“Savvy, are you watching those forensic investigation shows on TV? No one is tapping my phone. Plus, I won’t be setting any houses on fire again,” Olivia chuckled.
“You better not. Don’t say those kinds of things. Okay?” Savvy couldn’t stop thinking about the horrific scene of Olivia’s family home engulfed in flames.
“Don’t worry. My therapy sessions are working. Thank God for you as my accountability partner. You were afraid of what I might do and didn’t want me to move out of your house. You’re serious about this stuff.”
Upon Olivia’s release from jail, Savvy had insisted she live with her until she found a home to rent. Having a place to call her own would help in having the kids visit at some point.
“That’s what friends are for,” Savvy reassured. “Okay, now go back to telling me about how Malcolm wants to move.”
“He claims they’ll live in Miami with his new manufactured family at a lower cost. I can’t make this stuff up. All lies. She said she’s five months pregnant. From the way I see it, she could be seven or twenty months for all I care. I think he cheated on me with her starting a long time ago.”
“Can it get any crazier?”
“This isn’t even the worst news.” Sadness encapsulated Olivia’s words. “Dr. Hennings called and said Simone hates me and wishes I were dead. My heart ripped from my chest. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“Oh no. Olivia. Weren’t the family therapy sessions helping? Is she still trippin’ when you get together with her and Christian?”
“When we have time together, she spends the first few hours not talking to me. If anything comes out of her mouth, it’s one-word responses to my questions. She blames me for ruining her life with her friends.”
“Remember, their lives were turned upside down after the fire,” Savvy reminded Olivia.
“I know. Her friend’s parents think I’m a loose cannon and crazy.” Olivia released a loud exhale into the phone.
“Well, all they know is what they heard on the news and in your trial. Those people aren’t thinking about what led up to the fire. Folks have short memories and latch onto the hot topic of the day.”
“I need them to stop meddling in our business. They don’t have to walk in my shoes and experience the hurt and pain of finding out Malcolm brought nastiness into our bed. Thank God, I didn’t end up with an STD,” Olivia responded with heat rising in her voice.
“Yes, praise the Lord. Look, let’s not revisit what happened. God brought you through a serious trial. You have a true testimony of survival.”
“What I desire more than anything is for my divorce to be final. Although I filed for it, I still can’t believe it’s going to be over. It’s painful to wait through this process. I want to close this chapter of my life. You know, you marry someone and think you’ll be together forever. I never imagined my marriage would end this way.”
“You also never considered Malcolm would be a liar and a cheater. Don’t beat yourself up.”
“Amen. I’ve said bye-bye to the nightmare of last year and hello to the dreams of my future. I resolve to learn to forgive myself and the people who hurt me. I’m seeking complete redemption. Something has to change for me within the next twelve months.”
“It will. Remember the sermon Pastor B. preached on the first Sunday of the year? He said this is going to be the best year of our lives.”
“Yeah. I believe it will be. I must stop behaving like I’m an Israelite wandering in circles for forty years. I’m trying to get to the Promised Land.”
“Well, quit acting like you aren’t free. Release your mind from a slave mentality. You’ll move further in life if you let go of some things. Stop looking in the rear-view mirror when you have a huge window in the front with a great view. Do you know what I mean?”
“Preach, Reverend Savvy. I hear ya. I get it.”
“We’re going to have an amazing time of release, renewal, and re-energizing.”
“Don’t be surprised if I get revenge somewhere though.”
“Stop it. I mean it, Olivia,” Savvy snapped.
“Okay. Geesh. On a lighter note, whassup with the message you left me about having breakfast with some guy you met at the gas station? Did he really look like Idris?”
“Girl, yes. He was eye candy. Although, you’d turn the other way based on how he dressed and his tattoos. He has some on his neck.”
“Am I missing something, Miss Prissy? Why did you have breakfast with someone who sounds like he’s in a gang?”
“He’s a nice person and I enjoyed our conversation,” Savvy
replied with a twinge of guilt.
“Okay. What else are you not telling me? I know the sound in your voice when you’re hiding something.”
“Well,” Savvy paused. “He’s fifty-nine.”
“Fifty-nine?” Olivia shrieked. “He’s erectile dysfunction age. He’s old enough to be your daddy. What were you thinking?”
“An eighteen-year gap is no big deal. Age ain’t nothing but a number. Plus, we only had breakfast,” Savvy said.
“I ain’t mad at you about the age. I question your sensibility about getting caught up in his good looks and ignoring his thug appearance.”
“I even paid for our meals.” Savvy’s words tumbled from her mouth in hopes Olivia wouldn’t make a big deal about it. “He didn’t have enough cash on him and he doesn’t use credit cards.”
“What?” Olivia screeched. “He’s already setting you up to be his sugar mama. I’ve heard enough. I can’t believe you, Savannah Menefee, let a man pull the oldest trick in the book on you. He doesn’t use credit cards because he’s caught up in a life of crime. He doesn’t want anyone to track him by using something that will show his location. You can’t ever chastise me about having bad judgment when it comes to men. He sounds like a con artist. Why are you acting desperate?”
“I’m not. He seemed apologetic and embarrassed. I believed him. Stop letting your imagination run wild. No need to worry because once we finished breakfast, he jumped on the road to Dallas. I doubt if I’ll hear from him.”
“You gave him your number?”
“I did. I couldn’t help myself. I enjoyed the change of pace compared to other guys I’ve dated. He has had quite the non-traditional kind of life.” Savvy paused to consider how much she should tell Olivia. “You won’t believe this. He showed me a bullet hole in his chest. It goes all the way through his body and out of his back.”
“A bullet hole?” Olivia hollered. “You’re talking like we’re discussing him having a mole on his nose.”
“Um. Well. Someone picked a fight with him.” Savvy had no idea why she defended his recklessness.
“Unh-huh,” Olivia's voice expressed doubt. “You know you sound crazy, right?”
“Look, I’m trying not to judge him for being different from other guys we know. We are caught up in the way a man dresses, his education, where he lives, and the kind of job he has. What about personality, character, energy, perspective, and chivalry? Not to mention the fact he’s handsome and has a nice body.” Savvy held her breath through the long pause before Olivia spoke.
“So, you ignored his sagging pants, tattoos on his neck, a bullet hole in his chest, and no money to cover a meal, and liked what?” Olivia sounded like a detective investigating a crime. “I’m calling your parents to tattle on you. Reverend and Mrs. Menefee will be shocked about their little Miss Goodie Two-Shoes daughter entertaining men like this.”
“Hey. You must give me credit for living on the edge. You’re the one who always tells me I should loosen up.”
“Okay. I’m going to act like you and tell you to play it safe. If you hear from him, make sure you check him out. Get a blood or hair sample for DNA if possible.”
“Yes, Mom.” Savvy laughed at the role reversal. She grabbed her briefcase and purse from the passenger seat and exited the car. “Hey, I gotta go I want to impress my
new boss with the outcome of this assignment. I need to knock this project out since it has to be finished by the end of the week.”
“Yeah. Get your work done and be ready to have fun this weekend.”
Savvy paused in the parking lot. “By the way, what are you getting into on Friday?” She’d done something she knew Olivia would be upset about.
“I don’t have any plans. Whassup?”
“Do not get mad with me. Promise?”
“Get mad with you?”
“Right.” Savvy squeezed her eyes shut in anticipation of Olivia’s reaction to the surprise.
“I promise. Oh, boy. What are you keeping from me? Did you adopt a lost squirrel?”
“No. I don’t bring home stray animals anymore,” Savvy laughed.
“Okay. What did you do?”
“So, there’s this website called Melanindoubledate.com.” Savvy hesitated.
“Never heard of it. It’s not the kind of stuff I check out. Back in my single days, dating websites weren’t even around,” Olivia reminisced. “Okay, what are you up to in looking at this site?”
“Well, you know how dating online may be scary at times. Meeting people one-on-one is not always the best idea. This website allows you to view the profiles of friends who are interested in double dating.” Savvy spouted the details as if she were in a commercial.
“Hmm. Sounds like a smart concept.”
“I’m glad you agree. I set up a profile for us. We have a double date on Friday with a couple of guys.” Savvy rushed through her sentence and held her breath waiting for Olivia’s response. Several seconds passed.
Olivia’s voice pierced through the phone. “You did what? No, Savvy. I can’t believe you put me on a website.”
“I told you to not be mad at me. There’s this cute guy and his friend I’ve been interacting with.”
“You know I’m not ready to meet anyone. My divorce isn’t even final. What made you think this is a good idea? I haven’t been out on the town much since my jail release. I’m too ashamed about what I did and the fact everyone is still talking about me.”
“People are not all discussing your situation. I know you’re worried about what people think. You served thirty days, and you are free. It’s time for a distraction from everything going on. Besides, it’s only meeting them for drinks. Nothing serious.” Savvy tried to lighten the mood. “You’re the one who always said we have to live a little, right?”
“Stop throwing my quotes on me. I’ve changed since those days.”
“Yeah. Whateva. Anyway, the plan is to meet for Happy Hour. Based on the way your week is starting, I bet you could use a drink to kick off the weekend.”
“You’ve added to my stress level.”
“If nothing else, please do this for me. I like what I’m seeing about one of the guys. I also believe you’ll be interested in his friend. I suggested we meet at the wine bar owned by our fellow FAMU Rattler at five o’clock on Friday. Put it on your calendar.”
“Fine, Savvy. Fine. Although I’m not interested, I’m only doing this for you,” Olivia replied with reluctance. “You owe me in a big way.”
“Consider this as a mental health break,” Savvy laughed.
“You’re taking advantage of the fact you know I’m on the edge of a nervous breakdown.”
“One more thing. No more road rage. Do not move your car until you calm your behind down. Understand?”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll behave myself. Bye, Chica.”
“You’d better. See you later, mi amiga.”
EIGHT
Olivia
Olivia flipped through a Black Enterprise magazine from a stack on the coffee table in Dr. Fluellen’s office. The muted colors in the waiting room offered a sense of peace in the empty patient area. She had a moment to gather her frazzled thoughts from the day that seemed to drag on longer than usual.
“Dr. Maxwell? Dr. Fluellen is ready for you.” From the check-in desk, the receptionist buzzed the door to give her access to the hallway leading to the patient room.
“Thank you, Ethel.” Olivia laid the magazine on the table before heading to the entrance.
“Once you get to the room, you may have a seat. He’ll be right in,” Ethel said.
Olivia nodded and entered the familiar space. She settled into her favorite spot on the purple couch with oversized, soft pillows.
She glanced around at the pieces of African artwork displayed on the walls which she remembered from her previous appointments. Her visits were all a part of her new ‘normal’ routine. More than likely, she’d keep seeing Dr. Fluellen once her mandatory sessions ended. He had a way of helping her stay grounded. She liked the counseling techniques he used.
Thoughts about the day flooded her mind with a wave of sadness. She mulled over what needed to be done in regards to the kids. Before she sunk too deep into thought, the door swung open.
Dr. Fluellen's head almost grazed the top of the doorframe when he entered the room. “Dr. Maxwell. It’s good to see you.” He extended his hand and shook hers with a firm grip. “You’re early as always.”
“You know me. I can’t stand to be late. Thanks for squeezing me in today.”
“I wish all of my patients adhered to their scheduled appointment times.” Dr. Fluellen shook his head and lowered himself into the chair next to her. His salt and pepper, horseshoe-shaped, balding hair gave him a distinguished appearance. His mannerisms exuded a life rich with privilege and opportunities. A stylish, tailored sports coat, along with coordinated accessories proved to be part of his aesthetic identity.
“It’s a matter of respect as far as I’m concerned.”
“Well, to show consideration for your time, let’s get started.” Dr. Fluellen removed a pad of paper and pen from his desk next to the chair. “Tell me how you’ve been since the last session.”
Olivia hesitated in deciding where to begin. “Today added a whole new level of anger for me. I had been handling stressful situations pretty well until now.” Her fingers tangled together in unison with the thoughts in her mind.
Her comments grabbed Dr. Fluellen’s full attention. He peered across tiny unframed glasses, which perched on the bridge of his wide nose. “What happened today that changed your progress?”
Olivia released the infuriating details of the day with Malcolm, Mariah, the call from Dr. Hennings, and the stranger giving her the finger. Her voice elevated at different points of recollection followed by punching into her hand.
After ranting for twenty minutes, Dr. Fluellen spoke in a way to pacify her. “Olivia. Breathe. I need you to pause and breathe like this.” He inhaled as if smelling a bouquet, held it for four seconds before releasing the air like blowing out candles on a cake. He nodded for her to do the same.
Olivia tremored and followed his instructions. Her lungs ached from holding her breath until he slowly released his. She imitated Dr. Fluellen four times until her nerves balanced to a reasonable level.
“Good. Have you been practicing the meditation and breathing exercises we discussed the last time you were here?” He raised his eyebrows in question.
“Sometimes. The breathing proved to be handy this morning when I met with Malcolm. It helped to keep me from jumping across the table to tackle him. It’s working well.” Olivia settled into the pillows.
“Quiz time. Which affirmations for anger management are you using?” Dr. Fluellen pressed.
Olivia raised her right hand as if taking an oath.
“I have the power to control my emotions. Instead of letting my frustrations build, I will speak my mind. I will acknowledge my anger without losing control,” Olivia recited with confidence. “Those are three I use on a frequent basis.”
“Good. Remember, if you integrate those as well as some of the others each day, you will become someone who has full control of your emotions. You’ll diffuse your anger and it will pass. Center your mind before you leave your house
.”
“I would love to get to a point where my life is one of peace and tranquility without drama. I desire to be calm and relaxed.”
“Make it happen,” Dr. Fluellen said with parental firmness. “Also, you may not realize you could be experiencing grief from a breakup. Going through a divorce on top of everything you’ve experienced is traumatic.”
“Oh boy.” Olivia rolled her eyes upward. “Since you’re psychoanalyzing me, which of the seven stages am I in?”
“It’s obvious, the fifth stage, which is anger.”
“Duh. Don’t insult my intelligence.” Olivia twisted her lips.
“When you set the house on fire, you were at this stage. The difference is you’re not in the paralyzing or self-defeating position it may put you in. Instead, you’re shifting your perspective and making proactive changes. Once you get through the anger phase, you’ll move into acceptance.”
“Hmm. You sound pretty C-A-T smart, doctor.” Olivia nodded in agreement. “I think you’re onto something that seems to be right.”
“I have to make sure I stay on top of my knowledge when it comes to counseling you. I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of one of my classmates.”
“Don’t worry. You’re doing great. I know I’m a tough case to handle sometimes.”
“Believe me when I tell you, you aren’t the worst. You know we get a full spectrum of people and their mental health concerns. You’re in a good place. One more thing. I know discussing your time in jail is tough. You know we must have a conversation about how you’re dealing with the trauma you experienced. How are you doing in coping with what happened to you?”
Olivia released an aggravated sigh. “I don’t have nightmares anymore. They’ve pretty much gone away. As I’ve mentioned to you before, being in jail had to be the scariest time of my life. In my mind, I had years to serve and didn’t know how long I’d survive.” Olivia shuddered.
Dr. Fluellen remained silent to allow Olivia to talk.
“I reached the lowest point of my life where I experienced being lonely, hurt, disappointed, and forgotten. I couldn’t see my children. Only a few friends visited me. I never imagined I’d have a jail sentence as a part of my history. My education, economic status, and titles didn’t matter when I had on that ugly, blue jail outfit. As an inmate, the guards treated me the same as everyone else.” Olivia shook her head in remembrance.
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