by Toni Aleo
My heart is in my throat with nervousness. I just want everything to go smoothly. I know Grace has it, but still, it’s a big ordeal. Lots of variables. “Do you have your speech ready, Posey?”
My sister grins at me. “Pretty sure you’re still mad at me for the group dance, so I went all out on my speech.”
I shoot her a look. “Good. Because I am.”
Amelia snorts. “Shelli, be kind. We’re pregnant.”
I give her a dry look. “I didn’t ask for that.”
“It isn’t about you,” Posey throws at me. “We are living our best lives.”
I side-eye, jokingly saying, “You’re lucky I want to be an aunt to all these kids.”
She scoffs as Amelia giggles. Mom just shakes her head. “This is surreal.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, and when I look at her, her eyes are filling with tears.
“I can remember y’all trying to force Posey into playing dolls, and she wasn’t having it. You three going to dances and the mall. Now look at you. All my girls growing up.”
Posey exhales hard. “It’s true. We’re all officially adults now.”
“Speak for yourself,” I tease, and she laughs.
Amelia pats Mom’s leg. “Don’t get all emotional. We already did this for Posey. You’re a pro now.”
Mom scoffs. “Absolutely not. I’ll be an emotional mess for each of my babies. You’ll see someday.”
Amelia makes a face. “I don’t want to see. I want mine to stay babies.”
“So did I,” Mom says sadly, and I want to feel for her, but then I remember the assault my grandmother made on me.
“That reminds me. Let me tell you what Grandma said to me.”
Easy to say, I traumatize everyone else, and I don’t feel the least bit bad.
If I have to suffer, may as well take my girls down with me.
I changed my wedding dress four times over the last year.
I lost two deposits and even had to pay my dad back for them since he was pissed. I returned the dress he picked and then the one my mom picked, so to say he was livid is an understatement. In my defense, everything I had thought I wanted, I didn’t. I would be mesmerized by the diamonds or the deep plunge and just buy the dress, but when it arrived in my size, I would hate it. I had a ballroom-style, but then I thought it made me look too big. Then I had one with a train the size of Broadway, as Posey put it, but then it came in, and I had a nightmare that I fell over it when I was walking back down the aisle. I’ve had short and even fitted, but none of them were for me. I dedicated so much time and special attention to all the details of the wedding itself that I was putting way too much pressure on how gorgeous my dress was. It got to the point that no one would go with me to the dress shop because I was so indecisive. I had gone so far as to trying to find a dress that would fit the wedding, I forgot that the dress was supposed to fit me.
What I wanted.
Just how I handpicked my groom.
Funny, but it was actually Aiden who reminded me of that after my last breakdown. He suggested I go to New York with my mom and Posey to find the dress I wanted. My mom, being who she is, was able to get us an appointment at Kleinfeld Bridal. I referred back to my wedding book, reminding myself what I wanted. Thankfully, I found the dress of my dreams, and when it came in, I felt like the queen I am. I can’t wait for Aiden to see it—but more than anything, I can’t wait to see him.
I stand in a nude thong as my mom and Posey help raise my dress up my body. I try not to look at myself, instead focusing on my mom and Posey. My mom is wearing a beautiful floor-length purple gown that sits off her shoulders. There is beading all over the skirt, making it glitter when she moves. Her hair is down in wide curls, with the side pulled up in a sparkly barrette. Posey and Amelia are wearing matching purple dresses that stop at their knees. I didn’t want them to be warm, so I chose a dress with flowy fabric that ties behind the neck and has incredible lace detail on the bodice that continues down over the top of the skirt. Posey’s hair is up in a tight bun with a pearl barrette fastened beneath the bun. Her makeup is soft with a nude lip. Amelia’s hair is down, with the same barrette holding back one side. Her makeup is much darker, with a glossy dark-purple lip. Both are sporting the diamond necklaces I got them as a thank-you for standing with me. They are stunning, and both are beautiful enough to distract me from my upcoming nuptials, but my stomach is still in knots.
It’s time to fasten my dress.
I focus on the mirror while my mom gets my dress up and buttons it at the back of my neck. Posey positions the strands of diamond stones along my shoulders. They are attached at the neck and drape down along my sides to my waist. Lastly, my mom fastens the buttons that hold the dress closed at my butt, leaving my back wide open. I lift my boobs so that they look great in the deep plunge as I let out a long breath. I take myself in, and tears rush to my eyes. My dress is everything I could ever have wished for. The mermaid style shows off my curves, accentuating my hips and breasts. The satin fabric hugs my thighs before flaring out into gorgeous, elaborate lacework that looks regal. Sparkly stones shimmer throughout the lace, and I’m as in awe of the dress on me as I was when I first saw it. I run my hands over my hips, smoothing out the silky white fabric as Amelia brings over my veil.
I chose my royal cathedral veil because I saw someone use theirs as a crib canopy for their future children. I loved the idea of it and had to have it. Also, I can take it off after pictures so I don’t trip on it. As my mom attaches the veil to my bun, she spreads it out over my shoulders, the tulle stunning and shimmery with more crystals and lace that matches the lace of the bottom of my dress. A sob is stuck in my throat at the sight of myself, and when I meet my mom’s gaze, she’s full-out weeping.
I hear the click of the photographer’s camera as Posey and Amelia gush over me. Soon, I’m doing the same. I look like a damn queen. My hair is up in a huge bun, a diamond-encrusted crown perched on top of my head. My lashes are long, and my makeup is glittery and dramatic. My lips are a dark purple, and with every move of my jaw, I shine.
Never in my life did I think I could be this beautiful.
My mom slowly lowers my veil over my face, and my lip quivers at the sight.
I’m a bride.
I’m Aiden’s bride.
My dream has come true.
“Oh, Shelli,” my mom says, her voice breaking with a sob.
Posey hands me my bouquet of white peonies that have crystals, lace, and pearls hanging from it, and I’m in wonderment as I gaze back at myself. “Okay, it’s really unfair how perfect you are,” my sister admits.
My lips wobbles, and then I catch the reflection of my father in the mirror. I look back at him just as his hand comes to his chest. The camera is clicking like crazy as he shakes his head. “My God, you’re stunning.”
My lips move up in a smile as he holds his hand out for mine. I take it, coming off the little raised platform as Amelia and Posey adjust my veil and train so I don’t trip or step on them. They promised me that since they didn’t do the group dance, they wouldn’t let me die from tripping over my dress.
My mom soon wraps me up in her arms, giving me an air kiss that has us both giggling. Though, I feel it’s to hold back the tears. I meet her gaze as she whispers, “I love you, my sweet girl.”
“I love you,” I say, kissing her cheek once more.
Next, I hug and kiss Amelia, but we don’t get to say anything because she’s trying to herd the kids around. I almost feel bad for Emery as she tries to wrangle them, but she did almost get me in trouble by taking her out with a fake ID. When Posey wraps me up in her arms, I close my eyes, hugging my sister hard. She pulls back to kiss my cheek and then flashes me a wide grin.
“You ready?”
I give a nervous laugh. “I’m terrified.”
“Why?”
“What if he doesn’t like the dress? I’ve made such a stink—”
“Oh, Shelli, he’d be an idiot not to lo
ve it. And to be honest, you could walk down naked and he’d be ready to marry you.”
My dad makes a sound of distress. “Ew. Dad here.”
Posey and I give him a look. “You should have heard your mother the other day!”
“And at my wedding,” Posey adds, shaking her head, but Dad wants no part of it.
“Nope. Don’t want to know—”
“Okay, it’s time!” Grace says as she suddenly appears. Her eyes soften at the sight of me. “Oh my God, Shelli. Perfection.”
My body trembles as I say, “Thank you.”
“Okay, let’s go.”
I take my dad’s arm, just as he grabs me, and my stomach is doing flip-flops. My heart is beating like crazy, and I feel like I may pass out. We walk together as Amelia and Posey try to make sure my dress is in order. Slowly, with everyone’s help, we get me down the stairs and then set up in front of the barn doors. It’s all a blur, and I’m thankful for my dad. He’s my pillar. As he always has been. I hold on to him as I watch my mom being walked in by Owen and Evan. Quinn went in first with my grandma, so I missed him, but I’ll see him soon. Amelia goes next, and after flashing me a wide smile, Posey walks toward the altar. I can’t see Aiden because they shut the doors after each person’s turn. I wonder if he is nervous or beyond excited. I don’t know what he’s feeling, but I’m feeling every emotion known to man.
When the doors open for the kids and Emery to go, my dad squeezes my arm. I look up at him, and tears are falling down his cheeks, gutting me completely. “When I walked Posey down the aisle, I said I was ready for this, that I had been preparing to walk you down this aisle since Aiden asked for your hand. But my God, Shelli, I’m not ready. I don’t want to let you go.”
“I know it seems like you are, but Dad, you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.”
“I’m so in awe of you, my darling.”
I rise up onto my tippy-toes, kissing his cheek. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you too,” he whispers with so much emotion in his voice. He kisses my cheek just as the doors open, and the string quartet starts to play “A Postcard to Henry Purcell.” It’s an ode to my parents from the party my dad threw my mom for her birthday when they were dating. When I was sad, away in New York, I would listen to it to remind myself of their love for each other and for me. I meet Dad’s gaze for a second just to see his eyes so full of emotion, but then I look down the aisle as everyone stands, and I can’t process anything but him.
Aiden’s eyes widen.
His hand comes over his mouth, and then he leans over, holding himself up on his thighs as he laughs out a sob. Soon, tears are falling down his beautiful cheeks, and I’m done for.
And at that moment, the nerves, the fear, everything, and everyone is gone.
It’s just him.
It’s just me.
It’s just us.
Let’s do this.
Chapter 11
Aiden
I could never ever have prepared myself for this day. The morning was spent shooting the shit with my brother and friends. We played football with Shelli’s brothers and stuffed our faces with really good barbecue. I would find myself looking up at where I knew Shelli was getting ready, just hoping for a glimpse, but I never got one. I wanted so desperately to talk to her, to text her, but we promised we would wait for this moment. As I lean forward, holding myself up on my thighs as I laugh about the fact that I am crying like a baby at the sight of my bride, I know I will always hold this day front and center in my future memories. I could lose everything, my sense of who I am, how to play hockey, who my family is, but I will never forget Shelli coming down the aisle to me.
Me. Some showboating, asshole, loudmouth, spoiled hockey player.
She wants me.
The room is silent as she comes toward me, everyone in awe of her as the violinist gives her the entrance music she deserves. I can’t look at anyone. I can’t process anything. All I see is her. Her eyes, they shine as she holds her head up proudly, walking with such grace and determination. Just as she goes through life. Her lips are curved in the most stunning smile I’ve ever seen, but somehow, I take in her dress. It fits her like a glove and flows as she walks; it’s almost as if she is walking on damn air. She looks like a freaking monarch, which makes sense because she’s the queen of my heart.
I wipe my face free of my tears and step down from the small platform so I can be there to help her up. When she reaches me, I look to Shea, and I don’t feel like a loser for crying. He’s bawling his damn eyes out. Shelli turns to him as he does to her, and she reaches up, wiping his face so tenderly. Shea grins and then reaches for her veil, lifting it up and over the crown she’s wearing. Of course, Elli gets up, helping to make sure Shelli is all set. There is laughter, but I’m unsure from where because I’m in awe of my bride. Elli and Shea both lean in, kissing Shelli on each side of her face before our minister and friend, Ross Kidman, asks, “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?”
Shea stands proudly, having a death grip on Shelli’s hand. She looks up at her father, and he grins down at her as he says, “I do, her father, as do her mother, her sister, and her brothers. We are so incredibly proud of you and who you have become, but most of all, we couldn’t have chosen a better man for you.”
Shea looks at me then, and my stomach drops. “I trust you.”
I chuckle nervously. “No pressure?”
“Nope, just the warning of death by Zamboni.”
Laughter rings through the barn as Shelli grins up at me. Shea takes my hand, pulling me in for a tight side hug. He then takes my hand before laying Shelli’s in mine. I lace my fingers with hers, our eyes meeting, and I feel like I’m floating. Breathless, I gaze into her eyes and whisper, “I love you.”
Her lips curve, and she brings my hand to her lips. “I love you,” she says around my knuckles before kissing them softly, and the song I sang to her last night blasts in my head.
I plan on never keeping my eyes off her.
Together, we step up the single stair, and like little fairies, Grace, Amelia, and Posey all fix Shelli’s dress, making sure she is in order before Posey takes her bouquet that probably cost a big portion of this wedding budget. We lace our fingers back together, and then we both take in a deep breath, letting it out in a rush, grinning like fools. I don’t even know what Ross says. I’m not listening. I’m gazing ever so deeply into my bride’s eyes. I take in each detail of her face, her sweet cheeks, her Cupid’s bow mouth, and love every bit of her. It’s requiring the restraint of an army to keep me from kissing the breath out of her.
I want to glorify each part of her.
Sing her praises.
But instead, I’m stunned to silence.
Even with my Stanley Cup only feet away and Ross talking a lot, I’m completely and utterly fascinated by her.
Could she look any more perfect?
“You’re perfect,” I mouth, and her lips curve more.
“Stop,” she mouths back, and I can’t stop smiling as a tear rolls down my cheek. She reaches out, wiping it, and it only makes more of them fall.
“How am I the baby crying right now?” I ask quietly, and she snickers.
“Because I don’t want to mess up my makeup.”
We share wide grins just as Ross says, “As you can see, they’re so in love, they don’t even know we are here. They’re having full conversations while I’m trying to speak of their love.”
Laughter fills the barn, and it just feels so fucking right. When Ross’s hand comes to my shoulder, he says, “Speak your heart, brother.”
My heart.
Fuck, it’s imprisoned by this angel. “God,” I mutter, and Shelli squeezes my hands, beaming at me like she always does. Like she’s in awe of me when, really, I should be worshiping her. “I’ve never in my life been so happy as I am at this moment. And I swear, Shelli, I want nothing more than to drop to my knees and worship you right now. You’re an angel.” Her lips t
remble, and my heart soars. “You are God-given solace for me, my love. I know I can talk to you about anything. I can speak my truth, and you’re one hundred percent behind me. You call me on my crap, you lift me when I’m down, but most of all, Shelli, you love me.” I hear my mother cough a sob, but I’m in so deep, I can’t pay her any mind. Though, I really hope she doesn’t die. “I promise to do the same for you. To love you, to be there for you when you feel like you’re not the best thing in the world. I will make sure to always have ice for your coffee and, yes, the small little ice you like.”
Her lips part as she laughs. “Don’t make fun of me. You love the ice too.”
“I do, but I love you more,” I admit, holding her hands so tight, I worry I’m hurting her. “I will be the loudest one cheering you on, if it’s onstage or at the arena—no matter what, you’ve got me in your corner. I will love you more than my dad loves my mom or how your dad loves your mom. And we know that love.”
She nods. “We do. Everyone does.”
More laughter and agreement, but our eyes are locked. “Because you, Shelli Grace,” I say, my voice breaking, and I want to be embarrassed, but how can I? This woman is mine. “You—the girl who was right in front of me my whole life and I took forever to see, wasting my life and not living fully—are the first day of the rest of my life. And I swear, I will never ever love anyone the way I love you.”
When a tear rolls down her cheek, I want to scream out in victory. “Ha, I made you cry.”
“Shut up,” she says, laughing before wiping her face. She takes my hand once more, right where she belongs, as Ross says, “See? Told you, true love.” He reaches over, taking Shelli’s shoulder in his hand. “Never in my life have I met a couple like you two. So please, Shelli, share your heart.”
Shelli takes a deep breath, her eyes locking with mine once more. “It’s no secret that I’ve been in love with you my whole life. You were made for me, made for me to love, and it’s also no secret that I express myself best through music. So, let’s see if I can make it through this without crying.”
