She whips her face back to me, shouting, “Because I wanted to be the mother of your children, Dylan!”
I try not to explode, implode, or strangle her. Amid the nearby traffic noise, I look at the green-painted bricks. Audrey cries, but I don’t stop the pent-up rage that turns me into that angry twenty-one-year-old. “You broke my damn heart, Audrey! I cried for months! And then you text me out of the damn blue to say you broke up with me because you had a pregnancy scare! What? Did you fucking lie to me about that too? Do I get you pregnant, and you kept it a secret?” I swing out my arm, but as I say that, the words land heavy on me.
Catching her breath, Audrey decodes my growing outrage. “Dylan, please let me explain.”
I swallow as I slowly drop my arm. “Oh, fuck.” Shaking my head, I struggle to remain in control, which as an armed police officer, I need to be. However, as an armed ex-boyfriend, I’m losing it fast. “Holy shit. You didn’t. No. Not possible.”
“Is everything okay?”
Audrey and I see Ruby, looking back and forth, swinging her dark blonde ponytail with her confusion. Audrey wipes her face. “Dylan and I were catching up.”
Ruby again studies us with a dubious frown as I note her hair and eye color and try to remember if she’s left-handed. Now everything about her is a question to me.
“I came out here to check on you. I mean, two exes behind a diner isn’t always a good thing. I heard arguing.”
Audrey forces a smile. “Just talking about the past. I need to head back to work. I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Sure.” Ruby narrows her eyes at Audrey and then turns to me. “Sergeant, your sandwich is waiting.”
I avert my impatient gaze back to Audrey. “I’ll be there when your mother and I finish here.”
Ruby teases, “Okay. I guess I’ll elope with J.J.”
Glaring at Audrey, I tell Ruby the shitty truth even if I don’t know what it is. “Not so fast. There’s a conflict of interest.”
“Uh, how?”
“Audrey, you care to tell your daughter how my sister’s son is an issue?”
Ruby crosses her arms. “Okay. What’s happening here? Let’s hear it.”
Audrey hugs Ruby. “I think you should listen to your sergeant and go back inside.”
“I’m not a child.”
With Audrey’s back to me, I ask, “I’m not the only one who’s in the dark?”
Audrey shoots her angry glare at me. “Don’t.”
Ruby says, “I can’t leave if you’re fighting. Is it somehow about me? About how I acted earlier? I’m sorry. I’m trying so hard to impress you and do a good job that I try to be careful but only end up falling off a cliff. Or many.”
I clear my throat as I tuck my thumbs into the front of my tactical belt. “You’re fine, Ruby. I’ll be in soon. We still have to finish our shift.”
“I’m serious, Mom. Don’t say anything horrifying. I do that on my own.” When Ruby leaves, we wait for her to disappear around the corner.
Audrey and I stand there, quiet, except for traffic on one side of us and birds chirping on the other. A tad calmer, I ask, “You were pregnant, gave birth to our baby, and hid everything?” Audrey is stupefied and silent, counterbalancing me. “How could you do this to me? We fucked twice on my twenty-first birthday! Don’t claim you couldn’t tell me you at least thought you were pregnant before you dumped me the day after!”
“Dylan—”
“Shit! Are you saying my recruit is my daughter?”
“You won’t let me say anything!”
“Then tell me the fucking truth for once!”
As Audrey cries, I blow a heavy breath skyward with my hands on my hips, feeling my gun against my wrist, and it reminds me I’m still on duty.
Sniffing, Audrey says, “After I broke up with you, I messed up my birth control.”
I drop my attention to her, confused. “And how does this affect me?”
Audrey winces. “You don’t even care.”
“Right now, a boulder could fall on your head, and I may shrug. You’d better get to the damn point.” I may also punch a brick wall.
“If you shut up long enough, I’ll tell you! My priorities changed when you left, and I stopped taking birth control. I realized how much I wanted a marriage and a family with you. I kept calling and texting, but you wouldn’t answer me. Still, I hoped you’d come home to Richmond after you finished the academy.”
“Oh. I get it. You wouldn’t have told me about the lapse, so I’d accidentally knock you up, right?”
Audrey doesn’t answer that but says, “After I heard you having sex at Jordan’s, it devastated me. That night, I went to a bar with a friend, and a man with a wedding ring bought me drinks. I guess my way of thanking him was a drunk, one-night stand. The following month, my period was late, and the test came back positive. It destroyed me. You should’ve gotten me pregnant that day, not him.”
“Say what?” I laugh, relieved I’m not at fault, yet overwhelmed I’m not. “Hang on. You’re blaming me because I didn’t get you pregnant when we didn’t have sex? Jesus, Audrey. Trigonometry makes more sense.”
“I was on my way to see you, hoping we’d…But you reunited with her.”
“I was in love with Natalia. We got married weeks later, and I knocked her up on our wedding night.”
“Oh, my God, Dylan! Why did you have to tell me that?”
“It’s the truth!”
“Don’t you fucking understand? I never got over you! Though I couldn’t claim you as her father, I almost gave Ruby your last name! Her first name came from the month we gave ourselves to each other!”
“Jesus Christ, Audrey! I’m not her father!”
“I know, and that’s my biggest regret! Since she was born, I’ve imagined what it would be like if you were her dad! Regrets and daydreams are all I have! Then, I married a guy from my yoga class and gave Ruby his last name, but he abandoned us two years later. I raised her alone, which is what I always feared with you! This is not how I envisioned my life! I’ve spent decades pining for the only man I loved! Now another woman is lucky to have you in her life and as the father of her kids! I fucked up so badly, and now I have nothing!”
My throat tightens. “I’m sorry. I never wanted you to suffer.”
Thunder rumbles as the sky grows darker. Audrey buries her face in her hands as she sobs. “You married a woman who is the opposite of me.”
I’m on alert, ready to defend Talia. “Because she’s Black? Hispanic?”
Audrey lifts her head and tearfully says, “Yes. I mean, it’s not a bad thing. She’s everything I’m not. When I saw her last, she was gorgeous, a cute figure, had beautiful hair, a pretty laugh, and you. Even her name is lovely. I sort of hate her.”
“Audrey, you don’t know her. My wife is the most giving person…” I look at her face, seeing the pain, and I stop.
“On the one hand, I’m happy for you. You got your happily ever after. But on the other, I wouldn’t think twice of propositioning you into one more time together. We taught each other about sex while winging it. I remember the weekend we stayed at my uncle’s cabin a week after we lost our virginity. My God, Dylan. Only half the time, we used protection since that was before I started birth control. I can’t believe…We barely got out of bed. The first day there, we had sex four times in four different places.”
Hearing the low voices from my radio, I sigh. “Audrey. Don’t.” But it’s too late, and the memories flood through a broken dam.
“Fuck, Audrey, I think I’m addicted to sex with you.”
“So am I.”
“I don’t want to leave here and end this. I love you so much.”
“We’ll never let this end, Dylan.”
“At least say you remember.”
“I strained a groin muscle.” I smirk at the memory but look away from her.
“But it didn’t stop you.”
“No,” I gruffly whisper. We can’t go down this road anymore. It’s usel
ess and painful.
“I wasn’t enough for you, and you found the love you deserve. She gave birth to your children. She’s probably your best friend, isn’t she?” When I continue to watch cars and don’t answer, Audrey chokes on new sobs.
Tears sting my eyes as Audrey hides her face behind her hands again. Cautious, I walk closer to her, and when I touch her shoulder, she jumps back from me. Audrey holds up her hand. “Don’t console me over something I fucked up.”
“We don’t know what might’ve been. I wish I could tell you something that would make you feel better, but I can’t.”
“Please, just be honest with me.”
I lick my lip, unsure, but I nod. “Of course.”
“If you weren’t with her or the upstanding man that you are, would you have taken me up on my other-hand offer?”
I clear my throat as I cross my arms. “Audrey.”
“Dylan. Please. I want to know, good or bad.”
I look at the gravelly ground but then force myself to look into Audrey’s soaked, red eyes. She’s still the cute girl I once loved, who changed my life and broke my heart. And maybe there’s a part of me that will always be hers. She was my first everything. Having lost my voice for a normal-sounding answer, I whisper, “Upstanding or not, yes.”
Audrey cries again, and I don’t interrupt, maybe because I can’t move or speak. Finally, she wipes her nose on the back of her hand and says, “Please don’t hold my mistakes against Ruby. Reassign her to another field training officer, sergeant, precinct, or whatever if you have to. Don’t kick her out because of me. She’s a good person, Dylan. I raised her in line with how I thought you would parent her, too. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I imagine you’re fairly strict but dedicated and love your kids more than anything.”
I nod, still hoarse. “I do love them, and you’re not wrong.”
Audrey dries her face with her fingers, still wearing the light pink nail polish she used to when we were together.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t know if I can train Ruby now. Her mere existence reminds me of that day and how I hurt you, sending your life on this trajectory.”
Her eyes widen. “I didn’t mean for you to blame yourself. It will crush her. When she found out you’d be her training officer, she was afraid you’d hate who she is, but she was excited and in awe of you. I hear you’re a revered hero to some of these new officers.”
“I wouldn’t go that far. Maybe a pain in the ass is more accurate.”
“They look up to you. I totally believe that. Ruby admires you, and I’m so proud of her. It’s a lot to ask, but as her supervisor, could you please give my daughter a chance? I want you to teach her, Dylan. If there’s one thing you can give me, it’s that. Somehow, it would fill the void of not having you in my life. I know she’s not your daughter, but…” Audrey purses her lips to stop crying. “You’ve been a huge part of her life without ever knowing it. She needs you in it now. Can you do that for me? For her?”
Again, I clear my constricting throat and manage, “I don’t know, Audrey. It’s a lot to ask.”
Sniffing, Audrey checks her watch. “Please think about it. I have to get back to work. I’m glad we talked. Thank you for…our past, Dylan. I’ll always treasure it.” She smiles, but it dissolves into more tears.
Fighting my own, I struggle to whisper, “Yeah.”
I watch Audrey walk to the front of the diner and then look back at me with a tearful smile before disappearing around the corner.
“Jesus,” I mutter as I lean my back against the building. More thunder booms overhead, but I stay to calm down before going back inside.
Walking down the aisle to our table, I see J.J. talking to Ruby, and I hear her laugh. It’s Audrey’s laugh. How did I not hear it? Maybe because Ruby didn’t laugh much around me.
Inhaling, I rough up J.J.’s hair and then ask Ruby, “You finished?”
With fear permeating her movements, she stutters, “Yes, sergeant.”
J.J. doesn’t fix his hair, and I notice Ruby gawking as he says, “Hey. You didn’t eat.”
I pick up the sandwich, take a bite, and drop it. “Done.”
Opening my wallet, I dig for money, but J.J. says, “My manager said you guys eat free.”
I continue pulling out a fifty, the only bill I have on me today and stuff it into his apron pocket. “Thanks, and that’s yours for school.”
J.J. smiles. “Damn. Thank you, Uncle Dylan.”
I walk ahead of Ruby into the rain and return to the driver’s seat because I need to be in control right now. Ruby is surprisingly quiet, allowing me to process what happened. Though, I don’t think I’ll get past it.
Parking in a usual location to catch speeding motorists, I turn on the radar gun but ignore its beeps as the windshield wipers rhythmically clear my field of vision. With my elbow propped on the door and dispatch chattering, I watch the passing cars with zero interest, almost forgetting I’m not alone. Still, Ruby doesn’t ask questions or verbalize her inner thoughts. Thank God, because I’m in no mood.
After a while, dispatch calls for units to respond to a three-vehicle accident with injuries close to our location. Sighing, I advise over the radio that we’re on our way. Flipping on the overhead lights and sirens, I merge onto the road and do a U-turn at the median.
Ruby asks, “Are you mad at me?”
Astounded by that, I ask, “No. Why?”
“Because you and Mom were arguing about me. I’m not stupid. You were afraid I was your daughter.”
I start and stop, uncertain of what to say. “I wasn’t afraid of…that. Yeah, I worried about how it’d affect my family, but above all, it pissed me off more, not knowing about it until now.”
“I’m sorry she showed up. I wanted to tell you I knew who you were way before I met Chase, but I didn’t know how you’d feel about that. I’ve always envied him. Ever since I can remember, Mom talked about her ex-boyfriend, Dylan McGrath. She lamented how she set you free, and you know what they say, knowing something’s yours if it comes back to you.” Ruby shrugs when I glance at her. “I guess it wasn’t meant to be.”
“I tried with her, Ruby. But you’re right. I needed to find myself first, but I also found the love of my life. Still, your mom wasn’t the only one who made mistakes. I made my fair share, but I don’t regret our past.” I swallow, watching traffic. “We had good times together that I’ll never forget. They’ve contributed to who I am today. I don’t hate your mom.” I shake my head as the rain pelts the windshield with the sirens. “I never have and never will. We’ve made peace.”
As my eyes again sting, I avoid looking at Ruby when she says, “I know this isn’t the ideal situation for either of us. You’re supervising your ex-girlfriend’s daughter that could have possibly been yours, I imagine.”
I race in and out of stopped traffic, code three, on the wet road. I don’t immediately answer, but I give her the truth. “Had things gone differently the last day I saw her, then yeah. Definitely.” If Talia hadn’t come to Richmond when she did, my life would be vastly different, and I would’ve lost the wrong woman. With some of the shock warn off from the night before after I saw Audrey, I would’ve slept with her that afternoon. I’m positive I would have revisited my past to numb the pain of losing Talia, my true love, so I could have a tolerable present.
Sniffing, Ruby mutters, “I’ll understand if you ship me off to another FTO. No hard feelings, Sergeant McGrath. I’ll forever respect you, no matter what you did to my mom one July that inspired my name.”
Surprising myself, I smile, remembering that bittersweet day. I then think of Audrey’s request for Ruby, and it strikes a loud and sentimental chord.
Clearing my throat, I change my tone. “When we arrive on scene, while medical tends to the victims, I’ll send another unit to take statements from the drivers, if any are willing and able to speak. If unsuccessful at the scene, I’ll assign an officer to go to the hospital to grab their statements, if possible.
You and I will close off and secure the scene, so pay close attention to everything I tell you. We must take pictures of all the vehicles involved, as well as any road artifacts and property damage. While I run the scene, I want you to shadow Officer Jeremy Secada for witness statements. He’s nice, and he’ll help you. Take notes. I know that’s hard in the rain, but we have to get it done. Try to find a dry area where they’ll be more comfortable. And remember, you are conducting the interview, not the other way around. Let them tell their story, but don’t allow them to go off on a tangent. You’re in control, just like every traffic stop. I’ll review your notes with you later.” When Ruby doesn’t respond, I look over at her. “Got it, Officer Ellsworth?”
Blinking as she considers that, Ruby then nods. “Yes, sir.”
Watching the road, I feel her eyes on me, but I say nothing further. I think she gets the message, and if she doesn’t, we’ll figure it out.
Entering the mudroom, I hear familiar giggling, which makes me smile somewhat, not having the effort to do more than that. When I walk into the kitchen, Talia and Lynzee are bent over a project on the table. Talia’s black T-shirt and pink shorts ride up as she stretches, and looking up, she smiles. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
Going over, I put my arm around Lynzee and kiss the top of her head. She wraps her arms around me and purrs, “Daddy.”
I roll my eyes. “What do you want?”
Peering up at me, my brown-eyed sixteen-year-old resembles Talia, except with longer hair and glasses, though she has my nose. “That’s crappy. I just love you. And happy anniversary.”
“Thank you, and I love you too. Did your brother pick you up from school?”
“If you mean Scrooge McDick, then yes.”
Talia says, “Lynzee Camille McGrath, do not call Cruiser that, even if he has been one.”
Lynzee shakes her head against me. “That boy needs a personality overhaul and a swift kick. He wasn’t happy about picking me up. He then drove off with my dance gear. I had to run after him through the parking lot, Dad. He enjoyed it. Throw him in jail. I want to see him in cuffs and maybe get the chair.”
Rebel Rook: An Everyday Heroes World Novel (The Everyday Heroes World) Page 40
