“Katrina.” My sister’s eyes well with tears, her chin trembling, her whole body shaking.
I cough over my emotion, just staring at her, amazed to be this close. “Yes,” I sob.
And at the exact same time, we move forward and crash into each other’s arms, crying on each other uncontrollably. “I’m sorry,” I weep. “So sorry.” I feel her head shake into me, her body jerking against mine.
She pulls away, her hands feeling at me everywhere, her eyes following, like she can’t quite believe I’m here and she has to keep touching me to convince herself. I feel the same. She makes it to my face, ghosting her finger across the stitches on my cheekbone. “Everything you’ve been through.”
I pull her hand away. “I’m okay. Please,” I plead, not wanting to taint this moment with everything ugly. “I’ve been watching you,” I tell her, needing her to know I’ve been with her so much. “Every Saturday morning when you took Mum for a walk, I was there with you.”
More tears fall down her cheeks, her disbelief evident. “You look so different. You look like when you were a teenager, all messy and chaotic.” She says it over a laugh, holding my arms out to the sides so she has the best view of my outfit. “Oh God.” We come together again, embracing each other fiercely, making up for years of missed hugs.
She looks past me, and I follow, finding Ryan back on the wall, just watching our reunion silently, letting us have our moment. I don’t think I could love him any more than I do. “You must be Ryan.” Pippa releases me and steps forward, holding her hand out. “I recognize you. You were here last week.”
Ryan nods, flicking his eyes to me as he starts to rise.
“Please, don’t get up,” Pippa says.
Of course he ignores her, and my sister flinches with me when she sees Ryan’s struggle. “Him?” she whispers, her eyes on his hand over his thigh.
“He came off a lot worse,” Ryan tells her, steady and strong and with that hint of madness in his tone. “Trust me.”
“Good,” she says, dropping her hand and moving in on Ryan, carefully wrapping her arms around him. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me.” He holds her with his one spare hand, his eyes darkening.
I move in, if only to distract Ryan from the anger I can see igniting again. “How’s Mum?” I ask, hoping I’ve not read this wrong. If my sister is here, then surely Mum is still here, too?
“Hanging on in there,” she tells me, releasing Ryan and motioning to the door. “You ready to see her?”
I stare at the doors to the care home, reaching for my throat to massage the lump away. And I nod, taking in air. “Yes.”
“Come on, then,” Pippa says, starting up the path.
I concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, following her on unsteady legs. I don’t need to look back for Ryan. I can feel him close by.
Pippa signs us in, and the receptionist smiles brightly at me, though I’ll be damned if I can return it. We get let through the automatic doors. I’m led down a corridor, and I manage through my haze to recall the cozy décor. It’s still cozy.
We reach a door. My sister takes the handle, looking back at me with a faint smile. She pushes her way in, while I remain on the threshold, scared to go any farther. I see a nurse by the sink in the corner. Flowers in a vase on the nightstand. And then my mum in her bed, tucked in tightly, her eyes closed. She looks so peaceful, and it offers me some respite from my pain.
“How is she?” Pippa asks the nurse, placing her bag on the chair in the corner.
The nurse smiles sadly. “I was just going to call you. I don’t think she’ll make it through the night.”
I’m stunned when my sister laughs lightly. “You’ve said that for over a week.” Pulling up a chair, she sits down. “And you’re still refusing to let go, aren’t you, Mum?” Taking Mum’s hand to her lips, Pippa kisses the wedding ring that she still wears, though it’s loose now.
I watch as my sister plumps our mother’s pillow, changes her water glass, rearranges her flowers. She folds the sheets, tidies the room, and combs Mum’s hair. She does all the things I wish I could have done. Standing here, I feel useless. Almost unneeded. But I can’t feel disappointed. Pippa has had no choice but to get on without me. To deal with things. I’m not the only one who has suffered. Would she welcome my help? I don’t want to tread on her toes, don’t want to butt in where I’m not needed.
“Are you going to stand there all day or come help me change her?”
My head snaps up, and my sister gives me a smile I’m all too familiar with. It’s the one she used to give me when she knew what I was thinking and wanted me to know she knew. I return it, thankful, and go to help, following her instructions as we wash our mother together, strip her down together, and put her in a clean nightie together.
It’s only when we’ve settled her back on the pillow that I look to the door, seeing it’s closed, no Ryan in sight. But he’s out there. Waiting for me.
“Pull up a chair.” Pippa points to one in the corner, and I drag it across the room to the other side of Mum’s bed. And we sit. Me on one side, my sister on the other.
Mum in the middle of her girls.
I can’t believe I’m here.
“Truth or lie?” Pippa asks, resting her elbows on the side of the bed and taking Mum’s hand.
“What?” I glance at Mum.
“She can’t hear you,” she says on a laugh, and I realize quickly what she’s doing. There will be no talk of what’s happened in the past, though I’m sure Ryan’s given her enough information during their phone call. There will be no questions or probing. She’s taking us back to the time before it all went wrong.
“Okay,” I agree, mirroring her pose, taking Mum’s other hand, but being careful to avoid the syringe driver that’s in her arm. Painkillers. They’ve made her as comfortable as possible in her final days. I breathe in shakily. “Fire away.”
Pippa looks up to the ceiling, thoughtful. “On a night out with some girlfriends a few years ago, I’d had a few too many wines and wolf-whistled at a hottie crossing the road. A few weeks later, we had a home visit from the teacher of the preschool Bella was starting. Guess who the teacher was?”
“No,” I gasp. “Oh my God, that is so truth. That could only happen to you.”
“And it did! I nearly died. I had to leave the room to compose myself.”
I chuckle across the bed, and Pippa joins me. It’s like we’ve never been apart.
We spend the next hour telling our stories and guessing whether they’re a truth or a lie. I learned long ago, the more outrageous my sister’s stories are, the more likely they are to be true. She just had a habit of getting herself in some terrible scrapes, and it seems she still has that talent.
“One more,” she says, wiping at the laughter tears in her eyes.
“Shoot.”
“I fancy your boyfriend.”
I snort. “Definitely true.”
“Where did you find him, Katrina?” She looks to the door where Ryan is beyond. Where did I find him? I didn’t. He found me. “Truth or lie,” I say, and she nods, a grin on her face. “He ran me over,” I tell her. “Then we kept seeing each other around town, and every time, I lost all mouth functionality.”
“I hope not all mouth functionality,” she says around a smirk.
“Pippa!”
“Bite me,” she quips, rolling her eyes. “Go on.”
I smile, in my element. “We nearly kissed a few times. It was awkward. Then I decided enough was enough and turned up at his cabin in the woods. It was raining. He was shirtless.”
“Oh my God, it’s like a romance novel.”
I laugh, my eyes falling to the sheets keeping Mum warm. “And then we made love, right after he swept me off my feet and carried me inside. I fell in love with him and his daughter. Then the bad guy showed up and tried to destroy our happiness. He paid with his life.”
“Truth,” she whispers, her eyes gleaming w
ith a mixture of happiness and sadness. “Don’t tell me it’s a lie, because I’ll die of disappointment.”
“Truth,” I reply quietly, looking to the door.
“And now I fancy him even more,” Pippa says on a breathy whisper.
I laugh lightly. “You’re married and all things terrible.”
“I can look.” She flashes me a devilish grin, and then we both jump out of our chairs at the exact same time, each of us on a loud curse. I stare down at my mother, quickly grabbing for her hand again which I lost mid-jump. I see my sister do the same in the edge of my vision.
“Did you feel that?” I ask, my heart beating crazily.
“I don’t know.”
I lower back down to the chair, just as Ryan bursts through the door. “Everything okay?” he asks.
“She moved,” I tell him. “She definitely moved.”
“Get the nurse,” Pippa orders gently, and Ryan obeys immediately, moving as fast as he can. “She’s not stirred for nearly a week,” she says, sitting back down, too, but moving to the edge of the chair, getting as close as possible to Mum’s bed like me. “Not even woken up.”
Oh my, has she listened to our terrible chatter? I smile, hoping she has. She would have laughed with us if she could.
Then I feel it again. A very light squeeze of my hand, and I nearly come out of my skin. “There,” I say loudly. “She did it again.”
“Oh my goodness.” Pippa wraps Mum’s one hand in her two, and I lean in some more, resting my chin on her arm. “I’m here, Mum,” I tell her. “Me and Pippa. We’re both here.”
“Again!” Pippa blurts, making me jump. “I felt it again.”
My throat clogs up, and I find my sister, seeing her face is a red blotchy mess like I’m certain mine is. I smile through my tears, feeling Mum’s hand flex ever so lightly again.
“She knows you’re here.” Pippa’s eyes overflow, her head shaking. “She’s been waiting for you.”
I convulse on a sob, hoping my sister is right, as I wait not so patiently for another sign of life from her.
The nurse enters the room, and I look at my mum, watching her, knowing another move won’t come. Was she waiting to know I was okay? Just waiting for me to get here to say a proper goodbye?
I look at my sister as she looks at me, both of us smiling through our tears.
She was. She was waiting for her girls to be back together.
And now she’s at peace.
Chapter Thirty-Five
RYAN
I’m a realist. Always have been. I know it’s going to take time for Hannah to recover fully, and I will help her. Every step of the way, I will be here for her. Solid. Devoted. Madly and utterly in love with her.
As the two sisters embrace, I wait patiently, despite the fact that I’m fit to drop. But just seeing her face, watching her hold her mother’s hand was worth every relentless stab of pain.
Hannah’s eyes are puffy as she approaches me after saying goodbye to Pippa with a promise to call her tomorrow. I can feel the peace in her as if I’m feeling it myself. I made the right choice. I’m so glad I took the gamble to call. Bringing Hannah here was for the best.
She doesn’t say anything when she comes to a stop before me. She just looks up at me with those big watery blue eyes and nods, so very mildly, I nearly don’t catch it. But I do catch it.
No words are needed. I don’t have to tell her how sorry I am for her loss. She knows it. She reads me. It’s the most beautiful thing about our relationship. We say so much to each other without saying anything at all.
I pull her into me, kiss her with all the love I have, lingering a long time, before I lead her across to the taxi waiting on the other side of the road.
The journey is quiet. I let her have her time, content to be here. Just…be here. I always will be.
As we’re driving up the high street in Hampton, I sit forward in my seat, seeing Alex outside Mr. Chaps’s store, scuffing her Vans on the curb as she sucks on a lollipop. I haven’t seen her for six days, and my heart is aching with her absence. Darcy kept our daughter at her friend’s house, as she said she would, letting her run riot on the obstacle courses, getting messy beyond messy. My neck cranes to keep her in my sights as we drive past, and I smile, telling myself I’ll see her soon. That I’ll make up for lost time.
“Stop!” Hannah shouts, making me jerk when the taxi slams his brakes on.
I groan, falling back in my seat.
“Shit, I’m sorry.” Hannah reaches across and pats at me pointlessly. “We should see Alex,” she says, and I look back out the window, seeing my girl take off her cap and put it back on back-to-front.
“She thinks we were in a car accident, Hannah,” I admit. “It was all I could come up with. Darcy was pressing me.” I had no choice but to bullshit if I wanted to evade Alex’s sharp mind. Her calls have been relentless, question after question—who, where, how?
“Well, you look more like you’ve been run over to me, but whatever,” Hannah says with complete indifference, reaching across me and opening the door. “Get out.”
I don’t argue with her. Why the hell would I? Edging out of the car, I rise to find Hannah has already made it to me. She holds her hand out. I take it. And we move down the high street toward my daughter, constantly flicking glances to each other as we go. I can see Hannah’s happiness. She’s missed my stinky Cabbage, too.
We come to a stop outside the store a few feet away from Alex, who is still oblivious to our presence, and I feel Hannah squeeze my hand. But she’s not looking at Alex. She’s looking at the newspaper stand outside the store.
TECH GIANT FOUND DEAD
AT HIS SCOTTISH CASTLE
I don’t need to move in to see the small print. Jake sent it to me last night. Poor Jarrad Knight got himself on the wrong side of some wrong people. I read the entire thing with a curled lip and then texted Lucinda a simple thank you. I didn’t get a response.
I turn in to Hannah, worried this might trigger something. “Ha—” I’m halted from trying to reassure her when I see she’s expressionless as she looks down at the picture of her dead ex-husband. There’s no anxiety. No fear. No anger. Nothing.
She breathes in, looks up at me, leans in and kisses my chin, and then redirects her attention down the road to Alex. “Hey, stinky Cabbage,” she calls.
Alex quits with the scuffing of her Vans and spots us. “Dad!” she squeals. “Oh my days, Dad!” She races toward us fast, and I drop Hannah’s hand, instinctively getting ready to catch my girl. But she stops abruptly before jumping into my arms, leaving me hanging. “You look like crap,” she says, taking a long, drawn-out assessment of me.
I straighten, quite put out. “Thanks.”
“Much damage to the truck?”
“Total write-off.”
“And you look like hell, too,” she says, looking across to Hannah, who then looks at me like I can offer some guidance. I can’t. I don’t know what to say or do. So I shrug. I only wanted a hug, for fuck’s sake.
Hannah returns my shrug, and we watch together as Alex’s smirk breaks, building and building until it’s splitting her face. “I’ve missed you guys so much!” She grabs us both and pulls us in, one of her arms around each of our necks.
I swallow down the pain and look across her shoulder, seeing Hannah’s eyes closed, her smile small but peaceful. “I’ve stocked up the fridge with beer and the freezer with Chunky Monkey,” Alex declares. “We’re having burgers tonight.”
“Where did you buy beer?” I ask.
“I didn’t. Mum did.” She releases us and puts herself between our bodies, taking a hand in each of hers. Darcy bought me beers? “I’ll cook,” Alex goes on. “It’s my treat. And I’ll do breakfast in bed for you, too.” She continues to reel off the plans for the evening, while Hannah and I remain silent, constantly glancing across at each other as Alex leads us on.
“Alexandra!”
We stop and turn, and I see Darcy outside the
store with a bag of shopping. She takes me in, up and down, a small frown on her face. “Hey, Mum,” Alex chirps. “I’m gonna hang with Dad and Hannah tonight.”
I expect fireworks. There are none. “Okay, darling.” Darcy carries on her way to her car, looking back at me before she drops into the seat. She gives me a huge beam, the most genuine and human smile I’ve ever seen grace her face. That’s another bit of the peace I need slotting into place. I return her smile, hoping she sees how grateful I am.
I know she does when she nods mildly.
“So, I’ve told you my plans,” Alex says, getting us back to walking, swinging both of our hands as we go. “Now tell me yours.”
Fine by me. “Well, after you’ve fed and watered us, I’m going to ask Hannah if we can go to her place, pack all her stuff, and move it into the cabin.”
Hannah looks at me, not in shock, but more in an Oh? kind of way. “Okay,” she says with a smile.
“Sounds good to me,” Alex agrees without a second thought.
“Then I’m going to ask her to marry me,” I declare, loud and proud. “And I hope she says yes.”
Hannah’s head cocks, her blue eyes wide but definitely delighted. “Guess you’ll have to ask and find out.”
“Puh-lease,” Alex scoffs, her stride turning into more of a skip. “You are so saying yes.”
“We’ll see,” Hannah muses casually.
I let my smirk escape, my mind immediately racing with all the ways I could ask her. It’s obvious. The lake. It has to be the lake. “Yes, we will,” I agree.
“I like this plan so much,” Alex sings, completely unfazed. “Then what?”
“Then,” I say, forcing myself to start skipping with her, easily disregarding the pain. I’m too fucking happy for anything else to infiltrate my nerves. “I’m hoping one day we might have more kids, and we’re all going to live happily ever after.”
“I knew it!” Alex yells. “A baby brother or sister! I was hoping you’d say that.”
Leave Me Breathless Page 38
