by Linde, K. A.
“I think I need to go home,” I finally said.
“Let me take you.” He gestured to the door. “You shouldn’t walk through the park this late, alone.”
I sighed and took that first step. “Okay.”
I followed him out to his car and let him drive me back to my apartment. We were silent on the way there. I didn’t know what he was thinking. And I couldn’t process my night. I wanted to hold on to my fury for his lies. But he had come clean. I’d asked him to, and he’d admitted it.
The whole thing left me feeling triggered. After what had happened with the bet last year, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. And now, it had.
“I know that you’re still mad,” Lewis said once the car finally rolled to a stop, “but I swear, I did it all for you. I didn’t intend to hurt you. But, of course, my intentions don’t really matter when it comes down to it, and I see how this hurt you.” He reached for my hand, linking our fingers together. “Please, just give me the chance to prove to you that it won’t happen again.”
I stared into that face. That beautiful face. One that had lied to me. One that was trying to right the wrongs. One that had hurt me. One that had thought he was helping me. I saw the two sides. The dual nature of this hurt.
It would be easy to only see the negative. To think that he’d done this selfishly. To think he was a sickly and purely Upper East Side schemer. But that was my fear talking. That was the fear that I was being played all over again. That I was about to get screwed over spectacularly, and it was better to run from this than to stick it out. Than to give him another chance.
And I was so tired of living with that fear. What he’d done wasn’t like the bet. It hadn’t been to hurt me. It had been to help me. If in a roundabout way.
Finally, slowly, I nodded. “Okay.”
He brought my fingers to his lips and kissed each of them. “Thank you. You won’t regret it.”
“Good,” I whispered. I slipped my hand out from his. “I’m going to go up now.”
“Care for some company?” he offered.
“I think…tonight, I should just be alone.”
“I could walk you up.”
“I’ll be fine,” I told him. When he looked unconvinced, I said, “We’ll be fine, too.” Then I stepped out of his car and walked into my building, more than ready to leave the entire night behind.
Penn
31
Lewis was a fucking idiot. Had he not learned a goddamn thing from my mistakes? Was he desperate to repeat them, just to prove that he could fuck up as monumentally as I had? Another thing he wanted to take the trophy for?
I couldn’t get the image of Natalie’s tear-splotched face from my mind. The broken way she’d caved in on herself at the realization that she’d been lied to again. The trap she’d fallen in so easily.
And I hadn’t even been able to be blunt about it. Either she wouldn’t have heard me or it would have hurt her more. I’d given her enough to figure it out on her own.
Lewis was as goddamn Upper East Side as the rest of us. He might want to play the white knight, but that wasn’t his true identity. He was smooth and could lie his way around a viper. I’d know. I’d seen him do it more times than I could count.
And I didn’t want to continue to watch him do it with Natalie.
I was going to do what I probably should have done that first day I’d seen the picture of them at Rockefeller. I was going to fucking find out what his angle was. And Lewis was going to tell me himself.
“Hello, Lewis Warren’s office. Hold, please,” the secretary said into the phone. “Yes, Lewis Warren’s office. I understand. Thank you. Hold, please.” She clicked the button again and repeated her mantra.
I waited for her to fully notice me.
She glanced up in surprise. “Hello. How can I help you?”
“I’m here for Lewis.”
She scanned her computer. “And your name is?”
“I don’t have an appointment.”
“Oh, sorry, you need to schedule all appointments in advance.”
“We’re old friends. Penn Kensington,” I said, easily dropping my name.
Her eyes widened. Yep, she knew who I was. Sometimes, I hated this world.
“Oh, Mr. Kensington. Let me see if he’s free.”
“Don’t worry about it”—I checked her nameplate—“Brandi. I’m here to surprise him.” I winked at her.
She laughed, her face flushing at my attention. She leaned on her elbow and gazed up at me. “Okay, go on. Be quick. He has a conference call soon.”
“Will do. Thanks so much, Brandi. I’ll let you get back to work.”
“Of course.” She waved at me and then went back to her headset.
I bypassed my first obstacle with a smile and mindless flirting and reached for Lewis’s office door. His face was priceless when I stepped inside. Shock, then anger, and then empty nothingness. That blank mask we’d all developed young.
“Penn,” Lewis said. “This is unexpected.”
“I’d say it’s long overdue,” I said.
I strode confidently across his massive office and sank casually into the chair in front of his desk. I kicked my feet up, planting them on the top of his desk. He narrowed his eyes in annoyance. It was delicious.
“If you’re here about Natalie, I really don’t have anything to say to you.”
“We’ve known each other a long time.”
Lewis shrugged. “So?”
“So, I think we can cut the bullshit,” I said evenly, even pleasantly.
“There’s no bullshit between us.”
Lewis shot me a smug look as he leaned back in his chair. Looked about as happy to be in this position as his piece-of-shit father. Mine had been an alcoholic and a whoring idiot. But Lewis’s dad had just beaten him down with expectations. Nothing was good enough. No one was good enough for him.
“That, I do disagree with.”
“Disagree all you like outside of my office. I’m busy. Don’t you have to teach or something?”
“I don’t teach on Wednesdays. And, anyway, this felt more pertinent.”
“You know, we have known each other a long time. So, I already know what you’re going to say. And you can leave your self-righteous bullshit at the door. Your morality and happiness and philosophy shit. I don’t need or want to hear it.”
“Then, we’re on the same page. Since we both know that you have no qualms with ambiguous morals,” I said evenly.
Lewis narrowed his eyes in distaste.
“After all, you’re only after Natalie because I had her first.”
He laughed. “So, that’s what you think?”
“You’ve been doing this shit since we were kids. I think I can recognize it when I see it. You always want what I have. And now, you think you’ve won.”
“I have,” he drawled with satisfaction.
“Except that she came to me last night,” I reminded him. I set my feet down and leaned forward toward his desk. “What happens next time you show your hand?”
“There is no hand,” Lewis ground out.
“Please,” I said with a laugh, “you’re talking to me. It’s always a game with you.”
“Not with Natalie.”
“Sure thing.” My tone dripped sarcasm. “And you didn’t orchestrate her book to end up with Warren. And you didn’t post her picture on Crew so that I would see it, and you didn’t bring her places to show her off. You didn’t purposely kiss her in front of me at Harmony’s. Same old games, Lewis. I know how you play them.”
Lewis shook his head at me. Then he pulled open a drawer in his desk and removed a box from the top. He set it onto the desk between us. I stared at it. Shock rippled through me. My eyes were wide in alarm. My cool gone.
“Is that what I think it is?” I asked.
“I told you that it wasn’t a game.”
He left the box sitting between us. I couldn’t bring myself to open it. A diamond that would fuck
ing ruin everything.
There was ringing in my ears. My hands balled into fists. This could not be happening. It didn’t even make any fucking sense.
“Are you crazy?” I blurted.
He arched an eyebrow. “Not in the slightest.”
“She is never going to say yes to that.” I threw my hand at the offending box. “It’s been a month.”
“I’m prepared to wait to ask her when she’s ready, Penn. I already am.”
“You’ve lost it.”
I couldn’t even fathom how this had all taken such a turn. Lewis could not propose to Natalie. Not in any world. This was a game. This was a piece I hadn’t seen coming. A rogue piece that was smashing across the board that I’d thought I was navigating with ease.
“Maybe you’ll stop bothering us now. You know it’s serious. You know I intend to be with her forever. Walk away,” Lewis said, dark and menacing.
There was no getting through to him. No way for him to see how utterly crazy it was to purchase a ring for someone after only a month of dating. After they’d just had a blowup argument the night before.
This was still a game. And he thought that ring was a checkmate. But I’d find out the truth. I needed him to think that he’d won. Think that I was bowing out.
“Well, fuck,” I said, running a hand back through my hair. I had to be fucking convincing. He knew me as well as I knew him. “I thought you were just fucking with her. I didn’t realize you were actually serious.”
“I am.” He picked up the box and set it back into his desk. “Took you long enough to notice.”
“Jesus.” I shook my head. “I just want what’s best for Natalie.”
“That is what I want as well.”
“So, if that’s you, then I’ll…do what’s best for her.”
I swallowed my pride and held my hand out. Lewis looked at it skeptically and then stood and shook.
“Thanks, man,” Lewis said. He still looked suspicious but also…smug as shit. Like he actually thought he was winning.
I had every intention of doing what was best for Natalie. I just suspected that Lewis and I differed on what that meant.
Part V
Surprise, Surprise
Natalie
32
Snow was falling lazily onto the Manhattan streets. A thick blanket of white was covering the roof of St. Patrick’s Cathedral. The tourists wore heavy coats, hats, and gloves. They peered up at the beautiful neo-Gothic–style landmark with awe, stopped to take pictures, and gawked at the stream of wedding attendees as they stepped out of limos and traipsed up the stairs like it was a red carpet.
I shivered under my coat that wasn’t quite appropriate for a New York winter but had been fine back home in Charleston. Lewis stepped out of his Mercedes behind me. He radiantly smiled down at me. I knew he was pleased that I’d decided to come with him. It had seemed doubtful up until the point where my feet had carried me out of my apartment building and into his car.
Now, I was here, and I was frozen in place.
Entering that building would make a statement as much as leaving did. If I left, then Katherine would win this round. And she’d use her advantage for everything in the future. Leaving didn’t mean freedom from the Upper East Side. It meant surrender.
And I refused to stand down in this battle.
Which meant I needed to walk inside. To proclaim that I wouldn’t be bullied by Katherine. But it might mean this battle would turn into a war.
“Are you ready?” Lewis asked.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the church. This wasn’t just about Katherine either. This was about my relationship with Lewis. I’d told him we’d be fine, and he’d been nothing short of incredible since then. Under normal circumstances, being a plus-one at a wedding wasn’t a declaration of intentions, but it was today. And I still hadn’t forgiven him for what he’d done to get me here. Good intentions or not.
“Natalie?” he asked, cautious and patient.
I took a calming breath and then nodded. “I’m ready.”
We stepped forward into the throng of guests and up the stairs, and then we entered the enormous church, already half-filled with wedding attendees. It was a stunning building with pews for hundreds of people. High-vaulted ceilings were held up by enormous columns. The walls were interspersed with elaborate stained glass art and sculptures to the saints. At the front was a raised dais for the priest to perform the ceremony.
I shed my jacket as we walked down the aisle toward our seats.
Lewis’s eyes slipped to me. “Is that the dress Jane got you?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought you were going to have Elizabeth give you a dress.”
I shook my head. “I decided to just wear this one. Felt more…me.”
Sort of. Not bohemian enough, but at least I’d picked the thing out.
“You look beautiful.” He kissed the top of my head.
Etta and Charlotte saw us first.
“Natalie, you look great,” Etta crooned.
“That’s not an Elizabeth dress,” Charlotte noted.
I laughed softly at their attention. “Nope, just one from Bergdorf.”
“But it was such a good opportunity,” Etta said.
“Maybe another time,” I told them.
“Give her some space, girls,” Nina said, ushering them away from me.
My eyes slipped up to Lewis’s mother’s, and I froze at the sympathy there. She knew. She knew about what Edward had done. She knew about my humiliation. I was instantly uncomfortable. I didn’t want to be pitied.
“Natalie, such a pleasure to see you.” She pulled me into a hug as Lewis slid into the booth next to his sisters. Her voice lowered significantly. “I heard about what happened with my husband. I am sorry about that. It will never, ever happen again. It should have never happened in the first place, and I’m horribly embarrassed that he said those things to you. To be clear, I do not think that at all. You’re a beautiful, dedicated, charming young woman, and I’m thrilled that you’re dating my son.”
“Thank you,” I whispered. My voice was choked. I didn’t realize until she’d said it how much that actually meant to me.
I darted away from her before she could say anything else and make me relive that horrible moment. Especially since Edward was standing at the other end of the pew, speaking with a man in the row behind us, who I didn’t know. I hoped he didn’t try to say anything to me.
Lewis slid his arm around me. “I’m glad that you’re here with me.”
“The survey is still out,” I said softly.
He frowned. “Regretting coming?”
“No, but this isn’t easy for me either.”
He pressed a kiss to my knuckles. “It’ll get easier.”
“People keep saying that, and it hasn’t proven true yet.”
“It will,” he assured me.
I shrugged indifferently and turned to survey the scant pews in front of us. We were right at the front of the church in reserved seating for friends of the bride, which was really debatable.
Addie and Rowe were seated right before us along with two sets of parents and a slew of other young siblings I didn’t recognize. I had to gather that their parents were divorced and remarried with step- or half-children. Addie and Rowe were the oldest.
Penn was seated in the row in front of them with his mother, Mayor Leslie Kensington. Just seeing her set my teeth on edge. She’d been the one to throw me out of my job at Katherine’s request, and I still hated the way she had treated Penn in all of it. Next to them was Jane, who caught my eye and fluttered her fingers at me and then gestured for me to come to her pew.
My eyes darted to Penn’s mother and then back to Jane. This was going to be fun.
“I’m going to go talk to Jane,” I told Lewis.
He frowned when he saw who Jane was seated next to. His jaw clenched, but he just said, “All right.”
I stepped out of my pew and slid into th
e seat next to Jane. “Natalie, oh wow, look at that dress! I am so glad that you wore it here.”
“Well, thank you for getting it for me. It’s good to see you.”
“Girl, I have been so busy. I thought the soft opening would be the hard part. It’s the New Year’s opening that’s going to be insane. It’s a masquerade, and the lineup is already out of this world.”
“I’m sure it will be sensational,” I assured her.
“Worth the work.”
I glanced down the rest of the pew, looking for the missing Kensington. “Where’s Court?”
“Oh, he’s the best man,” Jane said with a grin. “Those boys have been drinking all morning. The texts I’ve gotten.” She laughed. “You wouldn’t even want to know.”
“Jane, who is your friend?” Leslie asked, turning toward us.
Our eyes locked together. The last time we’d seen each other, she had fired me. It gave me a small bit of pleasure when her eyes widened with recognition.
“Oh, Leslie, this is Natalie. She’s a New York Times bestselling novelist. And she’s hard at work on the next one.”
I loved how smoothly Jane had said that all. She had to know that Leslie and I were connected prior to this, but she had given me a blank slate.
“And, of course, Leslie is the mayor of New York City.”
“Natalie,” Leslie said in surprise. She offered me her hand. “It’s good to see that you’re doing well for yourself.”
No thanks to you, was what I wanted to spit at her.
But, instead, I played nice. I took her hand, and we shook amicably. I saw Penn’s eyes dart to that handshake and then away. Part of me knew that most of Leslie’s ire that day had been focused on her son, and I was the unfortunate person who had gotten in the middle of it. It didn’t make it hurt any less.
“Thank you. It wasn’t an easy journey,” I said pointedly.
“I bet not.” Then, she nodded her head at me. “All the sweeter then.”
She smiled once in acknowledgment of her part in what had happened. I figured it was as close as I’d ever get to an apology. Better than I’d thought it would have gone.
