by Melissa Haag
Fenris: Megan and Oanen are here. You’re not. Where are you?
The next one came a while later.
Fenris: I checked their house and your parents’ house. Your car’s not there or at the Blayz. Where else can you hide with the hot springs and the cabin now being watched? I love a good game of hide-and-seek. Get ready to be caught.
I swallowed hard against the idea of Fenris catching me, and hunger twisted in my middle.
Chapter Six
Fenris: You’re driving me insane. I need to talk to you, Eliana. Please don’t make me go to Adira to find you. Neither of us will like that.
I glared at the latest text. In the last two hours, Fenris had been relentless in his persistence to find me. And a part of me liked that far too much. Just the thought of how much made the hunger I’d been struggling to control all day flare brightly. My middle cramped, and the pain of it stole my breath.
Dad took that moment to push another drink at me.
“Here, try this one, baby girl. I think it’s my best one yet. I can’t wait for your mother to try it.”
His lust flared at the mention of Mom, and I pinned him with a hard stare.
“Go to Nicolette, now, or I won’t be responsible for what happens to you.”
He paled and hurried away.
“Need something, Eliana?” Ymir asked, watching me closely as he cleaned the last glass my father had dirtied.
“Yes. Your silence and your absence.”
“Maybe you should head up to one of the private rooms to rest for a while. Nicolette might have something up there to help you.”
My control faltered, and that thing inside of me stretched, luxuriating in his attention. I parted my lips and tilted my head at him. His eyes glazed over a bit, and he shuffled a step closer despite his resistance to my pull.
“Or maybe,” I said with a soft, angry purr, “you should run before I decide you can help me.”
Struggling, I pushed that thing inside of me down again and glared at Ymir as he snapped out of it.
“Now,” I said.
He hurried away, but I didn’t get the isolation I wanted. Instead, Mother’s heels clicked softly on the floor behind me.
“Eliana, what would cause you to reprimand your father so harshly?” she asked.
Her anger flooded the surrounding space, and I swung my head in her direction. The antagonistic emotion was replaced with one far worse when she saw my eyes, though. Pity swelled in place of her anger.
“Don’t, Mother,” I warned.
“Don’t what? Love you? Worry about you? I’m afraid both are impossible to deny. Now, what are my chances for getting a hug?”
I took a few calming breaths then stood to hug her.
“My strong girl,” she murmured against my hair. “I will admit that I don’t know what to do or say to comfort you at the moment. I know you’re hungry, and I know you’re capable of feeding yourself when you’re ready. So I won’t insult you with the offer of food.” She pulled back to look at me. “But maybe you’d like someone to talk to?”
Her compassion and understanding gave me the strength I needed to rein in the hunger.
“I don’t think talking is going to help anything.”
“We won’t know unless we try.”
I sighed.
“Fenris won’t stop texting me. His desperation is messing with my head in a very bad way.”
“How?”
“The constant reminders of what I’ve done to him are just making me hate myself more. This is exactly why I have a hard time eating. I didn’t want to be this person. I didn’t want to steal lives from people. But that’s exactly what I did. And I’m still hungry, Mom. That part of me doesn’t even care, which makes this all a million times worse. Then, I have Dad down here, happily playing bartender and chatting up Ymir like it’s the coolest thing ever to be immersed in this world.”
“A world you despise?” Mom asked softly.
I closed my eyes and nodded in defeat.
Mom’s phone chose that moment to ring.
“Speak of misery and despair, and the devil will have his due,” Mom muttered.
I opened my eyes in time to see Adira’s name on Mom’s screen before she answered on speakerphone.
“I’m at Blayz. To what do I owe this displeasurable interruption?” Mom asked.
“I was wondering if you’d seen Eliana and Fenris. They both seem to be missing.”
Mom considered me thoughtfully. She knew that I’d appeared on her doorstep, thanks to Mrs. Quill, and I could tell by her expression that she was thinking the same thing I was. I never imagined that Mrs. Quill would keep my location from Adira as she’d promised.
“I still don’t see a problem that would warrant interrupting my feeding.”
The tap of her nails on the bar top punctuated her annoyance.
“There’s a bit of an upset in the pack. Some believe that Eliana has been negatively influencing Fenris’s behavior.”
“In what way?”
“In the way that prevents him from finding his mate.”
Mom got a hard look in her eyes.
“You know, as well as I do, that a succubus’s gifts don’t work like that.”
“Of course, but convincing the pack of that is becoming problematic. It would be best if Eliana found an alternate food source until I can straighten this out.”
Mom laughed.
“Best for who? Eliana doesn’t need your permission or approval to eat. She chooses who, where, and when. Not you. And it’s not her place to worry about interspecies relations. That’s your job. Enjoy your control, Adira, and leave my daughter alone.”
Mom hung up on her, and Adira tried calling her back, not that Mom answered.
“Would you like to see the kitchen? I’ve had three potential cooks back there since this morning, making the best chocolate creations they can imagine. You and I can judge their quality.”
I gave Mom a sharp look.
“The desserts, Eliana. Nothing more. They’re humans, and I’m not such a horrible mother that I’d offer you food I know you hate.” She didn’t say any of it with censure but with understanding and love.
I managed a small smile.
“Sure. I’ll try desserts.”
I was glad that I’d agreed after the seventh one. The lava cake soothed my soul in a way that nothing else had all day.
“Do you love it?” Mom asked.
“So much,” I mumbled, going for another bite.
She walked away to speak to the applicants while Dad took a seat beside me.
“Feeling better?” he asked.
“I’m sorry that I acted like that.”
“Your mother has snapped at me plenty of times because she was hungry.” He set his hand over mine. “I’m only sorry that I’m the reason you’re hungry. I should have tried harder to see you and understand what you were going through instead of focusing on myself.”
I dropped my fork and hugged my dad, stealing his pain and regret, something I’d done far too often in my lifetime.
“I understand why you couldn’t,” I whispered.
My phone buzzed, saving me from getting too emotional when I was still so hungry. Dad moved off to join Mom while I read the message.
Jenna: Sorry to bug you, but have you seen Fenris at all today?
Rather than text back, I called her.
“You haven’t found him yet?”
“No. His scent trail goes all over the place. It’s not helping that half the pack is out looking for him, too.”
“I heard. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Most of them are loving it. We like to chase, remember? I’m just hoping to catch him before someone else does.”
“I just hope someone catches him.”
She laughed softly. “Yeah, he doesn’t make it easy.”
“Text him and let him know that you just talked to me. Send him a print screen of the call time. Maybe he’ll take the bait and meet up
with you.”
“You’re brilliant!”
“If that were true, none of this would be happening in the first place. Good luck hunting.”
“Thanks.”
After I hung up, Dad insisted that we go home so Mom could rest before returning to work later. I tried to stay and visit with them as long as possible, knowing that Fenris was more likely to find me at the Quills, but it was becoming increasingly impossible to hide my growing hunger as the minutes passed.
Just before dusk, I conceded to the clawing need.
“Could you ask Mrs. Quill to come get me?” I asked Mom.
“You’re welcome to stay here,” Mom said.
“I know. But my things are there.”
She smiled knowingly as she sent the message. “And your parents aren’t. Promise that you’ll come by the club again tomorrow?”
A portal appeared in the living room.
“I promise.”
A quick goodbye later, Mrs. Quill and I were in my bedroom.
“Did you have a good day?” she asked.
“Good enough. I’m a little hungry, though.”
She cupped my cheek.
“Then eat, my darling.”
I allowed myself three quick pulls before saying goodnight. She didn’t fight me on it, but she did give me a long, knowing look before she left.
Rather than turning on any lights, I hurried through getting ready for bed while there was still some light outside. Then, I made a temporary bed in my closet, just in case. I was glad I did when my phone buzzed.
Fenris: I forgot that I’m not the only one who has years of experience at hiding. I won’t forget again. Ready or not, rabbit, I’m on your trail.
The message contained a picture of my car in Ashlyn’s driveway. In the background, around the house, there were trampled paths in the snow.
Tossing my phone aside, I curled under the covers and closed my eyes.
“Eliana? Sweetheart, are you here?”
The muffled sound of Mrs. Quill’s voice penetrated my restless, light sleep. I rubbed my eyes and sat up, looking around my closet for a disoriented moment.
“I’m in here,” I called.
The door opened, and Mrs. Quill looked down at me in confusion.
“Did you have a bad dream?” she asked.
“No. No, I’m okay.”
“Then why are you in the closet?”
“I wanted to stay away from the window that keeps letting in the brownies.”
“The druid verified the wards.”
“I know. I just thought I’d sleep better in here. Is there something you wanted?” I grabbed my phone to check the time.
“There is. It’s Fenris. I left him at the front door. I know you said you didn’t want to see him, but you also told me you didn’t want me to lie for you.”
Her words were like a shot of espresso to my system. My skin tingled, alive with need and uncontrollable hunger. The heavy beat of my pulse echoed in my ears and made it hard to hear her next words.
“What would you like me to tell him?”
Fenris was in the house. With me.
My gaze snapped up to meet Mrs. Quill’s.
“Take me to the Blayz. Now.”
She reached out and touched my shoulder. It was a good thing I was sitting. Our abrupt arrival inside the dark club made my head spin and my stomach reel. Gagging, I got to my hands and knees and looked up for Mrs. Quill to tell her what I wanted her to say to Fenris. But she was already gone.
I sighed and looked at my phone, thankful I’d been holding it when she’d portaled us. Then, I looked down at what I was wearing, grateful I’d had the forethought to dress in sweatpants and a t-shirt for bed, just in case I needed to leave quickly.
I’d barely gotten to my feet when a burst of fire flared beside me.
Megan’s gaze found mine across the distance.
“What’s going on? Oanen’s mom just appeared in our bedroom and said you needed me. She didn’t say why, only that she thought you needed me instead of your mom.”
She glanced around the club again.
“Are we alone?” she asked.
“I think so. I’m sorry she woke you up. I didn’t mean to scare her.”
Megan smirked at me. “We weren’t sleeping.”
Need clawed at my middle as I realized what she was saying. Fully focused on her, I could sense the lust. I couldn’t stop myself. I closed my eyes and fed.
“Whoa,” Megan said. “Is this what it feels like when you feed?”
Her question snapped me out of it, and I opened my eyes to look at my best friend in complete horror.
“Megan, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
She grinned at me.
“Didn’t mean to what? Show me that it’s not as horrible as you made it out to be?” She looped her arm through mine and tugged me toward the bar. “Now, be honest. Did I taste minty? ’Cause I just brushed a few minutes ago.”
I groaned out a laugh and set my head on her shoulder.
“Thank you for not making it weird.”
“Any time. Is that why Mrs. Quill came to get me? You were hungry for something a little spicy?”
I snorted as we sat.
“No. And you’re not spicy or minty.”
She propped her chin in her hand and grinned at me.
“I do have a flavor? Now I need to know.”
She sounded so much like Fenris that my humor fled.
“Hey. Talk to me. What’s going on?” Megan asked, getting serious.
“I'm hungry. Hungrier than I've ever been, even when—” I stopped myself from finishing the statement with “I wasn't eating.” The truth was that I had been. Just not as much or as often. Was that why I was having trouble? Had I been so starved then that my real hunger had been dormant and now that I'd fed off Fenris, it didn't want to go back to sleep?
“If you're hungry, eat,” Megan said, opening her arms. “I didn't mind at all.”
It tempted me so much that my eyes flickered, and I turned my head away. Megan exhaled heavily and hugged me hard.
“I get it,” she said. “The self-loathing. The wondering why you can’t just be normal.” She pulled back and forced me to look at her. “Sometimes, I think our moms didn't do us any favors by raising us in the human world. We came here, thinking what’s out there is our measure of normal. It's not. We are what the gods made us. But then, I think of how I might have turned out without knowing the human world first. The gods may have made us, but our moms gave us access to the knowledge we needed to choose to be a better version of ourselves.”
“I don't feel like a better version. I feel like a drug addict. All I can think about is my next fix.”
“I get it. There's no fighting the anger I feel around a wicked person. But I choose how I react. That's why, for the first time in Great Grandma's memory, there's a fourth generation to guide the newest.
“Stop trying to ignore your hunger. Instead, choose how you eat. You aren't your mom, Eliana. Stop torturing yourself for her choices. I'm not human. You can't hurt me.”
Those familiar words made me feel sick and so very hungry.
“I've heard that before,” I admitted, “and it wasn't true.”
“Trust me. It's true. If it weren't, Gran wouldn't have been able to send a few famous courtesans to hell.”
“I know you’re trying to make me feel better and to be here for me, but not like this. Please stop offering.”
She studied me for a minute. “I've made your meals before, and you’ve eaten those with no problem. Help me understand why this isn’t the same.”
I gave her an incredulous look.
“It's sexual energy, Megan. I mess with the pleasure center of your brain when I eat. It affects your thoughts. Your priorities. It’s a form of manipulation. I can’t manipulate a cheeseburger.”
Megan considered me for a long moment.
“I told you and Oanen the basics of what happened when I was on th
e Isle of Woe. I think you need the full story.”
“The full story? You mean there’s more than the Oracle using you as mermaid bait and you almost dying to get the information you wanted from her?”
She grinned at me.
“The devil is in the details. And the details would send Oanen into a panic. But I think you’ll see them for what they are.
“Remember that dream I had before I went? With the bloody shoreline?”
I nodded. That dream had terrified me. I was sure Megan wouldn’t come back, which was one of the reasons I’d texted Oanen as soon as she had looked down at the water and pretended like she hadn’t seen the mermaids I’d felt.
“The Oracle plays by the laws of man and Mantirum, which is how my internal scales of justice measure wickedness. By not breaking any laws, she doesn’t provoke my fury. But that doesn’t mean she’s good. I think my dream was hinting at that.
“When I arrived on the shore, I was exhausted. The mermaids had worn me out on purpose, weakening me to the point that I wasn’t paying attention to things like I should have been. When the Oracle approached, she looked human. Beautiful. Talked to me like she was kind. I mean, I knew better than to trust it, but I wasn’t feeling any anger either. She told me to follow her into her cave. It was filled with smoke that messed with my head. That’s how so much time passed.
“But while I was in there, I kept catching glimpses of things that weren’t right. When I figured out what was happening, I put my foot down. Or rather, I put my hands down on her antique table.” Megan chuckled. “I was so pissed she’d tried to manipulate me that I scorched the pretty surface. She freaked out and started talking fast.”
My hunger twisted inside of me as I realized what her point was.
“When you fed from me just now, I didn’t feel angry. I felt a little giggly. Definitely horny for Oanen, which he’ll appreciate when I go home. But no anger. You didn’t manipulate me, Eliana.”
“I barely fed,” I said as I fought for control.
“You’re my best friend, the closest I’ll ever come to having a sister, and I know you would never do anything to hurt me, just like you know I would do anything to help you.
“You were so worried I’d send you to hell because of Ashlyn, and I didn’t. If you’re hungry, feed, Eliana. No one can think rationally on an empty stomach. Trust me to think rationally for you.”
