Our Last Road (A St. Skin Novel): a new adult second chance romance novel

by London Casey

  “Fuck the shop,” I said.

  Tate laughed. “Knew you’d say that.” Tate stood up. “Tell you what, Sawyer. I’ll tell you what you’re dying to know. But first, you need to blow off some steam.”

  “Are we going out to fight each other again?” I asked.

  “No,” Tate said. “You’re going to fight Dirt… and here’s why…”

  3.

  There were few things in life I could not turn down. Kate. Whiskey. And a good fight. Then again, it wasn’t exactly a good fight. Not with Dirt. Tate told me that Dirt had been harassing Kate. Truthfully, I felt like punching Tate. If he cared about her the way he said he did, why hadn’t he broken Dirt’s jaw in four places to shut his goddamn mouth? Then again, it was Kate. She was stubborn. She had no patience. She wouldn’t ask for help either. Just like she already told me.

  I grabbed Dirt by the arm and threw him back.

  He quickly brought his pool stick back like a baseball bat.

  “Come on,” I said. “Swing it.”

  “Saint… what the hell… what’s up?”

  “You said shit to Kate?” I asked. “Huh? You think it’s okay to talk to a woman like that?”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Dirt said. “It’s just diner talk, man,”

  “Diner talk?”

  “Yeah. You know what I mean, man. You flirt with the waitresses. Have a little fun. They flirt back. Everyone has a good time.”

  “Kate flirting with you?” I said. “Never.”

  “You haven’t been around for a while, man. Things change.”

  “Things change,” I said. “You’ve got a mouth on you, Dirt. Good to see you standing there with some nerve. You’re all grown up now, huh?”

  “Hey, it’s all good, Saint. I just mess around, that’s all. That’s my thing. Plus, if I knew you were back, I would never… I mean… hey, let’s be honest with ourselves here. Kate’s pretty as anything, right? I would never do anything to hurt her. But how can a guy shy away from asking her out a few times?”

  He laughed.

  I laughed.

  He laughed harder.

  The tension had the appearance that it was being cut.

  Dirt turned his head for a moment and I made my move. I jumped forward and grabbed the pool stick. I twisted it, freeing it from Dirt’s grasp. I jammed it against his chest and drove him back until he smashed against the wall. I slid the stick up until it was against his throat.

  I applied pressure and watched as he flailed his arms, trying to get a few punches in on me.

  “I ever hear anything like that again and I’ll fucking kill you,” I said. “You stay away from the diner. Away from Kate. I don’t know who you think you are or who you think she is. She’s got a fucking kid, man. She’s got enough to worry about. Last thing she needs is some asshole like you sniffing around, making her feel uncomfortable.”

  I pressed hard. Dirt tapped my shoulders with both hands. Quitting. Tapping out. Wanting me to stop. But the words that flowed through my head… I wasn’t sure if I was warning Dirt or warning myself.

  “He’s turning purple,” someone said.

  That’s when I felt a hand pull at my shoulder.

  Tate pulled me away from Dirt just in time.

  The pool stick fell to the floor and Dirt fell to the left, grabbing for the pool table.

  He was bent over, coughing, holding his neck, groaning, drooling on the table.

  I balled up a fist and punched him, just once, just to say I did.

  Dirt toppled to the floor and I put my hands up to show that I was done with him.

  I looked around at all his friends. Some of them I knew, some of them I didn’t.

  “Anyone goes near her and I’ll do the same,” I said.

  “We get it,” Tate said. “We all get it. Come on, let me get you a beer.”

  I shook Tate away. “I don’t want a fucking beer.”

  I faced him and watched him swallow hard.

  “Go ahead, Sawyer,” he said. “Just ask it.”

  It was a question I never wanted to really ask. But it was burning inside me. Fucking killing me from the inside out.

  “Is the kid yours?” I asked Tate.

  Tate stepped back. “No, Sawyer, the kid isn’t mine.”

  4.

  It was too late. I shouldn’t have been there. But there was no turning back as I gently knocked on the door. My backup plan was to sit outside the door and wait for morning. Never thought in my life I would be reduced to that. But I couldn’t help it. I needed to know what was going on. What had happened to Kate after I left. She had a kid now. And I wasn’t the father of the kid. Tate wasn’t the father of the kid. So who the hell was?

  I waited for what felt like years before the door opened a little.

  “Sawyer?” Kate whispered with sleep in her eyes.

  “I’m sorry, darling. I need to talk to you.”

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  “What happened to you?”

  “What?”

  “When I left. What happened? I can’t stop thinking about this shit. Okay? Everything that went wrong. You sat there at the bar that night knowing you wanted me to explode with anger. You were going to meet someone. Have a few drinks. Wave it in front of my face. And you know what else happened that night? I found paperwork that Tate was planning on buying me out. Full documents. He was going to make me an offer to get out. And there was paperwork to sue me. To get me out. No matter what.”

  “Sawyer…”

  “No,” I said. “I’m not going to let this go. I lost myself back then, sure. We all did. Things got busy. Things got tense. You and I fell apart. Tate was sort of stuck in the middle. And it just kept getting worse and worse. I was losing everything anyway, so I left. Okay? And now I come back and you have a kid. But I don’t see anyone in your life. So what happened? No, better yet, what can I do to help?”

  Kate opened the door a little more.

  She was wearing a long t-shirt. I could tell she wasn’t wearing a bra. Seeing her body pressing against the shirt… damn. Her legs showing from where the shirt ended. Her bare feet, chipped nail polish on her toenails.

  “Please don’t wake Jason up,” she whispered.

  “I’m not here to cause trouble,” I said. “I promise. I just want to make sure you’re okay and being taken care of. And if you’re a single mom struggling to do this, let me help you, Kate. Let me show you why I’m back here. Okay? I’m not asking to just barge into your life…”

  “But you did,” she said. “You just showed up. In town. At the diner. At my apartment.”

  “I know. It’s my style. But there’s a kid involved. I’m not an idiot, okay? I would never do anything to hurt or confuse him.”

  “What about me?”

  “I can’t help what I want, darling.”

  I inched closer to her. Call me crazy but something about her was even more attractive. The fact that she was raising Jason on her own. The fact that she refused a job at St. Skin. She was so goddamn strong and beautiful and capable. I never thought something like that could turn me on so much. All it made me want to do was take care of her more.

  I slowly touched her arms. “I’m lost without you in my life, Kate.”

  “And I’m living the fucking dream here,” she said.

  I slipped closer to her and she quickly backed away. She put a hand to my chest and shook her head.

  “I’m here, darling. I’m not going anywhere. No matter what the story is.”

  “It’s not that simple, Sawyer. Okay?”

  “Nothing about us was ever simple. Nothing ever will be. You can’t hide yourself because you have a son. I can understand it, Kate. I’m not asking you to change who you are right now. There’s no way we can change the past.”

  “Then what are you really doing here?”

  “For the first time in a long time, I’m thinking about the future. And here’s the thing… no matter what I come up with, I’m never happy. Un
less I add you to it. I could spend the rest of my life running tattoo shops and inking people and making a goddamn fortune, but if I don’t get to come home to you, I’m not happy.”

  She shook her head again. “See, that right there… I can’t hear that right now.”

  “Why? Because it’s the truth and scares you?”

  “Yes,” she said. She made fists and slammed them against my chest. “That’s exactly what it is, you asshole.”

  Her voice got a little loud as she started to hit me over and over.

  “It doesn’t scare me anymore,” I said. “I don’t care what it takes or what I have to do. You’re worth it.”

  She grabbed my shirt and pushed at me. “I hate you, Sawyer. I fucking hate you.”

  “Hey, hey, shhh…”

  “Shut up,” she growled. She pushed at me again. She took one hand away from my shirt and slapped me. “You don’t get to do this to me. You don’t get to show up and fuck everything up for me.”

  “Kate, you’re getting loud,” I said. “You can be mad…”

  “I’m more than mad,” she said. “I hate you with all my heart.”

  She opened her mouth to yell at me some more. I didn’t want the kid to wake up and find me standing there in the kitchen.

  I grabbed her by the waist and turned so I could pin her against the wall next to the front door of the apartment. Her hands touched my face and I bent my knees so I could move down and kiss her.

  Our lips touched and it was an explosion through my body. We kissed harder the second time, both of us exhaling breaths through our noses as we turned our heads to kiss more. Her hips thrust at me as I slid my hand around to the small of her back to hold her there. Fuck, if this was hate, then she could hate me every day for the rest of my life.

  The kiss was intense as we kept going and going. It got louder and hotter. But it kept her from yelling at me.

  I scooped her up, keeping her body super tight to mine. I turned and walked her to the counter. I threw her up on it and kissed down to her neck. She tasted sweet like honey and smelled like desire.

  Kate put her head back and sighed with a gentle moan. Her hands clutched to my shoulders and I felt her start to push me away.

  I pulled my mouth away from her neck with a pop noise.

  I looked at her.

  She was breathing heavy.

  I slowly slid my hands from her body down to the counter.

  We waited a few seconds and both came at each other, kissing again. This time slower and softer. Gently kissing each other’s lips, tasting each other’s tongues.

  “Sawyer,” she whispered as we kissed.

  “Kate,” I whispered back.

  Saying her name made my heart skip a beat. Being that close to her proved how much I loved her. Even if she had a kid, oh well. I’d do whatever she would need to win her trust, to win her kid’s trust, to prove to them I wasn’t going anywhere.

  Her hands touched my face and she clawed at me.

  She blinked fast, her eyes filling with tears.

  “Kate, what is it, darling? Please… whatever it is…”

  “Just hold me tonight,” she whispered. “Please. Like you used to do.”

  “Hold you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “In bed.”

  “Yeah.”

  I gritted my teeth. “Okay. Whatever you need.”

  “That’s what I need.”

  “What about Jason? In the morning…”

  “Just stay in the room,” Kate whispered. “I’ll get him ready and he won’t know you’re here.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “No,” she said. She let out a weak laugh. “But I can’t imagine you leaving right now.”

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  I pulled her from the counter.

  I walked to the door and locked it. I followed her to the bedroom. It wasn’t the first time I followed Kate to the bedroom. But passing by a kid’s room with the door slightly open, seeing toys, that was different. And going into the bedroom with Kate knowing the intentions weren’t what I wanted so badly.

  I watched as she climbed onto the bed. I made fists and growled under my breath. My body couldn't fight how it felt. It took me a few deep breaths to calm myself enough to approach the bed.

  Kate was already under the covers, looking at me. Her eyes were so green and she was so beautiful. I paused for a second and realized just how much damage I had done. Leaving felt like the only option at the time but if I could go back…

  No. You can’t go back, Sawyer. Nobody can go back.

  I got into the bed and sat there, looking down at her. I smiled.

  “What?”

  “I can’t tell you.”

  “Why?”

  “You’ll get mad at me.”

  “Tell me.”

  “You look fucking amazing, Kate,” I said. “I’m not just saying that. You’ve always been beautiful. From the day I met you. But right now… this moment… I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.”

  “You realize I’m not sleeping with you, right?”

  “Yeah, I understand. That’s what makes it crazier,” I said.

  She smiled, her cheeks blushing a little. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

  I eased down on the bed and touched her shoulder. “Hey, I know you hate me. You have every right to hate me. But I’m not going anywhere. I want to be here with you and for you.”

  Kate inched closer to me. “I don’t exactly hate you.”

  “I guess that’s a step in the right direction.”

  She looked up at me and smiled. She kissed my jaw and put her head to my chest. “Just hold me, Sawyer. And I promise, tomorrow, I’ll tell you everything.”

  FOURTEEN

  SAWYER

  1.

  She fell asleep in my arms and melted into me. I had this sinking feeling that she hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in a long time. That she hadn’t fallen asleep this deeply in years. Whether it was because of me or the real story behind Jason, it bothered the hell out of me. I didn’t come here to jump into bed with her. At least not like this. But after all we went through, and my years of being gone, the only thing I ever wanted was to make her happy. That was the worst part of being away, to be honest. When the shop would close and I’d turn off all the lights.

  I’d be alone.

  Yeah, I sometimes had the temporary comfort of a woman, but it was never the same as Kate. Sometimes the booze comforted me more than the women did. Even then, I’d wake up the next day with a pounding headache, hours lost, and look for her as though she was supposed to come with me the night I left.

  All that seemed so distant as I held her and watched her sleep.

  Whatever had happened to her, it was enough to scare her. Because that’s what she was. Scared. This was a woman now sleeping comfortably because she felt safe with me. That was a burden I would gladly carry for the rest of my life if it meant I got to hold her each and every night.

  I let the night slide through my mind again.

  Sitting at the bar, talking it up with Pecker like I had never left. Him always busting my balls about owing money for a few drinks. I wasn’t sure if anyone ever paid their full tab with Pecker. The way I reacted to Tate showing up, demanding answers. Maybe it was time for me and him to stop throwing punches and just get down to the truth of a lot of things. The way St. Skin started, grew, almost collapsed, and where it was today. And then Dirt. That loser of a kid turning into a loser of a man. And I would stand by my word that if he went near Kate again, the least of his worries would be a pool stick pressed against his throat.

  The night played out and faded.

  I inched myself down and smelled Kate’s hair. Sweet shampoo with a hint of the diner. She worked hard and probably got paid too little. Probably juggled bills to decide which was more important to pay this month. All the while making sure Jason was shielded from that shit and was a happy kid.

  I pressed my body tighter
to Kate’s, letting the shape of her fold into me. I ran my hand down her arm and squeezed over her hand. I felt my muscles tighten as my body wanted to react a certain way with her so close to me. She asked me just to hold her and nothing else, and I wanted to respect that.

  Kate stirred in her sleep, sucking in a deep breath and exhaling with a groan. She wiggled her hips and stretched her back, pressing back against me even tighter. I felt her rubbing against me, making me shut my eyes and grit my teeth. The reaction of my body was impossible to hold back, but Kate was fast asleep.

  Loving her in that way would take some time.

  That was okay with me. Even though I didn’t want it to be okay with me. Because it wasn’t my style. I didn’t do the whole waiting thing. If I saw something and wanted it, I would go for it. No matter what.

  But Kate deserved better. Kate deserved patience. She deserved time. She deserved a real man to take care of her.

  She deserved the real me.

  2.

  I opened my eyes to the beeping alarm. I groaned and propped myself up on my left elbow and saw Kate sitting on the edge of the bed already. She reached for her phone and turned the alarm off. I watched as she put her hands to the bed and arched her back, stretching it, waking up.

  Fuck, she’s gorgeous. She’s perfect. This is everything I’ve ever wanted.

  Kate pushed off the bed and started to stand.

  That’s when I made my move.

  I jumped to my left and slid my hand around the front of her body. I pulled her back toward me and sat up as I did so. She was cradled in my arms and I was looking down at her. Smiling. Watching her smile up at me.

  “Hey,” I whispered.

  “Sawyer,” she said and swallowed hard.

  “What? Are you shy now?”

  “No. I have things to do.”

  “Hard to get yet I’m already in your bed.”

  “Please. I told you to sleep here. Like an obedient dog. And you listened.”

  “Wow,” I said. “Look at you. Tough.”

  “Truth,” Kate said. She pushed up and planted a kiss on my chin.

  She tried to move and I grabbed her again. My hands holding her tight, making her face me. The toughness washed from her face when she realized that I was the one in control now.