“I’m sure she’s a perfectly nice girl.”
“Wow. Can you say that in a more rude and dismissive way?”
Mary sighed again. “Eric, how can I talk you out of this? What’s it going to take?”
“You can’t talk me out of it.”
“This is all just to get a better residency program?”
“In pediatric and neo-natal cardiothoracic surgery. Yes. I’m winning the doctor lottery. It’s not exactly a huge subspecialty, plus I’d get to stay in Austin. You want me to stay here don’t you?”
Her sigh through the phone was long-suffering. “That’s a low blow. You know I do.”
“Then you should be happy for me. If this all works out, I might get to stay here long-term instead of just a few more years.”
“And if it doesn’t work out?” It was clear that in my sister’s mind, failure wasn’t just the expected outcome. It was the only outcome.
“Then I’ve got the best divorce attorney I know on my side.” Mary was pretty fearsome when she wanted to be. She fought hard for her clients, and I knew there was no one else I’d ever want at my side in the incredibly unlikely event I ever needed a divorce attorney.
“Will you take just a little bit of attorney advice?”
“I’ll consider it.”
“The longer you stay legally married to Faith, the harder this will all be to unravel. It’ll be harder on you financially, legally, and emotionally. I know you think Faith has good intentions. Maybe she does. But two adults playing married, sleeping together, and pretending like it’s fake might just end up catching marriage.”
“That is the last thing you need to worry about.” I smirked into the receiver. “My feelings about marriage haven’t changed. I’ve been thoroughly inoculated against it.”
“I’m very glad to hear it.” Mary’s reply was soft. “Eric, I really am only saying this because I care about you.”
“I know.” That was what made it all so hard to hear.
It was no accident that I was anti-marriage and Mary spent her legal career professionally dissolving them. Mary wasn’t married to her boyfriend/law partner. Neither of my other two sisters was keen on the concept either. One was gay and only believed in civil unions, and the other was simply asexual as far as we could tell. Our nuclear family had been torn apart by a bad marriage in a way that few could even conceive of. The effects on us four kids had been very lasting vaccination against the condition of marriage. I was invulnerable to it.
“I just don’t think you realize how hard this is going to be.”
“Don’t worry about me, Mary. I’m adaptable.”
22
Faith
“I’m so sorry.” It seemed like such an inadequate thing to say to Caroline when I got to her apartment, but I didn’t know what else to say. Caroline’s friend and roommate had her arm ripped off and her fiancé murdered, and I was sorry? It wasn’t enough.
Caroline didn’t seem to notice or mind. She just nodded and pulled me over the threshold to hug me. Caroline was even more petite than I was. She was usually so full of energy that I didn’t notice, but today her body felt frail and tiny in my arms. “Come on in.”
Over the past few weeks, I’d gotten really good at feeling sorry for myself. Oh, poor me, I’d been thinking, it’s so hard to pretend to be married to a wonderful guy like Eric. Woe is me. It’s so hard to tell a few small lies to get something every other nurse at the hospital would kill for.
How utterly pathetic I’d been. There were people with real problems all around me. Like Caroline. Like Vanessa. Like Sam, who I supposed actually didn’t have any problems now. That was even worse.
“How is she?” I asked in the silence of Caroline’s living room. The apartment felt empty, even though I knew it looked the exact same as when I’d been here for a game night a few weeks ago. It was just the energy that was missing.
Caroline shrugged her narrow shoulders. “They said her prognosis is ‘guarded’. She survived the surgery and the first twenty-four hours, which was the really scary part. Her family is on their way from Florida. I’ve been talking to them every few hours. Sam’s family is already here. They drove in from Houston last night.”
I bit my bottom lip. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Caroline shook her head. “I already took care of the porn on Vanessa’s computer and phone and hid her vibrator. We have a pact. Would you just sit with me and talk for a while? Distract me? It’s so quiet in here without her.”
We sat on the couch, but I didn’t know what to say. “I’m terrible at this.” Usually I was really good at comforting people. As a nurse, it was often a central part of my job. But this was different. It was Caroline. Beautiful, vivacious, blunt Caroline, who was the life of any party. Caroline, who never let anything get her down and forced her drive and enthusiasm on her physical therapy patients—willing them healed by her proximity. Caroline, who at the moment looked like all the energy and joy had been drained out of her.
“You aren’t.” Caroline’s green eyes were understanding but without their usual spark. “Just being here means a lot to me.”
I nodded. “My mom got discharged yesterday. She’s ok.” Her being in the hospital had scared me more than I think it scared her. She bounced back.
Caroline brightened just the slightest bit. “I’m so glad. I’m really sorry I freaked her out.”
“It’s really not your fault.”
Caroline shook her head. “It was totally my fault, Faith. I was totally hysterical.” She sighed. “I was coming off my shift when Vanessa and Sam came in through the ER… I saw them and lost my shit.”
I reached over and hugged her, hauling her closer over the worn-out couch. “Anyone would have been hysterical seeing their friends that way. I’d have been the same way. Actually, I probably would have fainted.”
“I think your mom thought it was you that had been in the accident. When I called, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I don’t think she realized I was calling you, not calling about you.”
My heart sunk and throbbed in my chest. My poor mom. She refused to talk about her panic attack with me. “It’s still not your fault,” I insisted to Caroline. “You were just doing the best you could.”
Caroline buried her face in her hands. “They had Vanessa’s arm in a cooler. They were using the paddles on Sam. It was so horrible. Because I was wearing scrubs and had an ID badge, I don’t think they noticed that I wasn’t meant to be there…” Her voice was muffled by her hands.
“How long did you watch?”
“Until Dr. Koels got there. Then he kicked me out right away.”
“Dr. Koels?” I had no idea that Dr. Koels treated trauma patients. He wasn’t ever on the other floors unless he came to yell at someone.
Caroline shook her head and looked up at me. “No. Not that Dr. Koels. The other one.”
“Huh?” There was more than one? The thought was terrifying. I imagined a clone army of them for a split second and shuddered.
“Dr. Koels’ son. He just got back from Iraq and is working Locum Tenens.”
I blinked at her. “I didn’t realize Koels’ had a kid.” Let alone one that was a doctor.
Caroline smirked back at me. “You haven’t heard all the rumors?” Then her smirk became an actual tiny smile. “What am I saying? Of course, you haven’t heard the rumors. You’re better than all that. You don’t gossip with the rest of us anymore.”
I’d always tried my best to stay out of the vicious hospital gossip mill, but especially now, I avoided it like the plague. Still, I was curious about the other Dr. Koels, and it was good to see Caroline smiling. “What are the rumors?”
Caroline brightened a shade more. “They say that the Drs. Koels hate one another. That young Dr. Koels joined the military just to stick it to his dad and has spent the last decade in a warzone just to spite him. He also rides a motorcycle, smokes pot in the locker rooms, and has a whole bunch of tattoos.”
&
nbsp; That definitely sounded more like hospital gossip than something that could possibly be true.
“That seems pretty extreme.” I paused. “Still… Koels couldn’t have been a pleasant parent. The man has a challenging personality.”
Caroline nodded in agreement. “Challenging? Yeah. You could say that if you wanted to be polite. I don’t though. I think he’s an asshole who hates everyone and the feeling is almost universally mutual. I think the only person Koels actually likes is Dr. Ford.”
“But who doesn’t like Dr. Ford, though?” I replied, sidestepping the sinkhole that was my mother’s crush on Koels. She certainly didn’t think Koels was an asshole. She’d brought him up no fewer than five times in casual conversation since her discharge. “Dr. Ford is amazing.”
Aimee Ford was a genius. She was practically a Doogie Houser-level genius. Although she was only twenty-six years old, she’d risen to the very top of her profession. She was slated to take over the hospital once Koels retired.
“True,” Caroline told me, “although rumor has it, the young Dr. Koels and Dr. Ford grew up as neighbors and hate each other.”
I shook my head again. “I need to pay more attention to the gossip. I’m out of the loop.” This was some seriously juicy stuff.
Caroline smiled wider, and it lifted my spirits. “That’s what girlfriends are for: distraction, encouragement, and commiseration.” She paused. “Speaking of which, how are things with Eric?”
There was no good answer to that question. “Complicated. Very complicated.”
“Are you seeing him?”
“Do you mean dating or—”
“I mean fucking.” Caroline’s real personality was beginning to shine through her grief.
I felt a hot blush spread across my face. I could only imagine I’d turned bright red. Caroline made a little excited noise from her corner of the couch. In other circumstances, she’d probably have squealed and done a happy dance, but this was not a day for happy dances. “I’m so happy for you.”
“I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”
Caroline raised her eyebrows. “Why?”
I shook my head. My feelings were too complicated to put into words, but I could, maybe, summarize it. “I’m afraid to fall in love with him.”
Caroline flashed her white smile but then it faded. “Why is that bad?”
My insecurity flared.
Because I’m scared.
Because I don’t deserve him.
Because I know he’ll leave me when this is over and he’s gotten what he wants.
“Because I feel like I’m spinning plates.” I eventually said. With a bit of effort, I fought down my insecurity and gave Caroline an honest answer. “I’ve been lying to my mom, lying to my coworkers, lying to myself… eventually it’s all going to fall, and I’ll be surrounded by jagged shards of broken glass. I feel like disaster is coming.”
Caroline thought about that for a moment. “Maybe it’s inevitable though.”
“You don’t think I can pull this off?”
She shook her head and pushed her glossy blonde hair behind her ears. It was tangled today, but still shinier than mine ever looked. “That’s not what I meant.” She paused. “It’s just… Vanessa and Sam weren’t spinning plates. They were just going along with their regular lives and they still ended up getting hurt.”
“You think I should just go for it with Eric even if it ends up screwing everything up even worse?”
Caroline’s green eyes stared past me, toward the hallway that led to Vanessa’s empty room. “I think you should choose to be happy when you can. Because the universe can come and take it away in the blink of an eye and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.”
23
Eric
My consult with Dr. Ortega happened late in my shift, just before I needed to leave to get ready for my date with Faith. Vanessa was unconscious the in intensive care unit. With injuries like hers, infection was a real threat. It was better for me to keep my distance unless I absolutely had to touch her. No matter how much I tried, and it was a lot, I was constantly covered in germs that would be delighted to find a lovely new home in her wounds. I caught a glimpse of her through the little window in the door.
“You reattached the forearm.” I was appropriately impressed by his work. Her limb was wrapped, but it was obviously attached to her body again. It really was miraculous what we could do. Just a generation ago, she’d be permanently disabled.
“Yeah, I’m really proud of the way it turned out,” Ortega told me. “The wound was so clean at the elbow you’ll barely be able to even see the scar. This will not be a bride of Frankenstein situation. I missed my calling as a plastic surgeon. I could be making the big bucks in Hollywood.”
I smirked at him. If Ortega wanted to make the big bucks as a cosmetic surgeon, I had no doubt that he would be doing just that. He might be capable of cosmetic work, but he had the same addiction to saving lives that I did. There was just something about it. My reply was sarcastic. “It’s never too late. The world always needs more big silicone tits and assess.”
Ortega glanced through the tiny window at the sleeping Vanessa. “That would be a huge travesty in this case. Sometimes it’s better to leave well enough alone.” Doctors are still humans. Unfortunately, some of them are human men. I frowned at him, wondering if Vanessa even knew Sam was dead yet, and he rolled his eyes.
“I looked at the second EKG,” I told him to change the subject. “It looks fine to me.”
Ortega nodded at me. His dark eyes were relieved. “Yeah, I agree. The first one was a false positive. Since you’re Koels’ pick on the new unit, I figured I should get your opinion first before ruling anything else out. Congratulations, by the way.”
This hadn’t been a particularly intensive consult, but it had been an informative one. I’d gone up a few notches in Ortega’s estimation lately. That was very good to know. “Thanks.”
“How’s your wife doing?” Ortega asked. “I heard her mom was discharged yesterday.” He just meant it as a polite question, but it was the first time since my fictitious marriage began that anyone other than Koels had asked about my wife other than a passing ‘congratulations’.
I thought about his question for a moment. “Faith’s doing ok. It really freaked her out to see her mom so upset and hospitalized.” I paused. “It freaked me out to see Faith so upset. Basically, everyone was upset and the whole situation sucked.”
“Yeah. That’s normal.” Ortega frowned. “I felt bad threatening her with security, but I had to get her out of there.”
“She knows you were just doing your job.”
“I’m glad she’s doesn’t have any hard feelings. I’ve always liked Faith a lot.” Ortega brightened. “Speaking of which, my wife and I are having a garden party next week. All the staff physicians are coming with their wives and partners. You and Faith should come too.”
None of the staff physicians had ever invited me to socialize before, and I wasn’t dumb enough to ignore such an excellent networking opportunity. They all hung out with one another constantly, and residents were never invited. Apparently being married and somewhat hand-picked by Koels made me adult enough to invite to grown-up doctor parties. Inside I was freezing solid from shock, but externally I kept my cool. This was exactly what I’d hoped to achieve through Faith and I’s whole plot. It felt surreal that it was working.
“That sounds great. Should we bring anything?”
“Just your appetite for crudités and maybe a bottle of wine.” He grinned.
“We can do that.”
“Fantastic. I’ll text you the all the details.”
“Thanks for the invite.”
“You’re welcome. Thanks for the consult.”
My head was spinning. I stumbled into an empty room and sat down. I needed to think. To plan.
This invitation was significant. I wasn’t exactly one hundred percent sure yet how significant, but I had a hunch. Having the st
aff physicians accept me as one of their own and view me as more of an equal than a disposable, interchangeable part, was a seriously big deal. If this was my ticket to winning that esteem, then it couldn’t be entirely attributed to my new job, either. It was the fact that I was married to Faith, and part of a couple that could appropriately socialize with the other doctors and their wives.
Most doctor’s wives, especially those of Ortega’s generation, didn’t work outside the house. They spent their time doing charity work, raising children, and socializing with other doctor’s wives. I was not naïve enough to believe that my own career wouldn’t be enhanced if Faith won over the wives of my colleagues. However, this was never part of our agreement. In fact, it was somewhat the opposite of our ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ approach.
Now all I had to do was convince Faith that coming to a party that was almost definitely going to be doctor’s wife trial-by-fire was something she wanted to do.
24
Eric
I took Faith to an Italian restaurant that happened to have an entirely vegetarian menu. I wasn’t about to make the steak house mistake a second time, especially after learning why she felt the way she did about meat. In fact, it made me think twice about it. I wouldn’t be surrendering my hamburgers forever just like that, but I walked past the burn unit near lunchtime and just the memory of her description convinced me to eat a salad instead of the meatloaf in the cafeteria.
“So, what’s your plan?” Faith asked once we were seated. She was getting straight to the point now. Our other conversation tonight had been friendly, but tense. Attraction was still vibrating between us, thick and palpable.
“Your mom is going to visit family in New York soon.”
She blinked at me. “Wait. How did you know that?” Her voice was equal parts shocked and puzzled.
I blinked right back at her, and not just because she was wearing a low-cut red blouse that looked really good on her with that tight black pencil skirt. “Wait, she really is?” That was good luck. Not just good luck. Kismet. I recalculated.
A Bad Case of You Page 12
