by C. J. Hill
He continued to embellish his story of good fortune and happy circumstances but Julia was not convinced; however, he was not asking for her help this evening, simply happy in his new situation, and enjoying feeling respected and successful. She was relieved to see him in such good humour and did not wish to ruin his mood for their short time together. She smiled and, allowing the matter of gambling to disperse, returned to the subject of the friends he had made and what else he expected to happen during his time in Meryton.
This he was delighted to discuss and mentioned with great affection all the officers, the Philips, the Bennets, and all their particular pleasant attributes; the expected festivities over the Christmas period to which the officers would be invited; and then finally, reluctantly, admitted the unfortunate coincidence that placed both him and Darcy once again within each other's sphere: the one blot upon his happy horizon.
"Mr. Darcy! He is in Meryton?" Julia stammered. "But why? Why? What is he doing there? Does he have some vengeance planned against you? Does he intend blackening your character?"
Wickham laughed. "No! Do not concern yourself, my dear. It is nothing of that nature. He could not have known I was in the village and, believe me, his shock at the learning of it equalled mine entirely. But it was all perfectly cordial and fleeting; we saw each other only in passing on the main street - he was on horseback and I was talking with a group of new friends - and we nodded at each other, and that was all. It was over in an instant.
“Nothing terrible is planned against me, I assure you. He is staying with his friend at Netherfield, just outside Meryton - I do not know for how long - but it is quite a coincidence indeed. I must say that he did not look as if he believed his eyes when he spied me at first." He laughed, more to convince Julia rather than in his remembrance of the actual meeting, "but he managed to perform with his usual stoicism and hauteur. No one else in the party suspected a thing."
Julia, still shocked, said, "I am sure he must have been discomfited by your appearance after such a short time since he forbade you any contact with him or his family. He must believe you to have flagrantly disregarded his instructions on that matter. My heart quite sinks when I remember the content of his letter to me. But even he must realise the unanticipated manner of your meeting - surely he cannot blame you for it."
"That is for him to worry about, not me," said Wickham, as Julia worriedly leant against him on the settee. "I am just as entitled to be in Meryton as is he; I have a job to do and I intend returning to it without any reference to him or his feelings upon the subject. He may leave and return to any of his houses should he wish to do so and thus avoid seeing me again. No one in Meryton has any opinion of him, he is not liked at all there; they think him very proud and unpleasant. It is fortunate indeed that he did not bring his sister with him. What concerns might he have had then!"
"Oh, do not jest so casually, George! I have not yet had a response from Georgiana and it pains me to think that she somehow blames me for her disgrace and her brother's anger against her. If she would only send me a line to say I am forgiven and all is well, it would so relieve my conscience. But, George, why would anybody in Meryton have such a bad opinion of a person they do not know? Has he made himself very unpleasant to the local people in such a short time?"
Wickham moved uncomfortably in the seat and did not answer immediately. Julia, feeling his resistance, sat up and looked at him. "George? What has made them so judgmental of Mr. Darcy? I hope you have not said anything about Ramsgate to them - Georgiana would be mortified and you would have broken your promise that was sealed with the payment from Mr. Darcy. Please tell me you did not speak of it, George."
"No, of course not! I have not mentioned anything of Ramsgate, my dear, I have only mentioned, to those who were willing to hear, my long acquaintance with him and his treatment of me over the years which, as you know, has not been of the most temperate nature. I find many people merely need only the smallest reason to take sides against the rich and powerful."
"Oh, George, why? Why would you still talk about him in such a manner and to those whom you have only just met? Why should they believe everything you have to say when it so severely maligns another person; a person so eminently well-connected and powerful? It cannot reflect well upon you in the end.
"While it is true he has not always been kind to you, your behaviour towards him and his family has not always been entirely considerate either, and, if you examine your own motives you must admit the truth of that. He has made every attempt to treat you honestly, has not he, even if his manner of doing so has been proud and dismissive? He did not refuse to pay the money for the living when you asked for it, and more, which should have set you up for life, had you been more prudent with it. And while he refused to pay off your gambling debts, you cannot hold that against him; there was no reason for him to do so even with your long association. And now that he believes you to have attempted a seduction upon his sister, and paid a great deal to deter you from that object, it is no great wonder that he continues with his very low opinion of you. But there is no reason for you to persist in maligning him to the general populace. It is too cruel, George, you must stop speaking of him in such a manner. You must let bygones be bygones and move on with your life now that you have a career to pursue."
As she spoke, she suddenly realised the very great pain George must have occasioned for Mr. Darcy over the years: when seen separately, they were egregious evidence of George's repeated failures, but when spoken of together and the limited timespan that contained the demands, the enormity of Mr. Darcy's generosity and patience with his former friend became evident. He had been forced to contribute to George's security and future twice, refusing one further demand, all within the space of the few years she had known George.
George stood up in the silence of her thoughts and moved away to stand with his back to the fire, tapping his leg as he composed his response to this unexpected attack.
"I had not thought that you would take his side against me in this manner, Julia. I had thought that you would have supported me, perhaps not in what I have said, if you do not agree with it, but at least in the fact that I have been misused most abominably by a childhood friend who has it within his power to assist me in life yet steadfastly refuses to do so. But it seems I have been mistaken.
"If he had agreed to confer the living upon me when I requested it two years ago, I would now be living a most comfortable life in the country, with nothing more to concern myself than the writing of sermons and the welfare of my parishioners. I would be far away from the temptations that I have had to face every day since adulthood and I blame his repeated refusal to agree to that living as the cause of my life following the path it has. I feel perfectly justified about the things I have said about him and his treatment of me; I have no compunction about how that makes others perceive him.
"It seems he has even managed to poison your mind against me; you see him as more worthy and generous than he is and evidently I cannot dissuade you from that. I will take my leave of you, Julia. I had hoped for a more pleasant end to our evening, but your high opinion of Darcy and your low opinion of me precludes that hope."
Julia rose in agitation, and a rising anger, determined not to allow selective memory to rationalise his actions.
"How can you keep saying that it is entirely due to Mr. Darcy's refusal that you are where you are today? You went to him with another idea in mind and rejected the living. You knew the living would not make you happy nor would it do any favours for the parish to which you might be assigned. You are not material for the church, George, you know it; Mr. Darcy knows it; and I know it. Stop pretending that you are and that a great injustice has been worked against you. Mr. Darcy has always treated you in an honourable manner but you have wasted every penny he has paid you and still you refuse to look to yourself and your own weakness.
"I have always suspected that you would have married me not only for love but also with an equal eye for my for
tune - not as great as that which you might have gained from Miss Darcy, which you honourably rejected in my favour - but substantial enough to keep you in the manner to which you believe yourself entitled, for a while at least until it was all run through when we would both be living by our wits."
"Oh! You have made sure that you should not suffer materially from our association, have not you, my dear? You have avoided the final commitment when I have made it perfectly clear about my honourable intentions towards you. But, no! You prefer to see it as a trap, an inevitable downward spiral into poverty to be blamed entirely upon me. And you have quietly furthered your own security while watching mine disintegrate. You have been clever indeed; most cautious. No one can claim Mrs. Younge is not a sensible person." He laughed mirthlessly as his words hailed down upon Julia.
They stood, facing each other across the hearth, both angry and speaking truths which had long lain dormant.
"And this is your true opinion of me, George? Your secret, long-held resentful opinion of me and my actions? Honourable intentions indeed. You believe that I should have married you when you returned from Pemberley with the money from the living, and added my hard-earned securities to yours? How many more coats and pairs of boots would you have purchased then, George? How much larger an apartment would you have felt reflected your new-found wealth? And just how long would that wealth have lasted? Would it have lasted any longer than the original? Unfortunately, we both know the answer to those questions.
"Your opinion of me is cruel and uncalled for. I have only ever supported and encouraged you to look to the future and your own security, but you have consistently refused to do so. Oh, you speak of great intentions, but actions are what matter, George. You cannot see any further than the amount of money you hold in your pocket, and, although you have not admitted to it, I have the feeling that the money in your pocket is, at this moment, running very low indeed even with the generosity of the Meryton merchants.
"At some point, George, they will expect payment, have no doubt about that. You seem to have learnt nothing from past experiences; you keep doing the same things but expecting different results. It is nonsensical and juvenile behaviour."
Wickham's handsome face closed in anger and hurt; he lashed out coldly one final time.
"Do not concern yourself about my education. I have learnt now, my dear. I have learnt now that to remain constant to you is not a sensible nor prudent decision for someone like me. There are many wealthy and worthy young ladies in Meryton eager to prove themselves eligible partners for an officer. Why should I not engage myself to one of them to ensure my security, which, as you point out, is so important? At least they will not harangue me about my past actions and perceived inability to succeed in life. At least they will not take sides against me and throw my failures in my face. They will be delighted, just as was Miss Darcy, to feel the warmth of my affection and regard."
Julia stood shocked.
This had always been her greatest fear, but now that it faced her, she accepted that she had always known that this would be George's only option in life. She had never really expected to keep him to herself without, or, perhaps even with, marriage. Deluded as he was by his upbringing, he lacked the diligence required by someone of his situation in life to earn for himself, and so required an easy way to provide for his many expensive tastes and entertainments. She had steadfastly refused to accommodate his weakness but other women would be delighted to do so; perhaps unwittingly but, nonetheless, he would be a handsome but costly catch for some eager, wealthy young woman.
"Go, then, George. You are free to choose yourself a wealthy wife: but without love, you will never be happy. Indeed, I do not know how you will ever be happy or content, George, always wanting and expecting more than you can have; always jealous of others' success. I can see now that I have been mistaken in your regard for me and my futile attempts to encourage you to become a happy and productive person. I have never done anything other than love and care for you but I will not condone your lies and resentments regarding Mr. Darcy; he has done more than enough for you but you refuse to see that. I also have done as much as I can for you, and you cannot see that either. How can I continue to be associated with someone who insists on nurturing such low and ungrateful opinions of me and others?
“I think you should leave now; there is nothing more to be said. Please leave."
Silence filled the infinite space that grew between them.
"As you wish. Good evening, Julia," Wickham said bitterly, and quietly closed the door behind him.
Chapter 18
Meryton society, in general, had not suffered from his short absence but, judging from the delight with which he was greeted upon his re-appearance in town, certain young ladies had clearly suffered considerably and they lamented loudly over his particular absence from the Netherfield ball.
"Mr. Wickham! You are returned! How do you do?" Lydia called loudly as soon as she spied him.
"Lydia! How many times must you be reminded to moderate your voice?" hissed Lizzy. "Do not call out like a market woman across the street - it is most unseemly."
Wickham crossed the street and greeted them all with great eagerness, happy to be the object of such friendly attention.
"Good day, ladies. Where are you bound this morning?"
"Nowhere in particular; we came into town to find you, Mr. Wickham!" giggled Lydia, completely ignoring her sisters' glares which, if she cared to notice - which she did not - had an element of very sharp daggers about them.
Elizabeth, withdrawing her glare from her sister, explained calmly, "We often walk into town when the weather allows it, and generally call upon our aunt Philips whilst we are here. Why do not you join us, Mr. Wickham?"
To this he eagerly agreed and accompanied the sisters to Mrs. Philips where they stayed above an hour, the main topic of conversation, of course, had to do with the ball and Mr. Wickham's absence from it.
"We were so very sorry that you had to miss it, Mr. Wickham," declared Lydia. "I was very disappointed, you know, as you promised faithfully to dance all night with me!"
Wickham struggled to hide his discomfiture at such a claim, but gallantly responded in kind.
"Much as I would dearly have enjoyed dancing with all the ladies of my acquaintance that night, I found that certain business required my immediate attention in Town and could not be postponed. Please forgive me for not keeping my word; it is something that I prize above everything."
"Oh, never mind." shrugged Lydia, "we all had a very happy time, I assure you. Captain Denny ensured we were not left alone for a minute."
"I am sure he was most happy to oblige. And were there many other gentlemen in attendance besides the officers?" he questioned.
"Oh, dear me, yes!" responded Kitty, eager to have her share of the conversation before her sister could edge her way in again. "Mr. Bingley had all of his London acquaintance there, even more than those whom we already knew; it really was a quite splendid evening and in such elegant company. The latest London fashions and manners were certainly being displayed - Lydia and I have quite decided that our next purchases shall be some extremely long feathers for our hair."
"I am sure that you all looked very handsome with or without feathers in your hair." Mr. Wickham rejoined politely, "and I hope that last night was not the only opportunity that I shall have to partner you in a dance."
Later, to Elizabeth, however, he voluntarily acknowledged that the necessity of his absence had been self-imposed for another reason entirely.
"I found," said he, "as the time drew near that I had better not meet Mr. Darcy; that to be in the same room, the same party with him for so many hours together, might be more than I could bear, and that scenes might arise unpleasant to more than myself."
Elizabeth highly approved his forbearance, and they had leisure for a full discussion of it as Wickham and another officer walked back with them to Longbourn, and during the walk he particularly attended to her. His acco
mpanying them was a double advantage; she felt all the compliment it offered to herself, and it was most acceptable as an occasion of introducing him to her father and mother.
Mrs. Bennet was highly delighted to make the acquaintance of Mr. Wickham, although she could not see why her most selfish daughter, who least deserved such attention should benefit from it, and she was not above airing her annoyance at that daughter just as soon as the gentlemen left.
"Indeed, Miss Lizzy, I see no reason why you should gain the attentions of such a charming young man when you have recently, and very thoughtlessly, refused an extremely eligible offer which would have stood this family in great stead had you had any consideration of them when making your decision. But, of course, there is nothing else to be said upon the matter; you and your father are against me and, indeed, Mr. Collins has been quite monopolised by Charlotte Lucas ever since - he is at Lucas Lodge at this very moment, you know. I should not be surprised if we do not see any more of your cousin before he leaves at the end of the week, he has been so greatly offended."
"Mamma! Do not continue to distress yourself." Lizzy cried, tired of her mother's dramatic predictions. "I am sure that Mr. Collins will recover very soon from his disappointment and imagined attachment to me; it rather surprises me that he chooses to stay with us any longer since he is so vexed with us all, but I must remember to thank Charlotte for so selflessly distracting his angry thoughts and entertaining him in his hour of need.
"But do not you think Mr. Wickham a most charming gentleman, Mamma? Would not you prefer him, rather than Mr. Collins, at your dining table?"
