"You do know that's illegal, don't you?" my fiancé asked. "You're not supposed to use things like that as thoroughfares.
I pretended not to hear him as I screeched to a stop on Main Street.
Edna had been found outside of Ferguson Taxidermy—Where Your Pet Lives On Forever! Randi was sitting with the woman on a bench, patting her hand.
"What happened?" I asked as I slammed the car door and ran over.
Edna Lou's right hand was pressed to her temple. A little trickle of blood rolled down her cheek.
"I heard something and looked outside to see this poor woman on the sidewalk, groaning in pain." Randi clucked sympathetically.
"Where's Ronni?" Rex narrowed his eyes at his sister.
Of course he thought she did it. I thought she did it. It didn't take much to set his angry sister off. She'd already clocked me. And I was almost family. From the size of the wound, I'd say the weapon was a small squirrel or possibly a baby otter.
"You don't think Ronni hit her, do you?" Randi gasped but seemed unsure.
"Did you see anyone?" I asked Edna Lou.
The elderly woman shook her head. "No. I was just out for a walk, and something hit me. I heard someone running away, but that was it."
Rex drew his sister away to question her in private. I took her spot on the bench.
As much as I didn't want to, I had to ask, "Edna, were you here because of the house?"
She looked confused for a second. Then her eyes went wide, and she shook her head. "It probably looks that way, but no. We're only a few blocks from the cabin and a couple of blocks from my house. I really was just out for a stroll." She looked up at the house. "Wait…did you say Ronni Ferguson did it?"
"No," I said quickly. "The detective is just interviewing Ms. Ferguson."
Her eyes grew wide. "Ferguson? Like your fiancé?"
Crap.
I shrugged. "It's a small town. Yes, Randi and Ronni are Rex's twin sisters. But he's totally impartial." In fact, he'd probably arrest Ronni on the spot.
She shook her head sadly. "I didn't know. I am sorry to put you in this predicament with your donation."
"It's okay. You didn't know. Besides, Ronni doesn't like anyone. She hit me with a dead animal just the other day."
I regretted those words as soon as I said them. Would Edna Lou use those words against her in court?
"Did they take anything?" Rex joined us. "Money? Jewelry?"
Edna Lou checked her purse and wrist. "No." She reached into the pocket of her skirt, and a surprised look came over her as she pulled out a piece of paper.
Stop nosing around for the treasure, or else.
"This isn't mine!" She handed it to the detective and began to shiver, in spite of the heat.
I put my arm around her. "I'm sure it was just a prank."
She shook her head. "No, it isn't. I have been looking into the missing treasure. I've probably told half the town about it for the last few decades." She looked up at me sheepishly. "I'm a silly old woman. I thought maybe I had a claim…"
I finished her sentence for her. "…because you're a direct descendant of Peggy McMurtry."
Her eyes grew wide. "You knew?"
Either I could tell her I'd heard about it from the twins, or I could sound smart and say I figured it out. I went with smart.
"McMurtry…Murphy…your interest in the history of this town along with wanting this house to start a business…"
She sighed. "I should've told you. There's no reason to lie about it. I just didn't want you to think I was greedy."
I hugged her gingerly. "I wouldn't have thought that. And it's really none of my business."
When did I ever say that and mean it?
I toyed with telling her about my McMurtry ancestors, but I didn't know enough about it yet, and I didn't want to seem like I was interested in divvying up her claim.
"Ike and I always said we were going to buy this place and restore it. Open it up to the public. There's a lot of history there." She looked at the house.
"Edna," I said carefully, "remember what I told you Nels Larson said? That Ike said he was rich? Do you think he would've run off with the gold if he found it?"
If I were to describe the look on her face, I'd say she was horrified at the thought. "Ike wouldn't have done that! He was family! The only family I had left!"
"We did find that gold bar where his body had been in the cabin," I said.
After a moment of silence, she responded. "I believe he was bringing that to show me. To tell me the good news that he'd found the treasure. He wasn't going to run off. He was murdered for the gold."
"Well," I said, "that does align with what Nels said."
She threw up her hands. "Nels! That old fool thinks he knows everything! Ike didn't have a girlfriend and wasn't planning to skip town. I'm convinced of that."
Rex came over and waved me away. As I watched him interview Edna Lou from a distance, I realized I needed to visit the café the next morning. I had a couple of questions for Nels Larson.
After twenty minutes Rex joined me. "I'm sorry, Merry. Officer Dooley and I are going to have to canvass the area looking for witnesses. It might take all day."
I nodded. "Go ahead. And when you find the bastard who hit a little old lady, punch him in the throat for me."
Rex laughed, and I got in the car and drove home. Once at the house, I picked up the diary and looked at the other cover of the book. You couldn't be too thorough. Sure enough, there was the same small slit on the other side.
This time, there was only one page, and it wasn't a diary entry.
Tinkles, Tinkles little lamb
How you wonder who I am.
Meat and cheese and one red pear
Rotting quietly on the stair
Let's see that justice flies
Spring the trap and watch him cry
Then we will away to lunch
With lots of hemp for you to munch.
What did that mean?
I spent the rest of the day googling the poem, anagramming it out, and thinking. Was I wasting time on the rantings of a mad woman? Yes, I was.
By midevening, I got a text from Riley that said he was scoping out office space for his new private investigator practice. I texted back one word.
Wubble.
Let him google that and spend the next week wondering why I wanted a squid to impregnate his skull.
I needed to get out of this house and seek some advice. And I knew just who to turn to.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
"She's back!" the scarlet macaw screeched as I entered the aviary. The other birds were sleeping…however birds sleep.
"Shut up," I said under my breath.
"I heard that!"
Mr. Fancy Pants was staring at me from behind the glass. I let myself in and sat down next to him with a baggie full of crumbled shortbread cookies. He attacked them like a demon possessed.
"Are they not feeding you?" I asked.
He didn't answer.
"She's talking to that damn bird again!" the macaw complained.
Just how much did that kid talk about me? Clearly, he repeated phrases so often that the parrot picked them up. I'd report him, but they might find out about my nighttime visits to my vulture.
"What am I going to do when they send you back?" I asked.
The raptor looked up at me as if he hadn't thought about it. I'd be willing to bet that the National Zoo didn't include Girl Scout Cookies as part of a healthy diet. Would they allow me to adopt him permanently? I could send him care packages.
While he ate, I filled him in on the nuanced details of the murders past and present. I'd like to think he cared. But deep down I knew this was just a bizarre form of therapy for me. And way cheaper than Susan. One thing about Fancy Pants—he did seem a tad more judgmental than my human therapist. In a weird way, I liked that.
The cookies were gone, and the bird stuck his head in my purse. When he didn't find any cookies, he began
pacing. Scientists suspect these raptors have a keen sense of smell. I didn't have any more treats on me, but maybe he didn't fully trust me.
"She's gonna make him fat!" the parrot screeched. "Then they'll blame me!"
The other birds were awake and getting agitated, so it was time to take my leave. I thanked the vulture, who watched me head for the door.
A shadow passed at the other end of the building, and I dropped to the floor. Was the kid here? Did he know that the macaw talked about him? I low-crawled to the door to Fancy Pants' enclosure and slipped through, closing it behind me, when I heard a door at the other end of the room slam.
I was out of the building before anyone could discover my illegal feeding of a protected animal. I wanted Mr. Fancy Pants to stay at Obladi Zoo as long as possible.
Once outside, I was about to head for the closest gate when I heard footsteps coming from that direction. What was going on here? Were all the staff here for one night? I'd better find another way.
I paused to hide behind the camel and llama enclosure. A large llama was munching on some straw. No, wait. He was chewing on the twine around the straw. Wow. Twine. Too bad the girls didn't check the zoo during the scavenger hunt.
As usual, I was distracted by something ridiculous—it was so hard to focus these days. Maybe I was losing my mind. I had to keep moving. The sound of people whispering was coming my way.
The statue for Tinkles stared at me as I made my way around it. A noise came from behind me, and I tripped and fell. As I dropped, my keys, carefully laced through my fingers, cut deep into the statue as I flailed to stop my fall.
Great. I just keyed a llama. I shoved my keys into my pocket and ran…headfirst into what felt like a sledgehammer. The last thing I remember as I hit the concrete was the looming, statue of Tinkles looking down on me.
I came to in complete darkness. The back of my head hurt where I'd been punched. Had they hit me and run? I sat up and didn't see the statue. I put my hand on the ground, but it wasn't concrete. It was dirt and straw. Where was I?
Definitely outside. Clouds obscured any light. Whoever had clobbered me had moved me, but to where?
There was an earthy smell. When you live in Iowa long enough, you get used to the smell of animals and manure. Those smells surrounded me now. Well, it was a zoo…
Getting to my feet was a bit harder than usual as my skull throbbed and I felt lightheaded. Well, wherever I was, I was leaving. Who hit me? Could it be that the kid in the aviary had had enough of me once and for all? Seemed a bit extreme.
There was a sound off to my right in the darkness. A low, guttural sound. Not quite a growl. Blood turned to ice in my veins. Was I in an enclosure? With wild animals? Now I was starting to regret my nocturnal visit to the king vulture.
I didn't hear voices anymore. Whoever had dumped me here was gone. I looked around in the dim light to get my bearings. I was definitely behind bars. On the other side, directly in front of me was the carousel. Off to my right I recognized the shadow of the train tracks. I closed my eyes and pictured the map.
The aviary was on my left, so I wasn't too far away from where I'd started. The reptile house would be on my right, which meant I was near the cages where the snow leopard, jaguar, and lions were.
Roooooooooar!
Scratch that. I was in the cages where the big cats were. And all I had on me was an empty box of Girl Scout Cookies.
Oh man.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
They say that your entire life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die. That was true. It had happened to me in Eastern Europe when I'd been chased by a chicken with an Uzi, and in Argentina when I'd been attacked by a herd of rabid capybaras.
It certainly was going through my head as I heard the pacing of a giant cat nearby. I shoved those thoughts aside as unhelpful. Another roar came from my left. Two cats. And from the sound, I guessed that these were the two female lions they had here.
Which meant the male was also nearby, but I didn't need to worry about him. The biggest threat came from the females who hunted me now. Not much of a relief. What did I know about lions? Well, they were big and had lots of teeth and claws.
I stayed still for the moment. If I ran, they'd run, and even though I look like I'm in good shape…I'm not. I was also regretting a lifetime of Oreo binging right about now. And ravioli. But to these ladies, I just smelled like yummy, yummy meat.
Whoever had dumped me in here had left me to die. On the good side, it meant I was getting too close to solving the case. On the bad side, the good side wasn't much consolation.
Think, Merry! What could I use? I had keys in my pocket I could interlace through my fingers as a sort of weapon again. But that would just make these kitties angry. Kitties! These were just big domestic cats. Well, ginormous domestic cats. Cats that outweighed me by a lot.
The clouds vanished, and a bright, full moon illuminated the enclosure. You might think that was a plus because I could see my surroundings, and you'd be right if it weren't for the fact that I could now see two giant predators, one on either side of me, planning how their new surprise snack was going to go down.
Ten feet in front of me was the fence. I'd scaled one just like it many times before. But it was built for that, because these cats could climb. Near the top, the fence leaned inward. I could probably pull myself over that. But would I be fast enough?
Four feet off to my right, between me and one of the lions, was an eight-foot-tall fake tree with long branches. I could climb that faster than the fence, but it had the unfortunate issue of being the premium chaise lounges for the beasts at their own Club Med. Which meant I'd only hold the advantage for a few seconds before the Merry munching began.
I needed a zookeeper…a safari leader. Hell, I'd take a taxidermist about now. I was pretty sure Ronni could take them, but the way she felt about me right now—she'd probably hose me down with bacon grease.
The cats were pacing faster now, their mouths open in anticipation of my deliciousness. They say you are what you eat. Would I taste like junk food to them? That probably wasn't the most helpful thought to have at this moment.
Should I call for help? Whoever threw me in here hadn't stuck around to see what happened. Which was weird because I would have. No…I was pretty sure I was on my own here.
"Whoa," I said softly. "Big kitties! Nice kitties!"
What was I doing? That didn't work on Philby and Martini! Why did I think it would work on these two? If only I had a tin of tuna…
It was down to a run for the fence or a short respite from certain death in the tree. What a decision. And I was running out of time to make it.
The first lion made it for me. She reached out and swatted in my direction. I broke and ran like hell for the fence. I jumped, my fingers gripping the bars as I used my feet and hands to climb as fast as I could.
Two loud roars came from below, and I felt a huge paw hit the back of my leg. I pulled myself a little higher, but my sweaty hands were making me slip.
The first lion jumped at me. One of its claws hooked into my tennis shoe. I kicked away, and the animal dropped with the shoe in its mouth. There was no time to celebrate, as the other female launched herself into the air. I barely had time to bring my legs up, and she barely missed me.
My muscles were screaming, and my fingers were slipping. This was it. I was a goner. I hoped that Rex would take care of my cats, that Riley would give a professional eulogy at my funeral, and that Randi and Ronni wouldn't try to stuff me.
There was a strange cry above. I reached up and managed to grab hold of the bars, but the cats were throwing their whole weight against the bars now, and the vibrations were working against me by weakening my grip.
"Why don't girls like me?" The macaw, followed closely by Mr. Fancy Pants, swept into the enclosure and dove at the lions, who dropped to the ground in confusion.
That was all I needed. It took everything I had to scale the fence up to the point where the bars went
inward. It took only a few seconds to get over that hurdle and drop down the other side.
The macaw and the king vulture flew up out of the pen, to my relief, and dove back into the aviary. I guess I hadn't fully closed the door to Mr. Fancy Pants' little room.
"Stupid Girl Scout Cookies!" I heard the parrot shriek in the distance.
Inside the enclosure, one of the lions had retreated into the darkness while the other gnawed on my shoe. I made it into the nearest bathroom to check my leg. It wasn't as bad as I'd thought. I tore off part of my T-shirt to make a tourniquet and left it at that.
And then I limped off to my car and drove to Kelly's house.
"Why did you come here?" Kelly asked as she cleaned my wounds.
"Ouch!" I flinched. "Because I don't want Rex to know what happened."
Finn and Robert were asleep, which was good because the fewer people who knew about this, the better.
Kelly pulled out a round needle and started to thread it. "You'll need stitches. If you don't want Rex to see these, you'll have to wear pants for a while."
I lay down on my stomach and clenched my teeth until she was done. She covered the leg with a large piece of gauze and taped it. Then she slapped me on my butt and handed me a bottle of aspirin.
"What?" I stared at the generic bottle. "Not the good stuff?"
Kelly glared at me. "Anyone who breaks into a zoo to talk to a vulture and ends up in the lion pen doesn't deserve the good stuff."
She followed me home, and I limped inside. In the bedroom, when I saw my reflection, I realized that if Rex had seen me, he'd probably call the wedding off. My T-shirt was torn to the midriff. There was straw in my hair, and there was an impressive paw print on my other shoe.
I stripped and took a shower, careful to hang my torn leg out of the tub. Philby hissed at my destroyed clothing. And as I climbed into a pair of pajama pants and a nightshirt, I decided she could've taken one of the beasts. Kelly made sure I was in bed before leaving me to my fate.
As I lay in bed, I realized that if the macaw and Mr. Fancy Pants hadn't come to my rescue, I'd be nothing but a side of beef right now. Ignoring Kelly's instructions, I took a handful of Tylenol PM and passed out.
Map Skills Murder Page 16
