being over exploited by my bunk mates when they needed insignificant tasks done around the bunker. There was no point arguing though. This practice had become a ritual down here. But this was more than degrading as I found myself turning into this marvellous, evolutionary abnormality just to be used as a common home kitchen utensil! Surly this is not what I was made for; I refused to believe I wheeled all this power just to squander it down here. I dreamed bigger than the bunker, there was something very unnatural about trapping this powerful creature down here. I should have been top side searching for a better life for all of us. I could be the key to our ascension back to the real world. I had not been given these gifts just to waste them doing minuscule tasks around the bunker, I had to get up there and release the beast. Sky thanked me and I paid little attention as my hand regained its human form.
After regaining my human hand I jumped back onto the mattress where I proceeded to lay on my bed and watch her as she finished putting the last touches on a bland looking breakfast, it had been a while since we went to the SS mart and it was starting to show in the lack of supplies and ever so dull meals she prepared. Another thing was my stock of stretchy gym tights, I used the resilient shorts while I was transforming, and they were the best choice I had at coving up while I changed without tearing every article of clothing I had. On Sky’s and my last excursion to the SS mark I had luckily brought two extra pairs along, not knowing how useful they would be, but the rancid sweat pants needed a break and truthfully if I could get my hands on as many as possible it would make life much easier.
As I lay and perved I figured this was not good; the transformation had heightened all my senses, so technically my procreative responses were going hay wire. This is why I was so drawn to Sky even though my conscious mind told my body that she is off limits; my primal lust was pulling me towards her. Like a dog in heat or elephant bull in musk, I was starting to feel a build up of aggression and sexual frustration from the beast and they were starting to show in my human form.
The urges to lay with Sky were increasing by the minute; I would find myself pouring with sweat as I stared at her, using every ounce of strength to hold back my sexual intentions. My heart filled with indignation as I thought about the current predicament I was in. Just Like a pubescent teenager I would get these flurries as if I was dealing with an amalgamation of frustration and sexual tension. I knew I was not justified in acting this bleak, being so aggressive towards everyone else, but what else could I do, I could not control what chemical build ups happening inside me, and it’s not like I could talk about it, just think how awkward it would be for Sharif, Sky and myself. They did not understand how it felt; just imagine drinking five cups of coffee and being told to sit completely still. That’s how it felt while they restrained me down here, the beast wanted to be free, not only from the confides of the bunker, but from this emotional soap opera which developed inside his head. If I was feeling this way now, just think how things could escalate in the future, something had to be done. There was only one practical solution; I had to get some space from all of them. I had to get out of the bunker, I had to get topside.
But I knew it would not be easy, I knew it would be something I had to do on my own. After all I constantly tried reasoning with the two men, begging Smith and Sharif to give me the chance to go top side, even if it was just for a supply run to the SS mart. But both men felt I was not ready to be up there, they believed time was not a factor, and I had more than enough time to hone my skills and be absolutely ready before going up there. From Smith I always got the same response, “You’ll go when supplies run low, and right now we are in abundance,” and even though he was lying through his teeth I was not going to argue a losing battle. Sharif was no better, every time I asked him, thinking he could help persuade Smith; he constantly explained how trouble should not be sort out, but when found one must be prepared, or something Like that. To me it did not matter if the end result was still going to be no. I was feeling more and more claustrophobic while cooped up in the bunker and not even the passageways were a release any more, the spaces seemed to get smaller and the lingering boredom which filled the bunker was driving me crazy. I wanted to feel the sun on my skin again; I wanted to smell the crisp air. How was I going to convince them that I was ready to go top side? I would spend the entire day in the bowels of the sewer isolated from all my bunkmates, trying to figure out what my next move was, until eventually hesitantly heading back, feeling like I had not accomplished a damn thing. This procrastinating of the inevitable became bothersome, it was time for change.
That night I sat with the girls while they kept busy. Zara brushed her dolls hair back and forth singing soft songs to her plastic companion, while Shahkierah sat right beside her, reading some old magazines which her father had brought back from the grocer ages ago. The girls seemed to be okay with their confined surrounding but that was not the life I’m sure they envisioned. I know they wanted more, and could imagine how they missed a time they could go with their father to the mall or take a family day out in the park. As I watched them I wished I could see them running out side, or playing in the fresh air, my heart sank as I was reminded that since the rocks fell they had not left the sewers. I wished I had the authority to convince the others we could take a chance living top side, I wish they believed I could protect them, I believed we should take a chance; this was no way for anyone to live especially not two little girls. But the reality was even if Sky and Smith agreed, there was no way Sharif would let the girls go topside with Reapers running rampant in the city.
Even though I wished I could take them along with me it was not a possibility for now, and I knew that staying down here any longer was just as unrealistic. I had to get myself away for all of this and try finding out what I had become. I needed answers and there was only one clear path for me and it lead straight to the professor. Even though I had been side tracked these past few months, I had never given up on my decision to fin
d him and now with the emotional imbalances happening inside me. There was no better time to leave. I knew that it might have been the last time ever saw them and I knew the consequences of disobeying their clear instructions, but this was not something I would procrastinate doing any longer, it was time to welcome the beast to the real world.
Northern Exposure: The Divided Page 16
