by Linde, K. A.
“Don’t worry about me,” I assured him.
He leaned down to whisper into my ear, “The faster this is over, the sooner we can leave and use that bubble bath.”
I shivered at his words, anticipation blooming through my core. He squeezed my hand and then disappeared into the crowd.
“Sexy,” Jane said. She reached for my hand. “Let me introduce you around.”
It was shocking how much nicer everyone was here. Maybe I was playing the part of Upper East Sider better than I’d thought. Or maybe a house party really was that much more low-key than the events I’d gone to with Katherine. It could also be how nonchalant and enigmatic Jane was.
“Oh look,” Jane said as she peeled me away from some son of an investor she knew, “my boy toy has finally made it.”
I turned around, and my stomach lurched. Christ, Court Kensington looked so much like his younger brother that it was torturous. Broad shoulders, trim waist, big unbelievably blue eyes, and a smile that could make nuns want to sin.
“Hey, baby,” Court said. He wrapped an arm around Jane’s waist and pressed a firm, lasting kiss to her lips.
Jane looked lovesick when he pulled back. “Hey, you.”
“Come to the back with me. We’re just getting started.”
She nodded, captivated by that gaze. “Court, you remember Natalie.”
His eyes swept to me when he realized they had an audience. “Natalie…Natalie,” he mused. “You dated my brother.”
“Uh, yeah. Like a year ago.”
He shrugged as if the timeline meant nothing to him.
“She’s a successful author now,” Jane said. “You’ll love her.”
“I bet I will,” Court said with a languid smile.
Jane grabbed my hand and pulled me to the back room with her. It was an office space, but it was clear that Harmony didn’t use the space for anything more than display or her parties. A dozen people crowded into the space over a table with lines of cocaine.
My heart stopped. No, I stopped. Physically.
I’d been around drugs before. I’d seen athletes use them to get ahead. And loser artists use them to try to find inspiration. And frat boys use them to feel anything at all. But I’d never used them, and the scene was not something I wanted to see play out.
Just as I was about to make an excuse, an arm fell around my shoulders. “Hey, sexy.”
I glanced over with wide eyes to find none other than Camden Percy. One of the last times I’d seen him, he’d been a raging asshole at a charity function. I didn’t know if he was still with Katherine, but it hadn’t stopped him from hitting on me before.
Jane giggled and casually flicked Camden’s arm off of mine. “She’s taken, Cam.”
“So? Don’t see her boy with her,” he said, eye-fucking the shit out of me. He had to be fucked out of his mind.
“That boy is Lewis Warren,” I told him, taking a quick step back.
“Warren, huh?” He shrugged. “Well, you know how to pick ’em. You friends with my dear fiancée, too?”
“No,” I said boldly.
He laughed. “Look at that bitter frown.” He nudged my lips with the back of his hand. “What did Katherine Van Pelt do this time?”
“Is she about to show up?” I asked.
He laughed again, louder. “I fucking hope not. No one here gives a fuck about Katherine Van Pelt. The frigid bitch burns bridges faster than her daddy ate her trust fund.”
I shuddered at the way he talked about Katherine. I hated her. But still…she was marrying this asshole.
“Now, come do a line with me, love,” Camden said with a wink. His hands went to my waist. “After you’ve had one, maybe you’ll loosen up.”
Court stepped in between us with a low laugh. “Dude, did you see that Tracey was here? Isn’t that why you came out anyway?”
Camden snorted. His dilated pupils going even wider as if he noticed Court’s interference but didn’t remark on it. But he went to a busty redhead in the corner who was already using a credit card to make a straight line of white powder.
“Thanks,” I murmured. I was surprised that it was Court who had stepped in. Everything I’d heard about him made him out to be horrible. Then again…I’d gotten it all from Penn.
“No problem. Camden can sometimes be a handful,” Court said.
“That’s an understatement.”
“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want,” Jane said. “I didn’t realize Camden would be so handsy.”
“Yeah, I think…I’m just going to get a bit of air.”
“I’ll find you after,” Jane insisted.
I waved my hand in what was half-acceptance, half-dismissal and then hustled the hell out of that room. My heart was racing, and adrenaline propelled me further down the hallway.
Before I even saw where I was going, I ran smack dab into a large male figure in a crisp black suit.
“Oof,” I groaned.
My eyes lifted as I prepared to apologize. But the words were stuck on my tongue.
“Penn?”
Natalie
16
“Hello, Natalie,” Penn said. My name on his tongue like a caress.
My brain went completely blank at the sight of him. He didn’t utter another word. Just pressed open the door to the room we were standing in front of and maneuvered me inside.
The door clicked behind him, leaving us alone. All alone.
“What…what are you doing here?” I gasped out.
“Me? I live in New York,” he purred. “Did you forget?”
“No,” I whispered.
But he wasn’t supposed to be here. This couldn’t be happening.
He stood near enough to be disarming but far enough for him to devour me with his eyes. And for me to get my first good look at him in a year.
My memory hadn’t done him justice.
Little details had disappeared from my mind. His strong jawline, the curve of his lips, the sheer blue of his eyes. That look that said he would own my body in more ways than I could ever imagine. The ease of his body, how comfortable he was in his skin, the seduction laced in every inch of him. He was so much larger than life, all charm and radiating energy that only I seemed to notice.
I hated how attracted I was to him.
I hated how my body ignited without even a touch.
I hated even more that he’d hurt me…and now, he was here…and I wasn’t immediately walking away.
“This feels familiar,” Penn said.
He stalked forward, a predator seeing his prey. I matched his steps as I stepped away from him.
“Does it?”
His grin was purely feline. “Meeting a stranger at a Harmony Cunningham party. Should I offer to show you New York City for a night?”
My pulse quickened at the memory—when we’d met in a party so similar to this one on the other side of the world. He’d shown me Paris until we ended up back at his flat. And then he’d abandoned me. It was for good reason. Though I hadn’t known that until six years later.
“I think not.” My back thudded against the door. Nowhere else to go but out.
“No?”
Penn brought his hands down on either side of my head, caging me in, so there was only him before me. Just that beautiful face and the wicked seduction on his lips.
I swallowed. “We’re not strangers anymore.”
“Aren’t we?” he purred.
I pursed my lips at him. He was purposely acting coy. We had way too much history to be strangers. Seven years’ worth of baggage to sift through.
When I didn’t respond, he continued, “It feels like we are. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. And we’re living such different lives. But I suppose you’re right.” A hand brushed my waist, and I shivered. “How can we be strangers when I’m so well acquainted with your body?”
I wanted that touch. I didn’t want that touch.
“Penn,” I murmured. I was going to tell him to stop. To b
ack off. To just walk away. But the words didn’t come out, and his name sounded like half a plea on my lips.
His body pressed flush against mine. My back hard against the closed door. Then his lips crashed down onto mine.
I gasped in shock. My hands moved to his chest. To push him away, surely. But as his lips reminded me of all the ways he’d drawn out my pleasure, my fingers twined in the front of his suit. Not away at all.
The bastard’s scent encompassed me, trapped me. Lost me to a world I’d wanted for so long and missed so much and hated so thoroughly. It all mingled, mixed, enveloped me completely. Up was down, and down was up. It was like jumping off a diving board without knowing if you’d even make your landing.
He pulled back a fraction with the most self-satisfied look. “I missed you.”
My mouth dropped open. He’d missed me? The goddamn bastard had missed me. After what he’d put me through—the lies and manipulations and stupid fucking bet—he thought waltzing in here and kissing me would somehow fix something? Charleston hadn’t worked. This sure as hell wasn’t.
I slammed my hands into his chest, sending him stumbling backward a step in surprise. I did it again. And then again.
“How fucking dare you!” I spat at him.
He laughed. He actually laughed at me. “Really, Nat?”
“Yes! What the hell were you thinking?”
“I think I dared. I think I dared very much. And I think you not only wanted me to, but also participated in that.”
“I did nothing of the sort,” I snapped.
“No? You didn’t grab me and pull me closer.” He cleared the distance again. “Your heart isn’t racing?” His hand settled atop my chest, feeling the quick thump of my heart. “You’re not heated from just my kiss?”
I was.
I totally was.
And his hand was drifting lower. Bold enough to find out for himself.
I stopped his descent. “What. Are. You. Doing. Here?”
He grinned, all possessive and territorial. “I’m here for you, Nat.”
“And you thought this would be what I wanted?”
He arched an eyebrow, as if to say, Isn’t it?
I just glared.
“I know what your body wants.” Then his other hand moved to gently press two fingers against my temple. “It’s only your mind that I’m uncertain about.”
I slapped his hand from my body. Then I pushed away from him and stormed deeper into the empty bedroom. Being trapped against that door had been beyond dangerous. I needed space. Lots of space.
“Maybe that’s your problem,” I growled. “You only think with your body and not your mind.”
“If I remember correctly,” he said, slipping his hands into his pockets, “you were the one who begged me for a month of casual sex.”
“I never begged you for anything,” I hissed back.
Penn smirked in response. “Are you sure?”
My body flooded with memories of all the times I had begged him. Begged him for more, harder, faster. All the ways we’d come together last fall in the Hamptons. And the intimate way in which our bodies connected. It wasn’t fair that I could think about those things and shiver with desire after what had come next. Anger flared inside of me, and I tried to hold on to that like a light in the dark.
“I’m leaving. Get out of my way.”
“No.”
“No?” I demanded.
“We’re not through, you and me. We’re far from through.”
“What do you hope to accomplish by ambushing me? Whatever this act is, it isn’t going to work.”
“Who said it was an act?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’ve done this in the past. I’m not going to fall all over myself just because you look good in a suit.”
“Oh, do you think so?”
I silently reprimanded myself for saying that out loud. Yes, of course, he looked sexy in a suit, but that wasn’t the point.
“Not the point,” I grumbled.
“Fine. You want to know why I’m here?”
He straightened and seemed to let whatever mask he’d been wearing slide off. In that instant, I saw my Penn. The one who’d ordered my favorite pizza and gone stargazing with me. Who’d laughed at stupid jokes and written seriously, avidly about his passion. Who hadn’t had to pretend with me…even when it was all a lie.
“Yes,” I whispered, taken aback by the sudden change, “I do.”
“Maybe I wanted to see you.”
“And you thought using your old charms would change things?”
“Flying a thousand miles and begging you to come back didn’t,” he said bitterly. “Why not try what actually worked?”
“Nothing is going to work. Not after what you did to me. So, let me leave.”
He stepped easily in front of me before I could bypass him and snagged my elbow. “Stay.”
“I’m not going to play mind games with you.”
“No mind games,” he said, stepping closer into me. “Just me.”
My heart lurched at the way he’d said that. At that look in his eyes that said, in a sea of people, he only had eyes for me. I wanted to revel in that. Wanted to trust that so much. But I didn’t. And I couldn’t.
“I haven’t seen you in a year, and now, you want this?” I whispered hoarsely.
“I’ve always wanted this,” he said sincerely.
I shook off that pain and shoved it back down where it belonged. I tugged my arm out of his grasp. “You put a bet on me, Penn. That you could get me to fall for you, and I did. How could I ever trust you again?”
“You seem to be trusting Lewis just fine.”
“Don’t bring him into this.”
“Don’t bring him into this?” he asked, fire burning in his eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me? You show up with my best friend, who I’ll remind you was there for that fucking bet and didn’t tell you about it either. Then you expect me to not talk about that?”
I glared at him. “I know he was involved. I’m aware.”
“Good. Then you’ll have to excuse me when I say that you must be out of your goddamn mind to be here with him right now.”
“Him instead of you?” I quipped. “Because you two are the exact same person, and there’s no difference whatsoever between the man who used and manipulated and bet on me and the man who didn’t?”
Penn laughed sardonically. “You don’t see through him? We’re friends for a reason. Lewis is not some innocent. You’re just another one of his many obsessions. And when he gets tired of them, what do you think happens?”
“Stop. You know what? If you want to discuss Lewis, then I’m out of here.” I shouldered past him and reached for the door. The knob twisted in my hand.
“Sure, just run away,” he snapped, his hand coming down on the door, so I couldn’t open it. “Don’t address the real issue here. Let’s not talk about the fact that you moved to my city after saying that you didn’t want this life. Yet here you are, Natalie.”
I whirled on him. “I am not in this city for you or Lewis or this life.”
“Doesn’t really look like that from the outside. Were you lying to me in Charleston when you said you didn’t want to be a part of this world? Were you lying when you said it could have worked out between us? I let you go because I understood where you were coming from. I hate my life. I can’t really escape. There’s no hope for me, and I refuse to put that burden on someone else. But now, you’re back, and you’re living this life of your own free will.”
My hands were trembling. I was so pissed off at what he was saying. The truth in his words and the lies in his words. The way he twisted what I’d said when he hurt me to fit the world I was living in now.
“I don’t have to justify myself to you.”
“No, of course not. You can walk all over my heart, but a justification is too much to ask for.”
“Walk all over your heart?” I gasped. “After what you did, you want me to believe that
this is hurting you?”
“Isn’t that why you’re doing it?”
I shook my head in frustration. “God, you are so narcissistic. You’re just mad that you’re not getting your way.”
“Yes, I’m mad. I’m fucking mad that I let you go because you didn’t want this life. But now, you’re willing to have that life with someone else.”
The words were a slap in the face. They weren’t a lie either. This life didn’t feel the same with Lewis as it had with Penn. There wasn’t Katherine. I didn’t have ex-girlfriends trying to jump in and take what belonged to me. Or his mother firing me and calling me trash. Or a fucking bet. And I didn’t have to deal with this bullshit.
I calmly met his steely blue gaze. “Maybe I realized only your world is too small for me to be in it.”
“That’s bullshit, Natalie, and you know it. Lewis and I live in the same world. That’s why I’m here. That’s why he’s here. You might think you can escape it, but you can’t. There is no in-between. No half-in, half-out. You’ll get sucked in, and you won’t be able to get out.”
“You’re wrong. This isn’t my world. I’m just here to write. Everything else is secondary.”
“Then why are you with him?” Penn demanded.
“I don’t want to…”
“I know you don’t want to talk about it. But I don’t give a damn. I want to talk about it.”
Something snapped inside of me. “Why do you even care?” I demanded. “You’ve clearly moved on. Fucked half of the Upper East Side, right? Back to your old ways?” I jerked the door against his arm, and he finally gave. The door sliding open to the hallway beyond. “I don’t want to hear any more of your hypocrisy.”
Penn opened his mouth to respond, but I never heard it. I just saw his face close off and his eyes narrow, and then suddenly, a throat cleared behind me.
I turned to the open door in surprise, completely caught off guard.
“There you are, Natalie. I was looking for you,” Lewis drawled, his eyes fixed on Penn.
Natalie
17
Fuck.
