by Rachel Ford
“He’s taking a caulk.”
Jack glanced around, absolutely clueless as to the meaning of that, either. The dwarf hadn’t moved an inch. “He’s still sleeping.”
“That’s what I be saying. He can’t hear yer explanations.”
“Oh. Right. Uh, stupid of me.”
Davey shook his head and went back to singing.
But one man of her crew alive,
What put to sea with seventy-five.
Jack waited until the pirate had gone back to his work and went back to thinking. He remembered how he’d fared against Captain Tralane – not well at all. Davey was an old man soaked in rum and missing most of his teeth. But he moved with the agility of a monkey, swinging easily from the masts, moving up and down the rigging, and to and from the crow’s nest.
He wondered what would happen if they came to blows. He wondered, for that matter, why Tralane had been that hard to fight. He figured a captain should be a little tougher than a pig, say. But Tralane hadn’t just been tough. He’d been impossible.
The longer he thought on it, the more uneasy he felt. Finally, he called, “Speak to supervisor.”
Migli appeared at his side. “Yo, what’s up? Ohh, you got the ship already? Suh-weet.”
“Yeah. Listen, Richard, I have a question for you.”
“Right on. Lay it on me, dude.”
“When I fought Tralane, he was…really tough.”
Migli nodded. “Yeah, he’s the boss for that map.”
Jack shook his head though. “No, I don’t mean ‘boss fight’ tough. I mean, ‘killed me instantly’ tough.”
Migli shrugged, like he didn’t really care, or he wasn’t all that convinced that Jack wasn’t just being a wuss.
“I mean it. Something’s not right.”
The dwarf sighed. “Well, I can take a look at the logs.”
Jack nodded. “I’m going to have to fight Davey, aren’t I?”
“You know I can’t tell you that.”
“You would have said ‘no’ if I didn’t. Which means, we need to get this straightened out before I get to that fight.”
“I told you, I’m looking.”
Jack waited and tried to be patient. He wasn’t exactly successful, but he did keep from harassing Richard with questions, despite the persistent urge.
Finally, he came back on the line, and whistled. “Well, I see your problem.”
“What’s that?”
“Tralane was level fifty-two for some reason.”
“Fifty-two? Is he supposed to be that high?”
“This early in the game? Heck no. The highest we ever saw was twelve – and that’s when we played all the side quests to this point.” He hemmed and hawed and wondered aloud “what in blazes” was going on. Then, he fell absolutely silent.
“Richard? Everything okay?”
“Uh…I don’t know. This is just…freaking weird.”
“What is?”
“It’s telling me you’re a level fifty-six.”
Jack chuckled sheepishly. “Oh, yeah. That’s right, actually.”
“But…how? Nate’s the only one who even hit level twenty by time he reached the island. And he spent hundreds of hours playing.”
Jack scratched his head nervously. “Well, I, uh, kind of exploited a bug. Not deliberately. I accidentally roasted a bunch of critters in the forest. So I kind of…power leveled.”
Migli whistled again. “You’re not kidding. Geez. Well, that explains your problem with Tralane.”
“It does?”
“Yeah, the baddies level with your character. They stay a few levels behind you. You know, so the player has an advantage. But they get better as you get better.”
Jack frowned. That was pretty standard. But what wasn’t standard was a level fifty-six character getting his backside handed to him by a puny fifty-two. “Well, shouldn’t I have still been able to beat him?”
The other man laughed. “Dude. You’re fighting a level fifty-two baddie.”
“Yeah, but I’m level fifty-six…”
“But wearing entry level armor. And wielding a sword that does a max six damage.” Migli shook his head. “I’m amazed you survived two whole hits. Tralane didn’t just kill you man, he diced you like some kind of master chef with a slab of meat.”
Jack frowned. “Great imagery.”
“Right? I mean, that was just sick. Geez. I wish I could have seen it. Absolute massacre.”
He rolled his eyes. “Alright, alright. What can you do about it?”
“Do about it?” Richard sounded confused.
“Yeah. I mean, obviously, I need better armor and weapons. Or I need mine leveled up. Whatever. You can do that, right?”
The other man hemmed and hawed for a good forty-five seconds.
Jack finally interrupted, “Well? Can you, or can’t you?”
“I mean, technically, I could. But…”
“But?”
“But I’m not supposed to be interfering at all. You’re supposed to just play the game the way it’s meant to be played.”
“You mean, like for instance being able to leave whenever I want?”
Richard didn’t say anything, and he let an uncomfortable silence linger in the air.
“Because, last time I checked, I can’t play the game the way it’s meant to be played. It’s not my fault this thing is riddled with bugs. I can’t play it at all, Richard, if I’m stuck fighting level fifty-plus baddies with a beginner sword.”
“I mean, I sympathize. But I could lose my job if I start messing with the game.”
“You’re an intern, Richard. Do they even pay you?”
“Well…no.”
“Exactly. So even if you do lose your job, so what? If you don’t do this, I could be stuck here. Because the only way I’m getting home is if I finish this blessed game. And how am I going to finish the game if I’m dealing out six points of damage per hit?”
“Six max. Usually, it’s less.”
“Exactly.”
“Eh…I don’t know, dude. I could get fired. You know how that’d look on my resume?”
“Richard…we are talking about my entire life here, versus your resume.”
“You know, this is sounding like a Jordan question to me.”
“A what?”
“A question for Jordan.”
“I’m asking you.”
“Right. But you should be asking Jordan. She’s full time, dude. I’m just the intern.”
Jack scowled at Migli. “You blessed coward.”
The avatar shrugged. “Maybe. But I’m just thinking of my future. Anyway, Jordan’ll be here in about five minutes. My shift’s almost over. You can ask her then.”
He was about to launch into a tirade about Richard’s cowardice when he froze. “Wait, ‘her’?”
“Yeah: Jordan.”
Jack shook his head. “Hold on. You’re telling me Jordan’s a girl?”
“A girl? Hell no.”
He started to breathe a sigh of relief. He couldn’t remember everything he’d said to Jordan, but he was sure it wasn’t the kind of thing he’d deliberately tell a pretty girl.
Then, Richard went on. “She’s woman – all woman, if you get my drift.” He laughed lightly, and Jack groaned. “Why? I mean, you knew that, right? You told me you didn’t have an opinion about her because you were gay.”
“Gay? No. You told me you were gay.”
The Migli avatar blinked at him. “No. No, you definitely said you were gay. I remember it clearly. We were talking about Jordan, and –”
A voice, sounding faraway, asked in Migli’s voice, “Talking about me? Should I be worried?”
Then, Migli whispered, “Sugar. She’s in early. Haha, hey Jordan. Yeah, we were just talking about your shift starting soon. But dang, you look nice today. Not in a creepy way. I didn’t mean it creepy. Just…did you do something with your hair?”
“Same thing I did yesterday: washed it and combed it.”
“Ha. Right. Well, looks awfully nice on you.”
“Yeah…I’m kind of fond of my…hair. You okay, Richard?”
“Me? Yeah. Great. Awesome. Well, uh, actually, Jack had a question. He hit a kind of bug. And he’s been having some problems.”
“Oh? What kind of problems?”
“I’ll, uh, let him explain it.”
“Okay. Just give me a minute. I need to put my stuff down.”
“No worries. No rush at all. He’s not going anywhere, are you Jack?” He laughed, and Jack groaned.
He groaned about the joke, but mostly he groaned because of the situation. He groaned because Migli’s voice filter had tricked him into thinking he was talking to another guy. And he’d said a bunch of things he never would have said to a girl. He talked about – well, feelings and stuff, like they were friends. Not like…well, like she was a pretty girl.
Chapter Twenty
Jack had mostly convinced himself that this snafu didn’t really matter. Sure, he might have sounded a little pathetic and needy. Sure, she’d witnessed the odd breakdown or two. Sure, a pretty woman was stuck in a room for twelve hours at a time staring at his sweaty, drooling body while it had a bunch of tubes coming out of it.
But that was life, right? He made himself laugh. It was funny, if he thought about it. Not too hard, and not too long. But he was pretty sure there was humor in there. Somewhere.
He wiped his slick palms against his trouser legs. “Cool. This is all cool.”
He took a deep breath, and reminded himself that she’d seen him lying there, comatose in his own drool. If she was nice to him after that, well, he figured he didn’t really have anything to worry about.
Then Richard said, “Yo, Jack, signing off now. Jordan’s taking over.”
Jack cleared his throat and smiled awkwardly. “Hey, Jordan.”
The Migli avatar didn’t move for a good fifteen seconds. Then, it sprang to life. “Jack?”
He repeated the same awkward smile and added a wave for good measure. “Hey. Howdy.”
“Hey. How you doing, Jack? Richard tells me you ran into some kind of issue?”
“Issue?” He frowned. “Oh, right. It’s because of the leveling. Well, the bluebird bug.”
“Okay. Oh, sorry. One second. What, Richard?”
Jack sighed. He could faintly here another voice in the background, so low it sounded like a whisper, but he couldn’t make out the words.
Still, he heard Jordan’s side of the conversation. “Sure. Yeah. Thanks. You too. No, I don’t need an umbrella. No, I’m sure. Thanks. Have a great night, Richard.”
Then, Migli sighed, and turned back to him. “Sorry about that. So, tell me again…what’s going on?”
He launched into the story, hesitating when he got to the part about having his butt handed to him. Then again, she’d see the logs. She’d know what happened. So he spilled it all.
She nodded along, and when he finished, said, “Yeah, I can see that in the logs too. Okay, well, we have a few options here. First, I can reset you to your old level.”
Jack pulled a face. “I’d rather not.”
She nodded again and grinned. “I figured. So the other thing I can do is give you all new armor and weapons. Or – and I think this is what we should probably do – level your skills and items proportionally.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“Now, when you level, the world levels too. But, since you’re already high level, most everything will have already jumped anyway.”
He nodded. “Let’s do it.”
Migli cracked a grin. “You got it. Hold on.” He heard the clacking of keyboard keys, then she said, “Alrighty. There we go. Check your stuff and make sure it took.”
Jack did, drawing his blade and checking his stats. His swordsmanship and archery had jumped to thirty-five and twenty-five respectively. His armor had gone up to fifty. He frowned. “Can’t you raise my sword skills more?”
“Yes, but I’m not going to.”
“Why?”
“Because your play style favors fire magic. So you wouldn’t have gained that much if you were playing normally. Based on what you’ve done so far, you should probably be only a level twenty-two or so. But I decided to go with a generous estimate, since you mentioned something about being a warrior earlier.”
He frowned. “But…”
“Don’t worry. You’ll be plenty competitive in a fight. Especially with the new weapons stats.”
“I hope so. I need to be able to finish this game so I can get home, Jordan.”
The dwarf nodded. “You know, I was thinking about that.”
“Oh?”
“Well, what do you think of Migli as a companion?"
Jack laughed out loud. “Um…worthless doesn’t quite encapsulate it.”
She nodded. “Yeah. He was programmed to be that way.”
“Why?”
“I can’t tell you. Not without spoiling things. But, my point was, I’m here to help you. So if you needed someone to help you get through these levels…well, I can take over Migli and play alongside you. If you wanted, I mean.”
He blinked. “You wouldn’t…get in trouble for that?”
“I mean…I don’t know if they’d be thrilled. But if you’re asking me to do it, I can’t say no.”
“Huh.” He considered for a long moment. “Well, I mean, if you don’t mind, yeah, that sounds good to me.”
Migli smiled. “Cool. Okay, so you just tell me when you want me to jump in, okay?’
He nodded. “Question for you…is Davey going to put a knife in my back?”
She laughed. “You sure you want me to answer?”
“Yes. I want to skip the sailing bit…you know, just go to sleep. But not if he’s going to kill me in my sleep.”
“Well…Davey won’t kill you in your sleep.”
He harrumphed. “That was, I notice, not the answer to what I asked.”
“Nope.”
He shook his head. “Alright. Then in that case, I’m going to go sleep. And I’ll call you as soon as I need a companion. Okay?”
She nodded. “I’ll be right here. Catch you after your nap.”
Then, Migli went back to his normal self. He yawned, and said, “We’ll be there in a few hours, by my calculations.”
Jack left the dwarf and headed below decks. He heard him singing in the night as he walked away.
Eyes so fair, hair red as dragon fire
But not a slip of gold to her name
A house without fortune or fame
The dwarven king forbade their love…
At the same time, Davey’s voice floated down to the crew quarters.
Ten of the crew had the Murder mark-
'Twas a cutlass swipe or an ounce of lead,
Or a yawing hole in a battered head-
And the scuppers glut with a rotting red…
Jack shook his head and settled into a bunk. He hoped his character couldn’t have nightmares – because between the pair of them, dwarf and pirate, he was pretty sure it’d be an unpleasant sleep otherwise.
He woke feeling refreshed, alive, and mercifully free of nightmares. The ship had made anchor in a quiet, sandy cove by a great, green island. Gulls flew over the quiet water, and gentle waves lapped lazily against the side of the ship.
Davey greeted him with a broad smile. “Avast, me hearty. Here we be.”
“So I…uh, see.”
“Old Davey told you he’d get you here safe and sound, didn’t he?”
Jack nodded, conceding, “He did.”
Davey nodded. “Ay. Ay, he did. Because Old Davey’s a man of his word, and that’s the truth. A man truer to his word you’ll never find.”
Despite himself, Jack muttered, “Except where Captain Tralane is concerned…you kind of stabbed him in the back.”
Davey stared at him. Then, he cracked a toothless grin, and barked out a laugh. “Ay, well, that be true. But Tralane? He’s a
snake. A bilge rat. He doesn’t drink – not at all. Not even a sip.” He shook his head. “I tell you, matey, you can’t trust a man what doesn’t drink.”
Jack stood for a moment longer, staring out at the island. Further inland, a great, tall mountain stretched high into the sky – so high, he couldn’t see the top of it. Clouds obscured that.
“That’s where we’re headed,” Migli said at his elbow.
He started. “Geez. You have to stop sneaking up on me, Migli.”
“Ahead of us lies the tallest mountain in all the world. It’s a half a day’s hike to the base of it. Then, we will climb for a day and a half to reach the peak. When we’ve ascended to the top, we will enter the castle.
“And when we arrive at the castle, we will meet the keeper. The keeper will demand the key, and in exchange he will give us the dagger.”
Jack grinned. “The MacGuffin will be mine. And I can finally go home.”
They packed some supplies and disembarked. Davey was asleep in crew quarters. He refused to step foot on the island. “This is no place for me. No, no, me hearty, a place like this will strike down one like me.” So he slept instead.
Which, somehow, made Jack feel a little better. If the island was evil, he figured a pirate would fit right in. But, conversely, if it wouldn’t welcome a pirate? Well, maybe it was alright.
He didn’t call for Jordan yet. He figured there was no need. He’d let her do whatever it was she did during the day and wait until he actually needed backup. No sense making her walk the dwarf’s character around like some kind of animated puppet.
Anyway, he figured a boring trek inland would mean lots of conversation. And what did you say to a pretty woman?
That was a mystery he never had solved in his thirty-something years on earth, and he figured he wasn’t about to make a breakthrough any time soon. So he ran through the sand with the dwarf serenading them as they went.
And gold’s fair beauty tarnished,
Sons of the mountain, their birthright taken
Daughters of the hills, their wealth stolen
They’d reached the tree line when he heard sails catching the wind with a great whooshing sound. He turned around, and his jaw slackened in dismay. The pirate ship had weighed anchor, and now the wind was pushing her out of the bay. “What the bleep?”
