Startled, I spun around and saw a woman standing in front of me across the center island. Tall with long jet black hair that shined like hair in shampoo commercials, she looked like a model, complete with bought and paid for boobs that even without a bra seemed to sit up perfectly near her collarbone. Her full lips shined with deep red lip gloss that I imagined never faded or feathered, and as I scanned her face for some flaw or imperfection, I saw nothing but perfectly applied makeup to skin I could only dream of having.
"You must be the girl in Cassian's life now. I'm Rachel. Nice to meet you."
She stuck her perfectly manicured hand out to shake mine and I shook hers, meekly apologizing for the shrimp remains that hung from my stubby nails. "I'm sorry. Who are you and what are you doing here?"
"Cassian didn't tell you about me? Bad boy." She practically purred when she spoke, but even her smoothness couldn't make what she said easy for me to hear.
"I don't understand. Who are you?" I asked a second time as I wiped my hands clean of shrimp guts.
"Rachel, his wife. Well, his estranged wife, but wife nonetheless. I can't believe he didn't mention me," she said with a smile that I was sure was anything but friendly.
"His...his wife?" I stammered out, sick to my stomach after hearing the word wife four times in just seconds.
She flashed me an even broader smile as I listened to her repeat her explanation about her being his estranged wife, but it didn't matter. He'd never even given me a hint he was married, separated or not. He wore no wedding band, and there was no indication on his ring finger that he hid a ring when he was around me.
Was it possible Cash had been married this whole time? How? No, I couldn't believe it. A long line of women in his past? Yeah, I believed that. But married? The man I'd grown to love couldn't be the kind of man who'd cheat on his wife and lead a double life.
Rachel's description of how close she and Cash were floated in and out of my brain as I tried to understand what was going on. She mentioned something about them marrying young, but after that all her words started to run into one another. My hands began to tremble as the truth of what this woman was saying settled into my brain. Cash was married and he'd been married the entire time. Everything we were was based on a lie.
"Is that food I smell? I hope so because if this is a dream, I'm going to be really disappointed."
I turned to see Cash standing in the doorway to his bedroom in just his boxer briefs and instantly knew everything Rachel had said was the truth. She looked at him like he was a possession of hers, her eyes sliding over his muscular torso like it was something she owned and appreciated.
She said something to him, but my heart pounding in my ears made it impossible for me to hear anything. I needed to get the hell out of there and away from him. As the water boiled over onto the stove behind me, I stumbled toward his bedroom, pushing past Cash to quickly get into my pants and leave. He tried to explain and held my arm to stop me, but I yanked it away from him and ran as fast as I could with my arms full of my things and still dressed in his shirt. I didn't know where I was going or how I'd get there, but it didn't matter. I couldn't stay and listen to his lies when the evidence of the truth stood right in front of me with perfect looks and a purring voice coming from that smiling mouth of hers.
What I'd always feared had come true. Cassian March and I were in different leagues, and even though for a short time it seemed like I could be the kind of woman he'd want, the reality was the kind of woman he should be with was standing in his kitchen in designer clothes and looking like a supermodel, likely eating the meal I'd prepared for him and me. Rachel belonged in that gorgeous condo with him, not me.
I heard him call my name as I ran down the hall, his voice tinged with fear. I pressed the down arrow like a madwoman, somehow convincing the elevator to come quickly enough that I could escape this place before I had to hear him try to explain again. The last I saw of him he was trying to stop the doors from closing and apologizing again, his blue eyes pleading along with his words, but it was no use.
Whatever we were had all been a lie.
18
Cassian
I raced down through the stairwell to catch up with Olivia, but she was gone by the time I made it to the main floor of my building. I'd run out of my condo without my phone, so I couldn't even call her. Disgusted at how I'd fucked up, I rode the elevator back up to my place cursing my stupidity and found Rachel standing in the kitchen just where she'd been when she'd succeeded in ruining everything.
Pushing past her to turn off the stove before pasta and water boiled completely over, I looked at her and felt sick. "Why are you still here?"
"I hope I didn't do something wrong there. I just came by to see how you were doing."
I had no idea how she knew I was there with someone, but she knew. "Rachel, I work every Saturday night. There's no reason for you to believe I'd be home, so why are you here?"
Her expression turned sheepish, and she pressed a smile onto her lips. "I just heard you were out with someone at the club last night and I wanted to know who she was. I never expected to find her here."
"You're lying. Get the fuck out, Rachel. I don't want you here."
I leaned against the counter and shook my head at how much I'd fucked everything up. Olivia had just told me she was worried about my past, and not twenty-four hours later, my past showed up acting like the possessive bitch she truly was.
"Cash, she seems nice. A little wholesome for your taste, but she certainly is a change of pace from your usual. You didn't give her that bruise, did you? I don't remember you being that kind of man."
Turning to look at Rachel, I stared at the woman I'd once would have given my life for I adored her so much. Perfect with flawless makeup that made her look like the finest airbrushed picture, she was still beautiful in a way that most men would give their left arm for. To me, though, she looked fake. Maybe it was because I knew what ugliness lived under the designer clothes and plastic surgery.
"I'm not interested in your opinion on my private life. You're not a part of that anymore, so don't let the door hit you on the way out."
I saw my words stung, but she wasn't about to give up easily. Coming around the island, she stepped in front of me and reached out to touch my face, as if she wanted to console me after ruining everything between me and Olivia. Catching her by the wrist, I held her arm away from me and shook my head.
"You can't be mad at me, Cassian March. You know that. And I've known you long enough to know this girl will pass. They always do."
Fighting the urge to squeeze my hand even tighter around her bony wrist, I pushed her back away from me. "You don't get it, do you, Rachel? We're done. As for Olivia, you don't understand that I could care for her because you don't understand me. I'm convinced you never understood me."
"Don't say that. We loved each other. We always will."
"I loved you. Fuck, I adored you, Rachel. You were everything to me. And what did I get in return? You cheated on me with the one person I have to see every fucking day! Don't tell me you loved me. Don't."
She stood there staring at me with that sexy look in her dark eyes she used so expertly on me and every other man she manipulated, and all I could think was I hated her. I hated how naïve I'd been to think she'd ever loved me. I hated how hurt I'd been when she tore my fucking heart out. I hated how empty my life had been since her. And now I hated that the one good thing in my life had been ruined because of her.
"Cash, baby, don't be mad. If you really wanted me gone, you would have taken my key a long time ago. Admit it. We're right for each other. Whatever this girl means now, it'll pass and we can go back to the way we've been all these years. Nothing has to change."
"Get the fuck away from me! How can you stand there and act like you know anything about me? All I ever fucking wanted was to share my life with someone so I could leave behind the world of that club every night—someone who knows the kind of man I have to be there and
still loves me. That's all I ever wanted, and now that I found someone I might finally be able to have that life with, you come here to make sure I won't have it."
Suddenly, the femme fatale my estranged wife had been for so long disappeared and the woman I'd loved stood in front of me. "Cash, you really care about this one, don't you?" she asked in a soft voice I hadn't heard her use in years.
Turning away from her attempt at kindness, I walked past her toward my bedroom. "Leave your key on the counter when you go, Rachel."
I listened as my front door closed behind her, my mind scrambling for the answer to how I'd ever explain her to Olivia. I couldn't lose the one person who'd made me believe I could have something more than just temporary happiness. Sex wasn't enough anymore. For the first time in years, I had to figure out a way to win back a woman's heart.
After spending hours sitting in my car and staring up at Olivia's apartment windows for any sign she'd returned, I had to admit winning her back was going to be harder than I'd thought. I had no idea where she was, and she wouldn't answer my phone calls. She'd mentioned some friend name Josie, but I didn't even know her friend's last name.
Thinking I'd get my chance to speak to her at work, I waited each day, my heart leaping in my chest whenever I heard footsteps coming toward my office, but she never showed. I couldn't concentrate on work and I hadn't slept since she left my place. By the time I left the club on Tuesday night, I'd nearly gone out of my mind thinking about her, so as I had every night since Saturday, I drove to her house and hoped to find her.
Parked on the street across from her place like some kind of stalker, I waited and finally saw a light flicker on around three in the morning. Probably too late to be knocking on someone's door, I did it anyway, unable to wait any more.
I stood outside in her hallway until she finally gave in and answered the door. Her brown eyes still had the same look of hurt in them that I'd seen as she left my place days earlier, but the bruise on her cheek had faded slightly.
"Cassian, it's late. I need to go to bed."
She began to close the door, but I stuck my foot in to stop her. "I need to talk to you. Let me just explain."
"This isn't about you or what you need. Go home to your wife, Cassian."
She leaned hard against the door, squeezing my foot between it and the doorjamb, but I couldn't let her give up on us yet. "Olivia, let me in. At least let me explain so you know my side. Then I'll go if you want."
The door stopped crushing my foot, and she finally released it and walked into her living room. Following her, I reached out to touch her, missing how she felt in my arms, but she pushed me away. "Say what you have to say and then go."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Rachel. I wanted to. I tried at the club Friday night, and then I tried again Saturday. It just never happened."
Her expression twisted into an angry grimace. "Is that the best you can do? You're a grown man, Cassian. Just admit you lied to me the entire time we were together. At least respect me enough to tell me the truth."
"It's not the truth. Rachel and I haven't been together as husband and wife for years. I never wanted to lie to you, Olivia. I just never found the right time to admit that I wasn't divorced yet, but I swear to you we aren't together."
"What's the difference? You aren't divorced, but you aren't with her? Why should I believe you? She obviously has a key to your condo, and she looked right at home there. She's perfect for you. Just the type of woman you probably always go after."
I stepped toward her, but she backed away with a look of disgust that made my heart feel like it was being squeezed in a vice. "Olivia, listen to me. I know I should have told you, but I swear, there's nothing between me and Rachel. You and I have something great between us. Don't let my stupid screw up ruin it."
Tears welled in her eyes, and she shook her head. "No. It was bad enough to think that I was just one in a long line of women. I can't be the other woman for you. I won't be."
I grabbed hold of her shoulders and made her look at me. The pain in her beautiful brown eyes nearly made me look away, but I forced myself to say what was in my heart. "Don't do this. Please. I know I screwed up, but don't let that ruin what we have. You're the only woman for me. She's nothing. Please don't give up on us. Don't give up on me."
Olivia fought back the tears, but it was no use. They flowed down onto her cheeks as she sobbed, "There's no us, Cassian. There's you and her together and stupid me over here who was dumb enough to believe someone like you. How could I have been so blind?"
"You weren't blind. She means nothing to me. Olivia, I don't want to lose you. For the first time in a long time, I want more and that's because of you."
She hung her head and quietly said, "I don't ever want to see you again. I won't be coming back to work either."
Her words hit me like a fist to the face. Scrambling to find some way to change her mind, I held her close. "You can't afford that. Come back to work, at least. I don't want to lose you there." She shook her head again and I knew I wasn't getting through. Feeling her slip away, I begged, "Jesus, Olivia. Don't do this."
She yanked her arm from my hold and pounded her fists on my chest as the tears rolled down her face. "Don't do what, Cash? Make you fucking pay for lying to someone who foolishly cared about you? Do you feel bad, Cassian March? Do you?"
God, the way she looked up at me with all that pain in her eyes killed me. "Olivia, I'm sorry. Please, I—"
Burying her face in her hands, she sobbed, "Just go. Go back to your life and all the women you can fuck and just leave me alone."
I wanted to take her into my arms and make it all better, but I couldn't. I'd fucked this up. What I'd always feared would happen had, and I had nobody to blame but myself.
"I'm sorry, Olivia. I'm sorry."
I didn't want to walk away and leave her there. If I did, I might never see her again, but she wouldn't listen to me now. All I could do was give her some time and hope if I didn't give up, she wouldn't either.
* * *
My phone vibrated in my pocket as I walked back to my car. Checking it, I saw Stefan's name flash across the screen. He was the last person I wanted to talk to. I silenced it and turned my phone off. The only person I wanted to hear from refused to talk to me, so there was no point in keeping it on.
Heading back to my condo, I thought of hundreds of ways to show Olivia I was sorry, but the reality was as long as I stayed married to Rachel, Olivia and I would never have a chance at anything. Even if I convinced her of how much I cared, I wasn't able to offer her anything more than the present.
She deserved more than that.
I crawled into bed and smelled her perfume all over my sheets. Soft and flowery, it was warm and gentle and so her. Closing my eyes, I replayed our time together there as an ache settled into my chest. This was all I had left of her now.
Someone banging on my front door roused me from my misery, and I answered it hoping that the impossible had happened and Olivia had decided to give us another chance. Instead, I saw Stefan and Kane standing in the hallway looking like they had bad news to deliver.
"What? Whatever it is, I'm sure it could have waited until I get to the office tomorrow."
Stefan forced his way into my home and Kane followed, leaving me to close the door and deal with them. Taking a seat on the couch, Kane opened up the laptop he carried and turned it around for me to see.
"This can't wait."
"That gorgeous piece of ass from that website who came to interview you published an expose about the club. Ciara whatever the fuck her name is has all sorts of details in this article of hers," Stefan ranted. "You said you had Olivia talk to her and she took care of it."
I thought back to that day and nodded as I replayed what I'd heard the two of them talk about. "I did. She got nothing from Olivia."
"Then where the fuck did this Ciara person get all this info about the fantasy rooms, Cash?"
"I don't know, Stefan."
&
nbsp; "Where has Olivia been anyway? I didn't see her in her office Monday or Tuesday."
I didn't want to explain to my brother the whole mess I'd made of my relationship with her, so I simply shrugged as if I didn't know what was going on with Olivia. Kane sat silently watching me, and I was sure he already had a sense that something had happened between us.
"I thought you two were together now, Cash. What's going on?" Stefan pushed further. "You don't think she'd ever do anything to hurt us or the club, do you?"
There was no way I could believe that. Olivia may have hated me now, but she wasn't vindictive. No way.
Kane finally spoke and everything I believed was thrown into doubt. "This is what that Ciara girl wrote. 'A playground for Tampa's big spenders, Club X is secretly an illegal sex club frequented by wealthy playboys and some of the most powerful men in our area.'"
I avoided my brothers' stares, but Kane knew what I'd been up to with Olivia in the fantasy rooms. Was it possible she'd told Ciara that? But members of the club would know those things too.
"For what it's worth, Cash, I don't think Olivia would ever do that. She's not that type of person."
I looked at Kane and wanted to believe he was right. The problem was after what had happened between Olivia and me, maybe she felt I deserved something like this. What was the old saying? Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?
Inhaling, I let the air out of my lungs slowly and sat back against the couch. "Olivia found out about Rachel before I could tell her. We're finished, at least for now."
My brothers looked at me like I'd just admitted to committing murder. Their expressions were a mix of shock and confusion. I guessed since neither one of them had seen me with any woman for more than a few hours since Rachel, they'd gotten used to me being a man whore.
"I thought you were going to tell her Friday night when you were in the fantasy room," Kane said.
Love in the Dark Page 198
