by Sarah Bale
She’s not broken. I am.
We go back to the bar, where it’s grown louder, if that’s even possible. People dance and grind against each other, and laughter fills the air. It doesn’t put me at ease, though. If anything, it makes my pulse pound harder in my neck. I don’t like not being in control. And I have no control here.
“I’m going to introduce you to one of Razor’s guys and then you’re on your own.”
Razor? What kind of name is that?
I must have voiced my thought because Rabbit grins, “You’ll see soon enough, if you’re lucky. He’s not the top dog, but he’s close.”
He takes me by the hand, pulling me close to his body as we walk. I don’t miss the heated looks I get from other men. If I were here on my own, I would flirt with the danger lurking in the shadows and see where it takes me. But, I’m here as a spy, and I need to remember that.
Rabbit takes me out back where the vibe is different. People sit in lawn chairs, sipping beers. There’s a firepit and I want to get closer to it and feel its warmth.
Rabbit tugs me in a different direction, though, to a corner of the yard that seems dark. Too dark. There’s a group of men sitting in lawn chairs, talking and laughing with each other.
Rabbit calls out, “What’s up, my brothers?”
I don’t miss the eye roll one of the guys gives Rabbit before replying, “Didn’t we tell you to stay away?”
Rabbit holds my arm up, making me do a little spin. “Brought a friend this time. Thought Razor might like to meet her.”
The guy eyes me. “Oh yeah? Come here, honey. Let’s have a look.”
I glance at Rabbit, unsure as to what I’m supposed to do. Rabbit shakes my hold on his hand and pushes me forward.
“Do a slow spin.”
Gulping air, I do as Rabbit says and the guys whistle.
“Yeah, he’ll love her.”
Rabbit asks, “Is he coming out tonight?”
The guy’s eyes narrow. “None of your business.” To me, he asks, “Got a number?”
I nod and stutter it out. My cell is another gift from Agent Hill. He said my old phone was outdated and gave me a burner phone to use. It’s even prepaid on data for the next three months, so I was able to download apps my old phone wouldn’t support. It’s been fun playing with it. But, I’m not stupid. He gave me the phone so he can track me and who I’m talking to.
The guy grins. “I’ll make sure Razor’s in contact. Wear something like this when you meet up with him. He’ll like that.”
I feel like I’ve been dismissed, so I go back to Rabbit’s side.
Rabbit looks pissed. “That’s it? I’m not going to get an invite?”
The man stands. “No. You’re not. Because we don’t trust you after you ran your mouth last time. Keep doing us favors and maybe we’ll invite you. One day.”
The other guys laugh, making me wonder if that is true. Rabbit sighs and walks away, so I follow him, not knowing what else to do. We get back to the table where I first found him, and he sits, taking a shot.
“You want one?”
I shake my head. “No, thanks. I don’t drink.”
He sighs. “Fuck. I don’t know what it’s going to take for them to trust me.”
I want to point out that maybe they’re right to not trust him. I mean, he’s working with the FBI, just like me. We’re both moles, looking for information.
“What are you trying to get invited to?”
He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“You really don’t know?”
I shake my head, and he lets out a loud laugh.
“You’re working with the agency and don’t know what you’ve signed up for? Fuck, this is priceless.”
“You probably shouldn’t say that so loud,” I say, glancing around to make sure no one’s listening.
“I don’t know what you’ve done to be picked for this, but you should end this before it begins. You look like a nice girl. They’re going to eat you up and spit you out.”
“Who?”
“The Devil’s Regents.” At my blank look, he lets out another laugh. “Fuck me. Girl, you should run. If they call you, don’t answer.”
My phone buzzes in my pocket at the same time. Pulling it out, I see a text from an unknown number.
Unknown: Razor will be out front in five.
My heart pounds and I show Rabbit the text.
He shakes his head. “I’ll give it to them. They sure knew what they were doing when they picked you. He won’t be able to resist. None of them will.”
I have no idea what he means, but I don’t get a good feeling about this.
My mouth is dry and I ask, “What do I do now?”
“Look, girl, I’ve made the connection with you and Razor. The rest is up to you.” He glances at his naked wrist, where a watch should be. “Better get out there. Offers like this don’t come around very often. Trust me, I know.”
He gives me a little push toward the exit. I’m not sure if I want to do this. What if I’m about to walk into a nightmare, like my past? I barely survived it then, and I know how people can hide the monsters that live within. But my feet move on their own accord until I’m outside. The temperature is cooler now, and I wrap my arms over my exposed stomach, shivering.
In the distance, the loud hum of several motorcycles fills the air. As they get closer, I can feel the rumbling my chest. It makes me want to run and excites me at the same time. The bikes pull up and one stops in front of me. The man on it is… massive. There’s no other way to describe him. His muscular, tattooed arms grip the handlebars of the bike, and he looks me up and down.
“You the present?”
I nod once and he grins, making my stomach do something strange. I wonder if everything on him is as big and bold.
“Are you Razor?”
He doesn’t answer, but says, “Get on, babe. We’re wasting time.”
I’ve never been on a motorcycle, so it’s awkward as hell when I get on. So awkward, in fact, that some of the other guys laugh at me. Razor’s so big that I find myself pressed against his back. I shiver at the contact and resist from rubbing against him.
He takes off before I’m prepared, and I grab onto his shirt, holding on for dear life. We’re traveling so fast that I feel sick. When he takes a turn, I let out a small scream.
“Lean into the turns, babe,” he shouts over his shoulder.
Closing my eyes, I lean closer against his back, praying for this ride to be over. We travel for what feels like hours, until we come to a stop. Opening my eyes, I see we’ve stopped at another bar. It seems to be busier than the last one, with at least fifty motorcycles parked in the gravel parking lot.
Razor waits for me to get off before standing.
His lips twitch as he looks at me. “Might want to pull your shirt down a bit before we go inside. I’m enjoying the show, but not sure you want everyone to see it for free.”
Looking down, I realize that my newly cut shirt rode up during the drive and now my breasts are hanging out for anyone to see. I let out a cry and tug the shirt down. Razor watches me, a sexy grin on his face.
He asks, “You sure you want to do this? You don’t seem like the type.”
I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I nod. “I’m sure.”
“Well, follow me, little girl. Let me introduce you to some people who can make all your little dreams come true.”
32
Olivia
There’s a knock on my door. When I open it, King is there, but he’s not smiling.
“Can we talk?”
“Sure. Come in.” I step aside, so he can enter.
When I close the door, he pulls me into his arms, kissing me. I run my fingers through his long hair.
“Hey now, I’m okay.” I whisper. “I promise.”
“Olivia-” His voice breaks and he kisses me again.
He kisses me like a man saying goodbye.
“King?”
> He cups my face with his hands. “I care about you. So. Damn. Much. I’m just sorry we didn’t have much time together.”
“King, you’re scaring me.”
“We voted today,” he says. “Olivia-”
Again, he can’t finish his sentence, but I think I know what he’s going to say.
“When?”
“Today.”
No!
“King.”
He presses his forehead against mine. “I’ll never forget you, Olivia Mayhem.”
“I won’t forget you, either, King.”
He pulls away, looking pained. “One day you will. This will be a distant memory. You’ll meet a nice guy and then you won’t think of us again.”
I shake my head. “I’ll think about you until the day I die.”
He gives me a heartbreaking smile. “I selfishly hope so.”
There’s a knock on the door and I realize they’re each going to say goodbye to me. My heart shatters, but I have to let them do this. After all, that’s what you do for the ones you love.
King leaves and Razor enters, looking even more dejected than King.
“He told you?”
“Yes.”
He nods. Looking at him in this moment, I see a wall going up around him. My sweet Razor doesn’t do well with goodbyes, so I won’t drag this out for him.
Brushing my lips against his cheek, I say, “It’s okay, Razor. We’ll both make it through this.”
“Promise?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
His mouth crashes over mine and he kisses me until I’m breathless. He pulls away just as fast and leaves, slamming the door behind him.
Tears fill my eyes, but I have to be strong.
There’s a soft knock on the door and I close my eyes, regaining my composure.
“Liv? Can I come in?”
I open the door. Bash isn’t like me and allows his tears to fall freely.
“Are you okay? I know this is a lot to take in, especially after just getting out of the hospital.”
“I’ll be fine,” I assure him. “I expected this.”
The thing is, I’ve lied so much in my life that he actually believes me. I can see it all over his face and in his body, as a weight is lifted from his shoulders.
He lets out a sigh. “I don’t want you to go, Liv, but I know it’s for the best.”
I brush my lips against his. “I know, Bash. I know.”
“Do you need help packing?”
Packing? My heart falls even more and I understand what is happening. Saint is making sure I’m gone before anyone can change their minds.
I shake my head. “No, I’ve got it. Thank you.”
He nods, looking uncomfortable.
“Bash, I promise, I’m good. But I should start packing.”
“Okay.” He gives me one last look before leaving.
When he’s gone, I sit on the edge of the bed, feeling sick. Why didn’t I see this coming? Hell, I lied to them. There is no way that I can be allowed to stay. They can’t trust me. And who can blame them?
They think they’re letting me go for my own good, but what they don’t know is this is for their own good. They still don’t know everything about me. If they did, they definitely wouldn’t want to keep me. So, even though this hurts like hell, this is for the best.
I’ll remind myself of this lie every damn day until I believe it as the truth.
So, the only thing I can do is pack and be ready for Saint to come talk to me. And I’ll do my best not to let him see that this is killing me.
One hour later, my room is packed and I wait for that final knock on my door. When he knocks, I jump, but then I let him in. His face is unreadable as he closes the door behind him and I prepare myself for whatever he has to say. I owe him that much.
Saint looks down at me with those big, brown eyes that haunt my dreams. “I’m sorry, Olivia. You aren’t welcome here anymore.”
Even though I knew it was coming, my heart breaks. “Saint-”
“You’re not meant for a place like this. Hell, even when you were helping the Feds you were still looking out for us.”
I can see it in his face – he’s not going to change his mind.
“Will I see you again?”
What if this is the last time I ever get to talk to him? What then?
He looks tired. “I don’t think so. The Prospects will make sure you get moved into your new place. And then we’ll leave you alone.”
“Just like that?” I shake my head. “Saint, this is wrong. I’m supposed to be here, with you, King, Bash, and Razor.”
“What kind of fucking life is that, Olivia?” he asks, his voice rising. “What? You want to be our whore for the rest of your life? Is that good enough for you?”
He’s just given me hope, even though he didn’t mean to.
“Your whore?”
“What?”
“You just said I was yours, too. Not just King, Razor, and Bash’s.”
I move closer to him. Heat radiates off his strong body.
“Saint, I’ll go, because I can see this is what you think needs to happen, but you have to do something for me first.”
“And that is?”
“Kiss me.”
His eyes widen and he shakes his head. “No.”
“I’m already yours, I’ve told you this. But, for some reason, you don’t think you’re good enough to be mine. You’re wrong, Saint Massacre, but you’ll have to figure that out on your own. So, until that happens, I’ll go. But not before you kiss me.”
I move closer to him, until we’re chest to chest.
“Saint.”
His head dips and his hot breath meets mine. He’s so close that all I have to do is lift just a little. But this has to be him. He has to be the one to want to kiss me. He moves even closer and my eyes close.
“Olivia. You need to leave. Now.”
Opening my eyes, I meet his gaze.
“Saint?”
He straightens. “Goodbye, Olivia.”
He walks away from me just as I feel the first signs of heartbreak. No! This isn’t how this ends! He doesn’t get to just send me away! Not when I let them in, breaking every single one of my rules!
“Saint.”
He doesn’t turn around this time.
“Saint!”
The door closes as he leaves and I sit on the floor, trying not to lose it.
I thought they were my saviors.
But I was wrong.
So fucking wrong.
1
Olivia
The Prospect sets a box on the floor and says, “That’s the last one, Ms. Olivia.”
He hasn’t been able to look me in the eyes once since he’s been here. No doubt he knows what this means – the Devil’s Regents are through with me. Tossing me away as if I was never there to begin with. Like I’m no more than a piece of garbage. Maybe I am. I don’t even know at this point.
I realize he’s waiting for me to say something, so I forced myself to smile. After all, it’s not his fault I’m being thrown away.
“Thank you for your help.”
He nods, leaving me standing in the middle of the living room of my new townhouse. My roommate, Lucy, is out to dinner with her parents celebrating the start of her last year of college, so I’m all alone. To be honest, I’m not sure if it’s good that I’m by myself right now. I mean, my heart was just shattered mere hours ago.
Four times, to be exact.
No! I can’t think about them. Not right now.
Grabbing the last box, I go to my brand new room. It’s on the smaller side, but has its own bathroom. Better than the dorm room that I was in last semester, but not as good as my room at the clubhouse. My heart does this little stabby thing again and I blink back tears.
Saint sent me away because he thought he was doing the right thing. But he’s wrong. The only saving grace is that they won’t have to learn how fucked up I really am. For that, I’m thankful.
So, I’m going to do what I’ve done every other time my life’s gone to shit – I’m going to keep busy until I don’t think about them anymore. It’ll take time, but I can’t let this break me. I won’t let it break me.
Saint
My brothers sit in disbelief as I tell them everything that happened at the rally. Most of them were too fucked up to know why we left so abruptly, but there are a few who know, like Doc. Razor meets my gaze, shooting daggers, but I have to do this. I have to tell my brothers everything. What kind of leader would I be if I didn’t?
I finish with, “Mama Bear is gone, but we won’t mourn her death. She betrayed us.”
“What about the bitches?” someone calls out. “I say they need to pay for being rats for the Feds.”
Razor jumps to his feet. “I suggest shutting the fuck up, Chopper. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
King takes a drink from his bottle of Jack and quietly adds, “They’ve paid enough. One of them is in a hospital bed unable to move. The other was shot. Twice.”
I try not to notice how his words slur and how much pain I hear in his voice. Bash is the only one who hasn’t said anything to defend her. Fuck. I can’t even bring myself to think of her name.
I go on, “King and Razor are right. They both paid the price, so we won’t be going after them. We moved their things out of the clubhouse a few hours ago. They’re gone and the Feds aren’t on our asses.”
At least, not for tonight. I’m not naïve – Agent Hill gave us a free pass, but, if we fuck up, they’ll come after us with everything they’ve got.
“That’s why I called Church tonight. We’re faced with something we’ve never had before – a chance to start over. As you all know, my father started this club with a vision in mind. Over the years that vision faded away, replaced by drugs, women, and having a good time.”
“What’s wrong with that?” someone calls out.
“Nothing. But we’re not getting any younger, brothers. We need to think about the legacy we want to leave behind. That’s why I want to open up a shop. Hell, most of you work on cars and bikes in your spare time. Why not make it what we’re known for?”
