The hospital is observing me while my body is apparently detoxing from the Codeine. I’m sure the way I’m acting is only prolonging my stay here, but right now my biggest concern is my son.
The door swings open and in walks one of the young nurses who I met last night. I think her name is Tasha. She’s probably fresh out of nursing school as she looks like she’s only twenty. Behind her comes another young girl with shoulder-length, curly, black hair. I can tell she wants to be here as much as I do.
“Claire, this is your roommate, Sierra.” Just great. “Sierra, your bed is on the left,” Tasha says with very little enthusiasm before she turns to leave the room. I’m now alone with this stranger. I’m not even sure what to say to her. I guess I’ll continue my silent game with her too.
Sierra lays down on her bed and turns her back toward me, facing the door to our room. I wonder what her story is, but if she’s like me, she probably doesn’t want to talk about it.
I decide to lay back on mine as well and end up dozing off for a bit. I’m mentally exhausted. The only time I find any kind of relief is when I’m sleeping.
We’re both interrupted from our sleep when nurses come in and out of our room. There’s no such thing as privacy in this hell hole. Apparently, they’re worried that we’ll shoot up or try cutting ourselves with our nonexistent weapons. We literally have nothing in this room besides the clothes on our backs. And by clothes, I mean the seafoam green hospital scrubs we were given. All of our toiletries have to stay in the communal bathroom and we can only use them when we’re supervised. I seriously feel like a prisoner.
After being bothered several times, I decide I should try talking to my new roomie. Who knows how long we’ll be stuck in here together? I should probably not make enemies with everyone I come into contact with in this place.
“So, you’re Sierra?” I ask feeling stupid because, of course, I already know her name. But I’m not sure what else to say to her to strike up a conversation.
“Yeah,” she says as she turns to look at me. “How long have you been here? Please tell me this shit gets better.”
“I just got here last night and, so far, it’s been pretty sucky. Do they think you’re suicidal too?” Once the words come out of my mouth, I feel bad because I have no idea what brought her here. “Sorry, that was really insensitive.” I turn toward the small window in our room. A window that is only about a foot wide and doesn’t open or close. A window that doesn’t have any kind of blinds or curtains on it. It’s obvious that the hospital is very cautious about what their patients are around. Besides the two beds, there are only two small desks with chairs that are mounted to the floor. We don’t have lamps, only the obnoxious florescent light that buzzes above our heads. This is the closest I’ve ever been to being in a prison cell.
Sierra chuckles next to me. “Nah, don’t apologize. I’m here because my wonderful mother-in-law thinks I’m an unfit mother because I have postpartum after having my son last month. What kind of witch pulls a mother from her newborn child?” I look over at her and can see her eyes glossy with unshed tears. I’m all too familiar with her pain, but I can’t imagine being taken away from my newborn.
“Oh, my God,” I gasp. “I’m so sorry. Couldn’t they just put you on an anti-depressant to help you?”
“I’ve been taking something since Auggie was born, but it wasn’t helping. I think Glenna is only punishing me. She’s angry that her son missed out on the birth of his child so I should have to suffer, apparently.” My heart breaks for her. Did her husband die?
I’m not sure if I should probe, but I ask anyway. “Why did he have to miss the birth?”
“He got deployed the week before August was born. We had no idea it was going to happen and we don’t know where he’s at now.”
“I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine having a newborn all by myself.”
She chuckles. “I wish I had gotten to do it all by myself, but Glenna made sure she was there every single second of every single day. I felt like she was smothering me.”
“Does she have your baby now?” This poor girl must feel so lost right now.
“Unfortunately, yes. I don’t have any living family, so she was my only option. Miles was contacted by the military about me being here, so I’m sure he’ll come home as soon as he’s allowed. I have no idea how long that could take, though.” She runs her fingers through her short hair and then sighs. “So, what’s your story?”
I don’t respond right away as I really don’t want to talk about my issues.
I finally tell her what brought me here. She’s the first person I’ve told how depressed I became after everything happened with Trevor. It’s nice to talk to her, even if she’s practically a stranger.
Eventually, Sierra and I are allowed to shower before heading to the cafeteria for yet another meal of tasteless slop.
“So, how did you meet your husband?” I ask Sierra as I scoop a bite of mashed potatoes into my mouth. I haven’t stopped worrying about Brady since I got here, but having someone to talk to who can relate helps me feel a tad bit better.
She gives me a small smile. I can tell their love is strong. Jealousy immediately hits me. I had that once, or at least I thought I did.
“We were high school sweethearts. We got married right after graduation before he was deployed for the first time.” She stabs at the meat that lies on her plate. I can tell she’s just as thrilled about the food here as I am. I should call Evan and make him bring us some real food. It’s the least he could do for making me live through this hell.
“That’s so sweet.” I may be envious of the love her and her husband share, but I’d never wish the agony I’ve gone through on anyone.
Once we’re finished with dinner, we’re told that we will be having group counseling next. Great.
“Don’t be afraid to share your story with your new friends. We’re all here because we suffer from some kind of addiction.” This bitch makes us sound like a bunch of alcoholics. I never in a million years would have thought I’d be called an addict. What the hell have I gotten myself into?
As much as I want to blame Evan for my being here, I really have nobody to blame but myself. I should have left Trevor as soon as I caught him cheating. I knew I was going to, but it was hard for me to function after the accident. Thank God Shayna helped me because my husband was pretty useless. She had her own son to take care of, but she stepped up and did what she could for us. Trevor was hardly ever home, so at least I was left alone most of the time.
7
Claire
“I’m Susan. I’ve been sober for the last twelve years. Not that long ago, I was sitting in the same chairs you’re in now. I know it’s hard to imagine, but one day soon you’ll be sharing your story with others who are struggling.”
This lady is nice enough, but I have to admit she’s a bit annoying. She’s only about five feet tall and wears her gray-streaked, black hair down to her butt. She honestly kind of looks like a witch, minus the wart.
“Who would like to introduce themselves first?” Of course, no one volunteers. “Okay, how about you?” She says and, as luck would have it, she’s pointing right at me.
“Oh, um. I’m Claire.” I give a slight wave and then put my head down because I feel weird having everyone staring at me. I feel like I’m being interrogated.
“It’s nice to meet you, Claire. What brings you here?” I’m about to lose my fucking mind. It’s none of their goddamn business why I’m here.
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” My chair squeals as I push it across the floor when I stand from it.
“Claire, you don’t need to be embarrassed. We’re all here for the same reason.” I hear her saying this behind me as I dart out of the room. I’m immediately halted when strong, burly arms wrap around me.
“Ms. Davis, you need to go back in there. Everyone is required to participate in group therapy.” This comes from a man nearly twice my age. He obviously hits the gym every day. I
could only dream of being that fit when I’m fifty.
“I’m not feeling well,” I lie, hoping he’ll let me go back to my room. When I look up at him, it’s obvious that he isn’t buying my bullshit.
“Ms. Davis, you won’t be allowed to make your phone call today if you don’t go back in that room.” I’m so fucking tired of being treated like a child, but I guess I better listen so I can call Trevor later to see how Brady is.
I reluctantly turn back toward the large room and, once again, see about twenty sets of eyes looking at me. I never was one who cared for attention from others and right now is no different. I anxiously gnaw on my right thumbnail as I find my seat again next to Sierra.
“Hey, you okay?” Sierra asks as she leans in toward me.
I give her a slight nod.
“The guy over there,” she points to a man across from us with long, dark, dirty-looking dreads. “He’s here because he nearly killed his wife’s boyfriend when he caught her cheating on him. After doing time in prison, he’s required to be here as part of his probation.”
If Susan cares that we’re talking while she is, she doesn’t let us know. Good. I’m tired of being treated like I’m five.
“The girl at the end of the row with the pink hair… she’s here because of a drug addiction. Her ex-boyfriend is two seats down from her.” She chuckles. “Wouldn’t that suck? Being stuck here with your ex?” This makes me chuckle.
“Yeah, that would suck.”
After a few minutes, the conversation is unfortunately brought back to me.
“Claire, would you like to take your turn now?” Susan eyes me, probably expecting me to dart from my chair again.
“Sure.” I nod. “I’m Claire. I’m here because I almost accidentally overdosed from my painkillers. I fell down my basement stairs last month and broke my tailbone.” Suddenly, the ties on my hospital pants are fascinating.
“Thank you for sharing that with us.” She clears her throat and then goes on. “Now that everyone has had a turn to introduce themselves, we’ll call it a night. Tomorrow night, we will discuss ways to handle our addictions and we will pair off with a partner to come up with different strategies that you’ll be able to use once you’re home and don’t have the support of the hospital staff.
We all shuffle from the large room and head back toward our rooms. It’s only seven PM, but nothing is expected of us after our meetings. Thank God.
Sierra has been gone from our room for the past twenty minutes on her phone call. I was told that as soon as she returns, I’ll be able to make mine. I really don’t want to talk to Trevor, but I need to hear my son. Even if it is only baby babble. I just need to be reassured that he is alright.
“You can go now,” Sierra says as she comes back into the room, looking rather upset. I should make sure she’s alright before I leave, but I’m anxious to make my phone call.
“Ms. Davis, you have fifteen minutes.” An older gentleman with ghost white hair hands me a cordless phone and then sits in a chair in the corner of the room. I’m basically in an interrogation room and, needless to say, getting no privacy.
“Thank you.” I nod as I dial Trevor’s number.
The call automatically goes to voicemail. “Hi, you’ve reached the voice mail of Doctor Trevor Davis. I’m unable…” I click “end” and lay the phone on the table.
Damn it.
I run my hands through my hair, forgetting that it’s in a messy bun on top of my head. I’m sure it now looks ridiculous, but I can’t bring myself to care. I’m not in a psych ward to impress anyone.
I pick the phone back up from the table and once again try dialing Trevor. God damn it! Evan told him that I’d be calling him, so why the hell isn’t he answering his fucking phone?
After trying a third time, with still no response, I hand the security guard the phone and head back toward mine and Sierra’s room.
Sierra is sound asleep. I can’t say I really blame her though. There is nothing for us to do here. I’m bored out of my fucking mind. If people aren’t crazy already when they get here, I guarantee they will be by the time they leave.
I’m busy counting the white tiles on the ceiling when I hear a knock on the door. I don’t want to wake Sierra, so I get up and answer the door.
“Ms. Davis, you have a visitor.” Who the hell would be visiting me? If it’s Evan, I’m going to kill him.
“A visitor?” I ask, most likely with shock etched on my face.
“Yes, your husband is here.”
“Trevor, what the hell are you doing here?” I hiss at him as I take the seat across the table from him.
“Now, is that any way to talk to your husband who came to visit you in the psychiatric ward?” He chuckles. It pisses me off that he even knows I’m in here.
“What do you want?” I ask with a venomous tone.
“I just wanted to check on my wife.” Who the hell does he think he is? After everything he put me through, he doesn’t get to call me that anymore.
“Where’s Brady?” I had no idea that he was still in Phoenix. I figured they took the first flight back to Chicago last night.
“He’s with your brother. He and Avery wanted to spend time with him before we leave for Chicago in the morning.” I’m about to lose my fucking mind.
“Just leave him here.” I don’t know why I’m trying to tell him what to do. He’s not going to listen. He doesn’t care what I want.
“What kind of father would I be if I left him when his mother is mentally ill?” He sneers.
“Trevor, I am not mentally ill and you fucking know that.” I hiss. “I got addicted to Codeine after I fell down the fucking stairs while you were arguing with me. Did you forget about that?” Now, I’m practically laying across the small table, as close to his face as I can get without touching him. I know there’s a security guard watching me from across the room, so I have to be careful.
“Claire, you are so dramatic,” he states nonchalantly. I want to punch him in the fucking throat.
I’ve had enough of his bullshit for one night, so I start to stand from the chair.
“I have to get back, but please answer your phone tomorrow night when I call.”
Without letting him say another word, I walk toward the door and nod at the guard on my way out, letting him know I’m leaving.
Why the hell did my brother agree to watch Brady, so my stupid ass husband could come see me? He doesn’t love me and I’m not sure if he ever actually did. How was I blind for so long?
8
Claire
It’s been exactly sixty-two days since I came to Ahwatukee Mental Health, but today I “graduated” from the program I’ve been in since I got here.
Soon after I was admitted, I found out that I only had to be here thirty days. After that, it was up to me if I wanted to stay or not. After the first month of being here, I was already making huge strides but decided to keep going so I didn’t relapse as soon as I left.
My depression became less and less every day and if you asked others, they’d probably tell you that I actually became somewhat pleasant to be around. Somewhat.
Sierra just left two days ago. I was thrilled for her, as she hadn’t seen her baby since she got here. Speaking of babies. I’ve missed my son more than I can express. Evan agreed to fly to Chicago to get Brady for me, so he could be here once I get discharged.
“Hey, babe!” Avery yells as she runs around her car to give me a hug. She’s definitely parked in the fire lane, but I’ve never been happier to see her.
“Hey, Av. Thanks for coming to get me.” I squeeze her tight before throwing my bag in the backseat. I only have the few items I came with.
“Of course. Evan and Brady’s flight gets in at seven. Want to grab some dinner while we wait?” she asks as she pulls onto the 101. It’s so nice to see the sun again. Occasionally, I would go outside and sit on the back porch of the hospital, but we weren’t allowed to leave the premises. I willingly stayed as long as I d
id, but it still sucked not being able to leave for the past two months.
“Sure, but I really want to shower and put some real clothes on,” I say as I stare down at the pajama pants that I wore when I was taken by ambulance to the hospital. It’s hard to believe that everything went down just two months ago.
Avery and I walk into Martin’s, one of her and Evan’s favorite diners. It smells delicious in here with the scent of warm cinnamon wafting through the air. They are famous for their homemade cinnamon and pecan rolls.
“Screw dinner. I’m eating a huge ass cinnamon roll.”
I chuckle at her, but I really can’t disagree. “That sounds amazing. I want the same.” I stick the menu back behind the salt and pepper shakers. We place our orders for two huge ass cinnamon rolls and two cups of coffee. I’ll probably be wound for sound tonight, but at least it’ll help me stay awake to see my son. God, I’ve missed him.
It’s hard to believe that he’s now eleven months old. In just one month, we’ll be celebrating his first birthday. It makes me sad to think about how much I’ve missed since we’ve been separated, but I plan on making up for lost time as soon as he gets back to me. I have no idea how Trevor has done with him, but I do know that he temporarily enrolled him back in the daycare I worked at with Shayna. That made me feel a lot better, knowing that she’d be with him most of the day during the week. I only talked to Shay a few times over the last couple months, as I wanted to talk to Brady every night. We were only allowed one phone call a day.
Revived (Unexpected Series Book 1) Page 4
