“The tragedy is that she didn’t anticipate the depth of her daughter’s feelings for me. Sibyl didn’t know anything about her mother’s powers or her plan. When her mother saw that Sibyl cared for me, she decided to end the spell – she didn’t want her daughter to get hurt. Her mother didn’t realize how far things had already gone between us. Even under love spells, none of the other gentleman wanted anything more than a mistress – for them, love was about acquisition and had nothing to do with marriage. Her daughter had fended off many gentleman suitors who were only interested in her virtue and she had never formed any kind of attachment before.
“Lavinia didn’t realize that I wasn’t raised like most gentlemen. I had no family to answer to and I had no desire to stay within societies rules. My love for Sibyl was the most powerful thing in my world – My intention at the time was to marry her and I think that is why she saw me differently from all the other gentleman she had known. Sibyl was the type of person that desperately wanted to be loved for more than her physical beauty which is the only thing that other gentleman at that time were interested in. I thought I truly loved her, and for that, she loved me and had secretly agreed to be my wife.
“I had seen Sibyl as an absolute goddess. The false love that I felt due to her mother’s magic had sparked feelings that her mother didn’t comprehend. That night when I went to the theatre, I saw her without the lens of a love spell over my eyes and everything I had built her up to be in my mind was wiped clean. I didn’t love her anymore, but I still had the memory of loving her.
“That night I went backstage and I took out the full fury of love lost on that poor innocent girl.
“I made sure in that one conversation that I took the love from her that I felt as though she had robbed me of. For me she had transformed from the most talented, graceful, beautiful and intelligent person I had ever known into someone even less than ordinary. What I didn’t know at the time was that her mother’s spell was what made me see my every ideal in her before – she was the same all along. I could the change, and I blamed her for tricking me by pretending to be something she wasn’t. The only thing that remained was her beauty, because that was the one thing that her mother didn’t alter with her spell.”
I had been frozen the whole time Dorian was talking, but now he moved his hand away from mine and folded his arms in a protective gesture.
He continued slowly, “That night Sibyl Vane killed herself. The cruelty I showed her that night has haunted me ever since, as it should. What’s worse is that it is also the root of why so many have been harmed or killed by me.”
I can’t be silent any longer. “I…” and I fade off, because I really don’t know what to say. I know that he’s telling me that he caused someone to kill themselves; he’s said that he’s killed, and I’ve seen proof that he can hurt people and animals. What I can’t believe is that he had any intent to do harm. Am I crazy?
Does his intent matter? Sitting here, seeing his pain, I believe it does. I move my hand up and touch his arm. He moves his hand and holds my palm tight to his arm while taking a deep halting breath. Telling me all of this is very hard for him, but he seems to have drawn strength from my touch.
“After a sleepless night, I went to the theatre the next morning to find Sibyl so that I could apologize. A stage hand directed me to Sibyl’s room, and when I entered, I saw her lying dead on the floor with her mother sobbing over her body. The empty bottle of poison was still lying next to her outstretched hand on the floor. I realized at once what she had done and that I was the reason behind it. Her mother was experiencing such grief that at first, she didn’t notice my presence, but when she did, I could see on her face that she also knew that I was the cause of her daughter’s suicide.
“She was the embodiment of fury as she rose from her daughter’s side and placed on me the curse that has defined my life since that day. She told me that I would keep the face that her daughter had loved. That I should compare it with the faces of everyone around me as I drained the life from them just as I had done to her daughter. She ended by swearing that I would never harm her family again.
“Magic has a high cost. As she spoke the words, I could see its toll on her body. Her skin burned and flaked away revealing charred ash beneath. The last thing that remained were her eyes which were filled with hate for me.
“I had never seen magic or known of its existence before that night. By the time the last gray ash of the mother had fallen to the floor I was trembling. I ran out of the theatre and into the crowded street. I tried running down the sidewalk, but there were so many people in the way I pushed them to the side as I came up behind them. I made it a full half block before I turned around at the sound of screams to see what I had done.
“Each person that I had touched in my rush to get past was shaking and writhing on the ground. Spouses and mothers and husbands were all screaming at the sight of their loved ones. That’s when I realized what I was. I could feel life draining from those around me trying to fill the void inside me that couldn’t be filled.”
“Stop!” I say, my voice harsh, but with my hand I twine our fingers together and gently hold Dorian’s hand. My mind is swirling with questions. So many questions that it’s hard to sort out what I should say or do. Should I run? Is he really a monster? How many has he killed? Can he control it? Is he harming me right now? – No, I can’t believe that. He blames himself, but I feel for him as the victim too. He didn’t choose to curse himself or to be put under a love spell. Could he really be blamed for someone else killing themselves? I see that he truly blames himself, but I don’t think I do.
After a long pause as I try to sort through the storm of thoughts in my head, I say “Can you control it?” He’s still facing forward with his eyes cast down focused on his past.
In a whisper, he says, “No.” There is so much pain in that one syllable, I forget the rest of my questions for a second. I can’t believe that someone who could feel that deeply could willingly cause pain. And for some reason, I can’t believe that he would do anything that would harm me.
Even though he says he can’t control it, I can’t believe that he would risk harm coming to me and also be holding my hand like it’s the most precious thing he’s ever touched. I give a gentle squeeze to his hand hoping to help him deal with a little bit of his pain.
Suddenly he shifts and looks down at my hand. With a gasp he releases it and shakes his head. “I’m so sorry. I’m sure you no longer want to do that” he says.
The odd thing is that I really do – even if there’s a price. After everything that he’s said I feel that there is still so much more to his story. I want to comfort him, and I want to be close to him. Reaching out, I grab his hand again and say, “You won’t hurt me.” Saying those words, I can feel how true they are. I don’t know how I can be so sure of it, but I am.
Looking up, he stares straight into my eyes. We stay locked in each other’s gaze for just a second and then he says, “Ellie, do you know what you are?”
Chapter 7
“I don’t understand what you’re asking?” and it’s all I can say in response to his question asking what I am.
Still starring straight at me, with our heads only a few inches apart and our fingers entwined, I can feel my pulse start to quicken. He’s just revealed some very shocking things and I can’t believe that my body is choosing now to go flush with hormones.
“So, you don’t know?” he says.
Still confused, I ask “What am I supposed to know? What do you think I am?”
He pauses and then says, “I don’t know exactly what you are, but I knew even before what you did today that there was something different about you. After seeing what my touch can do, how did you know that I wouldn’t hurt you?” He leaned in closer on the last few words and now I can’t even begin to think of a response because the only thing going through my mind is how much I want to lean in just a few inches more to feel his perfect lips against mine. I wonder if they
would feel as warm and soft as they look.
Shock registers as I hear my name being called from a distance. “Lucky, where are you?” Crap! It’s Wyatt. I feel like I’m waking from a wonderful dream, but panic has a grip on my heart. Should Wyatt find us here?
Dorian’s posture changes too, and he’s now back to the overly formal and withdrawn posture I’m most accustomed to.
“I’ll find you later, and we can talk then if you still want to.” As soon as Dorian finishes speaking, he dashes off and is quickly lost behind tree trunks. I can’t help but feel a little aggravated at Wyatt for being the reason why Dorian ran off. Even though I can’t see Dorian anymore, I decide to walk back out of the quarry and towards Wyatt, just to make sure they don’t bump into each other.
I hear Wyatt again, but this time closer “Lucky…”
I respond back completing his call as I walk closer “...Where are you?”
On the short walk back toward Wyatt, I can see the spot where the bull was on the ground. He’s still there, but the rest of the herd has moved on. He doesn’t look well, but at least he’s sitting up. I wish there was some way I could help him, but I trust what Dorian said about not being able to. If there was a cure, I don’t think Dorian would hold it back from me. Even as sick as the bull looks right now, it would still be foolish to get too close. I wouldn’t want Wyatt or my father to be too close to him if he starts to thrash again. Who knows what would have happened to me if Dorian wasn’t there to push me aside?
To avoid Wyatt seeing the bull, I decide to run in hopes that I can make it over the hill before Wyatt is close enough to the bull lying there. It seems like I’m running to keep a whole series of secrets now.
Honestly, I also feel protective of the spot where Dorian and I were sitting just moments ago. I’ve been in that old quarry hundreds of times, but I know today will always be what I remember most about that spot from now on. There was fear and fantasy and tragedy and death and holding hands. There was a glimpse into Dorian’s soul – even though he’s punished and broken, there is beauty there in his ability to feel and to survive. I don’t want to share that spot with anyone else, so I push myself to run even a bit faster.
Coming over the crest of the hill, I can see Wyatt about half way down on the other side and I slow down now that I know my secrets are safe. He is looking at me with a huge smile on his face and raises his hand up in the air to wave.
Still too far away to talk in a normal voice, Wyatt yells “Hey, you must be really excited to see me.”
Oh, he must have thought my running was to get to him. I guess that’s better than him figuring out that I was running to hide something from him.
Not waiting for me to respond, Wyatt continues “It’s only been a half day since I saw you last. If I knew you’d miss me this much, I would have come sooner.” Wyatt’s smile is absolutely beaming.
Wow, it really was just last night when I saw him. It feels like so much has happened in that time it shouldn’t fit into such a short span. Everything I knew about the world the last time I was with Wyatt has changed. I’ve seen a world with magic and curses. I’ve spent time with someone that lives outside the rules of reality as I knew it, and now I’m somehow a part of his world. I also realize with a bit of chagrin that I now know what it’s like to sit next to somebody and wish with every fiber in your being that they would kiss you.
While I was letting myself daydream a bit, Wyatt and I are now just a few feet apart. Wyatt takes one last step and picks me up in the air with one of his giant bear hugs and lets my feet swing from side to side.
“Hey”, I yell as I try to free myself. Wyatt slowly releases me until I’m back standing on my own two feet.
With his arms still around me he says in a low voice “I missed you too,”
Now that my arm has been freed, I take the opportunity to slap his shoulder and say, “You know I hate being picked up!”
He just shakes his head and replies “That won’t stop me.” Turning back around to face in the direction of the house, he puts one arm around my shoulder and starts leading me forward. “Come on, college girl, I was sent to get you.”
“What’s up?”
“Your dad called this morning and said he had some work for me, and when I finished, your mom said I couldn’t leave until I had a decent meal. She’s almost done cooking now, so she sent me to get you.”
“Oh.” That sounds like my mom – she’s forever trying to feed everyone.
I also feel a bit of sadness at another example of my folks trying to keep me out of farm life. I wouldn’t have given up the morning I just had for anything, but they didn’t even think to ask me before calling Wyatt.
When we get into the kitchen, my mom is putting the basket of bread out on the table which is her que that everything’s ready – it’s always the last thing she puts out.
Just like me and my parents, Wyatt has a chair that he always sits in when he eats with us. We both quickly wash our hands in the kitchen sink and sit down to eat. My dad is already seated and starting to scoop food onto his plate.
Wyatt has his usual appetite and he ends up taking seconds and thirds of almost everything, but I find that I’m just not hungry. While Wyatt and my parents are talking, I can’t get my mind away from thoughts of Dorian. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a meal to be over so quickly.
I plan on heading right back to the pasture as soon as Wyatt is done eating pie, but as he puts his fork down, he grabs my hand and says “Lucky, I’ve got something to show you.”
I catch my folks glancing at each other and smiling as Wyatt drags me off in the direction of my room. They must already know what this surprise is.
When we enter, Wyatt is watching me closely to catch my reaction. I used to have an old worn nightstand next to my bed that was painted pale pink and had stickers on the side from when I was a kid. Now in its place there is a beautiful table that looks like a work of art. It has curving legs that seem to support a single drawer in midair a few inches below the top. The top has an irregular edge and the whole thing looks sleek and modern with streaks of different browns and whites running throughout. It is absolutely stunning.
I look over at Wyatt who is still anxiously studying my face. Even though he is so much taller than me, the way that his head is tilted down makes it look almost like he’s looking up at me with his big brown eyes. I am absolutely in awe of his talent.
I smile at his shy expectant expression and say, “You’re amazing.”
He quickly smiles showing off the contrast between his bright white teeth and tanned skin. He’s now no longer nervous waiting for my reaction and he looks a little cocky as he says “Yeah, but do you like the table?”
My smile can’t help but grow seeing him so proud. “It’s beautiful,” I say simply.
“Do you remember that big wind storm we had a few months ago that took down a few of the trees around the mansion?” The mansion being the name that we used to refer to the local haunted house where the two of us spent so much time together.
“Yeah”, I say. I can tell he’s practically bursting at the seams to explain more.
“This table is made from the wood of that one big hickory tree that used to hang over the creek. I asked a supplier from work if he could cut and dry a couple of logs for me, and he did - this is half of what I made with it. The other one’s at my house – it’s a matched pair.”
I’m almost in tears because of how thoughtful and amazing Wyatt can be. “It’s perfect,” I say as I give him a big hug.
Pulling back to look at me again, he says, “People don’t usually use hickory to make furniture because the grain pattern and coloring of the wood is so wild, but I didn’t know any better when I started.”
“I’m glad you didn’t know any better – I love it,” I say. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have such a good friend. I walk over to the table so that I can examine it closer. It’s smooth and silky under my fingertips and I can tell that this really mu
st have taken a lot of work to make.
“I wanted to have it done before I left for that class in Indiana, but I just didn’t have enough time. It was supposed to keep you company on your first day of college because I wasn’t going to be around. Now it’ll just have to be a ‘congrats on starting your second week of college’ present,” Wyatt said.
Turning back around, I can see my parents both looking at us from the doorway. Even though it feels weird to have an audience, I don’t want to leave Wyatt hanging so I say, “Thank you Wyatt, it’s the very best second week of college present a girl could ask for.”
My dad pipes in from the doorway “He’s a pretty talented kid, huh Lucky?”
Wyatt smiles back at my dad and says, “Thanks Mr. Rose.”
My mom steps forward and says, “Do you guys want to go into town and get some ice cream at Leon’s? We were just about to go.” Leon’s is a 50’s style drive in ice cream shop where the waitresses still wear roller-skates. Usually I would want to go, but I’m still thinking about finding a way to get back to Dorian as quickly as I can.
Wyatt looks at me for an answer and I say, “No, thanks.”
My parents turn with their arms around each other as they walk away, and my dad looks back over his shoulder as he says, “We’ll leave you two alone then.”
Wyatt smiles looking at me and says, “What do you wanna do?”
I want to go back out to the pasture and see Dorian, but I can’t just tell Wyatt to leave after giving me such a thoughtful gift. I’ve got to think of something quick that won’t make Wyatt feel like I’m kicking him out but will get him to go.
Wyatt’s looking at me with his head slightly cocked to the side and one eyebrow raised. He says, “Lucky, do you have some homework that you have to do that you don’t want to tell me about?” Oh, thank you Wyatt! Even though you’re completely wrong, I’m so glad you came up with the thing I needed.
Lucky: Dorian Gray Novels Book 1 Page 6
