LARISA. But why do that?
KARANDYSHOV. What do you mean, “why”? Don’t you make any allowance for self-respect in a man?
LARISA. Self-respect! All you think about is yourself! Everybody loves himself! When is anybody ever going to love me? You’re going to lead me to ruin.
MME OGUDALOV. That’s enough, Larisa, what’s gotten into you?
LARISA. Mama, I’m afraid, I’m afraid of something. Now listen. If the wedding’s going to be here, then please, as few people as possible, as quiet and simple as possible.
MME OGUDALOV. No, don’t you get any crazy ideas! A wedding’s a wedding, and I’m an Ogudalov and won’t allow any skimping. You’ll shine as nobody here has ever shone.
KARANDYSHOV. And I won’t begrudge a thing.
LARISA. All right, I’ll be quiet. I can see that for you I’m a doll. You’ll play with me, break me and throw me away.
KARANDYSHOV. That dinner tonight is going to cost me plenty.
MME OGUDALOV. And I consider that dinner of yours absolutely unnecessary, an unjustified expense.
KARANDYSHOV. But even if it should cost me twice as much, or three times as much, I wouldn’t begrudge the money.
MME OGUDALOV. It’s something nobody needs.
KARANDYSHOV. I need it.
LARISA. But what for, Yuly Kapitonych?
KARANDYSHOV. Larisa Dmitriyevna, for three years I’ve been suffering humiliation, for three years I’ve had to put up with mockery from your friends right to my face. I’ve got to have my turn to laugh at them.
MME OGUDALOV. What will you think up next! Do you want to get up some quarrel, is that it? In that case Larisa and I won’t go.
LARISA. Oh, please, don’t offend anybody!
KARANDYSHOV. Don’t offend! Though they can offend me? But don’t worry, there won’t be any quarrel, it’ll all be very peaceful. I’ll propose a toast to you and thank you publicly for the happiness you are giving me by your choice, for the fact that you haven’t treated me the way the others have, that you have valued me and trusted in the sincerity of my feelings. That’s all, that’s my whole revenge!
MME OGUDALOV. And all that’s completely unnecessary.
KARANDYSHOV. No, those great dandies harassed me with their bragging. But they didn’t accumulate their wealth on their own, so why should they brag about it? They throw away fifteen rubles on one order of tea!
MME OGUDALOV. Now you’re taking it out on poor Vasya.
KARANDYSHOV. Not just Vasya, they’re all good at that. Just see what’s going on in town, the joy on people’s faces. The cab drivers are all in a gay mood, they drive around the streets shouting to each other, “The gentleman’s come, the gentleman’s come.” The waiters in the inns are beaming too, they run out to the street and shout from inn to inn, “The gentleman’s come, the gentleman’s come.” The gypsies have gone crazy, they’re suddenly all making a big fuss and waving their hands. At the hotel it’s like a congress, a big crowd of people. A little while ago four gypsies, all decked out, drove up in a carriage to congratulate him on his arrival. What a scene! But what I’ve heard is that that gentleman has run through all his money and sold his last boat. So who’s come then? A man who’s spent all his money having a good time, a degenerate, and the whole town’s glad to see him. Fine morals!
MME OGUDALOV. But who is it that’s come?
KARANDYSHOV. Your Sergey Sergeyich Paratov.
Larisa stands up in fright.
MME OGUDALOV. So that’s who it is!
LARISA. Let’s go to the country, let’s go right now!
KARANDYSHOV. Now is just the time we shouldn’t go.
MME OGUDALOV. What’s the matter, Larisa, why hide from him! He’s not a highway robber!
LARISA. Why don’t you listen to me! You’re destroying me, pushing me into an abyss.
MME OGUDALOV. You’re insane.
KARANDYSHOV. What are you afraid of?
LARISA. I’m not afraid for myself.
KARANDYSHOV. For whom then?
LARISA. For you.
KARANDYSHOV. Oh, don’t be afraid for me! I won’t let myself be put upon. Just let him try picking a quarrel with me, then he’ll see.
MME OGUDALOV. No, don’t talk like that! God help us! This isn’t Vasya. You be careful with him if you value your happiness.
KARANDYSHOV (by the window). There, if you care to look, he’s come to visit you. Four pacers abreast and a gypsy on the box with the coachman. He’s really showing off. Of course, it doesn’t do anybody any harm to let him have his fun, but in reality it’s disgusting and stupid.
LARISA (to Karandyshov). Let’s go, let’s go to my room. Mama, you receive him here. Please, talk him out of any visits!
Larisa and Karandyshov go out. Paratov enters.
PARATOV (during this entire scene with Mme. Ogudalov he adopts a half-joking, half-serious tone). Aunty, your dear hand!
MME OGUDALOV (holding out her hand). Oh, Sergey Sergeyich! Oh, my dear boy!
PARATOV. You desire to embrace me? Permitted! (They embrace and kiss.)
MME OGUDALOV. What wind brought you here? Passing through, perhaps?
PARATOV. I came here on purpose, and my first visit is to you, Aunty.
MME OGUDALOV. Thank you. How are you, how are things going with you?
PARATOV. It would be a sin to complain, Aunty. I’m enjoying life though my business affairs aren’t too good.
MME OGUDALOV (after looking at Paratov awhile). Sergey Sergeyich, tell me, dear boy, why did you disappear so suddenly that time?
PARATOV. I received an unpleasant telegram, Aunty.
MME OGUDALOV. What kind of telegram?
PARATOV. While I was away my managers reduced my household to a shell. Because of their operations my ships were about to be auctioned off along with all my property and belongings. So I flew off to save my possessions.
MME OGUDALOV. So you saved everything and arranged everything.
PARATOV. Not really. I arranged things but not completely; there was quite a loss. But I haven’t lost heart, Aunty, and I haven’t lost my fun-loving disposition.
MME OGUDALOV. I can see you haven’t lost it.
PARATOV. We lose in one thing and gain in something else, Aunty; that’s how it is with men like us.
MME OGUDALOV. What do you want to gain in? Have you started some new business operations?
PARATOV. It’s not for lightheaded gentlemen like us to go starting new business operations! That’s how people get into debtors’ prison, Aunty, I want to sell my precious freedom.
MME OGUDALOV. I understand. You want to marry for money. How high do you value your precious freedom?
PARATOV. At half a million.
MME OGUDALOV. That’s a lot of money.
PARATOV. I can’t do it any cheaper, Aunty. If you don’t figure it out right, you’re in trouble, you know that yourself.
MME OGUDALOV. That’s my kind of man!
PARATOV. Right.
MME OGUDALOV. What a falcon! It’s a joy to look at you.
PARATOV. It’s very flattering to hear that from you. Please allow me to kiss your dear hand. (He kisses her hand.)
MME OGUDALOV. But what about the buyers? That is, you have some buyers, don’t you?
PARATOV. If one looks for them, they’ll be found.
MME OGUDALOV. Pardon me for an indiscreet question!
PARATOV. If it’s very indiscreet, then don’t ask me. I’m bashful.
MME OGUDALOV. Enough of your jokes! Is there a fiancée or not? If there is, then who is she?
PARATOV. Even if you kill me, I won’t say.
MME OGUDALOV. All right, as you wish.
PARATOV. I should like to pay my respects to Larisa Dmitriyevna. May I see her?
MME OGUDALOV. Why not, I’ll have her come out right away. (She takes up the case with its things.) You know, Sergey Sergeyich, tomorrow is Larisa’s birthday, and I’d like to give her these things for a present, but I don’t have enough
to buy them.
PARATOV. Aunty, Aunty! You’ve probably already taken something from three men! I remember those tactics of yours.
MME OGUDALOV (takes Paratov by the ear). You joker you!
PARATOV. Tomorrow I’ll bring a gift myself, better than that.
MME OGUDALOV. I’ll get Larisa for you. (She goes off.)
Larisa enters.
PARATOV. You weren’t expecting me?
LARISA. No, I wasn’t expecting you now. I waited for you a long time, but I stopped waiting a long time ago.
PARATOV. Why did you stop waiting?
LARISA. I had no hopes of your coming. You disappeared so unexpectedly, and not a single letter…
PARATOV. I didn’t write because I couldn’t write you anything pleasant.
LARISA. That’s what I thought.
PARATOV. And you’re getting married?
LARISA. Yes, I’m getting married.
PARATOV. And may I ask, did you wait long for me?
LARISA. Why do you want to know that?
PARATOV. It’s not to satisfy my curiosity, Larisa Dmitriyevna. I’m interested in the purely theoretical aspect. I’d like to know how soon a woman forgets the man she loves passionately: the day after the parting, a week after, a month after… Did Hamlet have the right to say to his mother “ere those shoes were old,” et cetera.
LARISA. I won’t answer your question, Sergey Sergeyich. You can think what you want about me.
PARATOV. I shall always think of you with respect, but women in general, after your behavior, lose a lot in my eyes.
LARISA. What behavior of mine? You don’t know of anything.
PARATOV. Those “mild, tender looks,” the sweet lovers’ whisper, every word separated by a deep sigh, those vows… And a month later all that is repeated to somebody else, like a lesson learned by heart. O women!
LARISA. What about “women”?
PARATOV. Frailty is your name!
LARISA. Oh, what right do you have to insult me like that? Do you really know that I fell in love with somebody after you? Are you so sure of that?
PARATOV. I’m not sure, but I’m assuming it.
LARISA. To make such a cruel reproach you should know, not assume.
PARATOV. But you’re getting married, aren’t you?
LARISA. But what made me do it?… If it’s impossible to live at home; if, when it’s frightfully and deadly boring, I’m forced to be pleasant and smile; if they push suitors on me that I can’t look at without disgust; if there are disgraceful scenes in the house; if I have to run away from the house and even from town?
PARATOV. Larisa, so you? …
LARISA. So I what? Well, what are you trying to say?
PARATOV. Forgive me! I’m guilty towards you. So you haven’t forgotten me, you still… love me?
Larisa is silent.
Well, tell me, speak frankly!
LARISA. Yes, of course. There’s no need to ask.
PARATOV (kisses Larisa’s hand tenderly). Thank you, thank you.
LARISA. That’s all you needed; you’re a conceited man.
PARATOV. To give you up is something I can do, I have to do that because of circumstances. But giving up your love would be painful.
LARISA. Really?
PARATOV. If you had preferred somebody else to me, you would have insulted me deeply, and I wouldn’t have found it easy to forgive you that.
LARISA. And now?
PARATOV. Now for the rest of my life I shall preserve a most pleasant memory of you, and we shall part the best of friends.
LARISA. In other words, let a woman cry and suffer, just so long as she loves you?
PARATOV. It can’t be helped, Larisa Dmitriyevna! In love there’s no equality, that wasn’t started by me. In love it is sometimes necessary to cry.
LARISA. And it’s the woman who has to cry?
PARATOV. Of course, that’s not for the man.
LARISA. And why not?
PARATOV. It’s very simple. Because, if a man cries, people will call him an old woman, and for a man that nickname is the worst thing invented by the human mind.
LARISA. If love were equal on both sides, then there wouldn’t be any tears at all. Does that ever happen?
PARATOV. It happens now and then. Only it turns out to be some sort of fancy cake, some kind of sponge cake.
LARISA. Sergey Sergeyich, I told you something I shouldn’t have. I hope you won’t take advantage of my openness.
PARATOV. Really, what do you take me for! If a woman is free, then that’s a horse of another color… I, Larisa Dmitriyevna, am a man with principles; for me marriage is a sacred thing. I can’t stand that freethinking. Let me ask you something. Your future mate, of course, possesses many virtues?
LARISA. No, only one.
PARATOV. That’s not much.
LARISA. And yet it’s precious.
PARATOV. And what is it exactly?
LARISA. He loves me.
PARATOV. That’s truly precious. It’s very good for around the house.
Mme. Ogudalov and Karandyshov enter.
MME OGUDALOV. Permit me to introduce you, gentlemen! (To Paratov.) Yuly Kapitonych Karandyshov. (To Karandyshov.) Sergey Sergeyich Paratov.
PARATOV (giving Karandyshov his hand). We’re already acquainted. (Bowing.) You see a man with a large mustache and few talents. I beg you to be kind and gracious. I’m an old friend of Kharita Ignatyevna and Larisa Dmitriyevna.
KARANDYSHOV (with restraint). I’m very pleased to meet you.
MME OGUDALOV. Sergey Sergeyich is like a member of the family.
KARANDYSHOV. It’s a great pleasure.
PARATOV (to Karandyshov). You’re not jealous?
KARANDYSHOV. I hope Larisa Dmitriyevna won’t give me any cause to be jealous.
PARATOV. But you know, jealous people are jealous without cause.
LARISA. I guarantee that Yuly Kapitonych will not be jealous on my account.
KARANDYSHOV. Yes, of course, but if…
PARATOV. Oh yes, yes. It would probably be something very frightening.
MME OGUDALOV. Gentlemen, why did you get started on this! Aren’t there other things to talk about besides jealousy!
LARISA. Sergey Sergeyich, we’re going to the country soon.
PARATOV. From the beautiful local sites?6
KARANDYSHOV. And what do you find so beautiful here?
PARATOV. That’s an individual matter. Tastes differ.
MME OGUDALOV. True, true, Some like the city, and some like the country.
PARATOV. Aunty, everyone to his taste. One man likes watermelon, another pork gristle.
MME OGUDALOV. Oh you joker! Where did you learn so many proverbs?
PARATOV. I spent some time with the barge haulers, Aunty. That’s how one can learn Russian.
KARANDYSHOV. Learn Russian from the barge haulers?
PARATOV. And why not learn it from them?
KARANDYSHOV. Because we consider them…
PARATOV. Who’s “we”?
KARANDYSHOV (becoming heated). “We” are the educated people, not the barge haulers.
PARATOV. Now, sir, just what do you consider the barge haulers to be like? I’m a ship owner, and I’m taking their part, for I’m such a barge hauler myself.
KARANDYSHOV. We consider them to be a model of coarseness and ignorance.
PARATOV. So, what else, Mister Karandyshov!
KARANDYSHOV. That’s all, there’s nothing more.
PARATOV. No, that’s not all, you left out the main thing. You have to apologize.
KARANDYSHOV. Me, apologize!
PARATOV. Yes, that can’t be helped, it’s necessary.
KARANDYSHOV. But why should I? That’s my conviction.
PARATOV. Now, now, now, now! You can’t worm out of it.
MME OGUDALOV. Gentlemen, gentlemen, what are you doing!
PARATOV. Don’t worry, I won’t challenge him to a duel over this. Your fiancé will stay healthy, I’m jus
t going to give him a lesson. I have a rule: not to forgive anybody anything; otherwise, they’ll forget about fear and go too far.
LARISA (to Karandyshov). What are you doing? Apologize right now, I order you.
PARATOV (to Mme. Ogudalov). It looks as though the time has come to see what I’m like. If I want to teach somebody a lesson, then I lock myself up at home for a week to think up a punishment.
KARANDYSHOV (to Paratov). I don’t understand.
PARATOV. In that case you should learn to understand and then engage in conversation!
MME OGUDALOV. Sergey Sergeyich, I’m throwing myself on my knees before you; for my sake forgive him!
PARATOV (to Karandyshov). Thank Kharita Ignatyevna. I forgive you. Only, my dear boy, you should learn to distinguish among people! “I’ll whistle not where’er I stray, and those I meet won’t get away.”7
Karandyshov wants to answer.
MME OGUDALOV. Don’t answer, don’t answer! Or I’ll quarrel with you. Larisa, have champagne served, and pour each of them a glass. Let them drink to peace. (Larisa goes off.) And now, gentlemen, don’t quarrel any more. I’m a woman with a peaceful disposition, I like to have everything friendly and agreeable.
PARATOV. I too have a peaceful disposition, I wouldn’t hurt a chicken. I’m never the first to start anything, I can assure you of that.
MME OGUDALOV. Yuly Kapitonych, you’re still a young man, you should be more modest, it’s not good to get worked up. Now be nice enough to invite Sergey Sergeyich to dinner, you simply must! We find his company very pleasant.
KARANDYSHOV. I wanted to do that myself. Sergey Sergeyich, would you like to have dinner at my place tonight?
PARATOV (coldly). With pleasure.
Larisa enters. She is followed by a manservant carrying a bottle of champagne on a tray.
LARISA (pours). Gentleman, please.
Paratov and Karandyshov take glasses.
I beg you to be friends.
PARATOV. For me your request is a command.
MME OGUDALOV (to Karandyshov). You follow Sergey Sergeyich’s example.
KARANDYSHOV. There’s no need to talk about me. For me every word of Larisa Dmitriyevna is law.
Vozhevatov enters.
VOZHEVATOV. Where there’s champagne there we are. What intuition! Kharita Ignatyevna, Larisa Dmitriyevna, permit a blond man to enter the room!
Without a Dowry and Other Plays Page 24
