He stared at me, silent, the vein continuing to pulse, and I knew. I just knew.
“Don’t tell him,” I said, my eyes locked on his but my words were for them. “Don’t. You’ll just fuck things up further. And it’s not your secret to tell.”
“Azzie,” Sasha finally broke their silence, that one word — the name that I had to use because they took my real one, repurposed it, just another thing I had to sacrifice — that word filled the space between Justice and me, crowded in between us. Distracted him. He blinked, looked at his sons, and walked away.
“Once he knows, he’ll back off,” Sev said against the top of my head. Luka and Sasha both nodded.
“No.” Back to the kicked puppy look on Luka, frustrated annoyance on Sasha, and Sev had stiffened against me, his arms pulling away just slightly but not leaving me altogether. I looked over at Tai and Spider who’d been silent this whole time, watching, and their faces were totally blank. They weren’t giving me anything. I suppose that meant they were letting me make up my own mind, without their influence one way or the other, which is good; it meant I was only going to visibly disappoint three of my boyfriends. “I hate being a fucking secret, you know that, but his opinion of me right now— knowing would only solidify it. It wouldn’t change his mind about me, it would just be justification for you being with me, and he’d never see me— differently.” I leaned in, lowering my voice to an angry hiss. “No, don’t look at me like that, Sasha. Is it too much to ask that your dad gets to decide whether he likes or dislikes me based on me, and not my goddamn—”
“Fine.” Sasha interrupted me, and then looked pointedly to someone sitting beside Sev, and I realized Lore had been there the whole time. Listening.
“Can I know your secret?” He asked, and it was teasing, but also not. He was trying to break the tension, but he was also testing me.
Turnaround is fair play.
“Can you keep a secret?” I asked, raising my hand up when Sev tried to protest. “And I mean it, you can’t tell anyone. No matter how much it eats away at you, no matter how— it’ll fuck you up, having to keep this secret, especially from your President, but it has nothing to do with the club and if you betray me, the consequences will be… more serious and far-reaching than you can imagine right now. If you betray me, it’s going to cost your club everything because I will walk away from here. I don’t owe any of you a goddamn thing.”
He stared at me, and I appreciated how long the silence stretched between us. He was considering what I said, deciding what was realistic. “Can I ask a question?”
I nodded, hesitant, not sure whether he was trying to get an answer through some loophole, something where he wouldn’t have to keep his promise like if he guessed it without—
“Can I talk to them about it, once I know?”
I blinked at him, a little stunned. That, right there, told me a lot about their cousin Lore. The side of my mouth curled up. “Yeah. Absolutely. But no one else, and only when no one else is around. If your uncle finds out because he happened to overhear something—” I made air quotes, and he rolled his eyes, “that’s the same as telling him directly.”
“Understood. He won’t hear it from me.”
“Does that mean you agree to my terms, and you understand the consequences?”
Before Lore could say anything, Sasha interrupted. “The consequences are more than that. If she walks away, we go with her.”
That shocked me, right there. That wasn’t— I didn’t expect that. This was their family, their club — “bros before hos” is like the biker credo, and that was drilled into them from birth. This was unprecedented, it would sever so many ties, destroy relationships— I told Justice that neither one of us wanted to know who they’d walk away from, but that was just me talking out of my ass because there was no way— I just assumed it would be me. Deep down, inside, I’ve always believed this was… temporary.
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this,” Lore was angry now, but not at me. He was glaring at Sasha, Luka, and Sev, as if he didn’t even recognize them, as if strangers were talking shit using their mouths. “This is— I can’t let this go, and you fucking know that. I have to tell him—”
“Just making it clear to you how serious this is, Lore,” Sasha shook his head. “You know us. You know we bleed sulphur. If you’re going through with this— it’s not a game. That’s how serious we are right now, so think carefully about whether you really want to know. It’ll all come out eventually, just be patient, and don’t put yourself in this position.”
“Fuck that,” Lore growled, leaning in towards Sasha, and also towards me, jabbing his finger at Sasha’s chest. “Now I have to know. Because right now, I don’t trust you at my back, thinking you’re going to choose p— your girl over us.” He focused on me now, all that anger— thinking his brothers might betray him over me, it was a stain spreading across the fragile fabric that was holding all of this together. I was destroying Sasha’s, Sev’s, and Luka’s relationships to their club and their family, I was an earthquake shattering their foundation, a force of destruction. “If you’re fucking pregnant, if all this is because one of them knocked you up—”
Oh. My. God.
It never occurred to me that someone would think that, but holeeee shit! That would make total sense from their perspective — Justice must think I’m knocked up, and now they’re stuck with me!
FUCK! I had to tell him the truth or he was never going to accept me, not really, and it would taint everything—
I barked out a laugh, bitter as gall, and peeled myself off of Sev. I had to find Justice. “Goddamn. Never even considered that. No, Lore. No. The study they joined was about me. The base they were on — a couple thousand soldiers were there to protect me.” I spotted Justice on the other side of the room, and said, distractedly, over my shoulder as I started my trajectory through the crowd, “The vaccine is made from my blood.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Azzie
I didn’t see anyone besides Justice, I was so single-minded in my determination to get to him, explain things properly, that I plowed through the drunken — or well on their way too it — bikers without a thought. They seemed to part before me like I was a scalpel against flesh, and I was in front of him within seconds, ignoring the sounds of my men trying to follow me, calling for me to slow down, maybe even trying to stop me.
No, no, no… no.
I had to fix this. He couldn’t go on thinking that they were turning against him, and all the values he’d instilled in them about loyalty, and honor — not for pussy, like he thought. Not if he thought I was here because I was pregnant. Not even for my magical vagina, which I’d someday like to truly believe was that special.
Better he knew I had magical blood instead. Let him think they chose me for that reason, it was better than the alternative.
I promised Luka I would try, and despite the tiny thrill I got from what Sasha said, I didn’t really want them to have to choose me over their family.
Justice was talking to the head of the local chapter — I already forgot the guy’s name — standing with Horse and two other men I barely saw let alone recognized. I hovered on the edge of the group, not wanting to interrupt and make things worse, but he was obviously ignoring me. I bounced on my heels, waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting.
I glanced behind me, seeing my men back at the bar — all of them watching me, including Lore who was rubbing his forehead like a massive headache had formed, but they were letting me handle this because it had to be done, and it had to be me. And I had to swallow down whatever humiliation he was going to heap on me until I could get him alone and explain. I owed them that.
The men kept talking, deliberately continuing the conversation, made worse by not even being able to discuss anything meaningful in front of me. I really wanted to just interrupt, stop this farce because it was wasting everyone’s time, but I couldn’t. I had to let it play out becaus
e right now we were tossing a live grenade between us, and I wasn’t about to be the one to pull the pin.
Finally, finally, Justice let out an exasperated curse and turned on me. “What?” he demanded, harshly, turning the full force of his anger and his authority on me. “What could you have to say that could possibly be so fucking important that you’ve got to interrupt us? I’m half a second away from dragging your ass out of here and sending you to your fucking room like the spoiled child you are!”
“Could I please speak to you privately? I understand you’re frustrated right now, but this really is important.”
“No.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I said no. I’m not fucking wasting my time following you around like a stray dog like— No. Say what you need to, and get the fuck out of my sight.”
I looked between him and the other president. I checked the patches on the cuts of all the men standing in our cluster, then realized it didn’t fucking matter because every man within ten feet was silent and waiting to hear what I had to say. Probably wishing they had popcorn right now.
I turned and looked back at my guys and shrugged — the best laid plans of mice and men… or Mouse and Azzie, in this case.
Since the rest of the room was going silent, I might as well take advantage of that. “I never wanted to be a secret anyway,” I called out to them. Sasha nodded solemnly. Sev smiled at me, a little smile, but his eyes were sad. Luka looked angry still, shaking his head and mouthing you don’t have to do this. Tai and Spider both nodded — I think they saw this coming.
Lore looked wrecked.
I turned back to Justice, who was watching everything with narrowed, rage-filled eyes. “Everyone calls me Azzie,” I said, waiting until he focused just on me with the force of all that fury, “but my real name, my full name, is Aesli Azrael Vokaty. The base your sons have been living on, the study they joined — it’s all about me. I have a rare disease, and it makes me different.” His anger was changing to confusion, and he glanced over at his sons again but apparently didn’t get anything helpful because he looked around at the men surrounding him. So I did too. They were all confused, and wary, and even edging back away from me and I realized what I said. “Oh! NO! I’m not contagious or anything. Seriously, a fuck-ton of people really wish I was, but I’m not. Not like that. And Lore thought I was pregnant, which you might too—” and I could see by his expression that yes, he very much did think that was the case, so I’m glad Lore and I had that conversation or things might have gotten much more fucked up in the meantime. “But I’m not. And it’s not really my vagina that’s magical.”
“What the fuck is going on right now?”
“Like I said, my name is Aesli. Like the vaccine, right?” Now he placed the name, now he began to understand, and his eyes widened in horror. “Yes. That disease I have, it makes me different. I survived being infected with JANUS,” twice, but who’s counting? “And my blood is loaded with antibodies. The vaccine is made with my blood — but they’ve been lying to me, saying it was being distributed, and I only just found out that it hasn’t been, and that’s why we’re here. I’m not pregnant, and your sons had to work their asses off to get me to trust them because after years of being kept sicker than I needed to be, so I could be used as a vending machine for vaccine, I’ve got a lot of issues. And, as you’ve probably figured out, I’m not exactly good with peopling or a pleasant person to be around most of the time. I’m a motor mouth, like you said, and I don’t have much of a filter because people are assholes and I’m too sick to tolerate the bullshit or drama. Your sons — all five of those men — proved themselves to me before they knew who I was, they showed me loyalty, respect, and care before ever knowing how valuable I am, and that’s why I’m here right now. Because you raised good men, honorable men, and they want to help me save the fucking world.”
I waited, and nothing. Dead silence. I looked around the room, and everyone in it was staring at me, mouths hanging open, eyes unblinking. In some cases, drinks poised halfway to their lips. I faced the room, looking at all of them. “The government kept me a secret, and they used the vaccine to control you. I’m not going to let them do that any longer. It’s fucked up though because I kinda have to be secret or they’ll find me and take me back, and kill whoever I’m with. So this is kind of a big deal. I need you all to protect me in a way, to not let them find out where I am, but in exchange, I’ll make you immune to the virus. I think that’s a fair trade, right?”
They started blinking, moving around. Looking at each other. Looking to Justice, who was a looming presence behind me. He stepped forward to stand just behind me, resting a hand on my shoulder, and I winced away without meaning to, but it was too late and he jerked his hand back and mumbled an apology before he spoke up, louder, his voice filling the room. “I think that’s a very fair trade. No one here is going to betray Azzie’s secret, right men?”
The tone of his voice. How calculating their expressions became… oh, no. Fuck this. This was NOT happening.
I spun around and glared up at him, seeing a mixture of awe and eagerness on his face that I was more than familiar with. I’d seen that look a hundred times before. I’d seen it on the face of every new doctor that went out of their way to introduce themselves to me but never asked for my name, as they practically rubbed their hands together in glee.
I’d seen it on the face of every person who was trying to think through all the various ways they were going to use me.
Justice was looking at me, not as a person, but as a commodity, and every man in the room — except mine — were on the same page.
“Stash Kolek,” I said, turning to him, and he flinched, both his eyebrows shooting up. “I’m speaking to you as one human being to another right now, without regard to age, place, or standing in this world. That is to say, no disrespect is meant when I tell you that I may look young, and I may seem fragile, but I am neither. And I’m certainly not stupid. Right now, you’re thinking to yourself that your sons have pulled off the ultimate con, they charmed this stupid little cow into following them home where you can milk her at your leisure. You’re thinking he who controls the spice controls the universe. You’re wrong, on all counts.” I spoke louder, making sure my voice carried. “Your sons — those five men there — earned my trust, and they earned my loyalty, and I’m here right now because I will not be used by anyone. What I can provide is not meant to be sold, used as incentive, or withheld to maintain a power structure or hierarchy. I will gladly give of myself to you and your family — all of your family — just as I intend to ensure that Spider and Tai’s extended family are safe as well before moving on to the rest of the people. But it will always be my choice. And mine alone. This blood is part of my body, and no one else gets to decide or dictate what I do with my body. I’m not a thing to be used, I’m not a cow to be milked. I am a fucking person who deserves respect and to be acknowledged as a human being in my own right. Are we clear?”
An eternally long moment passed as he considered me, and I wondered if this was when I ended up in a literal cage hooked up to a machine to extract my blood. “Crystal,” he finally said, reaching out a hand to cup my cheek, running the pad of his thumb along the crest; meeting my eye, for the first time, as acknowledged equals. “If you’re willing, I would like to bring you to my home. You’ll be safe there. You can decide what you want to do.”
“I’d like that very much,” I said, and everything was catching up with me because I felt like my knees were about to buckle from the relief I felt. I still didn’t fully trust him, but I was willing to give him a chance. For Sasha, and Luka, and Sev. And for me. I needed him to be this man, not the one from before. “And I really need to sleep soon too because I think my adrenaline just ran out. But first, I’d like to vaccinate all of you. Everyone in this room. It takes almost a week to be completely effective, so the sooner the better.”
It was a strategic move, the embrace he folded me into — I think h
e saw I was close to collapsing, and that would embarrass me at a time I needed to show strength and backbone. He curled over and hugged me, and chuckled softly into my hair.
“Jesus Christ, you’re a handful. My boys did good.”
“Please. I did all the work,” I said, and it was muffled by his cut but he heard me anyway, and laughed harder.
Spider
Sev and Tai had gone with one of the locals to take Azzie someplace safe and warm to get some sleep. It was a weird game we played, trading off who goes where — the triplets obviously knew more of the customs, these being their people, so them looking out for her made more sense. They can read signs, look at discrepancies in language, behavior, etc. — read the room, if you will — to protect Azzie best, but there was also a political element to their presence: they needed to be seen as part of the club.
It was all a very fine balancing act that had us trading off “representation” in different discussions and actions like we were allied factions and not five paranoid motherfuckers with a girlfriend under constant threat, because we’d all decided early on that she should always have at least two of us nearby. Although it would make sense for it to be two of them with her, it also made more sense for all three of them to be sitting down and having a beer with their dad and the others. Instead, Sev was with Tai and Azzie, and I was sitting awkwardly at the table, listening and observing, and hoping I didn’t cross any invisible lines.
Book of the Lost: AAV-07d25-11: (A reverse harem, post-pandemic, slow-burn romance) (The JAK2 Cycle, Book 3) Page 27
