by Em Petrova
“Back to the issue, Al. You’ll be undergoing a big round of questioning by Homeland Security, and it won’t be easy, so hold on to your balls.”
He waved a hand, stood and dusted off his camo pants.
Broshears examined the man more closely. “Hey—is that jacket one of ours?”
Lipton stifled a groan. “Yeah, mine. I gave it to him.” He met Al’s eyes. He couldn’t really stay angry with the guy for trying to help Jenna.
Something occurred to him and he met Al’s gaze. “How’d you get here so quickly? You don’t have any transportation.”
Al grinned. “You caught that, did you? I might have been rebuilding a 4-wheeler for the past few months. Managed to get my hands on a part I needed, and good thing too. Moon Shadow needed me.”
Holding his stare, he gave a nod. “That she did. Thank you. Give him his knife, Broshears.”
“Damn. Too bad. It’s nice enough to keep.” Broshears shot the older man a teasing grin and slipped the knife out of his belt.
Lipton left them to talk weaponry and turned his attention to the treetops and the explosive material still yet to be disarmed and removed from the premises.
When he looked over again, Jenna was gone.
Someone had placed a foam cup of coffee into Jenna’s hands, and she sipped automatically without tasting a drop.
Shock, pain and loss mingled inside her, leaving behind a confusion about the events that took place and her feelings about them.
Paul lost his life. She lost a friend. She couldn’t save him and didn’t know if she’d ever forgive herself for her failure.
Besides her loss, Paul had been everybody’s friend. Each and every park ranger mourned his end as well as what he’d been driven to for the sake of a job he loved.
Swallowing the brew, she continued to stare at the four walls of the station’s breakroom. How many times had she and Paul shared their lunch breaks here? He always had an antidote or two that got her smiling. And he was one of the few people in the world who understood her use of her trail nickname. Because if anybody knew her love of the wild, it was Paul.
Her mind sidestepped to Harris, and no matter how many times she detoured away from his role in the events, she couldn’t ignore that he’d tried to talk Paul down too. Did that mean they were more alike than she originally believed?
She cradled the coffee and stared into space for long minutes, trying to make sense of her rioting feelings. Anger—fury even—had made her jump out of Harris’s arms. But she’d also seen the pinch of hurt in his eyes when she stepped away from him.
Taking a shuddering breath, she swore she could still smell his masculine scent clinging to her clothes. Turning her head, she gave her shoulder a sniff but detected nothing but the smell of her own laundry detergent.
She shook her head. Now that Paul was dead and the threat neutralized, the Xtreme Ops team would leave…and Harris with them. She always knew they couldn’t make a relationship work, but those nights spent in his bed were the best of her life. And she couldn’t lie to herself about being in love with the man.
A shivery breath escaped her, and she raised the coffee to her lips.
“Did you get the plant out of the cabin?”
She whirled in her seat at the sound of Harris’s voice. Quickly, before she spilled the drink, she set it on the lunch table. Across the space, their gazes locked. Her stomach did a dozen backflips and ended with a leap that her heart echoed higher up in her body.
“No,” she whispered. “It’s probably dead.”
He stepped closer, moving slow as if she’d take flight if he got too close. Honestly, she didn’t know what she’d do either. Part of her wanted to run far and the other ached to jump into his arms and never let go.
He pulled out one of the folding chairs. “Mind if I sit?”
She shook her head, mesmerized by the strength he emanated and the ripple of muscles as he took a seat next to her.
He settled his stare on her. In that moment, she knew she loved him so much that she might act and not think—that he could ask her to leave with him and she’d go with him and never look back.
She’d never be happy either. If she’d learned anything about herself over the course of this past month it was that she couldn’t wander far from her true self without experiencing pain and sadness. At the same time, she knew being away from Harris caused the same effect.
I’m damned either way.
He searched her eyes. “Are you all right?”
She glanced away from his burning hazel gaze. “As well as I can be after what happened.”
He nodded. “Al is all right. He made it home safe.”
“I heard. One of the rangers checked in on him at my request.”
“He’s a good friend to you.”
“Yes…” She didn’t want to discuss Al—she might love her friend and think the world of him, but she really wanted to know if Harris saw any way to blaze a trail wide enough for the two of them to walk together?
She held back the words with an iron clamp. Speaking her feelings, and being rejected by Harris, would break her even further.
“Jenna, we need to have that talk.”
She closed her eyes and slowly opened them again. “Harris…” She choked on anything else she might say such as I love you, don’t go, we can make this work.
“Nymph, you broke my heart when you walked out of that cabin.”
Her gaze leaped to his, caught and held. The room seemed to shrink until all she felt was Harris’s presence.
He went on, “I wasn’t prepared for your anger with me about Paul. I admit I didn’t completely understand it until I thought about it later.”
She winced at Paul’s name falling from his lips.
“I want to apologize to you for that…and if I made you feel taken advantage of in any way.” He fisted a hand and brought it to his mouth as if to stop the flow of words.
“Taken advantage of? No. That never happened, Harris.”
He lowered his fist and rested it atop the table, close to her own hand. If he stretched out his fingers, he’d brush against hers. God, she wanted—needed—that touch.
He didn’t speak, so she did. “I suppose you’re leaving the park soon.”
The hunger in his eyes roused a deep desire inside her, so strong she didn’t know if she’d be able to hold it in and keep from stripping off her clothes and climbing into his lap.
“Soon,” he murmured.
Then he did what she’d been throbbing for him to do—he extended a finger and stroked her knuckles. The zing of emotion that single callused finger brought down on her nearly wiped out all her control.
“Jenna, tell me you feel this thing between us.”
Her heart rocketed into her throat and lodged there, thumping hard.
“Don’t you feel it? I think you do but you’re too afraid to say it. Not a lot has frightened me in my life, but losing your good opinion of me is one. Is there…” He glanced down and up at her again. “Is there any hope that you…feel something more for me?”
Her breath hitched in her lungs, shaking her from the inside out. She wrapped her arms around her middle to hold in her guts. How were they breaking up when they were never together in the first place?
“I think we both know it can’t work between us, Harris. These past weeks I’ve been asking myself how it ever could. We’re so different.”
“Are we?” He arched a brow, his eyes liquid and soft and begging her to lose herself in him.
She nodded. “I think so. What happened between us was amazing and beautiful, and…” She fought with the words threatening to choke her, “I’ll remember it always. Maybe someday it won’t sting so much to do so. But I don’t think there’s any good in us trying again. I’m afraid we’ll only hurt each other.”
He studied her for a long moment before he stood and crossed the room to peer through the blind covering the window against the midday sunshine. With his spine to her, he gave he
r a brief chance to think. To dream of more with him? How could it ever work? She’d racked her brain for weeks, even spoken to Jack about her feelings.
He suddenly turned to face her. “We can start over. Get to know each other better before jumping into anything.”
She wanted to break down so bad, but if she crumbled, she’d let him hold her and they both knew where that would lead.
“Harris, you have to leave with your team. Where does that leave me?”
In a few strides, he reached the table and dropped to the chair beside her. Capturing her hands, he raised one to his mouth and then the other. The soft brush of his lips sent shivers of desire through her body as well as brought tears to her eyes at the insane tenderness she never believed could come from a man like Harris.
“Jenna, I admit I don’t know where to go from here, but dammit, I want more with you. I want to try.”
At the cost of my heart.
“I-I can’t think right now, after all that’s happened today.”
“Take some time to think if you need to, but don’t shut me out.” He released her hands and cradled her face, searching her eyes for a split second before crushing his lips to hers.
She sucked in a breath, filling her lungs with the air she didn’t realize she couldn’t truly take in until this moment. Tasting his flavors and feeling his hands on her skin toyed with her more than anything, and she knew if she didn’t put some distance between them—right now—that she’d never walk away.
She drew back, and he followed, biting at her lower lip and nuzzling her nose with his. “Jenna…my gorgeous fairy nymph, don’t shut me out again. I’ve thought of you day and night since I left you. Hell, you’ve haunted my dreams. I don’t do this type of thing—with anyone. I don’t let people in. But you’re different, and I don’t want to let that go.”
She raised her gaze to his. “And when we don’t see eye to eye? When you don’t agree with who my friends are or if I choose to take off on a solo hike?”
“Then we’ll talk it out. I’ll do my best to understand. As long as you do the same for me.”
She felt again that core of steel in him—one he’d imposed on her for a short time and made her question who she really was—and knew she couldn’t say yes to him.
“Harris… I respect you—”
He issued a harsh breath as if anticipating what came next.
“And you’re a good man. The best protector too.”
They stared at each other for endless seconds.
“But your answer’s no,” he rasped.
She nodded.
He swallowed hard, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat and hovering near the top for a heartbeat before dropping. He released her and stood.
“I wish you the best. And I hope you know if you ever need me, that I’ll help you,” he grated out.
She nodded. Any more than that and the tears she withheld would drop like fallen stars, their lights fizzling out to black.
Soundlessly, he walked out of the breakroom, leaving her alone. Just as she asked him to.
He was coming off a high—and also off the lowest point of his entire life.
Around him, the big warehouse that served as their base echoed with rowdy voices as the team wound down after one hell of a week. First the explosion that wiped Gibson off the cliff, and they hadn’t gotten a second’s reprieve before they received orders to neutralize another threat in a port off the western shore of Alaska.
One of the guys switched on some tunes, and pretty soon they all had beers in hand and were kicked back on the sofas and chairs. Pax sprawled on the floor with his legs stretched out and his spine resting against the coffee table as he sipped his beer.
Lipton felt the heavy drag on his heart, and it didn’t hurt any less now than it did a week ago when Jenna turned him away.
Bringing the beer to his lips, he considered his options. He’d been weighing each path during their flight to base. And in the moment he knew he would not die on that shore fighting for his country, all he could think about was Jenna. In that very instant he knew he couldn’t give up on her—he had to fight.
Cora nudged him in the shoulder, and he turned his attention on her. “Everything okay?” she asked.
“Everything’s not okay,” he admitted and gave a sad laugh.
“You know…Denali National Park’s not so far from base.”
“I know.”
“And you happen to know a pilot with access to a very fast military chopper.” She grinned and shot a glance at Penn.
Lipton froze with the beer halfway to his lips. Suddenly, Cora’s offer sounded like he’d just won the lottery and realized world peace was within grasp in the same day.
Slowly, he set his beer on the table next to him and met her eyes. “You’re serious? You’d fly me over there even after the long week you’ve had? Hell, a long month.”
“If it will get that sad puppy dog expression off your face, yeah, man. Absolutely.”
He couldn’t love his team more.
He shot to his feet. “Gimme five.” He started out to grab his gear. When he turned back, he called, “One o’ you assholes doesn’t happen to have a beanie hat among your civvies, do you?”
Ten minutes later, he and Cora were in the air, on the way to Denali…to Jenna…hopefully to a future.
Chapter Thirteen
Jenna topped off her water bottle and screwed on the lid. After she was certain it wouldn’t drip, she slipped it into her day pack, which already held a natural nut bar for energy on her hike, along with her first-aid kit and a lightweight jacket in case the Alaska temps dropped despite the weatherman’s promise of a nice evening.
All day at work she’d thought about coming home, slipping on her hiking boots and setting off on her own. No, Harris wouldn’t like it. Yes, he’d give her hell if he were here. But he wasn’t, and she had no fears about hitting the trails alone.
If the past month had shown her anything, it was that she was capable of handling herself.
At the front door, she bent to tie her bootlaces and shouldered her pack. She reached out to open the door, when someone knocked on the other side.
Jerking in surprise, she pulled it open—and her gaze landed on Harris.
Her jaw dropped.
He looked her over, starting at her face and moving down her body, raking over every curve that burned for his touch until he ended at her boots. His gaze shot back to hers. “You’re going out.”
She nodded. “Hiking. But…” Why was he here? To see her obviously, but why? After she’d told him in no uncertain terms that she couldn’t consider a relationship with him, she believed she’d never set eyes on him again.
He took a step toward her. “I was hoping I could come in.”
Her gut reaction to swing the door wide, throw her arms around his neck and drag him to her bed made her pause.
She couldn’t do those things. Drawing a deep breath, she stepped aside to allow him in.
“Nice place.” He reached up to touch a plant hanging from the ceiling to catch the most daylight streaming in through the two windows flanking the front door. “That reminds me. I’ve got something for you.” He swung a bag off his shoulder, set it on the floor and unzipped it.
Inside, she saw his clothes—had he packed a bag hoping to stay? He pulled out a paper sack, straightened and handed it to her.
Shaking inside, she accepted the bag and peeked inside. What she saw sent her heart into a flip. “Ohhh, it’s the plant I brought you at the cabin!” She scooped it out, macrame hanger and all.
“It could use a little TLC. I gave it a little water before I left the cabin, but you can see it’s been neglected.” Their gazes met, and she couldn’t help but think he referred to their relationship rather than the plant.
“When did you get here, Harris?”
“Not long ago. Made a stop at the cabin for the plant and then came straight here.”
With a tremor of a sigh, she set the plant on th
e windowsill for the time being. “I don’t think you came here to give me the plant.”
“You think right.”
Silence stretched.
“Jenna.” In one step, he pressed against her. She stepped backward, and he pursued her, walking her up against the wall and trapping her with his big body.
Her breaths came as ragged pants at the sight of the raw hunger in his eyes. But below that expression of desire, deeper within, she read uncertainty in his stare.
The world she lived in was very different from his…yet he stood here in her house and she knew he wouldn’t back down this time.
“I just returned from a mission.”
“Why are you telling me this?” she whispered. His scent drove her crazy.
“Because I want you to see that I go away—and I always come back. Jenna…Christ, Jenna.” He claimed her lips in a warm, soft, seeking kiss that weakened her knees and left her gripping his chest to remain on her feet.
He pulled away and stared down at her. “We can make this work. I get time off, long weekends and vacations. My base isn’t so far away from you. Hell, everything in Alaska takes hours of driving time, and an hour or two’s nothing between us.”
“What are you asking me?” Her voice wobbled.
“I’m asking you to accept me. Give me a chance.”
Words seemed far away, and she couldn’t conjure any to say what she felt.
He cupped her face with utmost tenderness. “You say we’re different, and that’s true, but we’re the same too. What you haven’t figured out is that I’m exactly what you want—and need.”
His confidence pried at the edges of her resistance. She knew her own mind, but what if he was right? Her heart wouldn’t ache and she wouldn’t be moping around like this if she didn’t truly know that too.
She closed her eyes and drank in the moment. When she opened them again, she stared straight at him. “But you taught me to be skeptical and not jump in with both feet without testing the water.”
After a long hesitation, he nodded and stepped back. He rummaged in his duffel again and came out with something, which he tugged over his head. She laughed as he faced her wearing an olive green beanie.
