“What do we do?” Fridone asked Rei.
“He looks to be still frozen,” Rei said, inspecting the chamber. “We should probably take him back to the cave to wake him. Once the people are thawed, they are quite weak for a while. They will need some place to rest once the reanimation sequence is complete.”
Fridone laughed sardonically. “They sleep for centuries and then they need to rest?”
“Pretty ironic, huh?” Rei said.
“How about the rest of your people?”
See how much better it flows?
Entry 2-286: October 8, 2014
More science and math
Yesterday, I showed you how I cut out a lot of the scientific explanation behind the drama in Rome's Revolution in order to speed up the action. Today I thought I'd show you another example of how I was able to take 330,000 words worth of three novels and crush it down to a single 167,000 word novel. The following scene takes place when Rei is trying to explain to Fridone what must be done to retrieve his frozen compatriots and take them back to the secret enclave.
Here is the original, long-winded version from the original long-form. You can hear the drumbeats of the Darwin Project in this snippet:
“How about the rest of your people?”
“Oh yeah,” Rei said in English. Then, in Vuduri, he said, “There were 543 of us when we started. There are probably nearly that many left. We are better off doing this in shifts. Will that cave of yours hold 500 people and 500 of these chambers?”
“Oh yes,” Fridone said. “The caves go very deep into the mountain. But why bring the cases, why not just bring the people?”
“Because once the people are removed, the sarcophagi are designed to be ganged together. I told you about that before. You can use the rods in them for electricity, heat, whatever. They are supposed to put out usable power for hundreds of years once they are activated. The isotopes have a half-life of 25,000 years so they should still be plenty strong even though we have been gone so long. It is worth a try, right? Why not?”
“Why not, indeed,” Fridone said.
Rei stepped away from Fridone and called the Ibbrassati who were milling around.
“Come with me,” he said. “I will show you how to pull out the other coffins.”
All of the men except Fridone and two others followed Rei as he circled around toward the front of the Ark. With a little help, Rei was able to open the side hatch and entered via the built in steps.
“Here,” he said, waving a few of the men over. He demonstrated how to open the titanium cages holding the “privileged” crew whose armored sarcophagi were flagged by a black stripe.
“Why are they in cages?” asked one man.
“Why only some?” asked another.
“These chambers are special,” Rei said. “This section has an ablative shield. In theory, this part was supposed to literally be able to fall out of the sky and survive reentry.”
To save you some boredom, I cut out the rest of the passage. It goes on and on with the small group literally calculating how many men would required to cart the sarcophagi back to the cave. Next is the current version. You can see it is substantially shorter:
“How about the rest of your people?”
“I will show you.”
With a little help, Rei was able to open the side hatch of the crew compartment and entered via the built in steps. He showed the men how to release the clamps, freeing the sarcophagi. They carried the first one out and set it next to Keller’s sarcophagus.
“Can you men carry that one?” Rei asked. He turned to Fridone. “How are we going to work this?”
“You and I and Zander and Pilar will carry your striped one back. The others can bring the second. When we get back to the cave, we will send the next two teams up. That will keep our exposure to a minimum. We can bring back two at time. How many are there?”
“About 500,” Rei answered.
Fridone sighed. “It will take us a while but I believe we can get them all back before dawn. Let us proceed.”
Much better. Agree?
Entry 2-287: October 9, 2014
Rome’s distress
In a previous article, I explained how Rome was suffering from polyhydramnios which is an excessive amount of amniotic fluid in the womb. I had always planned on Part 2 of Rome's Revolution to have a split structure, I needed an excuse to get Rome into the Vuduri compound and get reconnected to the Overmind.
This next scene, from the original long-form version of the novel entitled VIRUS 5 was the first time that Rei realized that Rome's distress was not just uncomfortable but potentially life-threatening, if not for Rome then for the baby. In Rome's case, I suppose it had something to do with the gravity on Deucado or maybe it was just because Rome was getting closer to giving birth:
“Where is Rome?” Rei asked one of the women. She just shook her head and did not answer. She waved at Rei and he followed her a little deeper into yet another alcove off to the side. Rei entered and found Rome lying on an actual bed, with a cloth on her head and two women attending to her. He quickly went to her bedside.
“Rome, what’s going on?” he said in English.
She turned her head to look at him and gave him a weak smile. “Mau emir. I am fine. I just got a little faint. I think it is possible that baby Aason wants to join us early though.”
Suddenly she grimaced and put her hands on her stomach. The women clucked over her and one patted her head with the cloth.
Trabunel came in from the other side and came over to Rei.
“You must move her out of here soon. We cannot take the chance that the baby is Vuduri. If it is connected, they will find us here and they will kill us all.”
“This is crazy,” Rei said. “You cannot move her now. Look at her. Plus, it is my baby. How can it be connected, anyway?”
“I do not claim to understand the genetics but the mother is Vuduri,” said Trabunel. “That may be all that is required. We cannot take this chance. I have been here a long time and I know that you have a little while but then you must leave.”
“How long is a little while?” Rei asked.
“A day, no longer,” Trabunel replied. “You will have enough time to show us how to thaw out your people. Then we will arrange for you to go to our settlement to the south. Our boats move very swiftly. The settlement is where the Vuduri expect us and if your child is connected, that will be acceptable if they come for him. He will have no knowledge of this place.”
“They’re not coming for my baby,” Rei said in English. Then in Vuduri, “Why do I have to let them?”
“They will take the baby,” Trabunel said. “They do not care if they take it with you alive or dead.”
“NO!” Rome said. “Not dead. Rei, you listen to him.”
“But sweetheart, I can’t let them take our baby,” he said in English.
“We will find a way, Rei. You will find a way. You always do,” Rome said.
Entry 2-288: October 10, 2014
The nitty gritty
As I mentioned several days ago, when Rome's Revolution was three separate novels, I felt compelled to burden you, the reader, with all the nitty gritty details of the science behind the science fiction.
I know that you believe me but sometimes, even though the story moves much quicker, some of the details are interesting but in a more clinical, less action-oriented way. Let me give you an example. In this scene, since cut out, Rei explains to the Ibbrassati exactly how to thaw out a frozen Essessoni:
“The person inside is supposed to be frozen solid,” Rei said at the top of his voice. “We have to thaw them out and it has to be done in sequence. You just need to activate the mechanism and the internal electronics should do it automatically. To start the sequence, you rotate these two knobs.”
He pointed to the left and right control knobs. They were about ten centimeters in diameter with two convex sections on either sid
e of a center spar. They were designed to grip easily.
“You rotate the one on the left, uh,” Rei hesitated. He said the word clockwise in English. The men just blinked.
“This is clockwise,” Rei said and circled his arm to the right so they understood the direction.
“We understand,” said one man.
“OK,” Rei said in English. Then he continued in Vuduri. “You turn it one-half turn until the arrow points to this line.” He turned the knob. “And the one on the right, you turn counterclockwise one-half until it aligns as well.” Again, he demonstrated. “At that point, the mechanism is activated.”
Nothing happened at first. But after a few minutes, the hoarfrost that had collected on the outside of the chamber began to thaw. The needles on the dials above the knobs began to quiver and then slowly crept north as the nuclear fire penetrated the internal workings of the sarcophagus.
Rei pointed to the dials. “The rods are causing heat. That melts the ice.”
“Why do you need to do that?” one man asked. “Why not just let them thaw out naturally?”
“If we just them thaw on their own, they would drown or die,” Rei said. “The rods make the electricity which is needed to reanimate the person within using a pre-determined sequence. For example, after the fluid melts, the pump activates and drains it away. There is a defibrillator…” Rei paused seeing the blank expressions around him.
“It is a device which restarts their heart,” he said. Now the men nodded. Rei continued, “After that, there is a blower to dry them off and warm them up.”
So now you know. Don't you feel better?
Entry 2-289: October 11, 2014
Keller awakes
Captain Maury Keller is an interesting dude. Not only was he the Captain of the Ark II but he was also the leader of the Darwin contingent. This fact did not become known until the events revealed in The Ark Lords. We know that he repented and in fact became quite helpful in apprehending the would-be assassins in the first part of Rome's Evolution.
Our first exposure to Captain Keller actually came as the Ark, under tow by Rome, Rei and MINIMCOM encountered his sarcophagus, floating within the Oort Cloud. We know that he got tied down in MINIMCOM's cargo compartment and was the first sarcophagus retrieved from the crash site.
The sarcophagi of the command crew differed from the regular ones in that they were designed to be thawed under weightless conditions. This was demonstrated in some detail when I introduced you to The Deucadons a few days ago. This meant that thawing the Captain out within a gravity well might pose some potential problems.
Turns out, it was easier than we thought but Captain Keller found himself completely disoriented. The last thing he expected was people standing around him as he awakened.
Rei showed them each of the indicators and described their functions. He showed them the fluid level gauge. He walked them through the process whereby the frozen block of reanimation fluid became liquid again and bubbled up to bathe the person within. He showed them how to tell when it was time to open the inner seal and he showed them how to retract the hood so that the person within was exposed to real air.
They stood in awe as the defibrillator fired and shocked the man back to life. They watched in fascination as he took his first breaths of air through the breathing mask then clawed at it to pull it off. Captain Keller clenched his fists over his chest and started shivering. Rei showed them that the fluid was being pumped out and the blowers activated and started the drying process. They could see his eyelids flicker as he tried to open his eyes. Luckily, the lighting in the cave was dim, unlike the Iso chamber that Rei was placed in what seemed like so many years before.
Captain Keller coughed and thrashed and Rei showed the men how to retract the hood fully. They helped the newly thawed man sit up and covered him in a blanket. He blinked and blinked, trying to make out his surroundings. Rei spoke to him in English.
“Captain Keller?”
“Yes,” the man rumbled out. His voice was rusty from disuse. “Who are you?”
“I am Rei Bierak, one of your engineers.”
“Where are we?” Keller asked.
“We are in a cave on a planet called Deucado by the inhabitants. Deucado is the second planet out in the Tau Ceti system. We made it, sir!”
Captain Keller tried to look at him but he failed. His head fell down on his chest but it did not stop him from speaking.
“Why are you awake? The command crew is supposed to be reanimated first. And what are we doing on the ground? How could the world be named already? We’re the first people here,” he said, exhaling his words more than speaking them.
Rei said, “Sir, I know this will be hard for you to understand and we’ll review it again later but it is the year 3588. We’ve been asleep for almost 1400 years. There have been people on this world for a long time before we got here.”
Captain Keller lifted his head and squinted at Rei. “I have no idea what you are talking about. How could it be 3588? What are you saying? What the hell is going on?”
It only took him four years to ultimately come to grips with the situation. Let's just say what he encountered wasn't in the training manual. And that is what makes Rome's Revolution so cool!
Entry 2-290: October 12, 2014
Lounge chairs
Where I write my books, my work area is completely plain. There are no pictures on the wall. No toys laying about. Just a computer monitor, a keyboard and a yellow pad. So as I am writing the descriptions of each of the vistas within Rome's Revolution and the other novels, I am doing it more or less completely from my imagination.
Sometimes, especially when I am falling asleep or occasionally in the shower, I envision the scenes more realistically, pretending I am actually there. It was just the other day that I realized my cockpits are all wrong. They are too plain. No other elements except a small storage bin. There are no instruments, just a central flat panel display. I always thought of their chairs as more like barber's chairs when they really should be more like dentist's chairs.
The fact is that MINIMCOM and later Junior are capable of high speed acceleration and even with their control of artificial gravity, the human pilots still need to be comfortable.
So, starting with The Milk Run, I am giving Aason and his parents much more comfortable chairs. The armrests are much thicker since they need controls built in. There are the dual joysticks which operate within a gravity well as well as in space.
Anyway, now that they are in more comfortable chairs, I hope that Rome, Rei, Aason and Lupe are happier. I need to build them a better instrument cluster as well. More on that tomorrow.
Entry 2-291: October 13, 2014
The wraparound console
Yesterday, I described my utterly unimaginative vision of the cockpit seats shared by Rome and company in the world of Rome's Revolution. Today I would like to show you my vision of the cockpit instrumentation:
That’s it! Now compare this to the cockpit of a Boeing 777 airliner:
Notice any difference? I think in The Milk Run, I'll upgrade the cockpit a bit and give Aason a little more to work with. Please forgive this horrible sketch. The only thing to note is I am going to switch the main readouts from the central display to the smaller, wraparound consoles. The center display will only be used when they need a larger image or need to collaborate.
I did say forgive me, didn't I?
Entry 2-292: October 14, 2014
The story is the story
I cannot really explain my writing process. An idea comes from somewhere. I jot down some notes. More ideas come in: wouldn't it be cool if... I formalize an outline and finally I start writing. Rome's Revolution started out this way as did The Ark Lords and Rome's Evolution.
It was George R. R. Martin, author of Game of Thrones that said, "I think there are two types of writers, the architects and the gardeners." He professed that a wr
iter who is an architect plans everything out, I guess to the nth degree. A gardener plants some seeds and sees what grows. I guess I'm a little bit of both.
When I am finally done, even with embellishing, I end up around 65,000 words. It is always the way. No matter what the story, how complex the plot, it's just where I end up. I write down each chapter, see which ones are too long and split them. Adding in connectors stretches it a bit. I see which chapters are too short and I purposefully pad them to get them past three pages in Word.
When it's done, I'm lucky if I hit 70,000 words. Then I give it to Bruce, he makes corrections, tells me which parts are unclear. He always says, "What were they wearing," and I go oh yeah. When it's all said and done, I'm just over 75,000 words. The problem? I need 80,000 words to consider it a full-length novel. I'd rather have 90,000.
Here are where each of the novels I've written have ended up:
Future Past - 107,000 words
VIRUS 5: Part 1: Tabit - 98,000 words
VIRUS 5: Part 2: Tau Ceti - 98,000 words
VIRUS 5: Part 3: Earth - 91,000 words
Rome's Revolution - 167,000 words
The Ark Lords - 80,000 words
Rome's Evolution - 84,000 words
The Milk Run so far - 67,000 words
The Vuduri Companion so far 67,000 words
I'm hard at work with The Milk Run. Where do I go to get those extra 15,000 words? I don't know. I'll figure something out.
My problem is, the story is the story.
Entry 2-293: October 15, 2014
Tales of the Vuduri: Year Two Page 36
