by Lisa Suzanne
But you belonged to him
You were never really mine
I wish I had the courage to tell you
Ten years, ten years, ten years gone
I miss you, I want you, it feels too long
Ten years, ten years, ten years gone
And I keep waiting for a brand new dawn
If ten years have really gone by
Maybe I can stop asking why
Now’s the time
To make you mine
Say you’ll be mine
No one will ever love me the way Gavin does.
That’s what I want...someone who will write songs about his love for me. Someone who will show up for me when I don’t expect him to. And not just any someone.
Gavin Brooks.
Maybe it’s always been him, and I was too blinded by what I thought I felt for Chase to see it for what it was.
I need to find him, and I need to tell him.
There’s just one thing holding me back. As sure as I am that Gavin is the one for me, there’s still another man who holds a piece of my heart.
How will I ever know whether I’m making the right decision?
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
“Who is Delaney Lockwood?”
I close my eyes and heave out a breath. “What the hell is this?” I ask Rose, glancing up from the video she’s showing me on her phone.
“Just watch.”
I lean back on my couch and watch as instructed, and I want to puke.
The ostentatious host of some celebrity gossip vlog snaps his finger, and suddenly I’m watching video footage of Chase and me at that upscale sports bar in Denver. I didn’t even know we were being filmed, and I watch as he poses for a photo with some woman and then turns his attention back to me.
“We did some digging, and we discovered that she’s none other than Chase Camden’s high school sweetheart. So very interesting, and I have to know if they’re back together. It sure looks like it, but what’s this?”
Another snap of his fingers and we’re looking at a still shot of Gavin embracing me at the airport when I came home from Denver.
The screen cuts back to the host. “It’s Gavin Brooks, front man of Beyond Gold, picking the same girl up from the airport! Our sources tell us Lockwood and Brooks were quite friendly back in the day.”
He snaps his fingers again, and photographs more than a decade old pepper the small screen. One of Chase and me at prom, another of Gavin and me when we went to Homecoming as friends, and more and more.
The host comes back. “These photos showcase the life of the elite students who attended the ritzy Prestbury Academy in Beverly Hills. They just celebrated their ten-year reunion, and it looks like Ms. Lockwood is already cozying up to some men from her past...specifically both Chase Camden and Gavin Brooks.”
He snaps and the screen repeats stills of my night with Chase and my airport greeting with Gavin.
“More to come on this developing story, including a scandalous past for one Miss Delaney Lockwood, now working as a teacher in Los Angeles. Will the rock star intercept this leading lady from the football player? Stay tuned.”
He snaps again and shifts into a different story, and Rose lowers her phone.
“What the hell is that?”
“Celebrity Snaps with Billy Peters.” She says it like I’m totally ignorant for not knowing.
“And you watch this for fun?” My brows furrow.
“No, I watch it for the latest celebrity gossip. You never know who’s getting engaged and needs an engagement party or a wedding planned, and he’s always the first to know everything. And I mean everything.”
“Obviously, considering Gavin just picked me up from the airport yesterday,” I mutter. “Oh my God, Rose. He’s going to talk about my family’s history and I’m going to tarnish both their names.”
“Stop it.” She pulls me into a hug. “What your dad did is his business, not yours. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
I pull away first. “Let’s agree to disagree on that front. I thought all the drama with my family could just stay buried in the past. Man, am I stupid.” I stand and head for the kitchen because suddenly I feel like I need a drink.
Rose gets up and follows me. “Not stupid, babe. I just wanted you to know it’s out there and there’s already speculation about you being with both men.”
“Times have sure changed from a decade ago when no one would’ve even cared that I was spotted with both men.” I look in the fridge, note its very sparse contents, and head to the liquor cabinet instead. I grab a bottle of vodka, unscrew the cap, and take a shot...and then I sputter as it burns all the way down my throat until it hits my stomach with warmth. I hold out the bottle to Rose, who looks at it with disdain. It’s not her fancy top shelf shit, it’s the bottom of the barrel cheap stuff...and I don’t really care right now.
“They have, but it doesn’t matter what the gossip sites are saying. I showed you this to prove a point. You need to make your decision.” She leans against the counter as I stare at the bottle and debate another sip.
“I know I do, okay? And I think I have. But as soon as I think I have, I’m filled with all these doubts like it’s the wrong choice. And then my mind takes hold and I convince myself I’m choosing whoever I’m with in the moment because it’s easier, but that doesn’t mean it’s right.” I take a swig and manage to swallow it down without the coughing this time. “They waited ten years and now they want me to make a major life decision in a week.”
“You think you have?” She raises a curious brow. “Who?”
“Last night when I got back from Denver and Gavin was there at the airport waiting for me, I wanted it to be Gavin. But then I blurted out that I haven’t decided yet and he bolted.”
“You pick Gavin?” She whistles. “Jesus, we’ve got a lot to unpack here.”
“I don’t know,” I whine, even though I know how unbecoming whining is. “I don’t know if I pick him.”
“What was it like to be with Chase again?”
I hold up the bottle in another mock toast, and then I take a swig for good measure. “It was fun. Like old times, but I felt guilty the whole time.”
“Why did you feel guilt?” She gently tugs the bottle from my hands before I overdo it, screws the cap back on, and sets it on the counter on the opposite side of the kitchen from where I stand.
I huff out an annoyed breath. “Because of Gavin.”
“Then be with Gavin.” She places her palms behind her on the counter and lifts herself up so she’s sitting on the countertop in my tiny kitchen.
“But I still have all these feelings for Chase.” I mirror her so I’m sitting across from her on the counter on my side.
“So? I have feelings for Diet Coke.”
I roll my eyes. “Not the same. I want to be with both of them, yet I know I don’t deserve either of them.”
“Bullshit.” Her voice is sharp. “We all deserve love, Dee.”
“I’m not in their league.” I eye the bottle of vodka that she ripped out of my hands. I just want something that’ll numb the constant ache I feel in my chest.
“You’re being ridiculous and you’re feeling sorry for yourself. I hear it in your voice. I’m not going to let you pass up the chance to be with someone who could make you happy, whether it’s Chase or Gavin or somebody else.”
“I told Chase about Gavin.”
“Ooh, now that is scandalous.” She grins like she loves the gossip—probably because she does. “Once Billy Peters gets hold of celebrity gossip, though, it’ll be all over the place.”
I flinch at her words, and she shoots me a placating smile.
“Sorry, but it’s the truth.” She shrugs.
“It’s like high school all over again.”
“I get it, Dee. I really do. If Liam wanted me the way I wanted him all those years, it’d be hard to walk away from him for someone I’d never been anything more than friends with.”
; I press my lips together as I think through her words. I feel like my mind is telling me it should be Chase, but my heart seems to be contradicting that. Or maybe it’s not my heart at all but my vagina doing the thinking.
My phone rings before I can voice those errant thoughts aloud.
I slip it out of my pocket, read the name, and flash it at Rose, whose eyes widen a bit.
“Hey,” I answer.
“Dee,” Chase’s warm voice comes through the line. “I miss having you here.”
“I miss being there,” I say, and as the automatic words tumble out, I realize they’re true. I had a lot of fun with Chase as we grew closer together over the weekend, and maybe all I need is a little more time to figure out who holds a bigger piece of my heart.
“When are you coming back to Denver?” he asks.
I clear my throat. “I’m not really sure yet.”
“Come this weekend. I’ll take you on a tour of Mile High Stadium, make you more pizza rolls, and find a way to get you into my bed.”
I giggle and blush a little. “You might’ve sold me on the pizza rolls.”
He laughs. “I’ll book your ticket. I’m getting a call from my agent on the other line, so I need to run. I’ll text you the flight details. Thursday through Sunday good again?”
“Um, sure?”
He’s talking fast and I don’t really have a chance to think this through.
“Okay, bye.” He cuts the call, and I’m left feeling a little confused over what just happened.
“Bye,” I say after my phone beeps to indicate the call is over.
“What just happened?” Rose asks.
I shrug. “He somehow talked me into going back to Denver this weekend.”
She holds both palms up in confusion. “Is that what you want?”
I shake my head, my words contradicting the movement. “I don’t know.”
She blows out a breath. “Have you heard from Gavin since last night?”
“Not a word.”
She tilts her head as she studies me. “Maybe this trip to Denver is exactly what you need to figure it out.”
I lift a shoulder. “Maybe.”
“Could you see yourself living in Denver?”
I think that through for a minute before answering. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I fit into his lifestyle.”
“What do you mean?”
I lift a shoulder. “He’s got money. It would be like stepping back a decade to when I had it, too. But I’ve changed.”
“So? Gavin’s got money, too.”
“Yeah, but Chase flaunts it. He has this huge mansion of a house with state of the art workout equipment and a fancy pool and concrete floors and expensive countertops.” I swing my legs a little as they dangle beneath me.
“And Gavin?”
“He wants me to live on a tour bus with him for the next year. That’s not exactly the lap of luxury.”
She tilts her head as she studies me. “Could you see yourself fitting into that life?”
I lift both shoulders, because the truth is that I’ve been so focused on trying to classify my feelings for these men that I haven’t really considered what the future with either of them might look like.
She hops down from the counter. “Think about it, babe. I need to run. Duty calls, but you know I’m always here for you when you need to talk.”
“I know.” I hop down, too. “Thanks for being a good friend.”
She smiles. “BFFs for life,” she says, hooking her pinkie through mine like we used to do in high school. “Let me know when you hear from Gavin.”
“I will,” I say as I walk with her toward the door. I wave as she goes, and then it’s just me in my quiet apartment. I think it’s time to take fate into my own hands.
Rather than wait for Gavin to call, I decide to place the call first.
I click his number and wait. And wait. And wait.
I’m sent to voicemail, and with a heavy heart, I sit down on the couch again and pull up the Celebrity Snaps site. I find the video from today, and I watch it again. When I get to the photo montage of the past, I can’t help but study the body language of each man with me.
Gavin is looking down at me with love in his eyes in the one from Homecoming. I can see how far back his feelings go, and I don’t know why I couldn’t see it before. There’s another one where Gavin’s brows are drawn down as he looks at the camera, but he holds an arm around me like he would fight to the death for me if it came down to it.
In contrast, Chase holds me closely, protectively, like I’m a fragile possession he doesn’t want to break. But the biggest difference in these photos is the way I stand.
My head is buried in Chase’s nook. It’s clear that I’m in love with him.
But in the photos with Gavin, I stand a bit apart from him, like I’m trying to put distance between us.
Maybe I needed that distance because I was with Chase, and back then, my heart was drawn to someone else...even if I didn’t recognize it at the time.
But I’m starting to recognize it now.
I can’t let that be the deciding factor, but maybe the first step is forgiving myself for missing exactly what was in front of me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
I still haven’t heard a word from Gavin when I board a plane later in the week to head back to Chase. I’m torn on what that could mean. Maybe he thinks Chase is the one I want and he’s bowing out.
But I don’t know what I want, and like Rose said, maybe these next few days in Denver are exactly what I need to figure it out.
When the plane touches down and I turn off airplane mode, I’m not surprised there still isn’t a text from Gavin. I try one more time.
Me: I miss you.
There are about a million other things I want to say, but keeping it simple seems like the right move for now.
I roll my suitcase across the floor, wondering if Ray the driver will be impressed I fit all my belongings for the next couple days into one small bag again.
But I don’t get the chance to find out.
As soon as I leave the secure area and make my way toward the exit, a man wearing a baseball cap pulled down low over his eyes, jeans, and a navy Nike shirt rushes forward to greet me.
He pulls me immediately into his arms, the scent of Aqua di Gio racing toward me and taking me back to the past. I didn’t realize how much I needed a hug after everything that’s happened, but it feels good here in Chase’s arms. Warm. Right, even.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, but Chase is still embracing me, and I’m not ready to pull away—especially not for something like checking my phone.
He presses his lips to mine, and he pulls back before it intensifies even though I feel the passion crackling in the air around us. Something’s different. “Welcome back,” he says softly, just for me.
My lips tip up in a smile despite the confusion swimming in my brain. He’s here. This stupid airport pickup was just one of those little things that meant so much to me, and here he is, giving me exactly what I want.
“Let’s get out of here,” he says, and I nod. He grabs the handle of my bag and pulls it behind him, his other hand linked with mine as we head toward his car. He keeps his head down, somehow managing not to attract attention from passersby, and when we get out to the parking garage, he leads me over to a luxury Mercedes G-Class SUV. Even though I stayed a few days with him, I never saw this car...and it’s kind of hot.
He’s the perfect gentleman, taking care of my luggage and opening the door for me before sliding into the driver’s seat. We head through Denver toward his place, and when we arrive, it’s much quieter than last time.
He clicks a button on a remote, and suddenly Adele’s version of “To Make You Feel My Love” spills from some hidden speakers, filling the quiet house with noise.
“Our prom song,” I murmur. I wonder if he thinks of me every time he hears this song the way I think of him. I wonder if he cried a thousand times as he lis
tened to it the way I did.
I wonder if he had to turn it off because it became too emotional to listen to the passion Adele has in her voice like I had to.
I wonder if he’ll listen to it going forward with a smile or a frown.
Chase holds his hand out to me with a raised brow and a smile ghosting his lips. “Our song. A dance?”
“I’d love to,” I say, resting my fingertips in his outstretched hand.
He pulls me into him, resting his hands on my hips as I link my arms around his neck, just like we did a decade ago at our senior prom and again afterward in the hotel room he’d snagged for us.
Memories of that night wash over me—the things he said to me that made me think we’d be together forever, the way he looked at me and held me, the way he ditched his friends, who were heading out to drink for the night, and opted to spend the night lavishing me with attention.
Sort of like he’s doing right now, I suppose.
We’re all alone in his kitchen as we sway to the slow song. Adele sings about how there isn’t anything she wouldn’t do to make him feel her love, and I lose myself to the moment. Maybe it’s because I’m transported back to the past, or maybe it’s because I do feel Chase’s love. And it all just took one weekend together followed by a few days apart to bring everything right back to the surface.
This is what I want. This is what I’ve wanted for ten years. I convinced myself that maybe I could move on with a different man from my past, but I don’t know if I’ll ever really be able to move on from Chase Camden.
After the song is over, Chase holds me in his arms in the silence that descends upon us. I look up into his eyes, and he gazes down at me. The moment is perfect. His lips move gently toward me, and once we’re connected, his mouth opens and his tongue finds mine. He kisses me with some inexplicable combination of gentle desire and burning passion.
My arms tighten around his neck and his fingertips dig into my hips. He pushes his hips gently to mine to indicate his need, and I can’t help my quiet moan of approval. He does it again, a little harder, and I moan a little louder.
Just as he ignited the kiss, he’s also the one to slow it and then stop. He doesn’t pull away from me when he pulls his lips from mine. He exhales slowly, and then he says, “I have a few more surprises first.”
