Awhile after this a friend of mine invited me to his house and when I came to him, we ate and drank and talked. Then said he to me, ‘O my friend, hath there befallen thee in thy life aught of calamity?’ ‘Nay,’ answered I; ‘but tell me [first], hath there befallen thee aught?’ [‘Yes,’] answered he. ‘Know that one day I espied a fair woman; so I followed her and invited her [to come home with me]. Quoth she, “I will not enter any one’s house; but come thou to my house, if thou wilt, and be it on such a day.” Accordingly, on the appointed day, her messenger came to me, purposing to carry me to her; so I arose and went with him, till we came to a handsome house and a great door. He opened the door and I entered, whereupon he locked the door [behind me] and would have gone in, but I feared with an exceeding fear and foregoing him to the second door, whereby he would have had me enter, locked it and cried out at him, saying, “By Allah, an thou open not to me, I will kill thee; for I am none of those whom thou canst cozen!” Quoth he, “What deemest thou of cozenage?” And I said, “Verily, I am affrighted at the loneliness of the house and the lack of any at the door thereof; for I see none appear.” “O my lord,” answered he, “this is a privy door.” “Privy or public,” answered I, “open to me.”
So he opened to me and I went out and had not gone far from the house when I met a woman, who said to me, “Methinks a long life was fore-ordained to thee; else hadst thou not come forth of yonder house.” “How so?” asked I, and she answered, “Ask thy friend [such an one,” naming thee,] “and he will acquaint thee with strange things.” So, God on thee, O my friend, tell me what befell thee of wonders and rarities, for I have told thee what befell me.’ ‘O my brother,’ answered I, ‘I am bound by a solemn oath.’ And he said, ‘O my friend, break thine oath and tell me.’ Quoth I, ‘Indeed, I fear the issue of this.’ [But he importuned me] till I told him all, whereat he marvelled. Then I went away from him and abode a long while, [without farther news].
One day, another of my friends came to me and said ‘A neighbour of mine hath invited me to hear [music]. [And he would have me go with him;] but I said, ‘I will not foregather with any one.’ However, he prevailed upon me [to accompany him]; so we repaired to the place and found there a man, who came to meet us and said, ‘[Enter,] in the name of God!’ Then he pulled out a key and opened the door, whereupon we entered and he locked the door after us. Quoth I, ‘We are the first of the folk; but where are their voices?’ ‘[They are] within the house,’ answered he. ‘This is but a privy door; so be not amazed at the absence of the folk.’ And my friend said to me, ‘Behold, we are two, and what can they avail to do with us?’ [Then he brought us into the house,] and when we entered the saloon, we found it exceeding desolate and repulsive of aspect Quoth my friend, ‘We are fallen [into a trap]; but there is no power and no virtue save in God the Most High, the Supreme!’ And I said, ‘May God not requite thee for me with good!’
Then we sat down on the edge of the estrade and presently I espied a closet beside me; so I looked into it and my friend said to me, ‘What seest thou?’ Quoth I, ‘I see therein good galore and bodies of murdered folk. Look.’ So he looked and said, ‘By Allah, we are lost men!’ And we fell a-weeping, I and he. As we were thus, behold, there came in upon us, by the door at which we had entered, four naked men, with girdles of leather about their middles, and made for my friend. He ran at them and dealing one of them a buffet, overthrew him, whereupon the other three fell all upon him. I seized the opportunity to escape, what while they were occupied with him, and espying a door by my side, slipped into it and found myself in an underground chamber, without window or other issue. So I gave myself up for lost and said, ‘There is no power and no virtue save in God the Most High, the Supreme!’ Then I looked to the top of the vault and saw in it a range of glazed lunettes; so I clambered up for dear life, till I reached the lunettes, and I distracted [for fear]. I made shift to break the glass and scrambling out through the frames, found a wall behind them. So I bestrode the wall and saw folk walking in the road; whereupon I cast myself down to the ground and God the Most High preserved me, so that I reached the earth, unhurt. The folk flocked round me and I acquainted them with my story.
As fate would have it, the chief of the police was passing through the market; so the people told him [what was to do] and he made for the door and burst it open. We entered with a rush and found the thieves, as they had overthrown my friend and cut his throat; for they occupied not themselves with me, but said, ‘Whither shall yonder fellow go? Indeed, he is in our grasp.’ So the prefect took them with the hand and questioned them, and they confessed against the woman and against their associates in Cairo. Then he took them and went forth, after he had locked up the house and sealed it; and I accompanied him till he came without the [first] house. He found the door locked from within; so he bade break it open and we entered and found another door. This also he caused burst in, enjoining his men to silence till the doors should be opened, and we entered and found the band occupied with a new victim, whom the woman had just brought in and whose throat they were about to cut.
The prefect released the man and gave him back all that the thieves had taken from him; and he laid hands on the woman and the rest and took forth of the house treasures galore. Amongst the rest, they found the money-bag of the Turcoman sheep-merchant. The thieves they nailed up incontinent against the wall of the house, whilst, as for the woman, they wrapped her in one of her veils and nailing her [to a board, set her] upon a camel and went round about the town with her. Thus God razed their dwelling-places and did away from me that which I feared. All this befell, whilst I looked on, and I saw not my friend who had saved me from them the first time, whereat I marvelled to the utterest of marvel. However, some days afterward, he came up to me, and indeed he had renounced [the world] and donned a fakir’s habit; and he saluted me and went away.
Then he again began to pay me frequent visits and I entered into converse with him and questioned him of the band and how he came to escape, he alone of them all. Quoth he, ‘I left them from the day on which God the Most High delivered thee from them, for that they would not obey my speech; wherefore I swore that I would no longer consort with them.’ And I said, ‘By Allah, I marvel at thee, for that thou wast the cause of my preservation!’ Quoth he, ‘The world is full of this sort [of folk]; and we beseech God the Most High for safety, for that these [wretches] practise upon men with every kind of device.’ Then said I to him, ‘Tell me the most extraordinary adventure of all that befell thee in this villainy thou wast wont to practise.’ And he answered, saying, ‘O my brother, I was not present when they did on this wise, for that my part with them was to concern myself with selling and buying and [providing them with] food; but I have heard that the most extraordinary thing that befell them was on this wise.
John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents
THE THIEF’S STORY.
The woman who used to act as decoy for them once caught them a woman from a bride-feast, under pretence that she had a wedding toward in her own house, and appointed her for a day, whereon she should come to her. When the appointed day arrived, the woman presented herself and the other carried her into the house by a door, avouching that it was a privy door. When she entered [the saloon], she saw men and champions [and knew that she had fallen into a trap]; so she looked at them and said, “Harkye, lads! I am a woman and there is no glory in my slaughter, nor have ye any feud of blood-revenge against me, wherefore ye should pursue me; and that which is upon me of [trinkets and apparel] ye are free to take.” Quoth they, “We fear thy denunciation.” But she answered, saying, “I will abide with you, neither coming in nor going out.” And they said, “We grant thee thy life.”
Then the captain looked on her [and she pleased him]; so he took her for himself and she abode with him a whole year, doing her endeavour in their service. till they became accustomed to her [and felt assured of her]. One night she plied them with drink and they drank [till they became intoxicate
d]; whereupon she arose and took her clothes and five hundred dinars from the captain; after which she fetched a razor and shaved all their chins. Then she took soot from the cooking-pots and blackening their faces withal, opened the doors and went out; and when the thieves awoke, they abode confounded and knew that the woman had practised upon them.’”’
The company marvelled at this story and the ninth officer came forward and said, ‘I will tell you a right goodly story I heard at a wedding.
John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents
THE NINTH OFFICER’S STORY.
A certain singing-woman was fair of favour and high in repute, and it befell one day that she went out apleasuring. As she sat, behold, a man lopped of the hand stopped to beg of her, and he entered in at the door. Then he touched her with his stump, saying, “Charity, for the love of God!” but she answered, “God open [on thee the gate of subsistence]!” and reviled him. Some days after this, there came to her a messenger and gave her the hire of her going forth. So she took with her a handmaid and an accompanyist; and when she came to the appointed place, the messenger brought her into a long passage, at the end whereof was a saloon. So (quoth she) we entered and found none therein, but saw the [place made ready for an] entertainment with candles and wine and dessert, and in another place we saw food and in a third beds.
We sat down and I looked at him who had opened the door to us, and behold he was lopped of the hand. I misliked this of him, and when I had sat a little longer, there entered a man, who filled the lamps in the saloon and lit the candles; and behold, he also was handlopped. Then came the folk and there entered none except he were lopped of the hand, and indeed the house was full of these. When the assembly was complete, the host entered and the company rose to him and seated him in the place of honour. Now he was none other than the man who had fetched me, and he was clad in sumptuous apparel, but his hands were in his sleeves, so that I knew not how it was with them. They brought him food and he ate, he and the company; after which they washed their hands and the host fell to casting furtive glances at me.
Then they drank till they were drunken, and when they had taken leave [of their wits], the host turned to me and said, “Thou dealtest not friendly with him who sought an alms of thee and thou saidst to him, ‘How loathly thou art!’” I considered him and behold, he was the lophand who had accosted me in my pleasaunce. So I said, “O my lord, what is this thou sayest?” And he answered, saying, “Wait; thou shall remember it.” So saying, he shook his head and stroked his beard, whilst I sat down for fear. Then he put out his hand to my veil and shoes and laying them by his side, said to me, “Sing, O accursed one!” So I sang till I was weary, whilst they occupied themselves with their case and intoxicated themselves and their heat redoubled. Presently, the doorkeeper came to me and said, “Fear not, O my lady; but, when thou hast a mind to go, let me know.” Quoth I, “Thinkest thou to delude me?” And he said, “Nay, by Allah! But I have compassion on thee for that our captain and our chief purposeth thee no good and methinketh he will slay thee this night.” Quoth I to him, “An thou be minded to do good, now is the time.” And he answered, saying, “When our chief riseth to do his occasion and goeth to the draught-house, I will enter before him with the light and leave the door open; and do thou go whithersoever thou wilt.”
Then I sang and the captain said, “It is good,” Quoth I, “Nay, but thou art loathly.” He looked at me and said, “By Allah, thou shalt never more scent the odour of the world!” But his comrades said to him, “Do it not,” and appeased him, till he said, “If it must be so, she shall abide here a whole year, not going forth.” And I said, “I am content to submit to whatsoever pleaseth thee. If I have erred, thou art of those to whom pertaineth clemency.” He shook his head and drank, then arose and went out to do his occasion, what while his comrades were occupied with what they were about of merry-making and drunkenness and sport. So I winked to my fellows and we slipped out into the corridor. We found the door open and fled forth, unveiled and knowing not whither we went; nor did we halt till we had left the house far behind and happened on a cook cooking, to whom said I, “Hast thou a mind to quicken dead folk?” And he said, “Come up.” So we went up into the shop, and he said, ‘Lie down.” Accordingly, we lay down and he covered us with the grass, wherewith he was used to kindle [the fire] under the food.
Hardly had we settled ourselves in the place when we heard a noise of kicking [at the door] and people running right and left and questioning the cook and saying, “Hath any one passed by thee?” “Nay,” answered he; “none hath passed by me.” But they ceased not to go round about the shop till the day broke, when they turned back, disappointed. Then the cook removed the grass and said to us, “Arise, for ye are delivered from death.” So we arose, and we were uncovered, without mantle or veil; but the cook carried us up into his house and we sent to our lodgings and fetched us veils; and we repented unto God the Most High and renounced singing, for indeed this was a great deliverance after stress.’
The company marvelled at this story and the tenth officer came forward and said, ‘As for me, there befell me that which was yet more extraordinary than all this.’ Quoth El Melik ez Zahir, ‘What was that?’ And he said,
John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents
THE TENTH OFFICER’S STORY.
‘A great theft had been committed in the city and I was cited, I and my fellows. Now it was a matter of considerable value and they pressed hard upon us; but we obtained of them some days’ grace and dispersed in quest of the stolen goods. As for me, I sallied forth with five men and went round about the city that day; and on the morrow we fared forth [into the suburbs]. When we came a parasang or two parasangs’ distance from the city, we were athirst; and presently we came to a garden. So I went in and going up to the water-wheel, entered it and drank and made the ablution and prayed. Presently up came the keeper of the garden and said to me, “Out on thee! Who brought thee into this water-wheel?” And he cuffed me and squeezed my ribs till I was like to die. Then he bound me with one of his bulls and made me turn in the water-wheel, flogging me the while with a cattle whip he had with him, till my heart was on fire; after which he loosed me and I went out, knowing not the way.
When I came forth, I swooned away: so I sat down till my trouble subsided; then I made for my comrades and said to them, “I have found the booty and the thief, and I affrighted him not neither troubled him, lest he should flee; but now, come, let us go to him, so we may make shift to lay hold upon him.” Then I took them and repaired to the keeper of the garden, who had tortured me with beating, meaning to make him taste the like of that which he had done with me and lie against him and cause him eat stick. So we rushed into the water-wheel and seizing the keeper, pinioned him.
Now there was with him a youth and he said, “By Allah, I was not with him and indeed it is six months since I entered the city, nor did I set eyes on the stuffs until they were brought hither.” Quoth we, “Show us the stuffs.” So he carried us to a place wherein was a pit, beside the water-wheel, and digging there, brought out the stolen goods, with not a stitch of them missing. So we took them and carried the keeper to the prefecture, where we stripped him and beat him with palm-rods till he confessed to thefts galore. Now I did this by way of mockery against my comrades, and it succeeded.’
The company marvelled at this story with the utmost wonderment, and the eleventh officer rose and said, ‘I know a story yet rarer than this: but it happened not to myself.
John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents
THE ELEVENTH OFFICER’S STORY.
There was once aforetime a chief officer [of police] and there passed by him one day a Jew, with a basket in his hand, wherein were five thousand dinars; whereupon quoth the officer to one of his slaves, “Canst thou make shift to take that money from yonder Jew’s basket?” “Yes,” answered he, nor did he tarry beyond the next day before he came to his master, with the basket in his han
d. So (quoth the officer) I said to him, “Go, bury it in such a place.” So he went and buried it and returned and told me. Hardly had he done this when there arose a clamour and up came the Jew, with one of the king’s officers, avouching that the money belonged to the Sultan and that he looked to none but us for it. We demanded of him three days’ delay, as of wont, and I said to him who had taken the money, “Go and lay somewhat in the Jew’s house, that shall occupy him with himself.” So he went and played a fine trick, to wit, he laid in a basket a dead woman’s hand, painted [with henna] and having a gold seal- ring on one of the fingers, and buried the basket under a flagstone in the Jew’s house. Then came we and searched and found the basket, whereupon we straightway clapped the Jew in irons for the murder of a woman.
When it was the appointed time, there came to us the man of the Sultan’s guards, [who had accompanied the Jew, when he came to complain of the loss of the money,] and said, “The Sultan biddeth you nail up the Jew and bring the money, for that there is no way by which five thousand dinars can be lost.” Wherefore we knew that our device sufficed not. So I went forth and finding a young man, a Haurani, passing the road, laid hands on him and stripped him and beat him with palm-rods. Then I clapped him in irons and carrying him to the prefecture, beat him again, saying to them, “This is the thief who stole the money.” And we strove to make him confess; but he would not confess. So we beat him a third and a fourth time, till we were weary and exhausted and he became unable to return an answer. But, when we had made an end of beating and tormenting him, he said, “I will fetch the money forthright.”
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