by Mason, V. F.
Ralph, Ethan, and Frank hang around me, since we are on the same team, and I think even consider us friends. I mostly don’t care who is around me as long as it’s not my twin or Arianna.
Masking my affection for both of them is the only source of protection I can provide for them.
It doesn’t mean though that I don’t punch Rick for making fun of Eachann during church choir or don’t go to Arianna’s practice while she glides on the ice, beautiful like the ice princess she is. I memorize it so those memories can keep me grounded in the darkest moments.
I still love them, even if they think I don’t.
Turning off the water, my teeth chattering against each other, since Uncle only allows me to use the cold, I quickly wipe myself off and then put on clothes.
I emerge from the bathroom, ready to go out and find my twin, when Liam runs inside, fear crossing his face. He grabs my shoulders from behind, trembling against me, breathing heavily on my neck while trying to hide behind me.
His long, silky hair tickles my skin while I hear the rustling of his dress.
Even though he is a boy, Uncle insists on only dresses and long hair for him, claiming that this way Liam can bring good profit. He sells him frequently to one of his friends, and Liam always comes back with new scars on his back. Clarissa always tends to our wounds, and thankfully Eachann never sees them as he sleeps at night.
And he is so exhausted he doesn’t hear Liam whimper almost every night either, or how he calls for someone in Latin.
We’ve discovered that’s the language he uses, because Uncle ordered us to learn it as well, but it’s so hard we barely understand anything. I’m not sure why he wants us to know it anyway.
We secretly taught Liam English, and he eagerly learned, but we never mentioned it to Uncle.
I’m afraid to imagine what he would have done to Liam, because he has no affection for him whatsoever, even though he is his son.
That much Liam confirmed.
“What’s going on? Why are you here?” I ask, but he only presses closer to me, staying silent. “Liam, answer me,” I order, knowing full well that when he is in a panic he reacts only to commands.
“He wants us,” he whispers, breathing heavily. “He asked for both of us, and Daddy agreed.” He starts to shake, wrapping his arms around my middle. “He is coming here!” And then he hides behind my back again when heavy footsteps echo in the hallway, and I only have a second to dwell on his words before I see Edward entering, a smug smile on his face.
My heart stops and then beats so fast I feel it in my neck while fear spreads through me, awakening every hair on my body to the looming danger. “Both of you are here.” He greets us and clicks his fingers; two men come and place two huge briefcases on the table, opening them up.
They hold various knives, pliers, and chains. Mostly things people use in construction. There is also a whip and some ropes; I’ve seen Dad use them on ranches.
Oh no.
Once everything is done, pointing at Liam, he orders, “Hold the girl in that corner. Wrap ropes around her and put a gag in her mouth so I’ll hear only whimpers and not shouts.”
The man does as he says, tearing Liam away from me while I stand still, awaiting Edward’s command.
Not that I have to guess much, since Callum’s torment flashes before my eyes.
He licks his lips and winks at me. “You’ll be first. I paid so much to convince him to share you with me tonight I almost wonder if your body is made of gold.” He barely spares Liam a glance. “You came as a bonus.”
Liam gasps, tears streaming down his face, but I keep my eyes on Edward while despising my uncle with all my being.
Clearly when the price is high enough, he is ready to sell anyone and anything, even his most beloved toy.
In this hell, money is more important than anyone’s life or innocence.
He removes his jacket, throwing it on the floor. Then he walks to the table, grabbing a knife that shines under the light. He picks up a heavy chain and drags it across the floor. Each clanging sound hits me so hard I want to lie down and cry at his cruelty.
“Welcome to the dark side, boy,” he says and wraps those chains around my neck so tightly the sharp edges dig into my skin and the familiar headache starts in my head.
It usually appears when Uncle is around, as if taking me to the edge, nagging and nagging, but not fully forming, and it stops always after Uncle is done.
But this time around it’s different.
It throbs so much I can’t take it anymore and close my eyes, allowing the darkness calling to take me from here.
Maybe there, I’ll find a momentary reprieve from this hell that I’m living in.
* * *
I groan and my eyes snap open only to look into Liam’s worried ones.
I blink in confusion. “Liam?” I croak and whimper, because even my voice scratches my throat. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth, and I lift my hand to wipe it away. I cry out when pain radiates through my entire body and hurts so much I’m unsure where I should focus on first.
Liam runs his fingers through my hair. “Shhh.” And then he looks over his shoulder before Clarissa appears in my vision, the smell of ointment twitching my nose.
“We need to clean you up, Eudard, so we can put medicine on it.” She wipes away her tears, but it means nothing to me.
If she is silent about what’s going on here, I have no good feelings for her.
She places a wet cloth on me, wiping blood while I barely hold back the scream wanting to erupt from my throat, but I’m afraid I’ll bruise it even more.
I’ve never experienced such pain in my life. How is it possible to live with it? Is this what real hell feels like?
Clarissa presses the cloth on my chest, and I whimper, my back arching while tears form in my eyes and I bite on my lips, silently crying from this.
Why is life so unfair? What did I do to deserve such cruelty from the world?
Why do children have to pay for the greed of grown-ups?
The strong ones are supposed to protect the weaker ones, but somehow in this family, being weak is almost a curse, and strong men destroy your spirit and body instead.
“Shhh,” Liam repeats, holding my palm in his and rubbing his cheek on it. “Shhh.”
“He is a monster,” Clarissa whispers, continuing to wipe my wounds that must be severe if the amount of pain is anything to go by. “Only a monster could have done this.” If I had any strength, I would have laughed at this.
Then my uncle is what? A saint?
I breathe through my nose, filling my lungs with needed air while withstanding another hit of pain that comes.
Despite the agony it might bring, I find Liam’s gaze and croak, “What happened to me?” He frowns, maybe confused with my question, but I have no recollection of what happened.
One minute, I was afraid of Edward, and the next, I woke up with all this pain.
How is that possible?
I tug on his hand, and he whispers.
What he says next is so horrible that for a second I forget how to breathe, wondering how I could have possibly survived such torture.
But soon, I’ll find an answer to that question.
On that day, Eunan appeared inside me, taking on the burden of sharing my pain that was born among the never-ending abuse.
In time, I’ve learned not to fear him, but to accept him as a part of me that wanted to disconnect with the present situation to be able to survive.
So my subconscious created another boy inside my head who was my age and my gender, living only in my darkness and never claiming a spotlight during the day.
He protected me always.
But try as we might, we both failed to protect my twin and the girl I loved.
Because we missed an enemy hiding in the shadows, pulling a twisted web around us.
And that became our greatest mistake and the greatest tragedy of all.
Cassandra
After I came home, I took a long shower, soaking under the hot water while thinking how best to start a conversation with Arson. I wasn’t sure how much he knew about Eudard, but if he killed people around here, he has to be aware of him.
But then if I call them here, what will happen next? Will they fight or threatened him?
I run through different scenarios in my head and all the outcomes are not satisfying enough, because I can’t ensure anyone’s safety.
Eudard included, because I don’t want anyone to hurt him either.
Groaning into my mug, I grab my phone from the counter and unlock it, searching for Arson’s name, and hoover my thumb above it, mentally preparing myself for this.
Didn’t I promise them I’d contact them if anything went wrong? That was our agreement all along, and I’ll be an ungrateful bitch if I break it now after everything they’ve done for me.
My loyalty to them should be stronger than for Eudard, who deceived me even though he had reasons for it.
But then who decides who deserves more loyalty?
I press his name, my heart beating rapidly in my chest, and he answers on the first ring. “Talk,” his cold voice greets.
I take a deep breath, before I say, “Hey.” He stays silent, not that I expect him to say anything. Arson doesn’t talk much, and when he does, hey is the last word in his vocabulary. “I’ve heard it’s raining in New York.” I groan inwardly at this idiotic subject, but I want to stall the inevitable conversation as much as I can.
Coward.
“I hope none of you will get sick.” Like this assumption makes any sense. “And—”
He has enough of this bullshit, because he cuts me off. “If you want to discuss weather, call Levi.” I exhale heavily, and he waits for me to continue. Since I don’t, he does it for me. “Did something happen, Cassandra?” The way he forms this question, with his voice coated in something I don’t recognize, makes me think he already knows. “Something you want to share with me?”
“Yes,” I finally say and take a deep breath. “I exposed Patricia’s affair with Frank to Ralph yesterday.” He doesn’t comment on that, so I elaborate. “He became angry and kicked her out. I think he will try to fight for full custody with her.” The bile in my throat rises at the prospect of those girls growing up with Ralph, and familiar guilt slams into me, making me question if my choice was the right one.
Maybe in my need for vengeance, I lost track of myself—for was it’s worth—to ruin a family with two kids to get justice.
But then I shake my head, refusing to go down that rabbit hole.
Ralph Brown hurt an innocent girl with his friends and never paid for it. I have a right to demand justice for what was done to me.
Every decision in this life has a price; we just need to decide if we are willing to pay it or not.
“Fascinating.” Arson’s voice pulls me out of my grim thoughts. “Anything else?” Once again, he has an expectant tone like he’s a parent ready for a child to confess, but the child is not giving in.
“The whole town hates them now. They don’t have proof, of course, but suspicions are there. They even destroyed Cole’s studio. And Dorothy is scared shitless,” I mumble, catching him up in all the recent events while I desperately find the will inside me to speak about the elephant in the room.
I have a feeling he’s waiting for the same thing, but that’s Arson’s trait. He never rushes anyone, preferring to prolong their agony till he finds it amusing.
One should worry when he finds them boring, because a torturous death in that case is inevitable. “Everything going according to plan, then?” I hear some shuffling in the background, and he asks again, “Anything else you want to tell me?”
That’s it.
The moment of truth to tell him about Eudard, to lock myself in the castle the guys will, for sure, create around me, and let me finish all this on my own terms.
And once all this is done, I can forget about my past, my nightmares, and… Eudard.
Every single emotion I’ve experienced with him will be nothing but a fleeting memory in time.
My heart pangs at that. My chest heaves, and I exhale harshly, pressing my fist to my collarbone.
And with that, various flashbacks from the past play in front of my eyes like the most colorful movies that are imprinted in your brain, even if you wish to forget them.
Ninth grade
“Ouch,” I scream when a muscled chest collides with mine and I stumble back, but a strong arm catches me in time, pulling me firmly against himself.
Gasping, I look up only to clash gazes with Eudard, whose green eyes shine for a second with worry as he scans me from head to toe.
But then his usual scowl is back, and he pushes me away, growling, “Watch where you’re going.” And then he walks off in the direction of the football field while girls sigh behind his back, murmuring to each other how handsome he is.
Tenth grade
Dropping onto the bench, I wince a little when my knee sends prickles of pain through my leg. I stretch it forward, hoping to ease the soreness.
Maybe I overdid it on the ice the other day, but coach said if I want to be in good shape, I have to practice baby steps after an injury.
I’d kill for some painkillers, but I’m afraid to mention it to my parents or they might forbid all future practices. “Ouch,” I whisper, touching the skin above the knee and cry out when more pain comes from the contact. “I need to get some ice on this thing,” I mutter, opening my bag to get my phone to text Patricia to get her ass in here.
Sighing in resignation, because there is no point in reasoning with her when she has things to do, I put the phone away and lean back on the bench, closing my eyes and allowing the warmth of the sun to calm me down, even if I want to scream in frustration.
A loud thud snags my attention, and I see an ice pack dropped next to my foot along with pills. Confused, my eyes travel up to meet Eudard’s as he stands a few feet away from me in football gear, while the coach is shouting in the distance for him to get his ass back on the field.
He doesn’t say anything, only drills his stare into me like he wants to capture my every feature, and then rushes off without an explanation.
I grab the ice and groan in pleasure when it touches my knee and brings much-needed relief.
And despite the hate I usually feel toward this confusing boy, right in this moment, I think I might love him; that’s how grateful I am for his gesture.
But the next day he is his usual asshole self who pretends I don’t exist.
Eleventh grade
“You need to stand still, honey,” Mom says sternly, grabbing the front of my dress and tugging on it. She zips it up and places her hands on my hips where the narrow waist of the long ball gown with a chiffon skirt shows me in the best possible light.
I even manage to have curves in it, although in my opinion my breasts are almost nonexistent. “Ah.” Mom clasps her hands together. “You are so beautiful.” I nod eagerly, twirling from side to side in it. “We just need them to cut a bit off the skirt so you won’t face-plant during the ball.” Leave it to Patricia to call her annual winter party a ball this year and invite the entire school. The only requirement is to wear a ball gown, because the theme is the eighteenth century. “I’m going to call the sales lady so she can fix it for us. The lavender color brings out your eyes so much.” She winks at me and th
en disappears from the fitting room, calling for the lady while I continue to study my reflection in the mirror.
I’m almost like a princess in it, waiting for her dashing knight in shining armor.
I hear the rustling outside and think Mom is back, so I say, “Mom, it’s not see-through, right?” I pull the curtain open, spinning around, only for my eyes to widen in shock when I notice Eudard by Mom’s purse, about to put a folder on top of it.
He pauses midway, blinking in surprise, and his eyes roam over me, probably not missing anything, and I feel naked even if unfamiliar tingles spread all over me, breaking goose bumps on my skin.
We stand still for a second, and the next I take a step toward him, and he does the same. The weird cocoon around us continues, and for the first time in a while, his face is not unreadable.
No, an expression of great pleasure is present and reminds me so much of the boy he used to be, the one who had been my best friend.
On instinct, I lift my hand to remove a strand of hair from his forehead, and he swallows roughly, leaning into my touch, but my mom’s voice breaks the bubble around us.
At once, he steps back, a cold expression coming back to shadow his face, and he drops the folder. “Tell her my dad said it needs to be ready by tomorrow.” He goes to the other end of the hall where there is an exit but stops right before leaving and tells me without facing me, “The dress is not see-through. You look gorgeous in it.”
And as always, he disappears from my sight, leaving only chaos in his wake. I can never understand my emotions, because if I’m in love with his brother… why does he have the power to awaken them in a second and his twin inspires nothing but warmth in me?
Looking back on all our encounters throughout the years, I realize he stayed by my side, silently watching my every move and helping me when I needed it most.
A shadow that follows you around even in the darkness, but you are unaware of its existence unless you go into the sunlight.
