Map Skills Murder

by Leslie Langtry

  * * *

  My cell buzzed like it was on fire. My eyes still closed, I answered it.

  Kelly spoke. "You made the news. Zoo officials are looking to find out who the lions ate last night. They found your shoe. They're calling it a suicide."

  "Well, that's nice. Rex will probably think I had something to do with it."

  She agreed. "The police are investigating, but they don't have much to go on other than the remains of a white sneaker."

  "Sounds like an unsolved case to me," I mumbled.

  My eyelids were so heavy, and my whole body hurt. My bruises had bruises.

  "Should I come over and take a look at you?"

  "Are you going to put me out of my misery?" I asked, only half joking.

  "No. You enjoy being in misery too much. Get some sleep. I'll stop by after my shift."

  We hung up, and I took four aspirin pills. I had to get up. I had an old men's coffee klatch to invade.

  * * *

  The café in town was literally named The Café. Not very original, I know, but it did make it easy to describe to new people when they wanted to know where to get coffee and fairly decent home cooking.

  It was also the site of a daily meeting of all of the old men in town. In high school I'd worked there as a waitress. And while some of those old men weren't with us anymore, you could be sure the ranks were still full. Monday through Friday morning from six a.m. until nine, you could find twenty to twenty-five men sitting around, drinking coffee, and complaining about the weather—for which in Iowa, there was a lot of material.

  The minute I walked in, Nels, dressed in an unseasonably warm long-sleeved T-shirt and khaki pants, spotted me. With these guys, ninety degrees was considered just above freezing. They didn't even notice that I was overdressed for the weather.

  I walked over, and Nels motioned to a chair next to him. Without hesitation, I sat, becoming the youngest person at the table by at least thirty years.

  "What are you doing here, little lady?" Nels grinned and waved a waitress over.

  I ordered a hot tea. "I just was passing by and saw you here. It reminded me I had a question for you."

  "Gentlemen!" Nels tapped his spoon on his coffee mug. "This is Merry. I met her the other day. Merry, this is everyone."

  Half of the men were wearing muddy overalls, and all of them mumbled a hello before going back to their conversations.

  "So what did you want to ask me?"

  My tea arrived, and I squeezed the rest of the bag into it before taking a sip. "I have a friend who's looking to move here. I wondered if they'd put Ike's house on the market yet?"

  I couldn't just go in, both barrels blazing with direct questions, now could I? These old guys were wary. They thought giving their social security number to the bank would lead to hackers stealing their pickup trucks.

  Nels smiled. "Is she pretty?"

  "Oh yes. Gorgeous." You couldn't be offended by questions like that. And I was pretty sure my imaginary friend could handle the likes of wizened old Nels Larson.

  "I haven't seen a sign up yet," he said. "Some of these real estate agents are vultures, always swooping in at the wrong moment. Why, Fred over there…" He pointed to a man who looked like Gollum. Gollum waved back. "Two days after his sister died, a real estate agent showed up at the funeral and gave him her card. Can you believe that?"

  "No," I said.

  "Now, Ike's funeral has taken a little time. I imagine Edna Lou is handling things. Anyway, I'll just bet one of them vultures shows up at the funeral to try to sell the house."

  I hadn't thought about Ike's funeral. Huh. The murder happened a few days ago, so maybe the autopsy put things off. But I was sure Edna Lou would be handling the arrangements.

  "Maybe Ike's girlfriend wants it?" I asked with a big smile.

  He shook his head. "I haven't seen that woman in a couple of days. I didn't like her. Always parking in my driveway instead of Ike's."

  "Did you talk to her?" I pressed.

  "Not really. She just scowled at me before going into the house. She had keys, you see."

  That was one question answered.

  "I talked to Edna Lou, and she said Ike didn't have a girlfriend."

  "I was surprised too! Ike didn't really seem that way, if you catch my drift."

  I did. After seeing the wigs and ladies' clothing at the other house, I really did.

  "Did Ike have any hobbies?" I still wanted to find out about the animal skeletons.

  Nels rubbed his chin. "Wanted to get into taxidermy, he said. I only ever saw a couple of skeletons he had. I explained that taxidermy meant preserving the animals in a way that makes them look like they were still alive. And then those taxidermy ladies moved into the Peters place. He kind of lost interest then."

  "Randi and Ronni Ferguson?" I asked innocently. "I know them."

  Nels broke into a huge smile. "Would you introduce me? I kind of like the angry one."

  I promised to do just that as I finished my tea and tossed a five on the table. Nels thanked me for coming, and I fled to the outside.

  Well, at least I get the flamingo and penguin skeletons. And Nels kind of confirmed the wig and the women's clothes too. But he wasn't very helpful about Penelope May. Not that he could do anything about that.

  Penelope was definitely my number one suspect. I wondered if she was the one who tried to kill me at the zoo. And why was she there, late at night? I took out my keys, and something glinted in the sun.

  My keys were covered in some sort of gold-like dust. That was strange. How did that get there? I only recalled using them at the…

  I dialed Rex as I raced to my car, demanding he meet me at the zoo. Because I was closer and knew some sweet trick racing skills, I was there before him, with my paid ticket, standing in front of the Tinkles statue.

  There were three long grooves down the side from where I'd keyed the statue on my way to the ground. Kneeling on the cement, I looked closer. I ran my fingers through the ruts. And came away with gold dust.

  "I got a call from the zoo that someone was doing unmentionable things to the llama statue," Rex's voice said from behind me.

  "I think I've found the bulk of Mad Mimi's gold." I showed him my fingers.

  Rex got down on the ground and read the plaque that said the statue was donated by his sisters. Before I could say anything else, he called them. Seconds later, after asking one question, he turned to me.

  "They found the statue in the basement and donated it to the zoo. This llama was in the Peters' house for as long as anyone could remember. And it was too heavy to move…"

  "…because it's made out of solid gold," I finished.

  A couple of officers arrived and cordoned off the area while Rex talked to the zoo director. I couldn't take my eyes off the statue. Here was Mimi's fortune, hiding in plain sight. Somehow she'd had it sculpted and added layer of cement or something like that, coating it.

  And no one ever knew the truth.

  Rex joined me. "Of course, the zoo wants to claim the treasure. Randi and Ronni will also likely submit a claim."

  I thought about Edna Lou. She'd waited her whole life to see this. After getting quick permission from Rex, I called her. She arrived within a few minutes and stood in front of the llama, entranced.

  By then Rex had chipped off a chunk of plaster the size of an orange. Gold glittered in the sunlight. This was the real thing. And all these years it had been sitting in the Ferguson basement.

  So why were there gold bars out there? Did they have too much gold for the statue? And did Ike know about this?

  "I can't believe it," Edna said softly. "All these years it was in the basement of that house. And then it was donated here. How? Why?"

  An idea swirled around in my head. I explained the hidden pages in Mehitable's diary. "Eustace kept the gold for her when she was worried about her cousin, Peggy. Maybe when Mehitable died, he had this made in Tinkles' memory?"

  She shook her head. "But, why n
ot use it? Or donate the gold? Why do this?"

  I shrugged. "We keep hearing that he didn't need the money. Maybe he just wanted to honor her. Maybe he thought this was funny. A gag. We'll never know, but that's my theory."

  Rex joined us. "I've got a crew coming right now to take it down and deliver it to my station for tests."

  If it occurred to Edna Lou that as a descendant she might have a claim to it, she didn't say so. It had to be a shock. The three of us watched as the statue was dug up and carried to a truck.

  "I guess that is one mystery solved." Edna touched the bruise at her temple. "Detective, would it be alright if I went home? I'm not feeling very well."

  Rex and I walked her to her car, watching to see if she was dizzy. She insisted she could manage and drove away.

  "I guess that's over," I said as I watched her.

  Rex gave me a look. "Merry, how did you know about the statue?"

  Uh-oh. In my zeal to find the truth, I'd neglected to come up with a reason why I knew about the statue.

  My silence seemed to be all he needed.

  "It was you in the lion pen, wasn't it?" His voice was calm as he ran his hands through his hair. Normally, I found this action endearing, but this time I felt bad. I was the cause of his frustration. That didn't feel very good.

  "Um…yes?" I smiled weakly. "But it isn't what you think."

  "You broke into the zoo and ended up in the lion pen. Honestly, I'm not sure what I think." Instead of anger, his eyes were full of fear.

  My actions had frightened him. I had to admit, they frightened me too.

  "Does it help to tell you I went to visit Mr. Fancy Pants and was clocked by someone who dumped me in the lion pen?"

  A vein I'd never noticed before throbbed on Rex's forehead. That wasn't good.

  "You were assaulted?" His voice wavered with emotion. "And you didn't tell me? Are you okay?"

  "I've been in worse situations when I was with the CIA," I said.

  "But you're not with the CIA. You're retired," he replied. "Merry! You could've been killed."

  "That's true, but this isn't my fault. Well, not totally." To be fair, I shouldn't have broken into the zoo in the first place. Rex was probably going to tell the staff, and I'd be banned.

  "We thought someone had died," he continued. "We were looking through missing person reports."

  My jaw dropped. "We have missing persons in Who's There? Who?"

  Rex closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. I'd never seen him do that. The detective had been replaced by my fiancé. A concerned and worried fiancé.

  "Alright, I was wrong to go to the zoo and wrong not to report the assault."

  "The law," my fiancé said very, very slowly, "applies to everyone. It applies to you. But you act like it doesn't." He threw his hands up into the air. "I have no idea what to do with this information. Filing a report just gets you deeper into trouble. And I'll probably get into trouble."

  I hadn't thought of that. My actions impacted Rex's job. This wouldn't be a good time to mention my breaking in to both of Ike's houses.

  "And I think you broke into Ike's house," he finished.

  He had me there.

  I sighed heavily. "Okay. I broke into the house near me. And that's how I knew Penelope May had the gold bars. I witnessed her taking them."

  We stood there for a very long time.

  "Go home," Rex finally said. "I can't think about this today. I just can't." He walked away.

  What had I done?

  My cell rang, and I answered.

  "Merry! Can you come by the house? I have something for you!" Randi hung up before I could turn her down.

  It seemed like the perfect distraction. I was there in minutes, and she met me at the door.

  "Come in! I have the perfect thing for the wedding!"

  I didn't want to tell her I was pretty sure there wouldn't be a wedding due to my illegal extracurricular activities. She seemed so happy. I followed her into the former dining room.

  "Stay here! I'll be right back!" And with that, Randi vanished.

  Ronni appeared in her place, arms folded over her chest. "I can't believe my brother is marrying you! But then, he's an idiot."

  I didn't ignore her. Not this time. "Your brother is an amazing man! He's not an idiot…I am!"

  Wait. Did I mean to say that?

  Ronni smiled for the first time since I'd met her. She almost laughed, which terrified me because I was pretty sure that the laughter from someone so hateful would cause angels to explode. As she walked away, I breathed a sigh of relief.

  In the corner, I spotted the stepladder. At least I could check something out. I set it up underneath the ceiling where those little holes were.

  My cell phone had a ruler app. It was pretty cool and had been a lifesaver several times, from measuring arts and crafts projects to the impressive skid of cat barf (Philby holds the record at a foot and a half). It's proven useful.

  I held my phone up to the one hole farthest away. Three feet from the wall. Two feet in were the two little holes, side by side. They were a foot from the wall. An idea started forming, and I scooted the stepladder closer to the wall by scooting it from the top step. I do not recommend doing this.

  About a foot down from the ceiling was a rusty nail. How long had that been there?

  "What are you doing up there?" Randi asked as she walked in with a remote control.

  "Just checking something. Randi"—I climbed down—"how long has this nail been here?"

  She squinted. "Oh, that? I was told it's original to the house. Something about the kind of plaster it's stuck in—taking it out would result in a huge hole. I guess no one has thought of doing that."

  "It's been here since the original owners?"

  She shrugged. "That's what the real estate agent said. Now come down from there. I want to show you something."

  As I stood on the ground before her, all kinds of thoughts were swirling through my head.

  "I got the idea from Mad Mimi!" Randi pressed a button, and a huge llama rolled into the room.

  A huge dead llama with wheels attached to its hooves. It wore some sort of blanket that said Congratulations, Rex and Merry!

  I decided it was time to embrace the weird. "I love it! Can I try?"

  Randi beamed as she handed me the remote. "Isn't it great? We'd had this llama for weeks. It's from the zoo in Omaha. When you guys were talking about Mehitable's llama, Tinkles, I knew it was perfect!"

  The controls were impressive. The body didn't wobble on its skinny legs. I steered it around the room. It was kind of like those remote-controlled cars.

  "This is pretty amazing," I said, just as I steered it into a wall. "Whoa…"

  A lightbulb went off in my head. I had an idea. I asked Randi if I could set up a little experiment. She agreed.

  I got to work.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  It took most of the day to pull together the resources I needed. Sadly, Rex didn't call or text or even ask what I was up to. Randi and Ronni left me alone for a couple of hours as they had to go check out a dead two-headed goat at a farm. This was considered to be the holy grail for taxidermists, and they left, muttering something about making a mythological hydra.

  When I finally got home, I made a number of phone calls to Rex (who let it go to voicemail), Edna Lou (who didn't know what voicemail was), and Kelly. Everything was set for nine in the morning the next day.

  In spite of the excitement I felt about my discovery, I couldn't help feel like a complete fool. For two years I'd ignored every warning Rex had given me about getting involved in police matters.

  He had to be mad. The trouble was that he was frustrated with me. Multiple times during our relationship, he'd asked me to stop messing around. I'd almost been killed a number of times—which to me registered as another day in the office.

  But to my fiancé, I was being disrespectful. Thumbing my nose at his job and making him think I didn't care what he said. Wh
at was wrong with me?

  I was pretty sure he'd be impressed in the morning when I revealed my news. But it wouldn't do anything to patch this mess up. As I went to bed that night, I had no idea what would fix things.

  "What are we doing here?" Rex asked. There wasn't any malice—more like let's humor my crazy ex-fiancé.

  My heart crashed into my shoes. Rex would never yell at me or get into an argument in public. But I still knew I'd gone too far this time.

  "I know who killed Mehitable," I said as brightly as I could, considering I felt like my shoe in the lion's jaws.

  Edna was wandering through the house, fascinated or horrified (you'd be surprised how often those emotions are confused) by the many dead beasts acting out human scenes. Inviting her to this little reveal was about as dicey as inviting Rex.

  "Well?" He folded his arms over his chest.

  "I'm waiting for someone else."

  Just then the door opened and ten little girls poured in, accompanied by Kelly and Dr. Soo Jin Body.

  "You invited your troop?" Rex's mouth hung open.

  "Yes. They couldn't be there when we found the treasure. I thought they'd like this." I waved the girls in, but with what they were seeing around them, they weren't moving fast.

  "Wow!" Inez reached out and touched a skunk in a lab coat.

  "This is the coolest place ever!" one of the Kaitlyns said. And the rest agreed.

  For ten minutes the girls squealed over every single taxidermized animal. I couldn't blame them.

  Randi led them on a tour, and the girls loved her immediately. Ronni stood in the kitchen door, a scowl etched into her face.

  "Stop touching things!" she screamed more than once.

  Betty, ever fearless, walked right up to her. "What do you do with their guts? And their eyeballs?"

  Ronni stared at the child who was almost her size. I was ready in case she tried to hit her with a duck.

  After a beat she said, "Want to see?"

  Betty promptly exploded with glee. I almost exploded with shock. Ronni liked someone? A human? Or was she just luring the little girl into a trap and I'd have one less child in my troop?