Then she went away and up came another servant, seeking a diner’s worth of fish; nor did the folk leave coming till it was the hour of afternoon prayer and Khelif had sold ten diners’ worth of fish. Then, being faint with hunger, he shouldered his net and repairing to the market, bought himself a woollen gown, a skull-cup with a plaited border and a yellow turban for a diner, receiving two dirhems change, with which he bought fried cheese and a fat sheep’s tail and honey and setting them in the oilman’s platter, ate till he was full.
Then he betook himself to his lodging, clad in the gown and the yellow turban and with the nine diners in his mouth, rejoicing in what he had never in his life seen. He entered and lay down, but could not sleep for the trouble of his spirits and abode playing with the money half the night. Then said he in himself ‘Belike, the Khalif may hear that I have gold and say to Jaafer, “Go to Khelif the fisherman and borrow us some money of him. “If I give it him, it will be no light matter to me, and if I give it not, he will torment me; but torture is easier to me than the giving up of the cash. However, I will arise and make trial of myself, if I have a skin proof against beating or not.’
So he put off his clothes and taking a sailor’s plaited whip, of a hundred and sixty strands, fell a-beating himself, till his sides and body were all bloody, crying out at every stroke he dealt himself and saying, ‘[Help,] O Muslims! I am a poor man! O Muslims, I am a poor man! O Muslims, whence should I have gold, whence should I have money?’ till the neighbours who dwelt with him in that place, hearing him [roaring out thus and] saying, ‘Go to men of wealth and take of them,’ doubted not but that thieves were torturing him, to get money from him, and that he was crying out for succour.
So they flocked to him, arms in hand, and finding the door of his lodging locked and hearing him roaring out for help, thought that the thieves had come down upon him from the roof; so they fell upon the door and burst it open. Then they entered and found him naked and bare-headed, with body dripping blood, and altogether in a piteous plight; so they said to him, ‘What is this case in which we find thee? Hast thou taken leave of thy wits and hath madness betided thee this night?’ And he answered them, saying, ‘Nay; but I have gold with me and I feared lest the Khalif send to borrow of me and it were grievous to me to give him aught; yet, if I gave not to him, he would assuredly put me to the torture; wherefore I arose to see if my skin were beating-proof or not.’
When they heard this, they said to him, ‘May God not assain thy body, unlucky madman that thou art! Of a surety thou art fallen mad to-night! Lie down [and go to sleep], may God not bless thee! How many thousand diners hast thou, that the Khalif should come and borrow of thee?’ Quoth he, ‘By Allah, I have nought but nine diners.’ And they all said, ‘By Allah, he is indeed rich.’
Then they left him, marvelling at his lack of wit, and he took his money and wrapped it in a rag, saying in himself, ‘Where shall I hide this gold? If I bury it, they will take it, and if I put it out on deposit, they will deny [having received] it, and if I carry it on my head, they will snatch it, and if I tie it to my sleeve, they will cut it away.’ Presently, he espied a little pocket in the breast [of the gown] and said, ‘By Allah, this is fine! It is under my gullet and hard by my mouth; so if any put out his hand to take it, I can come down on it with my mouth and hide it in my throttle.’ So he put the rag containing the gold in the pocket [and lay down], but slept not that night for inquietude and care and restlessness.
On the morrow, he went forth of his lodging, on fishing intent, and betaking himself to the river, went down into the water, up to his knees. Then he cast the net and shook it mightily; whereupon the purse [flew out of his pocket] and fell into the stream. So he tore off gown and turban and plunged in after it, saying, ‘There is no power and no virtue save in God the Most High, the Supreme!’ Nor did he give over diving, till the day was half spent, but found not the purse.
Now one saw him diving and plunging and his gown and turban lying in the sun at a distance from him, with no one by them; so he watched him, till he dived again, when he pounced down upon the clothes and made off with them. Presently, Khelif came ashore and missing his gown and turban, was mightily chagrined for their loss and ascended a high mound, to look for some passer-by, of whom he might enquire [concerning them], but found none.
Now the Khalif [Haroun er Reshid] had gone a-hunting that day and returning at the season of the [noontide] heat, was oppressed thereby and thirsted; so he looked from afar off [seeking water] and seeing a naked man standing on the mound aforesaid, said to Jaafer, ‘Seest thou what I see?’ ‘Yes, O Commander of the Faithful,’ answered the Vizier; ‘I see a man standing on a knoll.’ ‘What is he?’ asked Er Reshid, and Jaafer said, ‘Belike he is the guardian of a cucumber-plot.’ Quoth the Khalif, ‘Belike he is a pious man; I would fain go to him, alone, and desire him of his prayers; and abide ye in your stead.’ So he went up to Khelif and saluting him, said to him, ‘What art thou, O man?’ Quoth the fisherman, ‘Dost thou not know me? I am Khelif the fisherman.’ And the Khalif said, ‘ [What?] The fisherman with the woollen gown and the [yellow] turban?’
When Khelif heard him name the clothes he had lost, he said in himself, ‘this is he who took my gear: belike he did but jest with me.’ So he came down from the knoll and said, ‘Can I not take a noonday nap but thou must play me this trick? I saw thee take my clothes and knew that thou west jesting with me.’ At this, laughter got the better of the Khalif and he said, ‘What clothes hast thou lost? I know nothing of that whereof thou speakest, O Khelif.’
‘By God the Great,’ cried Khelif, ‘except thou bring me back the gear, I will break thy ribs with this staff!’ For he still carried a quarterstaff. Quoth the Khalif, ‘By Allah, I have not seen the things whereof thou speakest!
But Khelif said, ‘I will go with thee and take note of thy dwelling-place and complain of thee to the chief of the police, so thou mayst not play me this trick again. By Allah, none took my gown and turban but thou, and except thou give them back to me forthright, I will throw thee off the back of that she-ass of thine and come down on thy pate with this staff, till thou canst not stir!’
So saying, he tugged at the mule’s bridle, so that she reared up on her [hind] legs and the Khalif said to himself, ‘What predicament is this I have fallen into with this madman?’ Then he pulled off a gown he had on, worth a hundred diners, and said to Khelif, ‘Take this gown in lieu of thine own.’ He took it and donning it, judged it too long; so he cut it short at the knees and winding the cut-off piece about his head, turban-wise, said to the Khalif, ‘What art thou and what is thy craft? But [there needs no asking]: thou art none other than a trumpeter.’ Quoth Er Reshid, ‘What discovered to thee that I was a trumpeter by trade?’ And Khelif answered, ‘Thy big nostrils and small mouth.’ ‘Well done!’ cried the Khalif ‘Yes, I am a trumpeter.’
Then said Khelif, ‘If thou wilt hearken to me, I will teach thee the art of fishing: it will be better for thee than trumpeting and thou wilt eat lawfully [earned bread]. ‘Teach it me,’ replied Er Reshid, ‘so I may see whether it will suit me or no.’ And Khelif said, ‘Come with me, O trumpeter.’ So the Khalif followed him down to the river and took the net from him, whilst he taught him how to cast it. So he cast it [and drew it up], when, behold, it was heavy, and the fisherman said, ‘O trumpeter, if the net be caught on one of the rocks, beware lest thou tug hard at it, or it will break and by Allah, I will take thy she-ass in payment of it!’
The Khalif laughed at his words and drew up the net little by little, till he brought it ashore and found it full of fish; which when Khelif saw, his reason fled for joy and he said, ‘ By Allah, O trumpeter, thy luck is good in fishing! Never in my life will I part with thee! But now I mean to send thee to the fish market, where do thou enquire for the shop of Ahmed the fisherman and say to him, “ My master Khelif salutes thee and bids thee send him a pair of frails and a knife, so he may bring thee fish more than yesterday.” Run and return to me in haste.
’
‘On my head, O master!’ replied Er Reshid, laughing, and mounting his mule, rode back to Jaafer, who said to him, Tell me what hath befallen thee.’ So the Khalif told him all that had passed between the fisherman and himself, from first to last, and added, ‘I left him awaiting my return to him with the baskets and I am resolved that he shall teach me how to scale fish and clean them.’ ‘And I,’ said Jaafer, ‘will go with thee, to sweep up the scales and clean out the shop.’ And the affair abode thus.
Then said Er Reshid to his vizier, ‘ O Jaafer, I desire of thee that thou despatch the young slaves, saying to them, “Whoso bringeth me a fish from before yonder fisherman, I will give him a diner;” for I love to eat of my own catching.’ Accordingly Jaafer repeated to the slaves what the Khalif had said and directed them where to find the fisherman. So they came down upon Khelif and snatched the fish from him; and when he saw them and noted their goodliness, he doubted not but that they were of the black-eyed boys of Paradise; so he caught up a couple of fish and plunging into the river, said, ‘O my God, by the secret [virtue] of these fish, forgive me!’ Presently, up came the chief eunuch, in quest of fish, but found none and seeing Khelif ducking and rising in the water, with the two fish in his hands, called out to him, saying, ‘ Harkye, Khelif, what hast thou there?’ ‘Two fish,’ answered the fisherman, and the eunuch said, ‘Give them to me and take a hundred diners for them.’ When Khelif heard speak of a hundred diners, he came up out of the water and said, ‘Hand over the hundred diners.’ Quoth the eunuch, ‘Follow me to the house of Er Reshid and take the money, O Khelif,’ and taking the fish, made off to the Khalif’s palace.
Meanwhile Khelif betook himself to Baghdad, clad as he was in the Khalifs gown, which barely reached to his knees, turbaned with the piece which he had cut off therefrom and girt about the middle with a rope, and passed through the midst of the city. The folk fell a-laughing and marvelling at him and saying, ‘Whence hadst thou that gown?’ And he went on, saying, ‘Where is the house of Er Reshad? ‘Quoth they, ‘Say, “The house of Er Reshid;”’ and he answered, ‘It is all one,’ and fared on, till he came to the palace of the Khalifate.
Now the tailor, who had made the gown, was standing at the door, and when he saw it upon the fisherman, he said to him, ‘How many years hast thou had [admission to the palace]?’ ‘ Ever since I was a boy,’ answered Khelif, and the tailor said, ‘Whence hadst thou that gown, that thou hast ruined thus?’ Quoth Khelif, ‘I had it of my apprentice the trumpeter.’ Then he went up to the door, where he found the chief eunuch sitting and seeing him exceeding black of hue, said to him, ‘Wilt thou not bring the hundred diners, O uncle Rosy-cheeks? Quoth he, ‘On my head, O Khelif;’ when, behold, out came Jaafer from the presence of the Khalif and seeing the fisherman talking with the eunuch and saying to him, ‘This is the reward of goodness, O Rosy-cheeks,’ went in to Er Reshid and said to him, ‘O Commander of the Faithful, thy master the fisherman is with the chief eunuch, dunning him for a hundred diners.’ Quoth the Khalif, ‘Bring him to me, O Jaafer.’ And the vizier answered, ‘I hear and obey.’
So he went out to the fisherman and said to him, ‘O Khelif, thine apprentice the trumpeter bids thee to him.’ So he followed Jaafer into the presence-chamber, where he saw the Khalif seated, with a canopy over his head. When he entered, Er Reshid wrote three scrolls and laid them before him, and the fisherman said to him, ‘[It would seem] thou hast given up the trumpeting trade and turned astrologer.’ Quoth the Khalif to him, ‘Take a scroll.’
Now in one he had written, ‘Let him be given a diner,’ and in another, ‘A hundred diners,’ and in the third, ‘Let him be given a hundred blows with a whip.’ So Khelif put out his hand and as fate would have it, it lighted on the scroll wherein was written, ‘Let him receive a hundred lashes,’ and kings, whenas they ordain aught, go not back therefrom. So they threw him down and gave him a hundred lashes, whilst he roared for succour, but none succoured him, and said, ‘By Allah, this is a fine thing, O trumpeter! I teach thee fishing and thou turnest astrologer and drawest me an unlucky lot!’
When the Khalif heard his speech, he swooned away for laughter and said, ‘O Khelif, no harm shall betide thee: fear not. Give him a hundred diners.’ So they gave him a hundred diners, and he went out and fared on, till he came to the trunk-market, where he found the folk assembled in a ring about a broker, who was crying out and saying, ‘At a hundred diners, less one! A locked chest!’
So Khelif pushed through the crowd and said to the broker, ‘Mine for a hundred diners.’ The broker adjudged him the chest and took the money of him, wherupon there was left him neither little nor much. The porters disputed [awhile] about [who should carry] the chest and [presently] said all, ‘ By Allah, none shall carry this chest but Zureic!’ And the folk said, ‘Zureic hath the best right to it.’
So he shouldered the chest, after the goodliest fashion, and followed Khelif. As they went along, the fisherman said [in himself], ‘I have nothing left to give the porter; how shall I rid myself of him? I will traverse the streets with him and lead him about, till he is weary and [sets the chest down and] leaves it, when I will take it up and carry it to my lodging.’ Accordingly, he went round about [Baghdad] with the porter from noontide to sun-down, till the man began to grumble and said, ‘O my lord, where is thy house?’ Quoth Khelif, ‘Yesterday I knew it, but today I have forgotten it.’ And the porter said, ‘ Give me my hire and take thy chest.’ But Khelif said, ‘Go on at thy leisure, till I bethink me where my house is. I have no money with me. It is all in my house and I have forgotten where it is.’
As they were talking, there passed by them one who knew the fisherman and said to him, ‘O Khelif, what brings thee hither?’ Quoth the porter, ‘O uncle, where is Khelif’s house?’ And he answered, ‘ It is in the ruined khan in the Rewasin.’ Then said Zureic [to Khelif], ‘Go to; wouldst thou had never lived nor been!’ And the fisherman went on, followed by the porter, till they came to the place and Zureic said, ‘O thou whose worldly provision God cut off, we have passed this place a score of times! Hadst thou said to me, “It is in such a place,” thou hadst spared me this great toil; but now give me my hire and let me go my way.’ Quoth Khelif ‘Thou shalt have silver, if not gold. Stay here, till I bring thee the money.’ So he entered his lodging and taking a maul he had there, set with forty nails, — wherewith if he smote a camel, he made an end of him, — made for the porter and raised his hand to strike him therewith; but Zureic cried out at him, saying, ‘Hold thy hand! I have no claim on thee,’ [and made off].
Then Khelif carried the chest into the khan, whereupon the neighbours flocked about him, saying, ‘O Khelif, whence hadst thou this gown and chest?’ Quoth he, ‘My apprentice Er Reshid gave them to me,’ and they said, ‘ The knave is mad! Er Reshid will surely hear of his talk and hang him over the door of his lodging and hang all in the khan on his account. This is a [fine] farce!’ Then they helped him to carry the chest into his lodging and it filled the whole chamber.’
So much for Khelif and now for the history of the chest. The Khalif had a Turkish slave-girl, by name Cout el Culoub, whom he loved with an exceeding love, and the Lady Zubeideh came to know of this and was exceeding jealous of her and plotted mischief against her. So, whilst the Commander of the Faithful was absent a-hunting, she sent for Cout el Culoub and inviting her [to eat with her] set before her meat and wine, and she ate and drank. Now the wine was drugged with henbane; so she slept and Zubeideh sent for her chief eunuch and putting her in a chest, locked it and gave it to him, saying, ‘ Take this chest and cast it into the river.’
So he took it up before him on a mule and set out with it for the sea, but found it uneath to carry; so, seeing the sheikh of the brokers, as he passed by the trunk-market, he said to him, ‘Wilt thou sell me this chest, O uncle?’ ‘Yes,’ answered the broker, [and the eunuch said], ‘But look thou sell it not except locked.’ ‘It is well,’ replied the other; ‘we will do that.’ So he set down the chest
, and they cried it for sale, saying, ‘Who will buy this chest for a hundred diners?’ At this moment, up came Khelif and bought the chest and there passed between him and the porter that which hath been before set out.
To return to Khelif. He lay down on the chest, to sleep, and presently Cout el Culoub awoke from the effects of the drug and finding herself in the chest, cried out and said, ‘Alas!’ Whereupon Khelif sprang off the chest and cried out and said, ‘Ho, Muslims! Come to my help! There are Afrits in the chest.’ So the neighbours awoke from sleep and said to him, ‘What ails thee, O madman?’ Quoth he, ‘The chest is full of Afrits.’ And they said, ‘Go to sleep; thou hast troubled our rest this night, may Allah not bless the! Go in and sleep, without madness.’ ‘I cannot sleep,’ answered he; but they railed at him and he went in [and lay down again].
Presently, Cout el Culoub spoke and said, ‘Where am I?’ whereupon Khelif fled forth the chamber and said, ‘O neighbours of the inn, come to me!’ Quoth they, ‘What hath befallen thee? Thou troublest the neighbours’ rest.’ And he said, ‘O folk, there are Afrits in the chest, moving and speaking.’ ‘Thou liest,’ answered they. ‘What do they say?’ And he, ‘They say, “Where am I? “‘ ‘Would thou wert in hell!’ rejoined they. ‘Thou disturbest the neighbours and hinderest them of sleep. Go to sleep, would thou hadst never lived nor been!’ So Khelif went in, fearful [and knowing not what to do], for he had no place wherein to sleep save on the top of the chest, when, behold, as he stood, with ears listening for speech, Cout el Culoub spoke again and said, ‘I am hungry.’
One Thousand and One Nights Page 406
