It’s a joke. I didn’t surf like a champ out there just now, in fact, I surfed worse than a rookie.
She’s got my head all twisted up – I didn’t realise how much I needed her until she wasn’t there.
It might just be some stupid ritual, but it was ours, and then it wasn’t there, and I couldn’t think straight.
It was more than some stupid kiss not being blown. It was a stark reminder that she said we were done.
Over.
Finished.
“Fuck,” I grunt and punch the wall of the tent.
This is all fucked up.
I can’t even keep myself sane without her.
“You about done?”
I scowl at Colesy as he drops into the seat opposite me.
“Not even remotely,” I growl.
“Well you’ll be done on the waves if you surf like that again.”
I huff out a breath. I don’t give a fuck right now.
“This really how you wanna win that title?” he asks, and I’ll admit, the idea of losing here today and then being crowned the world champ feels like shit.
That’s not me. I want to end the season the same way I started it – on a high.
“Zayne is watching back home, Jake. I know your head’s all fucked up, but you have to get past it. For him. For me. For your fans… but most importantly for you, man. You’ve earnt this. I’ve never known someone who works as hard as you do – you owe it to yourself to win this thing.”
“I’m a mess,” I admit, dropping my head so he doesn’t have to see the defeat in my eyes.
“That’s women for you.”
“It’s just one woman, Colesy, I only want the one.”
“I get that, trust me, I do. But right now, you can’t think beyond the waves. You’ve got a few rounds before you can even consider making the finals, and you know what the real beauty of it is?”
I raise my eyes to his.
“She’ll still be there when you’re done winning.”
“You think?” I ask in a rare moment of vulnerability.
“That girl is fucking crazy about you. I’ve never seen Zeke and Eden fight, but they were fighting about you – that’s got to mean something.”
I hope to god he’s right.
I don’t want to be a loser here. I’ve already made a huge scene down on the beach, the last thing I need is me surfing like shit to get people talking even more than they already are.
It’s a miracle either of us were still allowed to surf today after our very public performance.
“Get your fucking board and go and show those rookies what it’s like to surf with the best.”
I nod my head and watch as he gets to his feet and walks away.
I think about my brother and how he looks up to me. He didn’t see the punch up, thank god, but he would have seen me surf like I’d never been on a board in my life, and that’s not good enough for me. I want him to see my best.
“I’m not fucking losing,” I mutter under my breath.
Then I do as coach said and go show them how it’s done.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Eden
I can still picture them standing there, shoulder to shoulder, chests heaving in unison as they both called out my name – it’s likely the first time they’ve ever been in sync about anything.
I feel so fucking stupid.
I gave him such a huge part of me, and this whole thing was just a game to him.
I close my eyes and will the tears to stay at bay as I listen to the commentator announcing the results of the heat.
I don’t know why I didn’t go somewhere out of earshot, but I guess I’m a sucker for punishment, because I had to know.
This is the first time since it started that I won’t be there to receive Jake’s kiss as he goes up against my brother, and even now that I know this whole thing was just a game, I’m still cut deep by the ritual being lost.
“What an upset, folks,” the voice booms over the whole beach, “Jake Carson, current world number one has failed to score high enough in this heat to progress straight to the finals – he’s going to have to slog it out through the heats – something we’re yet to see this year.”
The pain in my chest threatens to overwhelm me.
“Winning this round, we have Zeke Brady, coming out with a flyer early in the day and showing Jake that he’s here to bring his A game.”
I laugh bitterly. Zeke finally got his win over Jake. I can’t help but feel like this victory is at my expense.
I listen with my eyes closed as another heat gets under way, and then another, and another.
Eventually, I hear feet to my left. I’m expecting it to be River, so when I turn and see Millie, I’m surprised.
Her eyes are red like she’s been crying.
“You found me.”
“I knew where you were, I just thought you might need some time.” She shrugs as she sits next to me. “And I wanted to watch your brother surf, even if he’s being a giant ass.”
She sniffs and I nudge my knee against hers. “You okay?”
She nods and gives me a small smile.
“You knew?” I question. That’s the one thing I haven’t been able to figure out. Zeke yelled it at her down at the beach. He said she knew about Jake and me.
“Of course I did. One look at the two of you and I could tell.” She nudges my knee back. “Plus, I’m the one who got the bill from the hotel saying you checked out… I might have pretended I hadn’t seen it.”
I huff out a humourless laugh and rub my hands over my face. What a mess. “It doesn’t matter now anyway. They’re fighting for nothing.”
“Are they?”
I roll my head to look at her in question.
“You’re miserable right now, Eden. You love him. I can see that from a mile away.”
I don’t say anything because denying it would only be a lie.
“He loves you too. The guy’s so messed up he can’t even surf, and that’s the only thing he knows.”
“I heard,” I murmur as I play with a strand of grass between my fingers.
I can’t see the line up from here, but I heard it all.
“But it was all just a game to him…”
“Do you really believe that? When you think about the two of you together, does it feel like he was playing with you, Eden? Because I’ve seen the way he watches you and I’m certain this isn’t a joke to him.”
It doesn’t feel like a joke to me either. Under those layers of bravado, he’s sweet, kind and patient. He’s been nothing but good to me.
When I think about it, he was honest too – sure he never explained that he’d dangled sleeping with me under my brother’s nose – but he never once lied about wanting to have me in his bed.
Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I should have given him a chance to explain.
“I’m sorry you got dragged into this,” I say when I can’t think of another way to answer her. “I’m sorry Zeke is mad at you.”
She shakes her head. “He’ll come around, Eden, he just loves you so much and the idea of losing you scares him – he doesn’t know how to handle the fact that you’re all grown up now.”
“I’m pretty sure that throwing punches isn’t it. They’re lucky they didn’t both get thrown out.”
She nods in agreement. “Brad must have a hell of a lot of pull power with the league to have pulled that one off.”
That’s for damn sure.
“Go and talk to him, Eden, he can’t stay mad forever.”
She’s right, I know she is. I need to talk to Zeke before he does something else he’ll regret, something that really does tear us apart.
“What about you?” I ask as I let the grass fall to the ground. “He loves you too, he can’t stay mad at you either.”
She gives me another small, sad smile. “I hope not. And I think I’ll stay here for a bit. It seems like a good spot to think.”
I kiss her cheek and get to my feet.<
br />
“Hey, Mills?” I call to her before I leave.
She glances back at me over her shoulder.
“Thanks for having my back.”
***
Because Zeke won his heat this morning, he gets a free ride into the semi finals later on today, so if I know my brother like I think I do, he’ll be lazing in his room for a while, playing video games and eating pizza.
My mind lingers on the shitty food that Jake eats and I feel like crying – they have more in common than they probably realise.
I don’t bother knocking – I won’t get through the door if he knows it’s me.
I step into the doorway of the small living area and there he is, sitting on the couch, pizza in hand – as expected.
“I hear you finally got that win over him,” I say in an attempt to break the ice.
It doesn’t work, he doesn’t even glance at me.
“Pack your shit, I’m sending you home today,” he growls.
“I’m not a child, Zeke,” I say with an exhausted sigh. “You can’t send me off to boarding school with a slap on the wrist.”
He jumps to his feet and stalks past me. He doesn’t so much as look at me once.
I sigh again and follow after him into my room.
He shoves a suitcase at me. “Pack your shit, Eden, I’m not messing around.”
I take it from him and throw it on the bed.
“Fine,” I accept his demand. “I’ll pack. But I’m not leaving. You can’t run my life like this, Zeke. Not anymore.”
“Where are you gonna go?” He sneers at me. “To him?”
I start throwing my stuff into the case without answering him. There’s no point, he’s already made up his mind.
“You’re really going to choose him?” he asks, and this time his voice is fully of agony.
I drop what I’m holding and look up at him, finding him looking at me for the first time since I walked in. “I shouldn’t have to choose, Zeke, that’s the god damn point. It’s not a ‘him or you’ scenario – it doesn’t have to be that way.”
He shrugs at me. “It is that way.”
I stare at him hard for a few beats before taking a deep breath and packing the rest of my stuff.
He just stands there, arms crossed stubbornly against his chest as he watches me go back and forth from the closet to my bag.
Once I’m done, I drag the big suitcase up and off the bed.
I pause as I reach his position in the doorway. “You know what? It wouldn’t have killed you to ask me.”
I hate the hurt and fear in my voice. Zeke and I have been through so much together, and it kills me that this is the thing that is going to break us apart.
He’s quiet for a beat.
“Ask you what?” he growls.
“If I love him,” I say simply.
I hear his sharp intake of breath as I pass by.
I thought I was done but decide that I’m not.
“And just for the record, the way you’re treating Millie is bullshit and you know it. She did nothing wrong. She didn’t tell you her suspicions because she knew you’d react exactly the way you have. She was the one who told me to come here and talk to you – she told me you’d find a way to understand, because you love me… I guess she was wrong about something after all… Good luck for your final, Z.”
I reach for the door handle.
“Eden?” His voice reaches my ears, quiet and broken.
“What?” I reply, not turning to face him.
“Do you love him?” he asks, and I can hear how much it pains him to ask me this question.
I take a deep breath, and then another, and another… before turning around to face the man who practically raised me.
He already knows I do, so instead I tell him something he doesn’t know.
“He got me to go back in the water, Zeke.”
The words hang in the air between us, and the only way I know he heard is by the widening of his eyes.
This is a big deal. He knows that as well as I do.
It’s not just about getting in the water – it’s a symbol of how much I trust Jake.
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea, why can’t you go find another one?” he pleads, even though I can see it in his eyes that he knows he’s wasting his time.
There’s only one fish I’m interested in, even if things are all screwed up between us.
I drop my suitcase and take a step towards my brother.
“Except I don’t go in the sea, Z. He’s the only person that has got me in there in the past ten years, so there’s something kind of ironic about that idea, isn’t there?”
He nods his head and rakes his hand over his face.
He looks like he’s about to cry. I hate it – this distance between us. He’s my big brother and my best friend. I don’t want to lose him.
I rush at him and throw my arms around his waist.
He releases a deep breath and then hugs me back, his chin resting on top of my head.
“I just want you to be happy, Eden, but it’s hard to let go – you’re all I’ve got left.”
“Letting go doesn’t mean you have to lose me. That’s never going to happen.”
He kisses the top of my head. “You promise?”
“I promise.”
Easiest promise I ever made.
He sighs. “He said that to me, you know, about…” he winces, “fucking you… it was a long time ago, Eden… and he only said it because he knew I’d react.”
Hope blossoms inside my chest. Millie was right.
“Thank you for telling me,” I whisper.
“He really got you into the water?” he asks, pulling away and holding me at arm’s length.
I nod shyly.
He shakes his head like he can’t believe what he’s about to say. “You better go and find him then before he loses that yellow jersey.”
We both know that can’t happen, but losing today would hurt Jake.
“Thank you,” I breathe.
I give Zeke one last squeeze, then pull away and run, out of the hotel and down the beach, searching for him with every twist of my head.
I can’t see him anywhere.
“Eden!” I hear River yell.
I scan the crowd until I see her, she’s pointing out into the line up. She knows who I’m looking for.
I rake my eyes over the surfers, the boats and jet skis until I see him.
He’s all alone, sitting on his board, his yellow jersey stuck tight to his wet skin.
“Jake,” I whisper as I make my way to River. “I’m right here, golden boy.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Jake
I run my hand over the cool water next to my board.
I’m up against Alexi in the semi-finals and I’m going to annihilate him. I can feel it.
There’s a fire in my belly right now, something I’m not accustomed to feeling.
Where I’m normally cool, calm and collected, ever since I got back out here, I’m nothing short of a man on a mission.
In my messed-up mind, getting her back and winning are one and the same. I’ve decided that I won’t get her back if I don’t get my shit together, and so far, I have.
I’ve crushed everyone I’ve come up against. In a way, I’m glad for this detour on my way to the final.
Getting to surf more waves has never been a bad thing in my eyes, and shit, I’ve surfed some waves out here today.
Maybe I needed this – it’s reminded me of where I’ve come from.
“You’re up.”
I turn and see coach on his jet ski, and I give him a nod of my head.
I climb on, my board tucked under my arm as he drives me into the line up.
***
A few of the guys bump their knuckles against mine as I take a seat on the boat.
It’s Max’s dad’s – the thing is flash as hell. The dude is loaded. He’s cool though, lets us hang out here in between heats.
“You want to head back to shore?” coach asks, and I know what he’s really asking.
Do I want to go and find her?
I shake my head. There’s no time. The final starts in ten minutes and all I have to do is beat her brother.
Again.
Then I’ll come for her, and she better be ready, because if she thinks this was all just a game, that I just wanted to fuck her and move on, then she better think again.
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
I’d give anything to see her face before I get back on that board, but I can’t get on my knees and grovel before I go out there. There’s no time for promises, and there definitely isn’t time for another punch to the face – which is what I’d be bound to get from Zeke if I so much as looked at her.
“Alright kid.” He shrugs. “Let’s get this show on the road then.”
I grab a tow from Colesy as my name gets cheered and yelled from every direction.
Half the guys are out here in the line up – on boats, skis, and a heap of them on boards.
I can hear the commentator telling the crowd that this is the final heat of the day and that regardless of the outcome, I’m the world champion.
I let that sink in for a minute.
I’m the best surfer in the world right now.
I could go out here and not catch a single wave and it wouldn’t even fucking matter. I’d still be the best.
“You damn well did it, kid,” Colesy says, and I hadn’t even realised we had come to a stop.
Ever since I was little and coach used to take me out with him, I would always tell him I was going to be the best one day – that I’d be the champion of the world.
And I’m fucking here.
This moment makes up for my dad running out on me and my mum, and Zayne’s dad doing the same to him – because we have this – we have Brad, and we have our dreams.
Who needs a fucking dad when I can show my little brother that you can do whatever the hell you like with your life?
“Quit looking all emotional. I don’t know what to do with you when you’re not being a cocky prick.”
I chuckle and attempt to shake myself off. “I don’t know either, coach.”
Mr. May: A Forbidden Love Romance (Calendar Boys Book 5) Page 12
