by Sarah Bale
“When I think back to our last few months together, I see this moment so clearly. I came home late one night. She was in her rocking chair, knitting. When I walked in, she put her basket aside and stood. Her face was glowing as she said she needed to talk to me. But I was too tired and told her we could talk in the morning. Her entire demeanor shifted. Her small shoulders slumped, head lowered, and that glow—well, that glow vanished.
“I moved her to the clubhouse where we’d be safe. She’d been used to hurt me before. I wasn’t going to let it happen again.”
God, did she fight me about moving to the clubhouse. Even threatened to go stay with her sister in New Orleans. But when push came to shove, she stayed with me.
“She was slipping away from me and I didn’t see it until Bash stopped me one night. Told me to get my head out of my ass before I lost her.”
I’d never seen Bash so fucking mad in my life. Everyone who met Mary loved her, so I thought maybe the kid just had a crush. When I went to our room that night and really looked at Mary, I realized Bash was right. I was losing her and didn’t even know it.
“I made a vow to make sure she was happy, even if that meant letting club business slide. But then there were reports that the new group trying to move into the area were traffickers, so I had to put a stop to it.”
Liv shakes her head. “Now we know my father was behind it.”
“Yeah, we do. Doesn’t change anything, though. She still would have died.”
“Was she shot?”
“That would have almost been better. At least if she were shot, then there would’ve been someone I could have went after for revenge.” I sigh. “Remember how I said she was glowing?”
“She was pregnant?”
“Yeah. When she finally told me, I was over the moon. We’d been trying for a while and even though it wasn’t great timing due to everything happening with the club, I was ready to be a dad.” I close my eyes, remembering. “She woke up one night having chest pains and shortness of breath. Scared the fucking shit out of me seeing her like that. When we got to the ER, they did an exam, but she was already starting to feel better. They gave her some fluids and told her to try to keep her life stress free. Said it was just a panic attack.”
She had felt so silly by the time we got back to the clubhouse, promising that she wouldn’t overreact so much the next time. I wish she had. I wished I had pushed for more answers. Maybe if I had-
“Saint?”
“Everything was fine for the next few months. Her stomach grew and I couldn’t wait to finally be a little family. I still remember the first time I heard the heartbeat. Fucking magical.”
I don’t miss that Liv’s hand goes to her own stomach.
“Mary still wasn’t feeling well, though she denied it. She was suffering from extreme morning sickness and leg cramps that would wake her up crying. Plus, I think she was still having chest pains on and off. We all thought it was because of the club, and the drama going on with the other club, but it turns out we were wrong.
“August fifth was a normal day. I woke up, made love to my wife, and went to take care of club business. After dinner I went to check on Mary. She was lying down on the couch, curled into a ball as she slept. Even in her sleep she looked like she was worried. There was a crease in her forehead that didn’t go away when I woke her.” I let out a bitter laugh. “She told me she was having chest pains again and had been all day. She didn’t want to bother me, though, so she hadn’t said a word.”
Liv stills. “August fifth? Are you sure?”
I nod. “Yes. So, I load her up in my car and we go to the ER. It was a fucking madhouse by the time we got into a room. Something was going on a few rooms down and I think most of the staff was in there.” I go on, “A nurse and a doctor come in to check her vitals and see what was going on in general. Ended up putting her on oxygen because her levels kept dropping. The doctor ordered a chest x-ray, even though he thought she was having another panic attack.”
I’ve relived the next moments over and over the last six years trying to find some kind of answer. Or maybe even some kind of peace.
“This kid comes in to do the chest x-ray. Dude looked like he wasn’t old enough to even be out of school. Almost pissed his pants when I asked if he was sure they should be doing an x-ray on my pregnant wife. He had to check the orders twice to make sure he had the right patient.”
I kept looking at Mary, ready to get her the hell out of there if she gave me the go-ahead.
“He acts off as he’s doing the exam. At one point he even mutters, ‘It’s probably nothing,’ right before he leaves to find the doctor.” I continue, “There’s a code called from the room down the hall and everyone rushes to that room. I fucking couldn’t believe that they’d just left us there, but I guess whatever was going on down the hall was more important.”
“Saint-”
“I turned to Mary, about to tell her we should leave when I noticed her lips and tongue had gone blue. And then she slumped over. I ran into the hallway, yelling for help, but no one came. Not right away, at least. They were all in the other room.”
Liv moans. “Saint.”
I have to finish now. If I don’t, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to.
“Turns out Mary had a pulmonary embolism. Threw the clot right there in front of me and died in my fucking arms. All those stress symptoms she was having were signs that we didn’t catch.” I say, “I don’t think she felt any pain after she slumped over. I held her, yelling for help until a nurse ran into the room. They coded her for forty-five minutes before stopping. There wasn’t anything that could be done. My Mary was gone.
“I remember walking out of the room, into the hallway, feeling like I was in the middle of a war zone. Sat right there on the floor, leaning against the wall. People were rushing around me, going in and out of the room down the hall. I heard one of the nurses saying they’d got a heartbeat back. I was glad for that person and their family.”
When I looked back into Mary’s room, there was trash littering the floor from where the staff had ripped open syringes and medications, trying to save her. I’ll never forget the blood that had sprayed as they tried to start a central line. And I’ll definitely never forget the sound Mary’s body made as they did chest compressions. God. My sweet wife.
“I stayed in the hallway while they cleaned Mary’s body so I could say goodbye. Down the hall, they wheeled out a bed with a girl on it. She was so fucking small, and there were lines everywhere on her. I remember asking the nurse if the girl was going to be okay.” I shake my head. “The nurse wasn’t sure, but I’d like to think she was, since they managed to get her heart going.”
Liv grabs my hand. “Saint, the girl was me.”
I freeze.
“What did you say?”
“The girl down the hall. That was me.”
33
Olivia
I’m crying as I say, “I’m the girl who was in the other room. You said August fifth, right?”
He nods.
“Saint, that’s the same day that I was discovered and brought to the hospital.”
He shakes his head. “No. That can’t be right.”
“The hospital in Baxley wasn’t big enough to handle a case like mine, so they transferred me to Savannah.” I grab his hand again. “Saint, I think your wife died because of me.”
He looks pale, probably thinking the same thing that I am – that this is my fault.
“The doctors all told me there was nothing that we could have done to stop her death.”
“You said it yourself. Most of the staff was in the other room, with me. Maybe if they had been with you and Mary-”
“They said the girl was having a heart attack.”
I cringe. “I was in septic shock because of infection from the dirty needles my father was using on me. The withdrawals I was going through made everything more complicated. Afterward, they told me that if I had been brought in even twenty min
utes later that it would have been too late.” My hand goes over my scar on my chest. “It was a long recovery.”
He turns, facing me, and I brace myself for whatever he’s about to say.
“Liv, you can’t blame yourself for Mary’s death.”
“Saint-”
“I mean it. Mary was a firm believer that everything happened for a reason.”
“That’s hard for me to believe. How does her death justify me living?”
“Mary’s family had a long history of health issues. Even if she hadn’t had the PE, there was a lot of other problems that she might have later on in life.” He pulls me into his arms. “Remember how I said you seemed familiar when we met?”
I nod.
“I think we both know why now. It would be just like my Mary to make sure that I would find someone just like you to be at my side.”
My eyes water at the notion. What are the chances that we would be in the same place at the same time all those years ago? It’s like we were destined to meet.
“I told you once that the two of you would have liked each other. She’s probably looking down right now, wondering how on earth it took us this long to figure this out.”
I let out a small laugh and wipe my eyes. “Do you really think so?”
“I do.” His hand moves to my stomach. “I’m sorry for running away when you told me about the baby.”
“You don’t have to apologize.”
But I’m glad he is. I sniffle. Stupid jerk. Should have told me this sooner.
“Yes, I do. I was a fucking dick about it and I’m so sorry. I can’t take it back, but what I can do is promise that I will be at your side from this day forward, no matter what life throws at us. That is, if you will have me?”
I throw my arms around his neck, kissing him. “Of course I’ll have you, Saint Massacre.”
He grins. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I pause. “Was that a proposal?”
Because it kind of felt like one. And I think I like the idea…
His eyes widen. “Do you want to get married?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it, to be honest.”
He lifts my left hand, kissing each of my knuckles. “I would love to be your husband, and to give our children my last name, but this is your choice. I know you love the others as much as me.”
“Growing up, all I ever wanted was to be a part of a family. I have that with you, King, Bash, and Razor.” My hand goes to my stomach. “For the sake of this baby, it might be nice to make it official, though.”
His entire face lights up. “What are you saying?”
“Saint Massacre, I think I want to marry you and have King, Razor, and Bash as your brother-husbands.”
He lets out the loudest, most joyful laugh. “I think we can fucking do that, darlin’. Fuck. Life is never going to be dull with you around.”
I kiss him and say, “You best believe it.”
We sit there, on Mary’s bench, and watch the sunrise together. When I start to get cold, Saint tosses his arm sling and lifts me, carrying me to the house. My guys are waiting for us when we step inside.
King asks, “Well?”
I smile at Saint before saying, “We’re good.”
Razor comes to my side, kissing me. “It’s about fucking time.”
Saint clears his throat. “I asked Liv to marry me. She agreed, but only if everyone is on board.”
They don’t seem shocked by this news.
I add, “I don’t want this to change anything between us, though.”
Bash grins. “I get it. The baby will have Saint’s last name. My only request is that we get to help with the baby’s first name.”
“Dude. Rock, paper, scissors!” Razor says, holding out his hand.
“You are not ‘rock, paper, scissor-ing’ this kid’s name,” King shouts. “I get to pick this time because I’m the VP.”
They bicker around me, and I lean against Saint, taking it all in. These men are my family.
Saint’s lips brush against my ear. “Are you happy?”
“Very much so.” I turn, so I’m facing him. “Is your bike here?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Because I remember telling you about a certain fantasy I had, where you fucked me senseless on your bike and I’m hoping to make it a reality.”
“Fuck. Let’s go.” To the others he calls out, “We’ll be back.”
I’m not sure they hear, though, because they’re still bickering over baby names.
Razor yells, “Jedediah! Are you serious? Do you want our kid to get beat up?”
“Fuck off. It was my granddad’s name,” King says, defensively.
Always the peacemaker, Bash says, “I think it could work. Maybe as a middle name.”
I grin as Saint pulls me outside, toward his bike.
“Ready?”
“Yes.”
I kiss Saint before climbing on behind him. This time, I feel as if I’m right where I’m supposed to be.
He takes off and I hold onto his waist. We don’t go very far. In fact, I’m certain we’re still on his property. It’s super secluded, making me excited as hell. Hello, sexy times!
Saint parks the bike and says, “Get off and get naked.”
I scramble off the bike, practically panting as I strip. He stands, too, stripping before getting back on the bike. My hands tremble as I toss my clothes to the ground.
“Come here.” He pats the spot in front of him. “Climb on and face me.”
My pulse is erratic as I climb on. He keeps us balanced, though. When I’m seated, my core rubs against his cock and I moan.
“I know in your fantasy you said you wanted me to take you over the back of my bike, but I think you’ll enjoy this position a bit more.”
I grin. “Plus, we can always do the other position another time.”
His lips brush over mine. “I like the way you think.”
His hands caress my shoulders and breasts before moving to my hips. With a quick tug, he slides me forward and positions himself at my opening.
“Wrap your arms around me and put your feet on the foot pegs.”
The look on his face is pure fucking sin. I do as he says and then he enters me in a slow thrust.
“Oh fuck,” I moan.
I’m not sure if it the slight curve of the seat or the position in general, but I feel him deep inside of me. The wind caresses my overheated skin as he starts to move. Each thrust sends spark waves of pleasure throughout my body and feels so fucking good.
“I’ve thought about this a lot since you told me it was your fantasy,” he rasps out. “And this – this right here is better than I could ever imagine. You’re a fucking sight to see.”
I rock against him. “That’s because my Daddy knows how to make me feel so good.”
His cock twitches deep inside of me and my body clenches back, wanting to savor the pleasure he’s bringing me.
“That’s right,” he growls into my ear. “I know what my little girl needs.”
I’m the one shivering now, because…DAMN.
He takes his time fucking me, bringing me to the edge over and over until I’m screaming out his name.
“Such a dirty girl. The neighbors are going to know what I’m doing to you. They’re just over that fence.”
In my sex-frenzy, I manage to look to where he’s pointing. Through the trees there is indeed a fence. And a man walks around his yard, watering his plants. A deep moan works its way up my throat at the thought of being caught. Saint’s finger scrapes over my clit making me moan louder. He does it again and I cry out. The man on the other side of the fence, turns, as if he heard me.
“Saint,” I whimper.
He gives me a panty-melting smile. “I want them to hear us. I want old man Jones to know that I’m fucking you so good that you can’t help but to scream out my name.”
His hand moves to my breast, tweaking my nipple.
&n
bsp; “He’s going to be so fucking jealous when he hears how hard you come.”
“Oh god. So. Close,” I pant out.
He tugs my nipple at the same time he pinches my clit. I scream out Saint’s name and a series of curses as I come so hard that I see white stars. Through it all, I see old man Jones, stop, listen, and then hurry inside.
My pussy throbs around Saint as he thrusts one more time before he comes.
“Fuck,” he groans into my ear.
I hold onto him as we ride out the last of our bliss.
“Oh my god, that was so hot,” I whisper.
He grins. “You’re so hot.”
“I feel like I should send old man Jones a note or something for traumatizing him.”
“Hell, he ought to send us a thank you note. I’m sure that’s the most action he’s gotten in years.”
I let out a giggle. “Saint Massacre, you’re incorrigible.”
“Damn right I am. Come on, let’s get you back to the house. I want to make love to you in our bed.”
“You know, we’re going to have to come up with some kind of brother-husband sleeping schedule.”
His laugh heats my body. “Anything to please you, but I get you today. I still have a lot of apologizing to do.”
“Well, if you insist.”
We go back to the house, to our room. As we get into bed, I realize how far we’ve come as a unit.
I thought they were my saviors.
I prayed they were my saints.
Turns out we’re all a bunch of sinners, and I wouldn’t change a goddamn thing.
“What do we do now?”
“Now?” Saint smiles. “We live.”
And so, we do.
Epilogue
***Four Months Later***
Saint
It’s been nearly four months since Liv’s father died. Four months of bliss, wedding planning, and trips to the doctor to make sure Liv is doing fine. Turns out my Liv is full of surprises, because we’re not just having one baby, we’re having two. That’s right. Twins. I’m over the fucking moon about it.
