by N. M. Black
As Dr. Tanner starts setting everything up for the minor transfusion, I turn to look out the door, when I’m met with Lochlan’s stare. Wearing an expression I can’t decode, he sits in silence, watching everything unfold around us with his elbows on his knees, fingers steepled beneath his chin. He looks so tired, and I can’t help feeling guilty knowing that some of it is my fault.
The longer I stay here, the angrier he seems to get and the more tired he seems to look. I know that I bring nothing but bad memories for him, but something about him seems to chase my demons away. I know that is selfish of me, but I wanted the quiet, if only for a short time.
I don’t want to, but I turn my head away when I feel my strength depleting at a fast rate, as they take my blood to give to Lucie.
I don’t fight it and let myself drift as I think of the face of the man who hates me. The man who has saved me. And the man I wish nothing more than to want me.
Adira was right and we weren’t prepared. I didn’t take her warning seriously enough and this time, the blood is on my hands. I took my time getting shit organized, not trusting her and now, her and Lucie have been in the hospital unconscious fighting off the virus ever since.
It shreds my insides just thinking of what could have happened out there or what might still have to happen. I know she’s immune, but that doesn’t settle my anxiety at the thought of having to actually kill her, if her body can’t fight the virus off having so much blood taken at her pinnacle healing time.
I can’t bring myself to leave her side. I know I should hate her. I should want to kill her, but all I can think about is how ripped apart I felt when I knew Adira was in danger yesterday and the guilt is overwhelming. Finally, I see things from Adira’s point of view. And for once, I hate myself more than I hate her.
Dr. Tanner comes in and sits down next to me on the love seat I literally dragged into the hospital room from the waiting room lobby.
“You look like shit.” She states more of an observation than anything.
“Thanks Doc.” I reply in a deadpan tone, not taking my eyes off Adira.
“I think the worst is over. Neither of them has a fever anymore, and neither are having any breathing difficulties or showing any symptoms of changing. I think we did it.” She says relief laced in her voice as she sits back and slouches down a little further in the couch.
“That's great news Doc.” I say as I reach over and squeeze the top of her hand.
She looks at me but hesitates a moment before responding,
“Yes, it is.”
But I’m not sure I like the sound of her tone.
“Why don’t you sound happy about it?” I ask narrowing my eyes at her. She’s acting weird and it’s unsettling.
“I think I can find a cure using her blood at the exact right time of release. But I-”
“She’s not a lab rat.” I reply through gritted teeth. “And what do you mean at the right time? Do you hear yourself? You can’t be thinking of having her bitten multiple times to get your precious blood samples. Don’t you think she’s gone through enough?” I seethe. I won’t subject her to that fate.
I lower my voice until I’m practically whispering. “I’m not so sure her mind could endure it.” I know she’s not crazy, but she has severe PTSD and her flashbacks and illusions are just side effects, for now. But if she isn’t cared for, it can get much, much worse.
“I’m not saying have her bitten, but to recreate the same effect it produces, that causes her body to respond the way it does. I don’t plan any harm upon her Lochlan. I would do the same as I have done here, with sedation and pain control to keep her comfortable. If she embodies the one thing that could create a cure, she could save the world, Lochlan.” She says in a whimsical tone.
I don’t like this, and I don’t think Adira will either.
“I’m not making this decision on her behalf, so you will just have to wait until she wakes up.”
I know that Tanner was hoping I would just jump on board because of my disdain I’ve shown towards Adira and say go for it, so she can do it while she’s unconscious, but I won’t allow it.
“I’ll do it.” Adira says, her voice so small and strangled.
I snap my head in her direction, golden yellow eyes meet my own and I falter a bit as I try to step towards her. I shake my head as I grab her hand, but she pulls it from my grasp, her brow furrowing at me.
She has no idea that I’ve sat here this whole time by her side while she was unconscious, no clue the revelation I’ve come to recently and what she’s beginning to mean to me. How even in her dream state, she was breaking down walls and creating a space for herself in my life.
“You don’t have to do this Ad-.” But before I can finish, she holds her hand up to silence me.
“This is my decision and I choose yes. If I can save people, then I’m going to. You of all people should understand why I want to do this. I can handle it.” She nods to me then turns and nods to Dr. Tanner,
“Done! I will get everything set up” Dr. Tanner says as she rests her hand on Adira’s forearm.
I’m stunned for a moment as the weight of what she just agreed to do settles in. She is willing to put herself through pain and agony for people she doesn’t even know.
My people.
This is how she is apologizing for the past, and I’d be the biggest asshole if I didn’t accept.
Coming into my hospital room, Lochlan sees I’m awake and smiles, causing my belly to do somersaults. He has no idea the effect he has on me, as a warmth spreads throughout me, igniting a spark that only he seems to be able to conjure.
“Hey.” He says sleepily, running his hands over his face.
“Hey. You just missed Dr. Tanner. She said I’m released until she’s ready to start testing. She said it could be awhile, as she needs to get supplies first before she can do anything.”
“Oh, but your house isn’t quite ready and no one, uh, has the space to offer up.” He says kinda nervously. “I kinda thought you’d be a here a bit longer.” He rubs the back of his neck and looks to the floor.
“So I have to stay at the jail a little while longer. That’s fine. It’s quiet. It’s safe and it’s warm.” I assure him that it truly doesn’t bother me, because it really doesn’t. They have offered me so much here that I could never pay back, so having to stay at their police station, for a short time until I get my own place, is totally worth it.
“Are you sure?” He asks as if he doesn’t believe me. If only he knew some of the sketchy places I’ve had to sleep in or call home over the past 12 months, he wouldn’t be so concerned about keeping me in a holding cell. Besides, he didn’t care so much up until this point, so I’m not exactly sure why it’s a big deal now.
“Ya, it’s fine. Honest. I just need to change, and I’ll be ready to go. All of my stuff is at the jail already anyways.” I say lightly, brushing off his concern.
I gather my blood-stained clothes I came in and head to the bathroom to change. I know I’m going back to the jail, but this time, not as a prisoner.
Later that afternoon, as I’m sitting on the couch in the police station, going through the clothes I picked up from Bea’s latest haul, I hear a commotion from the other room. I grab my blade and go to check it out.
I look around but don’t see anything, but when I turn to head back to the other room, a static comes over the walkie talkie and I hear what I couldn’t make out before.
“Front gate! Incoming!” and the alarm blares right after to alert everyone and anyone to come fast.
I don’t think twice as I run to the cell I’m residing in and grab my gear. I strap as many weapons as I possibly can to my body, not knowing what we are facing and take off at a sprint towards the front gate.
What I pull up on, is not what I was expecting even in my worst nightmares. There on the other side, is Si and an army of infected. He stands in front shouting out demands of food, weapons, and other nonsense I don’t care to listen to. Lochl
an and his team are all lined up in military format, ready for battle, blocking his view of me.
My body comes alive at the sight of the man who kept me in a cage for months. I push my way through the group, gaining grunts from everyone as I make my way to the front and stand next to Lochlan.
The moment Si sees me he stops and squints, putting a hand over his brow as if the sun is clouding his vision so he can get a better look.
“That you pet?” he shouts. Gnashing my teeth together so hard, I swear everyone can hear it and my jaw aches in protest.
I see Lochlan stiffen beside me, as he glances out of the corner of his eye, trying to read my expression. I can tell he is thinking he was right all along, as the look of betrayal crosses his face. I hear gasps from behind me as everyone comes to the same conclusion. But I acknowledge no one and stare at Si, seething, my skin crawling as my body fights to hold me in place.
“Fuck you!” I shout back taking a step forward. I hear guns cocking from every direction. I don’t know if they’re pointed at me or not, but I don’t care.
“I kept you safe and out of a fucking lab!” he growls back and takes a step forward, as does the rest of his team.
“Safe?! Is that what you called it when sending me into warehouses full of infected to get you supplies?” I am losing my temper and my control is slipping fast. My body wanting nothing more than to kill him, in the most painful of ways. Just like he did to so many. More screams, more ghosts to add to my closet.
“You ungrateful bitch!” He shouts taking a shot at me, embedding his bullet in my shoulder. My adrenaline is spiked so high, I barely feel it.
My eyes trained on Si, I unsheathe my Kukri blades from their holsters. I let out a fierce growl, as I crouch down getting ready to pounce. “Mine.”
And with that, I take off at a dead run towards Si, and all hell breaks loose. Guns fired, commands shouted and people screaming as infected force their way forward and into the opening of the compound. I slice through as many as I can, creating a path for others to follow.
Up against the gate wall I see a sprinter has one of ours blocked, and she can’t seem to get around it as it mimics her movements. Rushing over, I grab the back of the zombie’s head and slam it into the cement, right beside her, over and over until brain matter is splattered all over my face and hers. I turn just in time to catch the next one by the flimsy shirt it’s wearing and pull it around like a shot put, letting it go and stumbling into the other infected like bowling pins.
I launch myself forward and land on top of it, wrapping my hand around the top of its head and the bottom of its throat and with all my strength, twist my hands in opposite directions, snapping the spinal cord.
I look up and right in front of me is Si. I don’t hesitate as I scramble to my feet ready to finish him off, when I hear my name called out in fear.
I stop dead in my tracks and swing around, when I see a Tank with blades for arms, making its way in. This is the biggest Tank I’ve seen yet, and I’m gonna need as much fire power as possible. Running is not an option this time.
I pull out my sword, and run full tilt at him, meeting in the middle of the field with a clash of our blades that send sparks flying in every direction. The force of the hit bringing me to my knees.
Stay low, go fast.
I take advantage of the position and slice behind its knee. The grunt and unsteadiness let me know that I’ve hit my mark. I don’t let up, carving into the next leg and making quick work of as many ligaments as possible. As it drops to one knee, I’m already standing with my blade coming down and severing its arm. Its ear piercing howl of pain gaining attention from those around us. I pick up the discarded gun at my feet, unloading what’s left in the clip into the beast’s chest.
I know it won’t kill it, but the more I wear it down, the better chance everyone has to get far enough away.
It swings out and takes both feet out from under me, sending me and my sword sliding across the ice. Damn, this thing is strong. I jump to my feet and see my sword off to my right and I make a bee line right for it.
Once in my grasp I take off towards the Tank as fast as I can, leaving a flurry of snow behind me. It shoots out its arm with its blade and I duck underneath, sliding on my knee. I use the snowbank to launch myself upward and use my momentum to climb its body like a tree, lifting my blade, and bringing it down across its throat and separating his head from his torso. I stay perched on top of its shoulders until it finally drops to its knees and slumps forward, causing me to skate across the snow, leaving a trail of its black poison in my wake.
Lochlan’s shout of pain gets my attention. There pointing a gun to Lochlan’s head, is Si.
Anger and rage permeate from every pore in my body, as I rear back and roar. I slash through zombie after zombie with my bare hands, blood, literally dripping from my fingers, and not a drop is my own. I make it to them in seconds, taking Si completely off guard. He should know by now what I’m capable of. He had me in a cage for months, using me as his own weapon, sending me out like a dog fetching his kill. Now, I’m the one hunting.
I grab him by his throat pulling him away from Lochlan and tossing him aside as if he was nothing more than a doll. The virus from the bites only adding to my strength and power. He scrambles backwards on his elbows, fear blanketing his features as he tries to get away from me. I stalk towards him, my gun pointed at his chest.
“Go ahead! Kill me!” Si laughs manically at his own comment as though he’s won. “You won’t do it. It’s not who you are.” He sneers, using my own words against me.
Now it’s my turn to smile as I lean down over him.
“Who we are and who we need to be to survive, are very different things.” His eyes widen in horror as my words register with him as his own and I pull the trigger.
He slumps forward, and I put one more bullet in him, just to be sure. I look over to see Lochlan staring at me in awe, when I feel something hit me from behind and I black out.
I can’t sit at home in comfort, after everything she’s done for us, knowing that she’s in here, in a cramped cell, when I have enough room in my cabin. So, on a knee jerk decision, I’m here to break her out and take her back to my home to take care of her.
Wow, I sound like a fucking Neanderthal, but I don’t care. She’s broken down every wall I’ve put up, she saved not only my life, but many others here. Especially when I gave her no reason to. Things could have gone a lot differently out there today, and I realized that once in a lifetime, can happen twice.
With Adira, I don’t have nightmares of the past or future. Somehow. With her here, there is no internal turmoil or chaos. The one person who created havoc in my life, is the one person who gives me peace.
Coming in the side entrance of the police station, I make my way towards the holding cells where Adira is. The lights are out, and going by the loud snores coming from the office, Grey is sleeping.
I stop outside Adira’s cell and have to stifle my chuckle. I knew she’d break him down and he’d let her keep the cell door unlocked and open, so she could use the “good bathroom” since she was no longer a prisoner.
I tap lightly on the bars to get her attention. She’s cuddled up in a ball on the small cot facing away from me, with a thin blanket, shivering in the damp cool air coming off the cement walls surrounding her. She rolls over and jolts upright when she sees me, coming towards her.
“Come on.” I say as I reach down wrapping my hand around her tiny wrist and pull her up towards me. I know this is not a good idea, but I also can’t settle unless I know she’s safe and close by.
“Where are we going?” She asks looking around as if she’s not entirely sure she should leave with me. I know she doesn’t trust me yet, mostly because I haven’t really given her a reason to, but I’m working on it.
“I’m taking you to my place where you will be comfortable and safe. I can’t stand the thought of you being in here after everything that you’ve been through.” I rush
out in one breath.
“Just let me do this.” I plead with her.
She doesn’t say a word just nods her head, as if she can sense just how badly I need this right now, and I practically drag her to my ATV.
We make it back to my place in a few short minutes and suddenly I’m a little nervous now that I’ve got her here. Doubt begins to settle in, as I open the door and hold it for her to walk through. The fire still raging from when I stoked it before going to get her and bring her home. I wanted her to feel welcomed when she came in and warmth was the only thing I could think of that I could offer her.
I step in behind her and close the door. Already I’m overwhelmed by the scent of her wafting through the air like it belongs here. Honeysuckle and rain drops. Her scent alone, sends a wave of heat through my body, and my cock starts to ache. I reach down to adjust myself, hoping not to scare her off, but the lightest touch elicits a groan from my throat. Fuck, she just got here and already my body is betraying me.
We haven’t even left the doorway yet and she looks uncomfortable at the thought of being here as she looks around, taking it all in. Maybe I read too much into her response towards me before. Shit. I can’t believe I didn’t think that this might be awkward for her.
Clearing her throat, she turns back around to look at me, uncertainty in her eyes. I don’t like that look and dread lands in the pit of my stomach that she might leave. Desperation slams into me at the thought she won’t be here in the morning.
“Stay.” I whisper, not even sure she heard me. “I ran you a bath. I have hot water in a large kettle simmering to add to it. I thought you might want to relax your muscles.” I stammer looking at the floor as if I were a sixteen-year-old boy on a date, nervously asking for my first kiss.
She doesn’t say anything, so I don’t bother to look up. As I’m about to pass by, her hand darts out and grabs my arm, gaining my attention.
“Thank you, Lochlan. I absolutely want to take a bath.” She leans up on her toes and kisses my cheek, making my cock jerk in my pants.
