Not since
There’s nothing to sing about.
Scene Five
Leon in jail, somewhere near the beginning of his custodial sentence.
Leon
Eight do four.
Eight do four.
(Beat.)
Lawyer says:
‘Could have been worse, Leon,
Could have been fourteen.’
Fourteen?
Course that’s fourteen do seven.
Everything cut in half like.
Like my mate.
Like Freddie.
(Beat.)
Mr E says:
‘You have something of value,
Leon.
You just got to go find it, that’s all.
And there are things here that can help you do that:
Opportunities right here.’
I say,
‘Bollocks.
Just biding my time, mate:
Eight do four,
Eight do four!’
Do you get me?
(Beat.)
Hard case, me.
PYO:
Persistent Young Offender.
One count of burglary,
One count of taking without owner’s consent.
One count of driving without a licence,
Two counts of causing death by dangerous driving.
Sixty-five previous offences to be taken into consideration.
(Beat.)
Have you ever seen someone cut in half?
Pair of legs!
So don’t look at me like that.
I said,
Don’t look at me like that!
(Small pause.)
We didn’t go looking for her, all right?
We’re not:
What they say.
We’re not:
That thing.
(Beat; then with sudden vulnerability.)
It was an accident.
But you won’t read that in the papers, will you.
Fucking hell.
There’s a lot you won’t read in the papers.
Scene Six
Jimmy and Petra at the therapist, a couples session.
Jimmy
(explanatory, to the audience)
Couples session.
Three months before the conference.
Pause, waiting for something to come up. Then Petra starts up, as if out of nowhere:
Petra
I had a funny conversation the other day.
Veronica,
This childhood friend.
Well, she came over for the day.
I hadn’t seen her in years.
In our youth
We were always fighting.
You know the kind of thing:
When you have a mate,
Who’s like,
The nearest thing you have to a sister.
(Beat.)
Well, anyway,
We both fancied this boy.
This gorgeous young monkey.
Don’t know what it was about him.
Must have been his arse,
Cos I don’t remember his conversation.
But she’s the one to get the date.
She always is,
While I’m hiding out in some corner.
(Beat.)
So one afternoon,
While she’s putting on this lip gloss that I’ve bought her
For the very purpose of entertaining His Gorgeousness:
While her back is turned,
I smear something on her hairbrush.
Something so foul
I can scarcely believe
I’m doing it!
Oh, God,
How old was I at the time,
Jimmy?
Jimmy
You were fifteen.
Petra
Well, that’s thirty years ago!
And I remember it like yesterday.
Funny thing is,
When she came back from her date,
She never says a word.
Not one word!
(Beat.)
Well, this little act of sabotage
Maybe I’m imagining it,
But it seemed to coincide
With an extraordinary reversal
In our respective fortunes.
Because from that day on,
And I kid you not,
While I become the achiever,
The successful journalist and wife
You see before you,
Veronica hangs back in the shadows,
As though life
Refuses to release her from her starting box.
Jimmy
That’s a bit unfair.
Petra
Well she’s had a bloody time of it.
Jimmy
We’ve all had a bloody time of it.
Petra
All right!
Jimmy
So why bring it up?
Petra
Anyway,
I heard nothing more about that boy,
Until,
A couple of weeks ago:
Veronica and I
We meet up.
And at the end of a particularly intense discussion
About the different paths life has taken us,
And about what’s happened since –
(Beat – she won’t say it.)
You know.
About all this
Therapy
We’re taking,
This endless round of conversation.
I tell her how Jimmy wants us
To meet
The young toe-rag who did this to us.
How Jimmy’s got this
Bee in his bonnet,
This bit
Between his teeth.
And I can feel the compassion welling up in her:
This unbearable
Sense of pity.
And I want to say:
‘For God’s sake, Veronica,
For God’s sake!’
Jimmy
Is this supposed to make you feel better?
Petra
Isn’t that what we’re here for?
To talk.
About anything
And everything?
To communicate:
To get things moving?
(Beat.)
So instead I say:
‘You remember that boy?’
And I mention his name.
I can even remember his name!
Steven!
It was Steven!
Jimmy
No.
That’s not his name.
That’s not his name!
Petra
And I even tell her what I did.
I tell her:
‘If he didn’t like you, Veronica,
It must have been because of what
You smelled of:’
Jimmy
He’s called Leon./
Petra
‘Dog shit!’/
Jimmy
The boy she can’t stop thinking of.
He’s called Leon./
Petra
(savage, now)
‘Dog shit!’
(beat)
Well, after the shock of it
We were both able to laugh./
Jimmy
And now
To make matters worse
She’s annoyed
I’ve got this bloke
From Victim Liaison
Coming round tomorrow.
Petra
I think we both felt comforted by the experience.
Elated,
That we still had this shared memory.
That there were still things to explore.
(Beat.)
So that’s all I wanted to say.
Friendships are so important.
Trust.
Don’t you think, Jimmy?
Jimmy
I think the counsellor�
�s
Astute enough to realise
What’s important.
Like I said:
Petra
You see
Jimmy’s arranged for this man:
This man
To come round with some art work.
Art work!/
Jimmy
He’s bringing us a letter
And a couple of pictures./
Petra
As if
That’s somehow supposed to help us understand
The boy who did this./
Jimmy
Me,
I’d run naked through the streets
If it offered us a way forward.
Petra
But I don’t want to understand,
Because
Understanding is always a prelude to forgiving.
Isn’t it?
So he gets out scot free
While we’re stuck in here?
He could turn up
On our doorstep.
Jimmy
But he’s coming out
Whether we like it or not.
Petra
I could bump into him
At Sainsbury’s.
You know,
I’m actually thinking of moving
To Australia!
Jimmy
We’re not moving anywhere!
We’re not going anywhere!
We just need to talk.
Petra
But we’ve been talking solidly.
Jimmy
About the person,
Petra,
The person
Who did this to us. No!
You’ve been talking solidly –
Petra
Well maybe
You should speak up more.
Jimmy
About nothing!
I’m not even allowed to mention his name.
(To the shrink.)
You must have noticed,
She won’t allow me to mention his name.
Petra
Well,
Apparently the process is called/
Jimmy
It’s not important what they call it./
Petra
Restorative Justice.
And that’s a laugh.
Jimmy
I said,
It’s not important what they call it!
Petra
Oh, I think
Names are important,
Otherwise how are we supposed to know
What’s in the tin?
So what I want to ask is:/
Jimmy
Well I want to give it a go,
All right?
Petra
Where’s the justice?/
Jimmy
I just want us to give it a go.
Petra
And what exactly does it restore to us?
I mean for God’s sake:
What can we conceivably have back from him
That we could possibly accept?
Jimmy
I don’t know!
I don’t know,
All right?
But what else is there?
No, you tell me:
What else is there?
Pause, as Jimmy leaves. Petra is alone now with the counsellor.
Petra
There!
He always does that.
Do you see?
When the temperature rises,
When it gets too much,
He just ups and goes.
(Beat.)
Well you can see what that’s supposed to achieve,
Can’t you?
How he’s trying to paint me into a corner?
(Beat.)
Anyway,
They call it
Shuttle mediation.
This first stage.
Like a kind of judicial foreplay,
Before we really
Get to grips.
You know:
(Beat.)
There’s this
Facilitator
Who talks to us,
Then goes back to the boy.
Talks to the boy,
Then comes back to us.
Back and forth,
Weaving and bobbing
Like the busy little shuttle he is,
To see if there’s any common desire
For a meeting.
(Beat.)
Well, there isn’t.
Why should there be?
I don’t want to be woven.
I’m not a bloody carpet.
I’m not here to help.
(Beat.)
God knows,
I’m here,
Because I’m here.
(Small pause.)
Oh, sod it!
Scene Seven
Jimmy and Petra ‘s living room.
Jimmy
(mock-grandiose, to the audience)
The day the man came round.
And suddenly, Petra and Jimmy are preparing to welcome the invisible Casey, for what is to be their first preparatory meeting with him as a couple.
Petra’s mood is profoundly resistant: petulant; light-headed with alcohol and depression. Yet at the same time, an absurd humour lies just underneath their perception of this controlled domestic arrangement.
Jimmy
(wry, almost enjoying himself)
He’s on time,
This bloke.
He’s so on time
I think he’s been standing outside our front door
With a stop-watch.
Do you know what I mean?
Petra
The day the man came round
I find myself tidying the place up.
Uncharacteristically, fluffing up cushions,
Hoovering behind the sofa.
And since it’s just turned April,
I put some daffs in a vase.
(Beat.)
And then I think:
That’s it.
That’ll do for a spring-clean.
Jimmy
Then at six o’clock precisely –
Petra
When the doorbell rings, Jimmy lets him in.
Six in the evening.
But it’s still light,
Now that the clocks have moved forward.
I stand up but I’m not moving.
Cos I’m thinking:
I’ll tidy the place up,
But I’m not giving the wrong impression.
Jimmy
He’s a wiry little fella,
Short grey hair and a tash.
Neat, square face:
Earring –
You know?
(Beat.)
He’s holding a yellow cyclist’s jacket under his arm,
And this
Blue plastic helmet.
Petra
And he doesn’t wait to be asked.
Sees me standing in the corner,
Like some sulking child at her own party.
‘I’m Casey,’ he says.
‘Call me Casey,
As in, Casey the case-worker.’
And he holds out his hand.
Jimmy
So Petra chirps up,
‘Shouldn’t that be Frankie?
As in Frankie the friendly facilitator?’
With an edge, you know.
Cos she’s already had a drink.
So I put my arm round her,
Protective,
But at the same time,
You know:
‘Don’t embarrass me, Petra,
The bloke’s a guest.
We both of us invited him here.
You agreed.’
Petra
Then Jimmy sort of pushes me down into the settee.
I’m feeling heady,
Ever so slightly pissed,
Like I’ve drunk half a bottle of that
Sweet white I bought on my way back from the office.
Though matter of fact,
It’s the memory of that cherry blossom down the bottom of
our road.
Cos when you see that,
There are lights all the way down your spine, saying:
‘Winter should be over.
Winter should be over.’
(Beat; then flinching.)
Christ!
Jimmy
Then he opens this bag.
Petra
Oh Christ!
Jimmy
Takes out this folder.
Petra
(faltering, refusing)
Look:
I don’t know.
I don’t know if I can –
Jimmy
‘That’s him,’ he says.
‘That’s Leon.
Bit of a Rembrandt really,
Since he discovered his art.’
(Beat. Then to her, as Jimmy again, concerned.)
Petra – ?
Petra
(to Casey, frigid with anger)
Who gave you permission to use his name in here?
Scene Eight
Leon in his jail art class, early in the fourth year of his sentence. He’s displaying his work, which we imagine, perhaps hung on the back wall. His enthusiasm is all too apparent: childish in its freshness, but tinged with acute self-consciousness of what others might say or think.
Leon
(grandly, announcing)
‘Around the World in Eighty Days!’
(Beat.)
That was Mr E’s idea.
A series of pictures of Yours Truly
In different places –
Places he’s never been.
For example,
Here I am driving this car across Africa,
Trying not to hit the giraffes.
(Sensing a titter.)
Don’t laugh.
Don’t bloody laugh!
(Beat. Picking up confidence.)
It’s all,
Holes in the ground,
And you’ve got to take your own food and water.
Watch out for sandstorms and flash floods.
Scorpions there, look!
You see the logo on that vehicle?
Well, that was Mr E’s idea and all:
Save the Children.
Save the Children!
(Beat.)
I’ve seen it all on TV:
Sponsorship deal worth millions.
Picture in the paper.
Interviewed by Jeremy Clarkson!
(Beat.)
But you don’t cross Africa by yourself,
It’s too dangerous.
So you got to take a mate with you.
And that’s him there, look:
In the passenger seat.
(Beat.)
Me,
I wasn’t too sure,
But Mr E said:
Mr E
Sure,
After the Accident Page 2
