SAMANTHA
The graduation ceremony at St. Agnes takes twice as long as the one at Kingston High, even though we have a fraction of the number of students. There are speeches by the principal and the counselor. Laney gives a moving speech as the valedictorian, one about loss and the intractability of hope—all the more meaningful because her mother isn’t home for this.
The commencement speech comes from a former senator, who speaks to the small room as if we were gathered on the lawn of Princeton.
The senator’s pale eyes flicker with recognition when my name is called. Samantha Alistair Brooks. Despite the smattering of fan mail I get every week, I’m not really famous outside the music world. I doubt he read the in-depth article in Classical Notes.
He probably knew my father.
Tension knots in my stomach as I climb the short steps.
My gaze crosses the room, past the rows of proud parents in bamboo chairs, to the man in the back. Liam North stands with a sense of resolve, as if facing some dangerous enemy, resolute in the face of death. His eyes have turned dark emerald, unreadable as I cross the stage.
Principal Keller gives me a grim smile and the same murmured praise in Latin that every other student receives. I’m sure he’s glad that I’ll be gone from the school. Doesn’t matter that I graduated in the top one percent. Liam made it clear that I would not perform on behalf of the music department during the interview, which means that despite having a semi-famous student, they could never use me.
At least I didn’t get expelled shortly before graduation.
The senator also greets every student, a practiced political smile on his face. He clasps my hand but doesn’t let go. “Samantha Alistair Brooks. Daughter of the diplomat?”
I don’t like his clammy grip, but I can’t break free. Not without causing a fuss in front of the entire graduating class and their parents. “Yes, sir,” I say, keeping my eyes averted. Don’t hold up the line, I urge him silently, hoping that his sense of propriety won’t prolong the conversation.
“A good man,” he says, keeping hold on me. “A patriot. It was a great loss to the country when he passed away. A heart attack, was it?”
“Yes, sir.” I don’t mention that his death was seen as suspicious at the time. Secret Service conducted an investigation, but nothing was conclusive. Or at least, nothing they told his twelve-year-old daughter.
“Didn’t he have a son, as well?”
I glance back at Liam. He’s taken two steps forward, and I know I only have to give him the signal and he’ll barge onto the stage to remove the senator’s hand from me. A short shake of my head. I can handle this myself. As he pointed out, I’ll be on my own during the tour—and for the years to follow. My chest feels impossibly full at the thought.
Graduation should feel like a time of possibility, a time of hope. It makes me ache that my independence will come at such a steep price, distance from the man who’s my only home.
“We aren’t close,” I say, which is an understatement. I haven’t seen my brother since the last time he fought with my father and left. He’s been in the military, though I suppose I wouldn’t know if he got out. He declined to take custody of me when my father died. And he never reached out to me after that.
“A shame,” the man says, still studying me.
I yank my hand back, the action sudden enough that he lets go of me. There’s a residue of slickness left on my palm from the encounter, and I wipe my hand surreptitiously on my black gown. Perhaps my actions would be rude, but I think the senator was rude to detain me against my will.
There’s another hour before the ceremony ends, during which time I can only play with the edges of the rolled diploma and the heavy satin ribbon that holds it.
When the principal finally calls an end to the proceedings, the parents surge forward in an enthusiastic rush. There are flowers and cards and balloons for the new graduates.
It’s hard to see anything through the crowd of people. When I finally scoot my way to the back of the room, it’s empty. I glance toward the stage, uncertain. Did he push inside the mass toward me? No, because if he had done that, he would have found me.
Which can only mean one thing—he left.
My stomach turns over. There are hundreds of people in the small auditorium, but I’ve never felt so alone. I can see Cody congratulating Laney across the room, but I don’t want to answer questions about why Liam left early. And the last thing I want to do is be caught by the senator for more questions. I step into the hallway, which is abruptly empty, no one slamming lockers or dashing toward their classes.
That part of my life is over now.
I wander down the hallway, wondering if he’s waiting for me by the car. For all I know he already left to go back to the house. It was Cody who dropped me and Laney off this morning. I’m sure he’s willing to drive us back home, but the thought of Liam leaving without me makes my eyes burn.
Something slows my steps in front of the library, an unnatural awareness.
That’s where I find him, amid the dusty shelves and walnut study tables. He stands by the large globe that serves as the library’s centerpiece. It has three ornate iron feet to carry its weight, and two circumferences of wood that hold it in place. The surface of the water is smooth, and I know from memory, cool to the touch—made of stone, ironically. The land rises in uneven terrain, made from dark metal. He studies the staggering mass of North America, hands behind his back.
I come to him from behind. As far as I can tell, I haven’t made a sound, but he can sense my presence.
“Congratulations,” he says without turning.
“Thank you,” I say, feeling cautious. There’s a strange energy in the room, a kind of electric current, as if a thousand bolts of lightning spread out in infinite fractals, Liam at the center of the storm.
He reaches toward the globe. The blunt of his finger brushes Tanglewood, which is only a few hours from where we’re standing. And the place where the tour will begin. “In a few months you’ll be here. Practicing with Harry March. Performing in front of thousands of people.”
My throat clenches around anxiety—and around grief. I’ll start my life in Tanglewood, but before that I’ll have to say goodbye to the one I have now. No matter where I go in the world, Liam will be here running North Security.
“Will you miss me?” I venture to ask.
He moves his finger up to New York City, where we’ll play Carnegie Hall, one of the most prestigious venues for classical music. Rumor is that a pedestrian on Fifty-seventh Street, Manhattan, stopped the violinist and composer Heifetz and inquired, Could you tell me how to get to Carnegie Hall?
Yes, said Heifetz. Practice!
The story has become part of the lore around Carnegie Hall—and around classical music itself. All that practice must have paid off, because I’m heading there. It will be the culmination of a dream.
And the end of a childhood marked by loneliness and tenuous hope.
Hope that came from Liam North.
“Miss you?” he says, almost tasting the words, as if they’re foreign to him. Maybe for a man like him they are foreign, the whole idea of needing someone else. Of longing for them. He’s so strong. So self-contained. Is that something I’ll find as I get older? Or is it unique to him, forever out of my reach?
His hand falls away, and I replace it with mine, touching New York City and then Boston and then Chicago. Vancouver and then Seattle. Los Angeles. That will be the last stop on the US tour.
I lift my finger so it hovers over the globe, the metal landscape apart from me.
Liam spins the globe lightly, until I’m holding my finger over Tokyo. The first stop on the Asia tour. Then there will be the European tour. And South America.
A major record label put together the tour. They’re going to record the first concert, the one in Tanglewood, and release it as an album titled Concerto. Its release will be staggered across the globe to coincide with our tour.
“I won’t miss you,” he says, his tone soft and final.
My breath catches. Don’t cry, I order myself. I swallow down the lump in my throat. Is there something wrong with me? Am I inherently unlovable? “I’ll miss you,” I say, not caring if it makes me weak.
“I can’t miss you,” he says, placing his hand over mine, moving our fingers back to the hill country of Texas, where Kingston nestles among the land and the lakes. “I wouldn’t survive it.”
“I’ll come back,” I promise, breathless. “After the tour. I’ll visit—”
“Do you want to kill me, Samantha?”
I break off, uncertain whether he wants me to leave or stay here forever. Not knowing whether he hates me or loves me. “I want to please you.”
“Then go away from here. Leave and don’t come back.”
19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The most expensive opera costume of all time was worn by Adelina Patti at Covent Garden in 1895. It was worth £15 million.
* * *
SAMANTHA
A row of shops along South Congress carry only the unique and eclectic and antique. There’s a flower shop with a sofa and chair and coffee table molded from the ground and then grown over with super soft grass. An old record shop with cats that sleep in the dusty trays, shooting a dirty look if you try to shift the vinyl around them.
A whimsical toy shop that sells an action figure of Jane Austen.
Our goal is a large vintage clothing shop that takes up three stories. It’s the kind of place where you have to look through a hundred racks of clothing to find one thing to buy. The smell of mothballs and incense fills the air. I didn’t really feel like shopping, but poor Laney needs the distraction. Her mother has been gone a long time, and even for the daughter of a mercenary, someone used to absences, she must be getting nervous.
And maybe I’ll find something special to wear on the tour.
Laney holds up a bright purple dress with puffy sleeves that could only have come from the eighties. “What do you think? It would be like that girl from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, except instead of a giant blueberry I could be a giant grape.”
“Knowing you, you’d probably bring the style back.”
She shudders in mock agreement and shoves the dress back onto the rack. “You’re probably right.” After a short pause of moving hangers, she sighs. “I wish I could actually see the clothes that are right in front of me, but my mind keeps wandering. Next thing I know I’m looking at a lace cocktail dress in army green.”
“Oh, that sounds nice actually,” I say, peering around the thick rack of clothes. She swats me away, determined as ever to make me wear something that will actually attract attention instead of hide me. “Did you talk to Liam about it?”
“Yes,” she says glumly. “He says they’re safe and sound in Germany, resting before they come back. That’s what he said—resting. Like what, are they taking a nap or something?”
“I’m sure they have a good reason,” I say, keeping my voice free of the worry twisting my stomach. I’m not sure how she’s managed to stay as calm and cool, but then again, she’s had plenty of practice.
“Of course they have a good reason,” she says. “Like the fact that they’re not safe and sound. How do we feel about plaid? I mean in a short skirt—obviously yes. But what about this beret?”
I give her a dubious look. “Where would you wear a beret?”
“In Paris, when I have a torrid love affair with a moody musician. Oh by the way, I’m going to need you to introduce me to some moody musicians.”
“Okay, well, first I’ll have to meet some myself.”
“You’ll meet plenty on the tour. Starting with Harry March.”
I make a face. “He’s probably not even going to talk to me. I’ll be like the stagehand, except less important, because I won’t know where his microphone is.”
“Whatever. You’re going to wear something fabulous and you’re going to play that way you do where everyone starts crying, and then he’s going to fall madly in love with you.”
“Speaking of madly in love, how is Cody?”
“Why would that be speaking of madly in love?”
Because he’s been in love with Laney since they were children. “No reason.”
She sighs. “He’s glad that Coach Price is gone, obviously. But he didn’t exactly bounce back from the experience. The school counselor tried to talk to him, but he shut her down.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, squeezing her hand. “He’ll work through it in his own time.”
“But my timeline is so much faster,” she says, plaintive.
My hands pause in their path through the clothes. I pull out the black dress, a flush warming me. The fabric hangs awkwardly on the hanger, but there’s something about it…
I wander over to one of the standing mirrors and hold the gown against me. It’s an asymmetrical line, sloping down across my body. Ruffles of black silk line the top. It’s simple and dramatic all at once, and the way it’s cut will emphasize the violin I’ll hold. It falls to the floor, approximating the more formal gown that a classical musician would wear, but with a high slit, befitting a popular music stage.
“Perfect,” Laney breathes. “You have to get it.”
“For the tour, right?”
“Well, sure, but you should wear it where Liam can see you. Maybe tomorrow.”
Tomorrow is my birthday. Which means that at midnight Liam North will cease to be my court-ordered guardian. I make a face, trying to act like it’s no big deal. “We don’t have any big plans.”
There’s a pang in my chest, because we usually do something for my birthday. A nice dinner at the country club in Kingston or the latest hipster foodie restaurant in Austin. Liam will hand me a birthday card that’s completely impersonal, in which he’s signed his name—that’s it.
We’ve done it for the past six years, so I just assumed… well, I suppose he doesn’t owe me that. After all he’s done, he doesn’t owe me anything.
“Hey,” Laney says, hugging me from behind. She gives me a small smile in the mirror. “Everyone is safe and sound, remember? They’re only taking a nap.”
I force a smile. “Of course they are. So let’s pick out something for you. You are going to come to the opening night, aren’t you? I’ll have the moody musicians all lined up to meet you.”
We look through racks for a few minutes, getting separated in the maze of old clothes, only the sound of hangers scraping across metal filling the air.
A sound comes from behind me, and I whirl, looking at the sea of colors, a thousand different fabrics and colors. It would be so easy to hide in here. The thought whispers through my brain. My heart pounds, and I take a step back.
Footsteps land heavy on the stairs, coming up toward us. For a second I think we’re under attack, that someone dangerous is here.
Josh appears at the top of the stairs. “You girls ready?”
My breath still comes fast as I stare at him. I glance over my shoulder, but the riot of fabric looks the same. I must have imagined it. Living in the headquarters of North Security has probably made me paranoid. We check out at the registers downstairs.
As we get into Josh’s truck, I glance at the upstairs window, where it looks like a shadow moves. Unease floods through my veins in staccato.
20
CHAPTER TWENTY
Before the nineteenth century, the violin bow was shaped like a hunting bow.
* * *
LIAM
Moonlight streams through the open window. Something must have woken me up. I check my phone, but there are no missed calls. It could have been a nightmare. Then I hear the strains of the violin drift through the crack in the door. I double-check the time.
Ten minutes to midnight.
She’s only my ward for another ten minutes. Christ.
I pull on some jeans and head toward the music, not sure what I’ll say when I get there. She used to wake up i
n the middle of the night to play, when she first got here. There was no sense of a normal schedule for her. She ate and slept and breathed on her father’s wishes. I tried to instill a sense of normalcy, tried to show her what it was like to have a stable home, tried to… oh hell, whatever I tried, that’s over now.
She usually wears her school uniform when she plays. Or jeans and a T-shirt. Something comfortable to last the hours she’ll sit in roughly the same position.
But she’s not wearing anything like that now.
Instead she’s in a black dress that I’ve never seen before. My throat goes dry. She looks like someone else, like a grown woman. A sensual woman.
My body reacts suddenly, violently.
I force myself to walk into the room, to pretend like this is a thousand other times from the past, that she’s still a child and I’m her guardian. Even though the seconds tick away with every breath.
“What’s that?” I crouch down in front of her.
There are fifteen major violin scales. An almost infinite number of concertos and sonatas. I know almost all of them by heart. They are embedded into my skin, etched deeper with every afternoon of careful practice.
This one I don’t recognize.
A blush steals over her cheeks. “Nothing.”
The dress has a high slit, exposing one perfectly shaped leg. It would be so easy to push her knee open, to draw my fingers up the inside of her thigh. I rest my hand on her other knee, the one that’s covered by black silky fabric.
“It’s beautiful.” And haunting.
“I’m only playing around,” she says, her voice wavering.
“You’re composing?” That’s not something she’s ever told me about. To play with her skill is a form of composition. She lends her interpretation to every piece—her passion, her heart. There is no such thing as a rote recitation for a prodigy like her.
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