by Melissa Haag
When she’d shown up at Dad’s door to collect me four years ago, we’d been strangers. She might have understood the urges I’d been starting to have, but she hadn’t understood me. In these last few weeks together, that had been slowly changing. A simple shirt to sleep in proved that.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Sleep well, baby.”
I watched her walk away and hoped her understanding would hold true in the next few days because my life was about to get more difficult. Feeding on Mrs. Quill before going to the Club had been an appetizer at best. And the quick feeding on Fenris hadn’t been close to the main course I needed.
A shiver rippled through me at the thought, and my hunger twisted inside of me. Subtle and small but still there.
The night feedings had been sustaining me. What would happen now that Fenris wasn’t there? Nothing good. Looking back, I could see how my hunger had been growing more intense. The dreams had started out infrequent and short, progressing to nightly dreams where I’d fed until bloated. Yet, in the last few days, I’d gotten hungry long before I went to bed.
How would I feed myself? The idea of going back to Mrs. Quill turned my stomach. Yes, I’d managed tonight. But barely. Where did that leave me? Asking Adira to procure meals for me like she did for my mom? No, thank you.
Shaking my head, I closed myself in the guest room. The problem could wait until the morning. Hopefully, a full night’s sleep would bring clarity.
Tossing my clutch on the bed, I stripped from the dress. However, I couldn’t put on Dad’s shirt with the strip of grey body paint standing out starkly on my skin. Making a face, I went to the shower and scrubbed until the color was gone and Piepen’s mark glowed brightly once more. By the time I finished, I couldn’t stop yawning.
I climbed under the covers, and my feet bumped something heavy. Tiredly, I grabbed my clutch and removed my phone. The light blinked, indicating a message. It could be Megan. Or it could be Fenris or Adira.
After a moment’s hesitation, I checked.
Fenris: I know you’re upset, and I’d like a chance to explain. Meet me at the caves tomorrow.
Silencing the phone, I set it on the bedside table without answering. Three days. I could avoid him for that long. No problem.
I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep. Instead, my mind drifted to Fenris and the moments we’d shared over the past few weeks. I dwelled on each interaction, seeing things differently now. The one that stood out the most was our last time together in the caves. His tormented expression as he’d listened to me explain why I would never feed on him stood out in inescapable clarity. He’d been keeping his secret then.
The memory of our conversation in the car on the way to the caves hit me just as hard. He’d known before my speech that I wouldn’t want to feed from him, but he’d been so lost to the pull that he’d hidden his obsession so I wouldn’t put a stop to it. That was why he wanted to meet tomorrow.
I lay there dwelling on my mistakes and all the pain I’d inadvertently caused Fenris. The tears, I’d thought had gone, reappeared and trekked well-used paths over my face.
There was no undoing the past, only finding a way to live in the present under the weight of regret.
Pain pulled me from my hard-won sleep. My middle cramped, and I moaned quietly. The sound, a mix of shame and need, echoed from the other side of the wall.
My need to eat evaporated as I sat up and checked the time. It was barely seven. My eyes rounded as I understood what was happening.
“No morning worship while I’m in the house!”
There was a muffled curse and a thump from my parents’ room as I scrambled out of bed.
“Two minutes,” I called, grabbing my things. “Just give me two minutes to leave.”
I didn’t care that my bladder was screaming. I raced from the room, making a mad dash for the door.
“Eliana,” Mom said, stopping me in my tracks. “You don’t have to run from this. It’s natural.”
Slowly turning, I faced my mom. I could see the fine lines around her eyes and mouth and the light remnants of last night’s lipstick.
“In a normal world, a child hearing their parents would disturb that child. Our world isn’t normal, and I’m far more than disturbed. I’m hungry, Mom.”
She gave me a small smile.
“I understand. Talk to Fenris, baby. It’s the only way to get the answers you need.”
I stared at her for a moment, confused about what she meant. Then I remembered.
“You mean how I started feeding on Fenris in the first place? I don’t think it matters. What matters is that I stop.”
“Are you going to go to Mrs. Quill, then?”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure yet.”
She studied me for a long moment.
“Be careful, baby.”
I nodded, understanding what she wasn’t saying. She didn’t want me to go back to starving myself.
“I will be.”
She didn’t stop me from running out of the house, only half-dressed and without shoes. The fresh blanket of snow pushed me to run faster.
Safely in my car with the engine running, I considered where I should go. If I returned to the Quills’, I was more likely to run into Adira or, worse, Fenris.
I dug my phone out of my pile of things, intent on sending Megan a message to see if she was awake yet. However, I saw I already had a message from her. And another one from Fenris. Even though Fenris’s was earlier than Megan’s, I read hers first.
Megan: Oanen’s making pancakes. Want to come over?
Me: Pancakes sound great. I’ll leave now. Can I borrow a pair of pants?
My phone began to ring. I answered it on speaker and set it in my lap before starting to back out of the driveway.
“I’d give you the shirt off my back,” Megan said in place of a greeting. “You know that. But I gotta ask. Have you suddenly become infatuated with my fashion sense, or has Adira burned all your clothes?”
“Neither. After you left, I was summoned by the great and mighty Oz. Mom went with me because, well, Adira. The Council was having a ‘what will Megan do’ panic meeting, and Adira was trying to strong-arm me into telling all your deep secrets.”
Megan laughed.
“Yeah, I’m real deep. I get mad and want to beat on people. What’s there to figure out?”
“Your unpredictability makes you deep, Megan.”
“Okay. Sure. Whatever. Get to the pants.”
I laughed.
“I went home with Mom and spent the night to escape Adira. It wasn’t a planned thing, so I only have my dress and the t-shirt that my dad loaned me to sleep in.”
“Ah. Gotcha. You’re interested in getting into my pants to avoid Adira.”
“You make me question our friendship when you talk like that.”
“She’s been talking in innuendos since we left your parents,” Oanen said in the background.
“It’s addicting. I can see why your mom likes it,” Megan said, humor lacing her words.
“I’m hanging up on you now. Have my pants ready. Socks, too.”
She was laughing as I hung up on her. My answering smile faded as I passed through town. How long would I be able to run from my problems? Adira might not be able to track me, but she knew there weren’t many places for me to go. And now that I was avoiding Fenris—my chest gave a painful squeeze—my hiding places were even smaller. Mom’s and Megan’s. Thankfully, Adira was wary, if not afraid, of both of them. Unfortunately, Fenris wasn’t. Was I making a mistake going to Megan’s? Her driveway came into view before I could change my mind.
The sight of Megan throwing dirty snowballs at her house had me slowing. She turned at the sound of my car driving over the frozen but cleared and newly graveled driveway.
“Can you believe this crap?” she asked loudly enough that I could hear her.
I stopped the car and rolled down the window.
“What crap?”
“My h
ouse. Look at what he did!”
I looked at the building. The paint still looked good. The front porch was shoveled. Elbner had even made a path from the driveway to the front door.
“I think I’m missing something,” I said.
“He made it welcoming, Eliana. Why would he do that? He was a disagreeable little man. I thought we had an understanding. A commonality. I don’t want people to show up here, thinking I’m some kind of friendly fury.” She opened the passenger door and got in. “Here are your pants.”
She pulled the black leggings from her cleavage with a grin.
“Kept them warm for you. Figured your legs might be cold.”
I wrinkled my nose at her but took the leggings and shimmied into them before pulling around to the back of the house.
“I don’t think you really need to worry about too many people showing up,” I said as I parked. “The Council is trying to get rid of you, not welcome you. And you didn’t exactly make many friends while you were here.”
“You make a valid point. If people start showing up, though, I’m repainting the house.”
I followed her inside, grateful for the well-shoveled path Elbner had maintained. Heat and the sweet smell of pancakes engulfed me.
“Morning,” Oanen said from his place at the stove.
The comforting familiarity of his face wrapped me in a sense of homecoming. I stopped in the middle of the kitchen and stared at him as I struggled with what I felt. I’d lived with the Quills for years and, before that, with my dad, and had never noticed what was missing. A sense of belonging. A real sense of family. Of people who would do anything for me. While I knew Mom was trying to do her best, I still didn’t trust her to have my back like Megan and Oanen would.
“Hey, you okay?” Megan asked, touching my arm.
I nodded, glancing at her.
“I just…I really missed you guys.”
“We missed you, too,” Oanen said.
I cleared my throat and sat at the table with Megan.
“How did your little helper react to your return?” I asked.
“Can’t find him. When we hellgated into the kitchen, everything was dark. I figured he was holed up, sleeping somewhere.” She shrugged. “I didn’t really try looking for him. I was more interested in getting to bed.”
A wave of lust washed over them, stirring my hunger.
Chapter Four
My gaze shifted between Oanen and Megan.
“Uh, I told Adira that you’ve been looking into the banshee singing,” I said, desperate to change the subject. “She was talking about trying to use the song as an excuse to send Oanen on an enforcer errand, knowing that you work as a team.”
Megan leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms.
“She’s so annoying.”
“Very,” I agreed. “I told her she should talk to you about what you found. I know you said you didn’t find anything, but I sort of hoped it would force her to meet with you.”
“Now that is a tempting prospect. Think I can throat punch her before she disappears?”
“Probably not,” Oanen said, coming to the table with a plate for each of us. He even had a bottle of chocolate syrup for me. I smiled my thanks.
“It sounds like they’re as clueless about the singing as I’d guessed they would be,” I said. “It would have been perfect if you’d managed to find something where they couldn’t.”
Thoughtfully, Megan chewed her bite of pancake and watched Oanen as he joined us.
“No,” he said flatly before taking a bite himself.
“I didn’t even say anything,” she said.
“You didn’t need to. You said it all last night. My answer hasn’t changed.”
She made a sound of frustration. “Griffins are supposed to be guardians. Protectors.”
“I am.”
“Not just for one life but all lives.”
“One is more important than the rest.”
I reached across the table and set my hand on Megan’s, stealing her anger. Thankfully, there wasn’t much there.
“What are we arguing about?” I asked.
She turned her hand over in mine and held it.
“We’re fighting about Oanen’s smothering, overprotective tendencies,” Megan said, her tone completely calm and reasonable.
“She wants to visit the Oracle again,” Oanen said.
I looked at my best friend.
“You almost died last time.”
“Coming into my powers isn’t almost dying.”
“I meant the part where she tranced you so you lost track of time and ended up in a lake full of angry mermaids.”
Megan sighed and tugged her hand from mine.
“I love you both for wanting to protect me. But daughter of Hades, here. The Oracle, herself, said she wasn’t stupid enough to enrage the gods by doing something to me.”
“The gods aren’t exactly around to do anything about their children. How long do you think her fear will last when you’re back, demanding things from her? Adira and the Council are afraid of her for a reason. Oanen’s right. It’s dangerous. As much as I hate to say this, I’d rather see you work with the Council to see if you can find something that way.”
Megan glared at both of us. Well, mostly Oanen.
“You’re really annoying me.”
He leaned back and crossed his arms.
“Is that supposed to change my answer?”
The lust grew thicker. My stomach cramped, and I stood abruptly, taking the bottle of syrup.
“Thanks for breakfast. I better get going. I’ll call you later.” I was out the door before I said the last word.
“You made her run,” I heard Megan yell.
I didn’t wait to see how Oanen would distract her from her stupidity. Instead, I closed myself in the car, took a large gulp of chocolate syrup straight from the bottle, then spun gravel getting out of their driveway.
Going to Megan’s had been a mistake, but not the way I’d anticipated. Which was silly of me considering how new they were as a couple.
Driving toward town, I tried to figure out where to go next. I was frustratingly low on hiding spots. Fenris’s voice rang in my head. Then stop running.
I sighed as I realized I was right back to where I’d been after Ashlyn disappeared. Nowhere to go and no one to spend time with. When my thoughts veered to Fenris again, I turned on the music and sang along until I parked in the Quills’ garage.
Rather than going inside, I sent Megan a text.
Me: Try not to be mad at Oanen. He can’t help himself. You’re the most important thing in his world.
Then, unable to help myself, I gave in and read the message from Fenris.
Fenris: Since you didn’t ask when to meet me, I’ll come to you.
My eyes rounded, and I scrambled from the car. I needed clothes and a place to hide. But where? None of the previous hiding spots, obviously. Lost in thought, I rushed into the kitchen and almost ran over Mrs. Quill.
“Eliana,” she said, catching me before I fell in my attempt to avoid her. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I’m in a hurry. I wanted to pick up some clothes before I had to…” I didn’t know what to say. Had to run again? Leave to avoid Fenris? Go back to Mom’s.
A surge of sorrow from Mrs. Quill distracted me from coming up with an excuse.
“You’re staying with your parents for a while, then?” she asked.
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
She gave me a small smile and gestured to the kitchen island chairs. While she spoke, she started making me homemade hot chocolate.
“I’m glad you’re able to spend some time with them both. I know it wasn’t easy for you to grow up with only your father in your life. Then to be stranded here without either of them. I also know it’s not easy to see them together again.
“So, I hired a druid to check the windows. They’re warded against everything. I also spoke to Adira about leaving you a
lone while you’re in my home. No more dinners. No more surprise visits to push you into choosing someone to feed from.
“I know you’ve been avoiding coming here, and I understand why. I haven’t been standing up for you like I should have been, and I’m sorry I made an already difficult situation even more difficult because of that. I want you to stay, Eliana.
“I know you love your parents more than anything. But I promise I’ll do better to make this the home you deserve if you choose to stay here.”
Mrs. Quill set the mug in front of me. The rich scent of dark chocolate teased my nose and made my mouth water. However, I couldn’t enjoy it with the worry pouring from her.
“Thank you,” I said. “I would rather stay here and not listen to what my parents do in the morning.”
A smile ghosted Mrs. Quill’s lips.
“I imagine that would be rather uncomfortable.”
“It was.”
Her worry grew, and I toyed with the mug as I waited for her to say what was really on her mind.
“Adira knows that you fed on Fenris at your mother’s club last night. Is that why you were crying?”
I stared down at my chocolate, debating what to say. She surprised me by setting a hand over mine.
“You don’t have to answer that. I understand I’ve broken your trust too many times for any level of confidence.” She patted my hand and released it. “I’m here any way you need me.”
I looked up from my mug. “An Adira-free place to stay is all I really want.”
“Okay. Then, that’s what you’ll have. Would you like anything else besides the chocolate?”
My stomach rumbled audibly. I flushed but shook my head.
“No, thank you. And if Fenris shows up, please send him away. We need some time apart.”
“Of course. If you change your mind about anything, you only have to call for me. Fenris is welcome any time you want him to be. All your friends are. Whenever you’re ready.”
“Thank you.”
She was about to leave when another thought occurred to me, and I stopped her.
“I’ve done what Adira wanted. I’ve proven that I can find my own prey and have been feeding myself for weeks now. I even fed in public. That’s everything she told me I needed to do to get my mark.”
