His arms tense quickly, and he turns and pushes me behind him protectively. I’m reminded of how he saved me in New Orleans, and I look around quickly for the attacker.
My eyes take a second to recognize Wyatt reaching around Dorian to get to me. Thankfully I see Dorian relax and my instant fear for Wyatt is relieved. It looks like Dorian is as jumpy as I am.
I can’t even say hi to Wyatt, because he’s too quick at wrapping his arms around me for a hug. Dorian doesn’t move away, but Wyatt talks to me like I’m the only one there.
“Ellie, where have you been? I’ve been so worried about you.” I can tell from his tone that he really means it.
I would answer his question, but my face is buried in his coat, and he’s hugging me too tight to be pushed away. I’m sure that we didn’t plan to do anything together. Why would he be so anxious?
He finally pulls back to look me over at arm’s length. “Lucky, I had this awful feeling that something bad was going to happen to you, and when I couldn’t find you, and you didn’t answer your phone.” Oh, I forgot that I turned my phone off while we were on the plane. I don’t think I ever turned it on.
He looks like he’s about to pull me into another suffocating hug, so I say, “I’m right here.” Wyatt seems to realize his overreaction and tries to regain his composure. The funny thing is that he was right to worry. Just a few hours ago I faced danger like I’ve never known before, and without Dorian, I probably wouldn’t have made it through – but Wyatt doesn’t know that.
“Are you going to make over-reacting about my safety a thing now?” I ask him to try and lighten the mood. I hope that a smirky smile will help too.
“Hey, everybody’s gotta have a thing, right?” He smiles back at me and I think we’re okay. He finally seems to notice Dorian, who has been standing close to me the whole time. His generally friendly nature wins out, and Wyatt extends his hand toward Dorian and with a smile says, “Hey, I’m Wyatt.” He tilts his head in my direction and continues, “…Lucky’s best friend.”
Dorian puts one arm around my shoulder and reaches his other hand out. “I’m Dorian,” he says. Wyatt looks at the arm Dorian has around my shoulder and then at me while he pulls his arm back, leaving Dorian’s outstretched hand in mid-air. Wyatt is never rude like that, so it seems very strange.
Completely ignoring Dorian’s presence again, Wyatt looks at me and asks, “Who is this guy?”
I want to tell Wyatt about Dorian, but I didn’t think I’d be doing it like this, and I’m not quite sure what to say.
Dorian takes advantage of the pause and says, “I’ll just go wait in your room” before backing away to give us some privacy.
Wyatt looks mad, which is something that I haven’t seen very often. He leans in and asks in a low voice, “Why does that guy get to see your room?” He’s looking at me like I betrayed him, and it makes me feel even more guilty for not telling him sooner.
“That was Dorian,” I say. “…my boyfriend”
“Since when? And why is he allowed to see your room when I’m not?”
How do I answer that question? Our relationship hasn’t exactly been traditional. What really counts as our first date? How much is the cover story, and have we really transitioned yet? Afterall, we haven’t kissed, but we both have feelings. This is all so complicated.
“Um…it’s recent.” Once I figure it out for myself, maybe I can share more. Wyatt still looks upset and he seems to be taking a little time to figure out what he’s going to say as he taps his heel on the ground.
“I thought you were past all this getting fake boyfriends stuff!” This is the first time that Wyatt has ever yelled at me like this. “Maybe you should think about other people before you decide to date some poor guy you don’t have any feelings for – you aren’t in high school anymore.” I can see why he would think that I wasn’t into Dorian – I’ve never really been into anyone before, and he would remember those two guys I ‘dated’ in high school.
“I really like this guy,” He can still be mad that I let someone else see my dorm room first, but he should know that Dorian isn’t anything like those other guys. For the first time, I actually want to be in a relationship.
“Lucky, you don’t need some fake romance. Why don’t you go dump that guy quick, so we can talk? It feels weird to have space between us.” Wyatt is back to himself, with his heart on his sleeve. Just like always, Wyatt is there for me and looking for the same thing that I am – to close the gap between us. If we’re really going to get back to normal, he needs to know that this isn’t one of those meaningless relationships I had in high school when I was trying to figure things out.
“I’m not going to dump Dorian, I want to be with him.” Saying that I want to be with Dorian out loud makes me smile and blush a little.
When I look up at Wyatt, his eyes are wide like he’s just seen a horrible accident, but he looks away quickly when he sees me looking at him.
“Fine,” he spurts out and walks away. He’s mad again and walking as fast as he can away from me. I try to keep up for a few steps, but he’s so quick that I don’t stand a chance.
Things were bad enough before this, and now Wyatt is mad at me, when all I wanted was to reconnect with him.
Chapter 20
Walking into my dorm room, I can see Dorian react to my somber face.
“How did things go with Wyatt?” he asks.
“He’s mad,” I say sullenly. I don’t like the feeling of Wyatt being mad at me.
“He’s sweet on you, and he’s jealous.” Dorian seems certain, but he doesn’t know how long Wyatt and I have been friends, or our history.
“No, it’s not like that. I think he’s upset because I let you visit my dorm room and not him –It was never weird when one of us dated before.”
“You’ve dated before?” Oh no, I didn’t mean to lead the conversation here. I can tell that Dorian’s interest is peaked.
“Yeah, but it was just a high school thing…I never had any feelings for them…for anyone before this.” It feels strange to be explaining this, but I want him to understand that he is different.
“So how did you end up dating them?” he asked, trying too hard to appear casual.
“They just asked me, and I said yes because I didn’t have any reason not to.”
“But you didn’t care for them.” He says it like a statement, but I can tell he’s dying for me to assure him.
“I thought that I was just the type of person who didn’t have that kind of feeling for anyone. I was sure of it until I met you.” His face melts into a shy smile as he hears what I’m saying.
“And all they had to do was ask you on a date?”
“Yes.” Is that so crazy? He looks a little unsteady and he takes my hand in his facing me square on. I’m in a crumpled coat, with muddy shoes and I’m sure that my hair and face is still a mess from the crying I was doing in the car. Thankfully, he’s looking at me like he doesn’t see any of that. It looks like he’s going to start speaking, but his mouth closes without a sound and he takes another moment to think. I don’t know what he’s going to say, but I can tell that he’s trying very hard to get it right. There is a small furrow in his brow as he concentrates, and his bottom lip is slightly pushed forward. I want to hear what he’s going to say, but I also want to have the time to study each perfect feature of his face in this new affected expression.
He finally squares his shoulders and takes a deep breath like he’s about to give a speech to a large crowd, then he begins.
“I know the timing of this isn’t right, but I can’t wait for the right moment and risk losing any more time with you.
“I’ve been looking for a way to bring us together. I’ve read every magazine and blog I can find, but none of them can cover our unique set of circumstances, and the ambiguous nature of everything nowadays just doesn’t make sense to me.
“I don’t want any ambiguity to get in our way if I can help it. I don’t know what the my
stical world will throw at us in the next year, but I do know that I can’t be near you without wanting more and no matter what comes at us, this feeling won’t change.
“After realizing that I could hold your hand without harming you, I realized that it was your hand I wanted to hold more than any others…and it had nothing to do with my curse.”
However formal and prepared the beginning of his speech might have sounded, I can see now that he’s working without a script. He is still eloquent in his own beautiful way, but I can see that true emotion is driving him. The meaning of his words is so unexpected, that I feel like I could just be lost in some magnificent dream. He continues speaking without leaving any time for my heart to catch up to the meaning of his words.
“I asked you to come to lunch with me every day so that I could get to know you, and I held back information because I was terrified that you would get bored with me. The thought that you wouldn’t want to spend time with me was terrifying.
“I suggested being your boyfriend as a cover story, but I wanted it so badly that even the fantasy of it made me happy. I know that you feel I was tricked into taking you to that dance, but you should know that I wanted to ask you more than anything else in the world – I was just afraid that I wouldn’t do it right.
“I’ve wanted to be satisfied with what we had together, knowing that it was best for you to stay away from me – I’ve been honest about my past, so you know I’ve been a monster for more of my life than not. But, if you do have feelings for me, then I wouldn’t take away your right to choose, even though I know you could do so much better than me.
“What I’m saying is that I care about you more than anyone else I’ve ever known, and I want to ask you out on a first date – with no confusion behind my reasons. I want to court you. I know it isn’t the path that modern relationships take, but I’m giving up on trying to be modern. Going on a date means much more to me than it does to people who grew up in this time period – I want to offer myself to you, heart and soul to see if there is anything I can do to win your heart. If you have any lack of feeling for me as you did for the others you dated, I would beg you to refuse me. Know that I would want to be in your life in whatever capacity you would allow me, so please make the choice that is best for you.” He straightens up a little and I can see that he’s trying very hard to gauge my reaction. I’m in tears again, but these are tears of disbelief and happiness.
“Ellie Marie Rose, would you do me the pleasure of going on an official first date with me?” He’s so formal, but it’s a part of him, and I love every part of him. The hopeful and unsure lift of his eyebrows alone could melt an iceberg. It’s hard to imagine that anyone like him could be so adorably unsure of himself and it only makes me care for him more.
I smile and say “Yes,” in barely a whisper. How vividly his face lights up from his smile is breathtaking. I feel more like I’ve been proposed to than asked out, but Dorian himself said that a date means more to him than it does in the modern world. I’m aching to kiss him, but I’m guessing that his timeline doesn’t include kissing before a first date. To keep this perfect moment, I’ll accept that.
He leans down and presses his lips to the back of my hand and says, “Thank you.” Maybe we took an odd path getting here, but that doesn’t matter. I am going on a date with Dorian Gray – no matter how fast my feelings jumped ahead it doesn’t matter because we’re not on the modern path. I love him already and by some miracle he might feel the same way about me.
“Can I pick you up for dinner at 6, tomorrow?” Now that I’ve said yes to this date, Dorian’s grin spreads from ear to ear, and I can see the dimples that make me feel all fuzzy inside.
“Yes.” I’m happy to be able to say it again and make this all feel a little more real.
“Good. It will be black tie, and I would like to dance with you again too – the last time was far too short. There should be a few things in your closet to choose from.” I remember all the clothes I saw in the closet before we left for New Orleans. Clothes that I don’t feel comfortable accepting – especially now that we’re going to be dating. I know this will break our perfect bubble, but I have to say something.
“I can’t accept all those clothes in the other room, Dorian.”
“Of course, you can.” I’d almost avoid this fight, so it wouldn’t ruin our first real date or this moment, but I know that if we’re going to have a real relationship, we need to get this straightened out now.
“I don’t feel that it’s appropriate for me to accept money and extravagant gifts from you. It’s even less appropriate if we’re going to be dating.” I’m avoiding looking at his face so that I can keep my resolve strong in my voice.
“Ella, I would want to date you regardless of how little you let me spend on you, but you do need to become accustomed to wealth as a part of this world that you now find yourself a part of.” He’s never said anything about this before. Why?
He answers my thoughts. “It’s absolutely certain that you are a part of the mystical world now. You need to have money, and you need to know how to use it. Money is safety.”
“Safety from what?” How can money possible mean anything to a Druid or a Witch? Can’t they just conjure anything they want?
“Money is safety because it lets you move around in the mortal world without being detected. It lets you set up a new identity and protect the one you have.” I’ve never seen money as important, but I can see how it could be useful when you can’t be certain of your future.
“Money grants access to people and resources, and it also puts distance between you and people that could cause harm.” I can see the look of pity in Dorian’s eyes again as he tries to convince me.
“I just don’t want to be financially dependent on a boyfriend.”
“Ellie, my desire to date you has nothing to do with trying to change your finances.” He seems a little offended that I would draw that connection, but what else was I supposed to think?
He takes a minute to regroup himself before speaking again. “I was born rich and I have worked very hard for a very long time. I am financially secure enough to also give security to others that find themselves victims of a life with magic. I said I would ask your permission before changing your life again, but please try to see the reasons why I want you to have money.
“Trust in me that I would never use a gift of money to later force your hand in romance. I know the types of sums required to provide some measure of safety for you in your newfound circumstances. You also should gain comfort around great wealth. In a world where magic is often tied to extended lifetimes, money is something that most people have. If they don’t have it, they are at a great disadvantage.
“For now, just keep the money that I’ve already put into your accounts and consider the rest as your first lessons on how to live with wealth.
After you know how to live with it, if you find that you don’t want the money or need it, I ask that you give it away. I never give a gift that I expect to be repaid or returned. I would want to do this for you, even if you never wanted to see me again. – it’s something I would do for anyone in your shoes.”
Dorian is a good man. I never imagined him trying to run some kind of mystical charity service, but I’m not that surprised either. Considering the special circumstances, he’s had to deal with in his life, I can see why he would want to make things easier for others. I understand why he has needed to have a lot of money, but do I really need it?
I don’t ever want to set up a new identity for myself and I don’t ever foresee needing a private jet because I’m incapable of taking a commercial flight, but some of what Dorian’s saying makes sense to me. I wouldn’t see any issues if it were someone else accepting the money, and I’m glad that he’s been able to help others, it just doesn’t feel quite right for me.
I can’t be sure of what I am, or what my needs will be a year from now. I hadn’t thought about what resources I might need. With the events in New Or
leans, I feel like I should take steps now to be more in Dorian’s world. This goes against how I was raised – how I think I was raised, I should say. I can’t even be certain of my past, so should I still tie myself to the rules I may have learned there? I can’t believe that I’m even thinking about doing this, but if there’s a chance that my life has been a lie then I need to figure out how to live my future. That I need to be with Dorian is the only thing about my world that seems certain. I can take a hit to my pride to accept Dorian’s offer if it moves us closer together. – maybe.
“Okay,” I say tentatively.
“Really? You’re not going to fight me anymore on this?” I can see that he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“I mean, Okay… I’ll take a few days to think it over. But if I do accept, it’s strictly on a trial basis and only for as long as I’m unsure about my need for it. I also have the condition that you pick the charity to donate the money to if I find that I don’t need it.”
The corner of his mouth picks up in a small smile. Did he know I wouldn’t completely give in that easily, or is there something else behind it? I’m making all of this up on the spot, and I feel like I’m negotiating a major business deal – I guess with the sums involved, that would be an apt description.
Dorian seems to be enjoying this challenge and I can see that he’s coming up with a counteroffer behind his smirk.
“I’ll do you one better,” he says. “…I’ll send $10 million to charity tonight if you accept my gift without trial periods or conditions and if you pick the charity.”
I’m suddenly feeling far over my head. If I try to undue this all, is it like I’m taking money away from charity? What have I done?! I take a few deep breaths to buy a little time.
“Fine. If I accept, it will be without trial period or conditions. I’ll let you know in a few days what I decide.” After all, he didn’t specifically say that one of his conditions was that I accept his gift tonight.
Lucky: Dorian Gray Novels Book 1 Page 19
