by Mason, V. F.
Ralph though shakes his head, and then says with remorse in his voice, “I’m so sorry. I hadn’t realized how dangerous some moves might be.”
“Yeah, well it’s okay.”
Laura squeezes my arm before announcing to us both, “I’m going to check on Eachann and be right back.” The minute she is out of earshot, Ralph leans closer, and I resist the instinct to step back.
I think there will never be a time where I’ll be able to react normally to any of the founding five’s presence, let alone their desire to be close to me. “Thank you once again for what you did the other day.” He clears his throat and lowers his voice. “Discovering their lies was freeing, even if it stung.”
My gaze lands on the girls who, even though they interact with each other, don’t seem as happy as they were at Patricia’s party.
Ralph notices it. “I want you to know you didn’t ruin a family. We were never a picture-perfect couple.” He laughs bitterly. “I should have never gotten involved with her, but I can’t say I regret it. She gave me my girls.” So much loves laces his words that my stomach flips and nausea hits me because of the guilt slamming into me.
Once I take my revenge on Ralph—or rather Eudard will—those girls won’t have a father who adores them.
Can I live with such sin in my heart? Even if he goes to prison, he will be forever lost to them.
Based on the reports I gathered on them, they’ve never committed that kind of crime after me and have lived a normal life. I still don’t understand why they touched me in the first place, but I’m assuming no one will ever explain that to me.
They say sometimes people make horrible mistakes.
But can what they did be called a mistake?
Not one of them felt guilty, not one of them tried to fix it or stop it.
So why do I feel guilty destroying this family that apparently has no love anyway? The answer is easy though, even if I want to hide away from it.
These girls will be collateral damage because of their parents’ sadistic desires, just like I used to be.
But is it enough of an excuse to forget about the crime? The divorce has destroyed Patricia.
Ralph though has found happiness because of it.
Where is the justice if my revenge doesn't punish him?
Since Patricia is nowhere in sight, I ask him, “You didn’t forbid her to come to church, did you?”
“No, and I will allow her to see the girls. The only thing that will change for them is that Mommy is no longer living with them. Maybe Frank will marry her, and the girls will even keep him in their life.” My brows rise at the fact that he is so casually mentioning Frank, like he doesn’t much care about his betrayal.
His gaze darts toward Meghan for a second, and there is longing in them as he drinks in her features, as if doesn’t know how to proceed. Does he really love her? And in this, he might be forgiving toward Patricia and Frank as long as he gets the woman he loves out of it.
Why should it matter? Did my family or my happiness matter to any of them when they raped me?
Or maybe the guilt eating at me even though I’m right is an indication that I’m different from them and always will be.
They might have destroyed my body… but they never could have destroyed my soul.
Thankfully, Laura chooses this moment to come back, and with an apologetic smile, I walk to the bench, dropping my ass on it in time with Eunan coming forward, flipping open the Bible, and greeting everybody.
For a fraction of a second, I notice his green eyes look at me with confusion and… shame? Then he clears his throat and starts the mass.
Everyone listens to him attentively, in complete silence, and only his deep voice can be heard in the sanctuary, but I barely listen to what he says.
Instead, I focus on how he pretends to be Eachann so well, wearing glasses and speaking in a manner I can imagine he would.
If he ever became a priest, he would have been just like that, caring about the kids, asking about trips, and encouraging people to be kind, even if the world isn’t.
My heart squeezes in my chest, because it grieves for the boy who is lost to us all, to one of my closest friends and the boy who used to believe everything in this life has a purpose.
The sweetest boy in town who lived in his own little world, and we couldn’t understand him.
I spent so much time hating him for the things he had supposedly done to me, and he was dead all along, grieved by no one but his siblings.
I’m sure now that whoever I saw on that night in the church couldn’t have been him… and he could never have given that letter to Patricia.
Can his soul even find peace if people still think he graces the Earth?
What kinds of crimes did we three commit in our past lives that this life has punished us so harshly?
And even Eunan, who is just a personality of Eudard, is forever trapped, protecting those around him the only way he knows how, but he must struggle inside too.
Or rather Eudard struggles inside from the pain of holding it all together, and Eunan serves as an outlet to disconnect from that pain.
Will we all find peace once our revenge is done?
Will nightmares disappear along with pain and will a bright future be possible?
Can a bittersweet ending to this story be our twisted beginning?
Everyone rises, and I realize I missed his sermon entirely, because the thirty minutes flew so fast. “I left my basket in his office already, so you gotta give him yours. He’ll spend time with the kiddos for a bit.” Laura told me that he has a special program where the kids from poor families come to the church. They read books together, and he always has something for them to eat. She says it’s not so much as trying to teach them, because there are schools for that, but more showing he is there for them and still keeps the happiness intact.
I could barely believe this because it didn’t add up to the man who almost killed me in this church. The only reason I’ve decided to interact with Eunan is because there must be an explanation for what he did.
An alter ego who loves his host won’t hurt a woman who his host…
What?
Is obsessed over, I guess, since I’ve heard no declaration of love.
Picking up the basket, I take a deep breath and walk toward Eunan, who is swamped with attention from the ladies who gush about something he said—not that I care what it is.
The time has come to face the alter and make friends with him, because we want to protect the same person.
We can share the burden together until Eudard realizes he doesn’t need Eunan anymore to run away from his pain, and I’ll be there to soothe him no matter what.
He murmurs, “Thank you, Lisa. I’ll keep that in mind.” And then he shifts his focus to me while the women gape at us with no shame. It will be the new talk of the town. I can almost hear the gossips.
She spoke to Father Eachann!
She has no shame. She lives with his brother in sin and comes to church to talk with our priest?
“What are you doing here?” he asks harshly but keeps his voice low so no one can hear us.
God forbid people think badly about Eachann.
Raising the basket of muffins, I announce, “I baked muffins for the kids. Homemade. Zebra ones. They are the twins’ favorite.” He blinks at this and absently takes it from my hands. “They are delicious. Have you tried them? My mom used to bake them.” He shakes his head, confusion written all over him, because he clearly doesn’t understand my mood, but that’s okay.
He will get the fact that I’m not going anywhere, and we need to learn how to coexist for Eudard’s sake. But I won’t pretend he is Eachann or any of that crap.
Eunan needs his voice in order for Eudard to find peace within himself. “Thank you,” he says and then after a beat, “I’m sorry about our first meeting.” There is almost shyness to his voice, but he quickly snaps out of it, frowning again. “Still, you shouldn’t have come here.” Ther
e is slight panic now, but before I can question him on it, he orders, “You need to leave now, please.” Even though I want to argue, I decide to listen and ask Eudard about it once they switch back.
Help me, God, but I will find all the answers today, no matter what. I’m not living in the dark anymore!
Laura appears next to me, hooking her arm with mine. “Let’s go have fun in town.”
“I thought you were tired.”
She straightens up and then winks. “Sleep is for sissies.” She flicks her head back, and we both laugh. I have a feeling she needs it too, because I notice traces of pain in her eyes when she looks at Eunan.
She probably always imagined Eachann in his place too.
We are almost at the door when Sam and Meghan appear in front of us with huge grins on their faces. “Someone said something about fun?” Sam asks and nudges Meghan. “Sounds like our kind of gals.”
“Oh, thank God!” the gorgeous brunette exclaims, grabbing my other elbow. “I started to think this day was going to be shit with how long it took for Eachann to wrap up that speech.”
“Meghan!” Sam glances at us apologetically, but she just shrugs. “What? You work for the Campbells. I don’t. So I can be fucking honest. It's not like he comes up with new topics. He talks about the same stuff over and over again.” A lady next to us gasps at her cursing, and she rolls her eyes, pointing with her thumb at the church door behind us. “Relax, Claire. We’re outside. So I can say whatever the hell I want.” Then she shakes my arm. “Ready for the time of your life?”
“I’m not sure—” I start but shut my mouth under their stern looks in my direction. Their stares judge hard what I was about to say.
“Girl, we have a celebration, and you live in sin with Eudard Campbell.” Meghan claps her hands. “So today we are gonna eat a lot of food and show you around the town, because it’s the freaking best, and then participate in the dancing competition just because we can.” I groan inwardly, because these competitions always have teams where everyone tries to best one another. “My kid is finally with a sitter for the first time in like forever, so no excuses. This is happening!”
With that, she drags us to a narrow path that leads to the town, and I get lost in female chatter and laughter, relaxing in their company, because for the first time in a long while or maybe forever, it feels like I have friends.
Or at least people who want to be in my company without having the desire to stab me in the back.
Eunan
“These muffins are so yummy,” Serena says, showing me her toothless smile. “I hope the dancing lady will come next Sunday too.” She sighs, taking a large bite of her muffin while Ben nods in agreement, snagging one more.
Usually I allow only one per mass, but Cassandra baked two full baskets; it will be enough for the ten of them.
“Mom says our mayor and the dancing lady are living together,” Serena whispers to Ben, but it’s loud enough for me to hear, and he chokes on his muffin.
“Really?” Then his full-of-curiosity eyes focus on me. “So she is your sister-in-law?” Now he sounds excited about it; the muffins must be that good.
Her mother probably taught her how to bake, based on all the things Laura said.
I never had the privilege of meeting her parents. I’ve always lived in the shadows, and by the time I allowed myself any kind of interaction by pretending to be Eachann, they were dead.
“It seems so,” I reply, ruffling Ben’s hair, glad to see him so carefree. I thought he lost his spark after his dad’s accident, but it’s slowly coming back.
All ten kids giggle in the classroom, spitting crumbs on each other, but I don’t say anything, oddly peaceful around them.
Maybe because this is the only part of my life I don’t have to pretend and can interact as myself. They don’t know what the true Eachann is supposed to be.
And in this, their interaction is based on their emotion toward me, which is like gold to someone who is trapped in another’s body.
I put back the book I’d planned to read to them, and clap my hands to get their attention. “How about some cartoons instead?” I know at least three of these kids have no TV at home, so I’m not surprised when they nod eagerly, still munching on the baked goods.
I’ll have to thank Cassandra for them, although being in her company confuses me.
She is the only one besides Liam—my body roars just thinking about him—and my family who knows about my disorder. Who knows a person like Eunan exists.
I’m sure Eudard filled her in after the disastrous encounter at the church.
Yet she doesn’t look at me like I’m a freak of nature or with fear or even with sadness that always resided in Ridge’s or Eachann’s faces whenever DID was mentioned.
There is calmness in her gaze and an odd acceptance that disturbs my sanity and makes me want to crawl out of this skin, hating this pretense.
A headache starts in my temples, ricocheting through my entire body, and I wince, pressing my fingers to my temples, the familiar oblivion waiting for me on the edges of my mind.
Why is it hitting me now? Our harmony with Eudard could almost be written in history for how controlled our switches are. I never have the desire to fight for his consciousness or to take over his life to live mine. I just need time during my time with the masses and church kids to keep Eachann’s legend going.
So Eudard won’t be in more pain. What if he doesn’t survive, that it becomes too much?
Protecting him is my life’s purpose, the only reason for my existence; so why does this headache continue? Usually it only happens in the afternoon, but now sweat slowly coats my skin and I breathe heavily. My hands fist, trying to control this, but it’s no use.
Dizziness overtakes me, and I get up swiftly, holding steady for the sake of not scaring the kids who are already looking up at me with confusion in her faces. Serena even pauses eating her muffin and frowns. “Are you okay, Father Eachann?”
Worry laces her voice, so I grin, reassuring her. “I just need to go outside for a second. I’ll be back. Don’t go anywhere.” They all nod and go back to giggling about something with each other while I shut the door behind me. I lean on the nearby wall, pain now slamming into me from every corner and blurring my vision.
The switches have never been this painful. What the fuck is going on?
I slide down the wall, palming my head and stifling a groan slipping past my lips. I sit on the floor and hold my head between my knees.
The pain just gets stronger and stronger. For the first time in my entire existence, Eudard doesn’t let me stay as long as I want.
No, no, no.
He would know about Eachann. His consciousness won’t survive it. He needs me.
I can’t let him do this to us.
Rocking back and forth, I hum an old tune, hoping this temporary madness will pass and let me protect Eudard, but no matter what I do, it doesn’t work.
Will he hate me, just like everyone else who knows about me, once he realizes the truth about Eachann?
What am I without him?
My eyes close, and I let the oblivion swallow me, finding reprieve from this agonizing pain that holds echoes of the past where pain surrounded me whenever I was in this body.
I’m no longer as strong though because I saved Eudard from experiencing some of the most horrendous things done to this body, but this time around I can’t withstand it.
I can’t fight against him.
With a heavy exhale puffed from my chest, everything goes black.
Chapter Fifteen
“Behind every perfect façade, there are secrets hidden.
They capture you in a prison.
Where rules of the game are decided by the villain.
They are so painful they should be forbidden.”
Eudard
Eudard, 17 years old
Fall, Senior Year of High School
The car stops by the church with a loud screech of the tires.
I jump out with Eachann running right behind me and push the doors, only to realize they are closed with a heavy lock dangling on the handles.
Organ music vibrates the walls, creating an even bigger sense of doom around us as thunder echoes in the night. Complete darkness surrounds us; only the car headlights allow us to see anything.
Eachann dashes toward the backdoor, yelling, “I’m going to wake up Pastor Joseph.” He still doesn’t know what’s going on, but he feels it’s important to me.
I have no time to wait for the key though, so stepping back, I kick the door, and it rattles yet doesn’t budge.
I kick it again and again and again, finally snapping it wide open with a loud thud as the doors bounce off the walls. I dart inside, my heart in my throat, ready to fight any battles for my girl.
The first thing I notice are all the candles illuminating the place, mixing with the moonlight to showcase every detail about the church, from the cracked floor to leadlight on the windows.
I look around to the organ, because who the fuck is playing this music, but find only a stereo booming within the church, creating a picture from some kind of horror movie.
Cursing, I glance around, screaming, “Arianna!” But she is nowhere to be found. I run farther into the church and then stop dead in my tracks when I see her lying on the steps leading to the altar, a small pool of blood around her wrists. She is naked with words smeared on her stomach and legs.
Vincere Semper.
I kneel in front of her with my trembling hands, not knowing how to touch her or what to do without hurting her more. I lean closer to her face, lightly rubbing her cheek and whispering, “Arianna.” But she is unconscious, and only by the weak, barely detectable pulse on her neck, I know she is still alive.
Eachann’s footsteps thud on the floor when he runs toward us and then exclaims, “Dear God!” He lands next to me while we both surround her.
The horrendous things done to her.
To Arianna.
My ice princess who was always supposed to be protected, but she is lying here barely alive after God knows what the psycho has done to her.
