I collapsed on her, even as my cock continued to pulse inside her. I held her close knowing that she had something to tell me and praying that whatever the hell she had to say wasn’t going to ruin this, ruin us.
21
Serena
The day was perfect. The man was perfect. Had I played my cards right, life might have been perfect. But I didn’t play them right, and now I was likely to lose the only man I’d ever loved.
I was supposed to be telling him about Andrew, but instead, I let him talk me into sex. It was wrong, and yet, I had to feel his touch one more time. I had to feel him moving inside me one last time.
I think I’m in love with you, Serena.
I’d wanted to hear those words for forever and yet when I did, they were bittersweet. When I told him the truth, his feelings would change. Was that why I hadn’t said them back?
“Devin?”
His body was heaving over mine, and I wished I could hold them there forever.
“Hmm?” He rolled to his side, but pulled me close.
“I think I love you too…actually…I’m pretty sure of it.”
He kissed my neck. “Me too.”
We held each other in the dark of my apartment.
“I need to tell you something.”
He lifted his head to look at me.
“When I do, please remember that I love you. No limitations.”
His eyes showed concern, and I couldn’t blame him. My words were ominous. “No limitations.”
“Andrew—” My words were cut off by the sound of the phone ringing.
“Ah hell. That’s my mom. Ignore it.”
I swallowed hard as the image his mother sending me off, warning me to never tell Devin about my baby flashed in my head.
“It’s late. Maybe it’s important,” I said.
“Shit, you’re right. She never calls me this late.” He swung his legs out of bed and reached down for his pants, pulling out his phone. “It’s not a good time, Mom—” He stopped short. “What? When?” He stood, and picked up his underwear and shirt. “Is it bad?”
A worried feeling came over me. Something was wrong.
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” He hung up and looked at me as he tugged his pants on. “I’m sorry. My dad fell and is in the hospital. I need to go.”
“Yes, of course. I understand.”
“We can have this talk later, right?”
“Yes. Absolutely. Go check on your dad.”
He tugged his shirt on and then leaned over the bed. “We’ll be all right.” It came out more like a question. Like he was concerned about what I had to tell him.
I nodded, even though I wasn’t sure we’d be all right. He gave me a quick kiss and then rushed out the door. I flopped back on the bed. I hated myself for being a coward and not telling him sooner. And now I had to find a new time, a new way to tell him. This secret hung like a lead weight on me now and I was afraid I’d either never be free of it, or it would crush me.
I wasn’t able to sleep that night. I stopped in to see Andrew quickly the next morning, but not long enough to have a discussion with my parents about what had happened, or in this case, what hadn’t happened.
On the train to work, I texted Devin, asking him how his father was. I didn’t hear anything back, and I worried it wasn’t good. I texted him again at work, letting him know that if there was something he needed, to let me know.
It wasn’t until I arrived back at my apartment building that I got a text back from Devin.
He’s going to be fine, but have to make changes. Plate is full, baby, I’m sorry.
Part of me wondered if he didn’t need my help because he didn’t want his mother to know he was seeing someone like me. Not that he was ashamed of me, but because he knew his mother wouldn’t approve. He had a lot going on with his father, his taking over the business, and having met his mother on two occasions, I suspected she was a handful now too.
It’s fine. Let me know if I can help with something.
I didn’t hear anything further.
“So, how’d it go?” my mother asked when I picked up Andrew. We steeled away in the kitchen where we could talk while my father played Go Fish with Andrew.
“I didn’t have a chance to tell him. He got a call that his dad had fallen.”
My mother’s face pinched together like she was trying to decide if I was telling the whole truth. Which I supposed I wasn’t. I could have told him when we got back, but instead I chose to make love to him first. It didn’t seem unreasonable to want one last moment of intimacy before I blew up our lives.
“I want to invite him for dinner again,” she said. “But he needs to know about Andrew first.”
“He’s got a lot going on. His dad, the business…”
“Yes, of course. Is there something we can do to help?” my mother asked.
“I offered.”
“Maybe you don’t offer. Show up. Help.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think his family knows about me.”
“What do you mean?” my father said entering the kitchen.
“I mean he hasn’t told them. I haven’t met them.”
“Why not?” He scowled. “He doesn’t think you’re good enough.”
“I’m sure he does, but his family won’t.”
“Well!” my mother said indignantly.
“They’re snooty. I told you, Dad, she tried to pay me off. Personally, I don’t want to meet her.”
My dad put his hands on his hips and glared at me. “The two of you aren’t good for each other.”
“Why, because his parents are conceited? That’s not Serena’s fault,” my mother said.
“No, because the two of you have too many secrets. If you can’t tell him about Andrew and he can’t introduce you to his parents, what sort of life can you have?”
I sighed. I’d thought the same thing at one time. Wasn’t that why I tried to avoid him? If I didn’t see him, I wouldn’t feel compelled to tell him about Andrew. What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, right? Of course, it was too late for that now.
“That’s why I tried to avoid him. I’m scared of how they’ll treat Andrew.”
“They’ll treat him just fine,” my mother said confidently. “He’s a part of her son.”
“When are you going to tell him? The longer you let that go, the worse it will be, Serena,” my father warned.
“I know. I need to wait until he has time.”
My father shook his head. “No, you need to push him. I know he’s got a lot on his plate, but I doubt he’ll see your holding off as being nice to him.”
He was probably right.
“I’ll find time this week to see him. Maybe I can arrange lunch at his office or something,” I said.
My mother put her hands on my shoulders. “This isn’t just for Devin. It’s for Andrew too. He loves Devin. He can’t stop talking about him. He’s going to be over the moon about this.”
Andrew and I did our regular routine that night, although my mother was right, Andrew couldn’t stop talking about Devin and his airplane flight and trip to the Air and Space Museum.
“Do you think Devin can hang my airplane up on the ceiling like at the museum?” he asked of the toy plane Devin bought him.
“Don’t you want to be able to play with it?” I asked, pulling his covers over him.
“I want to have them hanging like they did there.”
“We’ll ask him next time we see him.”
“When will we see him?”
I pushed Andrew’s hair out of his face, making a mental note to get him a haircut. “His daddy is sick and he needs to help his family right now.”
“Can I make him a card?”
“Yes, of course. Why don’t we make it tomorrow morning and I’ll try to arrange to get it to him.”
“Okay.”
“Give me a hug, baby. Goodnight.”
Andrew sat up and hugged me. It occurred to me at that
moment that he could be upset when he found Devin was his father and I hadn’t told him. Cripes. I really did mess things up. Inwardly I prayed they’d both forgive me.
The next day, Andrew drew a card with an airplane for Devin that said he hoped his dad got better soon. After I dropped him off with my mother, I texted Devin asking if we could meet for lunch or coffee. Whenever it was convenient.
I didn’t hear back until that afternoon. This time he called so I was at least able to hear his voice.
“I’m so sorry Serena. It’s just been crazy…my dad is going to need rehab which my mother is insistent needs to be done at home. But she’s driving every potential PT person to run for the hills. The board is concerned that without my dad guiding me, I’m going to run the business into the ground. I’m pretty sure a tabloid is going to come out any moment with a picture of my sister doing shots off a drag queen’s abs…”
“Oh God, Devin. Is there something I can do to help?”
“I wish there was. Ah fuck…I’m so tired. And I miss you and Andrew. How is he?”
I closed my eyes, wondering why I was so worried about Devin when all he had been was wonderful to me and Andrew. Even now, with his world gone crazy, he was asking about him.
“He misses you. He wants you to hang his airplane over his bed.”
“I’d like to do that for him.”
I heard a commotion on his end and he said something muffled as if he covered the speaking end of his phone.
“Listen, Serena, I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go. How about lunch on Friday? My sister has promised she’d keep my mother occupied. I have to take care of some business, but I should be able to meet you for lunch.” He gave me the name of a restaurant.
“I’ll see you then.”
At work, my team met with Nikita about the St. Patrick's party at the Roarke. I wondered if I needed to tell her now that I was seeing him. Then again, when I told him about Andrew, I might not be seeing him. Even so, he was Andrew’s father, so it seemed likely we’d be involved even if it was just co-parenting. God, why couldn’t anything be easy to figure out what to do?
I decided not to worry about telling Nikita now. Right now, I’d just focus on my lunch with Devin on Friday and dealing with the fallout. From this moment until then, I’d pray that he’d understand and forgive me. I crossed my fingers that my mother was right, and Devin’s mom would accept Andrew because he was part of Devin.
22
Devin
Before Serena, I managed my family and business like a machine. They were all I had in my life, and I was able to deal with everything with a sense of detachment.
But now, I was growing to resent my mother’s histrionic control, my sister’s outrageous behavior, and my father’s secret calls to the board to undermine my work. They all were taking me away from the one thing…no two things, that made me happy. Serena and Andrew. God, what I’d do just to see her. To be able to hold her and have some quiet for a minute. I wanted to hang Andrew’s airplane and have him look at me like I’d given him the world. I didn’t want the adulation as much as I needed appreciation.
I’d guilt-tripped Bri into giving up her Friday shopping spree to deal with Mom and Dad. She and I had put the New York club on the back burner, for now, because I had to exert control over the business to prevent a mutiny. There would be an emergency board meeting on Friday and I was determined to show them that I was more than capable of running Roarke businesses. I was also prepared to run any of them out if they continued to sabotage me.
The only good thing about my life now was it was so crazy hectic that time flew by. Before I knew it, I was standing in the conference room, with the board, and my father being video-conferenced in. My mother, with my sister’s help, had encouraged him to join in. He looked frail and, if you looked closely, you could see the tremors, But he was in a suit, his silver hair slicked back.
One of the longest-standing board members started to speak, but I cut him off, which might have been rude, but my intention was to show my dominance from the get-go. When my father tried to interrupt me, I muted him, and continued on. It was obnoxious, but if I didn’t win this battle, there was no use staying on.
I’d made headway, but as lunch approached, I knew I wouldn’t be able to make my date with Serena. I had to hope she’d understand. I’d call her later, and maybe if all went well tonight, I could take her and Andrew out for dinner. Maybe we’d even go see a movie.
“You’re definitely, Roarke’s son,” one of the board members said at three in the afternoon when I’d finally wrangled the last agreement out of them.
I didn’t want to be compared to my father, but for now, I’d take it if it would give them confidence in me. “I hope you see that I want what’s best for this company as well as you and my father does. I know what I’m doing, and I intend to do it.”
“That sounds like an ultimatum,” one of my father’s allies said.
“It’s a promise, Rich,” I said, using his first name, again as a rude way to hold my position of power.
He glanced at my father, who looked small on the screen. He’d have hated that. While he looked pale and frail, his green eyes were as sharp as ever. Worried about what undermining or back-handed comment he might make, I forged ahead.
“The Roarke is having a St. Patrick’s Day party. I hope you’ll all attend.” I pulled all my notes and items together, shoved them in my briefcase, and then left the meeting.
I didn’t even bother going to my office. I went straight for the elevator and headed down. My destination; Serena’s place.
It was possible the board, along with my father, would vote to get rid of me. So be it. I was thinking that perhaps I should transfer the New York Club work to my own business entity. Maybe I’d arrange to buy the other clubs too. My father would be happy and I’d be free.
I got into my car and asked Doug to drive me to Serena’s building. When he let me out, I gave him the rest of the night off. If I was lucky, I’d be staying with Serena tonight. Or maybe I could invite her back to my new place, which I hadn’t spent much time since my father’s fall.
I poked the buzzer to her apartment and waited. When she didn’t buzz me in, I rang again. The third time, I buzzed her parents’ apartment.
“Yeah?” her father’s gruff voice sounded through the intercom.
“Mr. Moore. It’s Devin Roarke. I’m looking for Serena and Andrew.”
“Come on up.” The door buzzed and I walked in. I guess they were at her parents’ place. I hated to bug them, but I did owe her an apology for missing lunch.
When I got to her apartment, I knocked.
“Devin, come in,” Mr. Moore said as he swung open the door. “Glad you’re here.”
I stepped in; the place was quiet. “Is Serena or Andrew here?”
“They’re at the park with my wife. They’ll be back any minute. Want a whiskey?”
After a day like today, I wanted several. “Maybe a small one.”
“Sorry to hear about your father. Is he okay?” Mr. Moore went to his liquor cabinet and poured two small glasses of whiskey.
“He looks frail but his mind and tongue are sharp as ever.”
Mr. Moore laughed. “Sounds like you’ve been cut a few times.”
I shrugged. “I think my father forgets I’m grown up.”
“With a son of your own even,” he said handing me the glass.
Huh?
“I have to say, I was worried how you’d take it or what you’d do. It does my heart good to see you here, Devin.”
“Ah…yes sir.”
“Andrew thinks the world of you. When do you and Serena intend to tell him?”
I sipped the whiskey trying to figure out what he was talking about. Tell Andrew what? “Ah…I don’t know. To be honest sir, I’m not sure what—”
“You know, I saw it from the beginning. The boy looks like you.” His eyes narrowed at me. “I don’t like the idea that you took advantage of my daughter all th
ose years ago, but Andrew is the heart and soul of this family, so I guess it’s a good thing you did. I just hope that you weren’t as careless with other women over the years.”
I stared at Mr. Moore completely confused. He was speaking English and if I wasn’t mistaken, he was talking to me as if I was Andrew’s father. But that couldn’t be right. First, Serena would have told me. Second, the boy was four, and I’d been with Serena nearly five years ago to the day. Shit. Pregnancy. I’d forgotten about the nine months. Was it possible?
My brain was in a whirl, unable to sort out what was going on.
“You weren’t, were you?” he asked. “Careless?”
I shook my head. “No sir.” I always used a condom. Except the last time with Serena but she’d told me she was on the pill and I believed her. I thought back to five years ago. I’d used a condom then too…except…Jesus, I think I didn’t once.
My lungs seized and my heart sped up like it was running the Indie 500.
Mr. Moore’s brows pulled together in concern. “Are you all right? You’re looking a little pale.”
The door opened and I heard people enter.
“Devin!” Andrew called and rushed to me, wrapping his arms around my legs.
“Hey.” I looked up at Serena, who was looking at me much in the same way as her father was.
“Devin and were just having a chat about fatherhood,” Mr. Moore said.
Immediately Serena’s eyes widened into panic. I looked down at the boy again, and knowing struck at the heart of me. Andrew was my son.
I looked at Serena. “Is it true?”
“Devin…I…”
“Of course, it’s true,” Mr. Moore said. He paused for a moment, looking from Serena then to me, before giving his attention to her again. “Ah hell, Serena, you told him, didn’t you?”
“Is what true?” Andrew asked.
“Oh dear.” Mrs. Moore’s gaze darted from me to her husband to Serena. They all settled on Andrew. “Sweetie, let’s go to the park. You too, Graham.”
An Irish Affair Page 16
