“I’ve missed you,” he breathed. “I know I don’t have a right to say that, but I’ve never been able to stop thinking what if when it comes to you.”
“You never came back, though,” I croaked into his shirt, his woodsy scent concentrated there, overwhelming my senses.
“Don’t think I didn’t want to. God, I wanted to—but you know I couldn’t, Landon. It was too painful. But my biggest regret has always been leaving you.”
I was completely lost for words. All this time, Chase had had a thing for me too? I felt irrationally bitter—the years spent pining and trying to find a replacement for the piece of my heart that had always belong to Chase. What a fucking waste.
“But I was a nobody. I was just a kid…” But even as I said it, I knew that was irrelevant. I’d known what I felt back then—still felt, I could admit, now that I was standing before him—and nothing had changed. If anything the feeling had only matured, settled in my bones and become a part of me, a constant ache I’d always been aware of but never done anything about.
He pulled back slightly, his gaze boring into me, eyes blazing with sincerity. “I was just a kid too, forced to grow up when I wasn’t ready. You and Cole saved me back then.”
Still, I shook my head. “I was fourteen—”
“And even then, you understood me better than anyone.” He stroked his thumb over my cheek. “Don’t think I didn’t see you, Landon. I’ve always seen you.” He brought his forehead down against mine and closed his eyes. “I don’t want to make the same mistake again. Not this time.”
I was still wary, guarding my heart, because this was crazy—but I always knew there’d been something there, and had always hoped it was something more than the one-sided longing of a lovesick teenager…
All these lost years we could have reconnected and seen if there was something deeper behind our bond.
“Why now?” I whispered.
He soothed the worry between my eyebrows with his thumb, then ran it down my jaw. “I tried to forget everything about Derring when I left. And even though I saw you in Cole every damn day we were at school together, I was somehow able to bury my feelings for you along with everything else I left behind.
“But that was a mistake. I buried my feelings, but I never should have thought I could forget you.”
I was shook. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever imagined Chase would be laying his heart on the line for me. I searched his eyes, and this time it was me who raised on my toes to kiss him, a gentle, barely there caress. The music started up again upstairs, and I drew back, shaking my head no even though my body was screaming the exact opposite.
“Cole is going to kill us,” I groaned, even as his mouth roved over to my earlobe and down the side of my neck, even as my hips rocked of their own volition against his erection.
“He’s a big boy. He’ll live.” He drew back and searched my eyes. “Is this what you want, Landon? Do you want me?”
Yes. God yes. He was all I’d ever wanted, since before I even understood what it was I was feeling.
“I feel the same,” he whispered against my lips. I couldn’t be sure if I’d spoken my thoughts aloud or if he was just that good. In any case, we were soon kissing again, his tongue probing and sure. I was already addicted to the taste of him. I didn’t think I could ever get enough of it.
He took his time, one hand lightly holding my jaw, the other roaming the length of my spine and nestling against my hip. He held me close, bumping his arousal against mine, but in no rush to speed things up, even though I was ready to crawl out of my skin I was so out of my mind with need for him. I’d held on to this desire for him for over ten years, and now that it was being reciprocated, I didn’t even know what to do with it.
When his hand cupped my dick, squeezing, my legs just about gave way.
“I want to suck you off, Landon,” he said confidently, his voice clear, not giving anything away as to the state of his mind. He might well have been conducting a business meeting for all his matter-of-factness.
“Fuck.” I squeezed my eyes shut, not even daring to believe it.
“Is that what you want, Landon? Talk to me.”
“Yes,” I breathed.
“Tell me. I need to hear you say it. I need to know you mean it.”
I swallowed, my hands shaking as I reached for him, eyes still closed. “I want you, Chase. I’ve never wanted anyone else as much as I want you.”
“Tell me what you want,” he said, his voice hoarse, betraying for a moment his need for me too. My God. Chase wanted me too. My literal teenage wet dream was coming true, if only for one night.
That was all the confidence boost I needed. My eyes snapped open and focused on the burning desire behind his own.
“I want… I want you to suck me.”
“Anything.” He leaned his head against mine briefly before he sat on the edge of the bed and spread his legs wide, drawing me between them. Looking up at me with those intense, focused eyes, he slowly dragged my zipper down and reached in to release my cock from its tight confines.
He smirked. “Commando, huh.”
“Kind of a necessity in skinny jeans,” I whispered as he licked the underside of my cock and wasted no time in drawing me fully into his mouth. I groaned loudly, already feeling like I wanted to shoot, but instead I plunged my hands in his thick head of hair, gripping at the roots to guide his motions.
Not that Chase seemed to need it—he knew exactly what he was doing, exactly how to make me throw my head back as he swallowed me into his hot, wet heat.
“Fuck! Have you done this before?” I gasped out, watching as my cock disappeared into his mouth.
By the slow tilt of his lips, I knew immediately that was a stupid question. Experience was written in every touch, and I knew I’d want to ask him about that later, but fuck, now was not the time.
Chase’s incredible mouth around my cock was something else entirely. I couldn’t even verbalize the feeling of his firm hands gripping my hips, bringing me to the back of his throat; skilled tongue laving the length of my shaft, dipping into the slit before sucking every last drop of precome until my legs shook. There was no hesitation, no tentative caresses; Chase knew exactly what he wanted, and he took it.
I felt that telltale tingling in my balls, but I wasn’t ready for this to be over, for the awkward after that would follow.
“Chase,” I hissed, and he pulled back, giving my cockhead one final swipe with his tongue before he stood. Before I could even get my head on straight, he threw me onto his bed and stepped back, unbuttoning his shirt. I watched in openmouthed fascination, fisting the sheets to stop myself from launching at him, the soft fabric oddly comforting.
“Flannel sheets?” I said, momentarily distracted by the plush material between my fingers. “I thought penthouses and silk sheets went hand in hand?”
He crawled onto the bed and stretched his body over mine. “Sometimes I miss the comforts of home.” I looked up at him, at the serious contemplation on his face. I reached up and smoothed back the hair that hung into his eyes. “Some things more than others.”
Chase’s single-minded focus, his undivided attention on me, was sobering. There’d be a time for playfulness, for relearning how we used to laugh with each other, but right now it was about closing that gap forged from ten years of silence, and the years before that where we’d never crossed that line.
When he took my lips again, I gave as good as I got, pouring every emotion I’d held on to for so long into that kiss, until tears slid down the sides of my face from my desperation for him.
This was more than I’d ever hoped to wish for, something so far outside a possibility that I didn’t dare let myself dream. I’d tried to recreate the feelings I’d had for him with other guys, but nothing ever came close. There’d never be a comparison for Chase.
It scared me how hard and fast I’d fallen back into myself.
Soon those kisses turned to a battle of tongues, Chase grind
ing his clothed dick against mine. I reached for him, flicking the button open and pulling on his zipper. Chase’s hand joined mine to free his cock, and the feel of it, heavy and scorchingly hot, made my mouth water. I squeezed my eyes shut, but they snapped wide open again when Chase spat in his hand and circled his fist over both of our cocks.
“Oh fuck,” I whispered, throwing my head back at the delicious friction. Chase moaned against my throat, sucking the skin between his teeth. Precome spurted from my cock at the idea of him marking me. All I’d ever wanted was to belong to Chase, and even if we didn’t have a tomorrow, I’d relive this night in my memories forever.
“You feel so good, Landon. Taste so good.” He sighed against my skin, his hand stroking from base to tip, our cockheads sliding over each other. “Shouldn’t have waited so long…”
“I know, baby. Me too.”
I was aware that my shirt was still on, while his hung open, giving me a glance of his chiseled torso that had only become more defined with age. I ran my fingers over the flat of his belly, needing to feel his skin, wishing I could lose a layer but not wanting him to stop.
Chase continued to murmur near my ear, though the music upstairs was loud enough to drown out any noises of our fucking, and the deep rumble of his voice turned me on like nothing else. The tingling in my balls started again, and I planted my feet, bracing myself for the intensity I knew was coming.
He jerked us faster and faster, my hips snapping up to encourage him further. I wanted to stay right here, on the cusp of this moment before jumping into oblivion, because I knew as soon as this was over, nothing would ever be the same again.
Hell, it was too fucking late for that now anyway.
“Landon, I can’t—”
“Oh god, Chase…”
And together we jumped, panting and grunting as we flew into the unknown. Jets of hot come painted my chest, and Chase collapsed against me, kissing me hard as we came down from a high so many years in the making.
He didn’t move immediately, temple pressed against mine as blood pounded behind the thin skin there and he worked to catch his breath. Eventually, with a slow, lazy smile, he slipped out of bed and into the en suite. He kept the light off as he used the toilet and then came back with a warm washcloth. He cleaned me up, swiping reverently over my chest, before he tossed the rag to the nightstand and stretched out beside me, keeping his hand firmly on my hip, as if to keep me from fleeing.
And wasn’t that just it? He still knew me so well.
“Not. Going. Anywhere, this time. You hear me?”
I laughed, a high-pitched giggle that would have been embarrassing in any other circumstance, but I couldn’t care right at this moment. “Yeah, I hear you.”
He smiled, playing with a lock of my hair that had fallen over my forehead. “I like this new look on you.” He smoothed it back, then scratched his nails through the shaved sides, making me practically purr. When the giggles subsided, his smile faded and he became serious once again.
“We’re going to have to tell Cole.”
I blew the air out from my lungs and grimaced. “Not a conversation I’m looking forward to.”
He hummed his agreement, and we grew quiet once again.
“Chase?”
“Mmm?”
“When did you know you were gay?”
“Bi—and probably a couple of years into college when I still couldn’t get you out of my head.”
“Wish you’d called me.”
“Me too,” he said, rubbing his scruff over my head. “I’m trying not to dwell on all the things I regret when it comes to you. But you’re here now.”
“I’m here now.”
We lay there quietly, just breathing each other in, Chase smoothing his hand over my skin and kissing me, long and languid. My dick twitched with renewed interest, but he didn’t make any move to touch me again. He dropped his head to press soft kisses to my chest and neck, and I roamed the firm muscles of his back under his shirt. God, I couldn’t wait until I could see him in all his naked glory, taste his come on my tongue, ride his fat cock until—
“What the fuck?”
We both looked up at the same time to see Cole at the top of the stairs, staring down at us, openmouthed. I scrambled underneath Chase, trying to sit upright and tuck my fucking dick back in my pants
“What—the fuck—is this?”
“It’s not what you think, Cole,” I blurted, and Chase squeezed my wrist.
“It’s exactly what you think,” Chase clarified. “Cole—”
“My brother… that’s my fucking brother, Porter.” He balled his fist at his side. “How long—how long has this been going on?” He pressed his lips together. “Fuck it. I don’t wanna know.”
“Dammit, Cole,” I muttered, swinging off the bed and lurching toward the stairs. The movement seemed to jerk him out of his stupor, and he took a step back, before turning on his heel and storming down the hallway.
“Cole!”
Chase placed a hand on my arm. He had his clothes righted before I’d even zipped up. “I’ll go after him.”
“Oh my god, how is this happening?” I dropped my face in my palms.
Chase grasped my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. “We have nothing to apologize for. Do you hear me?”
“I told you he was going to kill us, Chase. He’s never going to speak to me again.” I stared up at the hallway that Cole had retreated down. “I don’t know which is worse.”
5
Cole had already left by the time we rejoined the party. I’d wanted to catch an Uber back to his place, but Chase insisted we drive over together in the morning.
“It’ll give him a chance to cool off,” he said. I could only nod glumly and agree it was better to let Cole have a night to process. Hell, I felt like I needed at least a week to process everything that had happened in the past few hours.
I should have been excited about spending the night with Chase, but my stomach wouldn’t stop churning. The drinks weren’t sitting too well, so I holed myself up in the bathroom while Chase ushered the last of his guests out of the penthouse.
He found me sitting on the cool tiles, the back of my head resting against the back of the bathtub.
“How are you holding up?” he said, filling a cup of water and retrieving two ibuprofen from a cupboard under the sink. He sat down next to me and made sure I swallowed the pills and finished the cup before drawing me into his lap. His strong arms wrapped around me were instant comfort.
“I feel like garbage.” And it had nothing to do with the drinks. I rubbed the silky fabric of his shirt between my fingers. “Have we lost him, Chase? Did we fuck up?”
“He’ll come around.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
He nuzzled his chin on top of my head. “We’ve already crossed the line. No turning back now.”
He had a point. Even so, misery washed over me. What kind of cruel irony was it when the one thing I wanted more than anything in my life would make me lose my best friend? It wasn’t fair. I was reminded of the time when Cole had first met Chase. I was around nine years old and still idolized my big brother, but Cole was all about his new friend and chasing after girls and he no longer had time for me.
I realized that must be how Cole was feeling now—like he was on the outside looking in, except that he’d lost both of his best friends. I wanted to shake him. Why couldn’t he be happy for us?
“Come on,” Chase murmured after long minutes passed. “Let’s go to bed.”
I let him lead me to his bedroom and peel off my clothes. I slid into his warm, comforting sheets as he undressed too and got in behind me, his arm wrapping over my chest. His woody scent enveloped me, already so comforting, and I counted the slow tick of his heartbeat as it beat against my back.
I didn’t make it to twenty before I was asleep.
* * *
The drive to Cole’s place was quiet, subdued. Chase kept his hand on my knee, even as it bo
unced and jiggled, and I gnawed at my fingernails, a nasty habit I’d tried to combat with black nail polish once upon a time, much to Mom’s horror. The heavy eyeliner she could deal with, but the nail polish was apparently where she drew the line.
When we pulled up in front of his house, I heaved a sigh. To think I’d arrived here just over twelve hours ago. It felt like a lifetime had passed, which was what made the whole thing worse—because being with Chase felt so right, like it was inevitable we should end up together.
I knocked on the door and tried the handle. It turned, and I swung the door open before stepping inside, Chase right behind me. “Cole?”
I looked back at Chase, about to ask if we should take our boots off and go in, when Cole came striding across the living room from the rear of the house. He planted himself in the middle of the room, his arms crossed over his chest, jaw tense.
“You really should have stayed home after all,” he groused.
“You’re overreacting.” I fought the urge to roll my eyes, the classic fear response of the fourteen-year-old Landon I felt myself slipping into, caught between my loyalties toward my brother and the man I’d wanted from the moment I recognized what it was to feel love for someone other than family.
“Don’t tell me how I’m acting. I’m well within my damn rights to be pissed off about this.” He whirled on Chase, narrowing his eyes. “I can’t believe you, Chase. I cannot fucking believe you. I can’t work out if I’m more pissed that you’ve been withholding something that damn big about yourself or that you’ve been banging my little brother.”
Chase stepped forward and stood beside me—a united front in the face of the animosity rolling off Cole in waves. “He’s not so little anymore, Cole. He hasn’t been for a long time.”
Chasing Midnight Page 4
