I remembered Kage on the train and the number of times I’d either rebuffed or simply not taken him seriously. Then thought of the past thirty hours with them. Was “only frustrated” what ailed Kage? Or was frustration, in various forms and guises—from his own sensitivities to his sex life—shaping his whole existence and imposing itself over his personality?
I’d had a wakeup call with Zar when I’d discovered he was trying to be someone for me he was not. And another with Jason—dark star to others, or leading me astray as well? After today, I had reason to wonder just as much about the two sides of Kage. How presumptuous had I been to think I knew much of him?
Stick around and get to know us better. We’re pretty bloody fascinating.
Only days ago, kissing me goodbye, he’d made me want to stay forever. Now I wanted to run from the hurt of his latest barbed words. Was that equally conceited? Rather than talking things out? Rather than being the silver who understood her pack and ran with them, let go of control and loved every member? What did a great silver use most? Heart or head?
One more wash and Kage was shivering, leaning into Jason, the massive paw quivering in my hands under the warm water. Did he still have a fever? The sting of that soap must be horrific, apart from anything else.
“Sorry, Kage,” I said after minutes of silence. “It’ll be over soon. I wouldn’t want to be bitten by one of those things either. Spawning or not. It’s disgusting either way.” I held a final rinse under the stream. “You taught us all a lesson, though, even if you had to learn it the hard way. I’d never have thought he could whip around and bite that fast either. I thought at most he’d thrash and maybe you could move him along a little bit. It was a good effort to try to get him going.”
Kage watched me with one eye, his enormous head against Jason’s chest.
He was a stunning creature. If someone wanted an ideal, perfectly coated, beautifully marked specimen of a Eurasian wolf to put on, say, the cover of a wolf calendar or coffee table book, he should be it.
He was large as Jed in fur, weighing substantially more than I did, though some of the apparent bulk was only the rich coat. This was a blend of tawny and gray shades starting with black-tipped tail and guard hairs, right down to white accents. In between ranged from the softest French grays to hints of rust red and dark charcoal. The masking on his face included pale eyebrow spots like Andrew’s, giving him a more expressive face than Jason and Jed’s, or Isaac’s pure white.
This expressiveness was put to work as he panted and twitched, watching the washing of his arm with that one eye. When I turned off the tap and rolled his pastern in the towel to squeeze out the water, Kage tentatively pulled away from Jason to lick my hands.
I’d been getting used to them lately. Still, there remained something not only surreal about the whole thing, but a little pulse-quickening. How many people had ever washed a wolf’s paw in a kitchen sink while his teeth brushed their skin?
Jason hugged Kage’s neck against him, making Kage cough, and lowering Kage back to three legs while he held up the right fore.
“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” Jason asked with a soft, soppy smile directed at the wolf. There was nothing fake or insincere about his feelings for Kage. They seemed to flow from him like sunlight. “He’s the most handsome wolf in the pack.”
Kage wagged his drooping tail a little, though he still looked forlorn.
“Yes, you’re very pretty,” I told him. “But change back and see if that’s any better. Two shifts will be all right.”
“He needs a minute,” Jason said.
A good time for me to go then. I glanced at my bag on the chair. Instead of grabbing it, I somehow ended up sitting back down to wait with them.
Kage limped over to rest his head across my lap, rolling his eyes dramatically up to my face, his ears sagging to the sides of his heavy skull. His eyes were a sort of greenish amber, similar to his hazel eye shade in skin, yet sharper, more amber.
Jason pulled out a kitchen chair to sit in the harsh light of the bulb in the ceiling there. Only that and the bathroom light were on, yet the place was so small it was plenty.
Jason rubbed his face and sighed, elbows on his outspread knees as he leaned forward.
“He’s sorry about what he said to you.”
“Jason, I told you—”
“No, I’m not apologizing for him. He is. I just wasn’t sure if you knew what he was saying so … that’s why I offered.”
Kage leaned into my legs more, shuffling closer, eyes big and sorrowful as he watched my face with his chin on my thigh.
I looked away.
The faintest thread of a whine, like a breeze under a door.
I glanced back at him. I hadn’t meant to say anything. Hadn’t meant to stay. But somehow I was talking anyway, sitting there with the wolf’s head in my lap.
“I’m sick of everyone having a go at Isaac when he’s not even around. Or waiting until you’re all changed and trying to kill him, for that matter. If you feel so threatened by Isaac, maybe you should take a look at yourself rather than taking out frustrations on him. Or me.” I met his eyes.
Kage looked back.
“I’ve never heard Isaac say one unkind thing about you,” I said quietly. “Never seen him pick a fight with you, never known him to take any action against you whatsoever. And, you know what?” I paused while he watched my face. “That’s one of the things I like about Isaac.
“If you’re battling demons—impressing core, looking after Jason and yourself while between jobs, interviews and dealing with worms, me and our little pack, your own personal uniqueness, which are differences, not flaws—then you need to work out a creative outlet for that energy. Work, art, talking with a mentor, chewing a bone, digging, whatever. I won’t speak for Jason, but I don’t enjoy you losing your temper with me.”
Kage eased in more, leaning hard into my legs. He nudged his muzzle under my arm on that of the chair, a gentle shove, until my elbow was on his nose.
I finally moved my arm to stroke his head and he rested it back in my lap.
“We have a long way to go.” My voice dropped almost to a whisper without meaning it to. “Not you and I, Kage. The seven of us if we’re going to help each other and save your pack. That doesn’t mean you have to be best buddies with Isaac or Zar, or any of them. But you have to work together and respect if I’m close with someone else. Coming from an open relationship yourself, I’d have thought you’d be the first to understand that it doesn’t mean I don’t care any less about you.
“And I’m sorry if I was being condescending. I was never having a laugh about your feelings. Ever. I respect your talking freely with me, about how you feel or anything else. I do not respect your redirecting anger toward me.”
I looked into his eyes while I stroked him, again silent for a long time.
“Maybe … you think this is not our business either,” Jason said slowly, watching the floor between his boots. “But … has Zar told you about Moon’s shared light?”
“I don’t think so.”
He looked from my hand on Kage’s ears and up to my face. “There’s a saying among our kin. ‘Moonlight reaches all.’ Moon casts her light to the whole sky, all the stars, all the planets, all of us, each wolf, all life on Earth’s surface knows Moon. It means there’s always enough to go around. Moon doesn’t just choose silvers to run with. She doesn’t only shine with Sun and abandon us. She waxes and wanes, she shares and withholds. But we know she’ll be back. Because moonlight reaches all.”
I met his dark eyes for a long moment, then Kage’s amber ones still rolled up to my face, and didn’t answer.
Chapter 24
I was half asleep by the time Kage joined me in bed. Fully awake as he breeched the divide to ease over to me, naked after he’d been in fur, pressing his nose to my hair on the pillow.
“Cassia…? Sorry…” He hesitated, as if unsure what to say. “I’m sorry about before. I shouldn’t have rowed with yo
u.”
“Why don’t you tell me that from your side of the bed?” I kept my eyes shut, wondering if he could hear my heart rate speed up. “How is your wrist?”
He eased back. “Closed up at least. I’ll get something from Bethany for it in daylight. Sorry I … sorry.” Trailing into a mumble. Like he’d had plans for specifics but couldn’t remember, or chickened out.
“Thanks for saying so,” I said softly, hoping he didn’t find this patronizing but sincere, as I heard Jason emerge from the bathroom.
“Would you tell me,” Kage said softly, “what you want?”
“To go to sleep—”
“From me? If you’d tell me … about you. What you want from a bloke…”
“This is just temporary, Kage. It doesn’t matter what I want.”
“It matters to me.”
I opened my eyes.
Kage watched me from his pillow, arm under it, close enough to lean in and kiss me. He didn’t look like he was about to, though. He looked as he had in fur: sad. Also … frustrated.
Jason was making his way into the room, yawning, reaching to turn on the alarm.
“Compassion.” I shut my eyes again.
“What else?”
“Just think about that one for a while, Kage. What that really means. To others, to me, and to yourself.”
“I don’t—”
“Let her alone.” Jason’s voice was gentle as he climbed into bed.
They shifted around, someone switched off the light, then Kage kissed my hair and said, “Misertneah—mercy toward oneself. Misertvin—mercy toward another.”
I softly repeated the words.
“Min polaan.” His lips were hot, dry, just brushing mine as Jason tugged him back by his shoulder.
Kage let out a breath and eased away with Jason while I thought about turn-ons and teaching. He’d let me guide him in the short meditation earlier, but I wasn’t even convinced he’d done it. He’d kept smiling at things I’d said, his breathing not slowing the way it should have.
“It means regrets,” Jason whispered. “Polaan. So a literal translation is ‘My regrets.’ But it’s a way we say, ‘I’m sorry.’”
I didn’t answer, so tired, yet mind so churned while I listened to them settle or make out—or whatever they were doing.
Listening, maturity, compassion, yes. But what about fascinating, open, honest, and knowing me in return? Until them, I’d never been involved with a guy who even knew what I was. Meaning no one who knew anything about me. Which connection, bond and understanding, suddenly seemed imperative.
Really? Mundane forever? Should it matter to a witch who meant to hang up her hat?
Did I still mean to?
Different countries, different lives, different species.
This is not why you’re here.
But I turned my face into my pillow on tears before sleep found me—their whispered voices in Lucannis and their kisses and movements together sounding distant—and proceeded to have the most erotic dreams I’d ever experienced. Isaac, Kage, and Jason were there, forcing me down for each other, removing all the agonizing and second-guessing since choice was moot for me. It was shocking, burning and real, waking me with an orgasm.
I almost moved over to them in the dark, perspiring and wanting so much to be touched I did start to reach out, close to waking them.
But I pulled myself together and lay there, imagining the dream all over.
It was a while before I finally fell asleep to flaming skyline dreams mixed with blood soaking into the earth, then another clear image of the mansion, the book, the translator.
Then Isaac, Kage, and Jason all over again.
The alarm going off made me jump and scramble for my phone, shocked that the room was light with morning gray since I’d just shut my eyes.
Jason slapped the alarm and both took advantage of a few more minutes. They faced each other on their sides, curled up close, apparently asleep.
I was prepared to reclaim my own rest, not that I’d had much, when I remembered dreams and visions and grabbed my phone. I opened emails, mind suddenly alert with the hope of a message from Richard forwarding the contact he’d found through his Broomantle connections, or even from the mage himself after Richard had been spreading the word I was looking for a translator.
Instead of seeing any such thing, I waited. I had connected to their WiFi from the central workshop, but it was so far away the phone staggered along like a dying animal.
A few minutes later, emails rolled in. Melanie, new boss answering, junk, and—yes. An email from Richard forwarding me one from a mage who’d said he had a strange experience and believed he needed to contact Richard, whom he remembered meeting some years back at a conference. He’d asked if Richard knew anything about a translation that needed doing?
My heart hammered as I read. I wanted to shout, to jump up, run and show Nana what I’d done. Sharing information with someone unknown through a scry?
The whole thing made me shiver. Euphoric, shocked, scared at the same time. What was this? What sort of witch was I becoming that was beyond my wildest imaginings?
The last two I’d put down to the power of love I was developing for my pack. But this? How was this possible? And who could I even ask?
I smiled, setting the phone aside—no point in trying to answer without going over to the shop for a better connection. I knew who to ask. Someone who I owed an email. And who, I hoped very soon, I would be meeting for dinner.
I wanted to tell them, share with someone. The most crazy, scary, impossible, amazing thing has happened.
Of course, I did not. Wolves would not be impressed by my telling how consumed by power I was feeling. Even Kage and his daring deeds.
Instead of dancing, sharing, or researching, I shoved Jason’s shoulder. “Get up.”
His back was to me and he only murmured and tucked his face down tighter against Kage’s chest.
Kage stirred, however.
I read the email again. Mind racing, newly energized, no matter two hours of sleep. Once Jason was at work and Kage was out on his pack chores, I would send emails, then take a seriously long nap.
This evening I could talk with Zar, Atarah, and Dieter. Maybe we wouldn’t even need a translator after getting the story from Dieter. Still, I wanted to meet this guy either way. This was too big. This, as Nana would have said, was Magic with a capital M.
Kage jumped. “Oh, bugger. You’ve got to go, princess.”
“Hmm?”
“Peter will be out there in ten minutes. Run get dressed. I’ll get your broth on.”
“Neä amaus Vinu.” Jason kissed his throat, slow and lazy, eyes still shut.
Kage said it back to him and returned a kiss, stroking his hair.
I rested the phone on my chest, gazing to the white ceiling. A cobweb in the corner. I still had to clean the bathroom. Not that I had to. But it would make me happy and be a thank you before I moved on to my hostess. Whether they liked it or not. And I’d nab that cobweb.
Nothing to shout about. As far as they knew, this was my usual magic. I could move earth, unlock a dozen doors at once, plant messages in the minds of people across unknown distance and time. Obviously. That’s just Cassia, the American witch.
The idea that this was how they thought of me and magic made me laugh aloud. Kage would have high expectations for magic lessons.
I looked over, still smiling, riding a tired high.
No one paid my delight any attention. Jason was on top of Kage, straddling him, holding his face and kissing him, playing with his tongue between a string of mixed endearments and requests, sometimes slipping out of English.
“You’re so fucking gorgeous, Kage. I love you. Go down on me. I love your mouth on me. Please, Sparky—” And so on.
Across the court, Kage pushed his chest, trying to turn Jason off the bed and get him moving. “You’re really late. No more crap from Peter today. Go on, princess. Oh, Moon, five minutes and he’l
l be out there—” And so on.
“Please, only quick—” Jason was guiding Kage’s hand down.
And so on.
Maybe … Kage really was a spineless maggot in private. Which should have been his problem. But it was too upsetting to watch.
I sat up like a door slamming and yelled, “Jason!”
Jason fell out of bed.
Oh, so satisfying.
“Get in the bathroom and get dressed for work!”
He scrambled out of the room as if I’d shot at him.
Kage also shrank away, like I’d go for him next. Panting, bare chest rising and falling, he looked again at the clock and swore.
I glared at him. “Clearly, you’re getting a lot out of this also or you wouldn’t keep it up every morning. But I’m not. Is it just the sex? Because there’s more where that came from. So don’t worry. Do you just love how he makes you feel? Because that backfires into a whole day of beating yourself up. Is it really worth a trade of your dignity and image and doing good work by your pack? You’re not going to get in trouble again over this and be angry about it all morning. Get dressed and get out to Peter right now. You’ve got three minutes.”
Kage struggled out of his blankets, heading for the wardrobe. “Have to get his broth.” Still breathless as he fumbled on boxer shorts and the old jeans.
“You most certainly do not. If he wanted broth he could’ve gotten up earlier.”
“I’m supposed to fix his broth. That’s his whole lunch.” He grabbed a shirt off the floor and pulled it on.
“He didn’t want it. He can skip lunch. I’m sure you’ll feed him a nice steak dinner.”
Kage found his boots on the floor and leaned a shoulder into the wall to pull them on, then dashed for the bathroom. Jason was already out and also stumbling around for boots and whatever else.
In thirty seconds Kage was back, rushing feet, yanking the front door open.
“What about my broth?” Jason asked, sounding as shocked as if Kage had just shaved his head.
Moonlight Heart: A Reverse Harem Shifter Romance (The Witch and the Wolf Pack Book 4) Page 15
