The Golden Boy

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The Golden Boy Page 8

by J Darcy


  “It definitely is.” Her eyes were on fire, “No one else has said a word. No one else cares. Because my life doesn’t bother them. I’m sorry my very existence has you on edge.”

  He cursed and stepped forward. “Stop it. You know that’s not what this is fucking about.”

  “Oh, do I? Because I have no idea what runs through that thick head of yours. I have no idea why you do the things that you do. You’re a fucking paradox, Cade, and it pisses me off.”

  He could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He knew he must have looked wild. “Yeah? Well you fucking piss me off too, Kellie! I was trying—I really was—and then you went and threw TJ in my fucking face!”

  “You shouldn’t care what I’m doing!” Her voice didn’t have the same bite as usual. He wondered if she was as tired as he was.

  “Clearly I do.”

  She took a step backwards and averted her gaze. “You told me you weren’t jealous. You told me we could be friends. If that’s the case, then what I do with TJ is none of your concern!”

  He took a step forward, closing the small gap between them. When only inches away from her face, it was easy to count the sparkles in those pretty eyes. If only she didn’t look at him with such blinding hatred. “It is my concern. You know that. Of course I’m fucking jealous.”

  She shut her eyes, as if savoring the moment. “I hate you, Cade. God, I hate you.”

  “I know.”

  With her cold words bouncing around in his head, he moved forward, pressing her body against the smooth exterior of her car. One hand cupped her cheek, his fingertips digging into her neck, while the other took ahold of her hip. Then, he kissed her.

  He kissed her hard.

  It was a bruising, punishing kiss. Cade certainly didn’t deserve the soft, sweetness that someone like Kellie could offer him. Instead, he reveled in the harsh feeling of his lips on hers, loving the way she immediately melted into him, kissing him with the same intensity. Her hands slid up his chest, grasping onto the cotton of his t-shirt so roughly that he knew the fabric would pull.

  There was tongue and teeth and moving lips that had him seeing stars. Her panting into his mouth would probably destroy him, if the kiss didn’t exhaust him of all oxygen before those delicious noises ever got the chance.

  Cade wanted to devour her. He wanted to kiss her until all that remained for both of them was the sensation of their mouths intertwined. He wanted to forget how food and water tasted so that the only taste on his tongue would be the sweet and perfect essence of Kellie.

  But before he could lose himself fully, the kiss ended. Unrelated honking from the street distracted them both, and in identical movements, they shifted away from each other. For a few moments, they just stared at one another, unsure of what to do or say.

  “Cade,” Kellie spoke first, surprising him, “You kissed me.”

  Her statement of fact had his stomach in knots. Because she was right. He kissed her. He kissed her despite fucking things up a year and a half ago. He kissed her despite practically begging to have her friendship back. He kissed her despite spending the past week and a half ignoring her.

  He kissed her despite saying he wasn’t jealous of her and TJ.

  No wonder she hated him. No wonder she thought he was hot and cold. He was.

  Cade was starting to realize how much he did want her—desperately, in fact—but his behavior was just another reminder of how clear it was that he didn’t deserve her.

  He was furious at himself for his actions. Just like when things got out of hand and he hit the bottle, he had no self-control. He was pathetic.

  He met her green eyes, the ones that watched him so closely, and cursed. “I did. And I’m sorry.”

  Then, in another round of déjà vu, he left, not even allowing himself to look at her as he drove away.

  Maybe it was time he faced the music. He knew from day one that he never deserved her, despite how much he wanted her. It was part of the reason why he ran away like a scared little boy after their evening together. But he was starting to realize that even being around her—being her friend—was going to be verging on impossible.

  Because he had just realized the most devastating truth of his entire life.

  He was in love with her and he had no idea what to do next.

  Chapter 8

  Kellie really liked sleeping. When she was a baby, her parents were scared that she was sick because she slept so much. As a toddler, she always slept through the night. As a child, she gladly ran to her room at bedtime, sleeping for hours under comfy sheets and the haze of dreamland.

  As an adult, that affinity for sleeping hadn’t disappeared. She enjoyed napping whenever her schedule allowed, and on the nights she couldn’t get a full eight hours of sleep, she wasn’t the same person. To this day, just like toddler Kellie being lulled to sleep by her mother singing or the slow drive of their old station wagon, she was able to fall asleep at the drop of a hat. It was one of her many talents. It meant she used her frequent time spent on planes or in chauffeured cars to good use.

  It also meant that her lying awake in bed at nearly two am, her eyes locked on the gently billowing curtains of the bay window in her temporary bedroom, was an anomaly. Nothing was helping her to fall asleep. Not the soothing California evening breeze. Not the decaf tea she drank before bed. Not her hot shower, or her lavender oil sprinkled across her pillow, or the way she tried to count sheep in her head for nearly three hours to no avail.

  Sleep was supposed to be her sweet relief from her daily life. It was supposed to be the time she could dream of what seemed impossible and out of her hands. But now that she was doing exactly what she spent her childhood fantasizing about—acting in movies and television shows and in theater—her dreams had become more intimate.

  Meaning they were all about love and sex. Apparently, it was what her subconscious thought she was lacking, or something like that. She went to Julliard—not an Ivy League for a degree in sociology or psychology.

  She dreamt of Cade a lot, especially after their evening together. She thought of abs of steel and thick biceps that wrapped around her. She thought of chocolate eyes locked on hers and honeyed lips that whispered naughty words into the night. She thought of a massive cock and the best orgasm she had experienced in her entire life.

  But now she couldn’t sleep, and she couldn’t dream, and per usual, it was Cade’s fault.

  He kissed her.

  He pressed her into the car she was renting, took one massive hand to her sweaty hair, and pressed his lips to hers. He ate at her mouth like a starving man, and to her immense delight—and disappointment—she did exactly the same.

  Apparently, despite her best efforts, he was her weakness. She wanted to try to blame herself too—was she in the wrong for continuing to flirt with TJ? She was leading the trainer on, and for that, she was disappointed in herself, but she quickly realized the error in her thinking. Cade didn’t know that she was faking her continued interest in TJ. If her date with him had left her feeling differently—that he was her forever and always—she had absolutely no right to not flirt with him in front of Cade.

  And now he was telling her that he was jealous and doing ridiculous things like kissing her. Her confusion and frustration was probably what was keeping her awake, despite the late hour and the knowledge of her physically strenuous day to follow. She was at a loss of what to do with Cade.

  She didn’t want to avoid him, and even if she did, they were co-stars. Simply disappearing and not having to look at his stupidly handsome face again was just not an option.

  Pursuing a friendship also seemed to be out of the question, since the majority of their interactions after their dinner in New York had culminated in them fighting, ignoring one another, or now, kissing.

  Then, of course, there was the option that deep down, despite her pride and self-respect, continued to taunt her at all hours of the day. It was finally giving into what she had wanted since practically the moment
she met him. It was the ideal option until he stuck a dagger in her heart and twisted it until she bled out. Now, it seemed unreasonable, unattainable, and most of all, unfair to herself.

  She couldn’t become involved with him. Not with how much he hurt her. Not until he could prove that he was a different man. And every time he seemed to move in the right direction—apologizing, supporting her on stage, just being open with her for once—he destroyed his advancements with juvenility and indecision. It was why he could leave in the middle of the night because relationships scared him, but also get jealous of her with TJ or do something ridiculous like kiss her.

  Kellie knew that Cade was a bit reckless, and unpredictable, and an enigma if she ever met one. It was probably why she was so attracted to him. The danger, or the rebelliousness, or whatever bad-boy vibes that women were supposed to fall at their knees for.

  But she knew he was soft, too. She knew of that caramel center of sticky sweetness that reddened her cheeks and cradled her heart. It was a comforting thought, thinking of the other side of the man she had grown so fond on, despite his many shortcomings.

  For not the first time, and most certainly not the last, Kellie finally fell asleep to the memory of sugary ice on her tongue and a warm man holding her tight to his chest, a pair of pillow soft lips peppering every inch of her skin with soft kisses.

  It was just as good as dreaming.

  ◆◆◆

  By the end of their second week of training, things were uncomfortably tense. She and Cade hadn’t spoken since the kiss, and both were doing their best to avoid one another. He at least had started greeting her in the morning and saying goodbye at night, but their communication didn’t extend beyond pleasantries between co-workers. It was frustrating, too, since that’s what she wanted.

  What they wanted. Just being polite colleagues—friendly acquaintances at best—was supposed to be the role they settled into. After two weeks, multiple arguments, jealousy, and one searing kiss, Kellie thought that wasn’t possible. Evidently, she was wrong.

  Why did that bother her so much?

  If their fellow co-stars, or legion of trainers and staff noticed their discomfort, nobody said a word. Thankfully, there were enough personalities to distract from her and Cade. Frankie, for one, was their equivalent of a class clown, and enjoyed playing practical jokes on anyone he got his hands on. The innocuous pranks were at least something to laugh about, like the time he put a plastic spider in the water cooler to freak everyone out.

  If everyone was laughing or taking videos of Frankie’s joking around, they weren’t focused on the fact that their two leads barely spoke, let alone looked in the direction of the other person. It was probably why she welcomed Frankie saran wrapping her car with open arms. She looked like a sweaty, exhausted mess on the Instagram Live video of his activities, but nobody knew that she and Cade weren’t on speaking terms.

  It was a relief.

  In the few days after the kiss, she was also honest with TJ about wanting to just be friends. She may have embellished her reasons why to focus on distance and free time, as opposed to her head being focused on another, far more complicated man, but he accepted her reasoning with a smile and a gracious hug.

  TJ was successful, handsome, and so very sweet. Fuck her for always going after the complicated things.

  Then again, if she hadn’t have gone after that complicated dream of being an actress, she wouldn’t be where she was today. It was an internal whisper that Cade could be the same thing, but she quickly shot that down. Acting had never stuck a knife in her heart, despite the many nights spent eating instant ramen or crying about losing a part to someone prettier or more talented or with better connections.

  But the truth was, her heart just wasn’t in it. Even if she knew she wasn’t really interested in pursuing TJ, she did enjoy the harmless flirting. At another stage in her life, maybe she would have even considered scratching an itch with the man.

  It was all easier said than done without Cade’s dark eyes focused on her, and a tension brewing in her lower belly. She was just happy it was Friday. It meant two days of freedom. Two days without exhausting physical exertion.

  Two days without Cade’s beautiful face to confuse and frustrate her until she wanted to pull her hair out.

  And just when she thought she was free, her colleagues and the training team heading to leave, she zipped up her bag to discover Cade standing behind her. Like many times before, his face was unreadable, cloaked in some sort of impenetrable mask that left her unable to decide if he was tired or angry or just fine. His black tank top clung to his skin from sweat, and his dark hair had been haphazardly brushed away from his face, still damp from their activities.

  He cleared his throat before speaking. “Kellie.”

  “Cade.” She wasn’t sure what exactly to say. So, she distracted herself with filling her water bottle up, hoping the trickling sound of the liquid would help ease some of the tension.

  “Hey.”

  He was always a man of few words, but this was borderline ridiculous. She sighed and sealed the cap of her bottle, before looking back towards him. “Hi.”

  He shifted on his feet. “How have you been?”

  She wanted to snort, or roll her eyes, or laugh. How had she been? Well, a few days ago, he admitted he was jealous of her flirting with another man and then kissed her before storming off. It was déjà vu to the way he acted after the last time they kissed. Except for then, they did a lot more than locking lips.

  “Tired.” Kellie figured she could play the limited words game. And wasn’t like she was lying, either. She was having trouble sleeping, and the training was the most physically exhausting thing she had ever done. Then, with his actions, her brain and her heart were stretched to their limits.

  Exhaustion was the one overwhelming thing she did feel. There were plenty of other feelings, but she’d keep those close to her chest. Especially since she had no idea how to treat this fucked up back and forth she had with Cade.

  “Oh, uh, me too.” Cade provided, instead of prodding for more, “I just wanted to…check in. Before the weekend and all.”

  She hugged her water bottle to her chest, just staring at him. “Yeah. The weekend. Is this where you give me some good options for brunch?”

  The soft smile that twitched on his lips nearly made her gasp. She hadn’t seen him smile since New York. It should have probably scared her the way her stomach flipped, but she couldn’t evaluate that too thoroughly. Not when he was still standing in front of her, a pair of brown eyes focused on her every movement.

  “I can give you recommendations. Brunch, smoothies, walking trails. Whatever lives in your LA fantasy.”

  Her eyes dropped to his bare arms, his thick, muscular biceps glistening with the sheen of sweat. She had an LA fantasy alright, but she was barred from thinking about it. Even when it stood in front of her, appearing innocent and kind.

  But she knew how he could be—her own modern Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

  “Thanks. I’ll text you if I need anything.”

  He nodded slowly and continued to watch her. They stood for a few moments, not speaking a word. She could hear someone cleaning the mats with disinfectant, and the sound of laughter coming from the open door that led to the parking lot. Otherwise, they remained silent.

  Until finally, he spoke again, this time breaking their pretend game of polite small talk. “I just…I don’t know what to say.” He cleared his throat and ran a nervous hand through his hair, the dark locks sticking in different directions from his movements, “It was—”

  “A moment of weakness? A mistake?” She interjected, wondering what pathetic excuse he’d present her with this time. She might as well give him options. Maybe it would alleviate her eventual heartbreak.

  Cade shook his head and looked away from her. “I’ve never used the word mistake to describe anything between us,” his eyes returned to her, the dark brown rich with anger, “That’s all you. That night i
n London—that kiss a few nights ago—none of those were mistakes.”

  His eyes were unnerving. She cleared her throat. “Really? For not being mistakes, you were quick to run away. Both times you apologized, whether it was months or minutes after.”

  Cade wasn’t deterred by her words. “I ran away because I didn’t know what you felt. I apologized for leaving in London, not for fucking you. I apologized for kissing you because it was out of the blue. Not because I fucking regretted it. I’d do it again happily.”

  She took a step away from him, her mind on overdrive. She couldn’t process his words. They were all too confusing. All too contradictory.

  “I can’t keep doing this, Cade,” She finally forced herself to choke out, “I don’t want to do it.”

  “Kellie—”

  She was quick to cut him off, not finished with her plea. “I slept with you because I wanted to. I felt something for you. Then you hurt me. You pushed me away, whatever your reasons for doing so were. Now, suddenly you’re jealous about me with another guy and kissing me because you want to?” She shook her head, cognizant of the tears building in her eyes, “How can you expect me to take you seriously when you keep flip flopping? How can I give you a chance when I’m not sure the next time you’ll turn on your heels and run off?”

  He looked down. If she didn’t know any better, she’d think he was ashamed. “I want you, Kellie. It took me a bit to realize it, but I want you. As friends and as something more.”

  But she couldn’t believe him. Her heart deserved more. She deserved more.

  “I don’t think I can trust you, Cade,” She practically whispered, one of those treacherous tears dripping down her cheeks, “And I certainly can’t believe you.”

  He stared at her, looking like a wounded animal. “Kellie, please. Let me prove it to you.”

  She sniffled and stepped away. She couldn’t look at him anymore. It hurt too much. “There is nothing to prove, Cade. What’s done is done.”

 

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