Donna felt a huge wave of sadness overtake her and the tears came, startling and quick as they rolled down her cheeks once more. She felt herself being pulled gently into his arms, and he held her tenderly while she cried.
“Hush, baby,” he whispered as he held her. “It's all going to work itself out, I promise.” She curled up in his arms and Cory tightened his hold, pulling her in closer, lightly stroking her hair. Then he placed his fingers beneath her chin and gently lifted her face to his. Softly brushing his lips over her cheek, he slowly kissed away her tears in the darkness. And when she pressed her lips to his, Cory didn't hesitate. He kissed her deeply, slowly letting his tongue stroke hers as he held her so close.
Their lovemaking was slow and sweet, fevered with uncertainty, tempered with fear. Both eager to reassure the other, but neither of them really knowing how. And as they lay panting in each other's arms, Cory whispered, “I love you, Donna. No matter what. I will always love you, baby.”
She kissed his chest. “I love you too. Always.”
Chapter Ten
Cory woke early the next morning but lay very still, so as not to wake Donna. He was afraid to move a muscle for fear of disturbing her. He wanted to lay there and hold her in his arms for as long as he possibly could and pretend that all was right in their world. Their talk the night before hadn't ended the way he hoped it would. He had wanted her to agree that making movies was causing too much time apart. He had wanted her to say that she wanted a baby right now, and that she would quit this movie and devote her time to starting their family. He had known it was a long shot, but he couldn't help himself. The heart wants what it wants.
As he held her in the stillness of the morning, he allowed his mind to drift back to when they had first met. He had gone home with her after they met at that party, and ended up staying for two full weeks. On about the third or fourth day of that two-week stay, he had woken up in her bed to find her propped up on her elbow and staring down at him.
~~~~~
“Were you watching me sleep?” he had asked, feeling exposed somehow.
“Yep,” she said, giving him that sassy smile he had come to love in such a short amount of time. “And you looked so adorable. Your eyes flutter when you're dreaming. And you smile.”
Cory laughed slightly at her words, and he could feel himself blush a little as he stared up at her.
“I bet our little boy is going to look just like that when he's sleeping too,” she said sweetly. And Cory had felt his heart lose its footing and tumble down into his stomach.
“Our little boy?” he questioned softly.
“Mmm hmm. The one we're going to have in about three years, after you marry me in the sweetest little intimate ceremony. Just family and close friends, you know?” she smiled. “None of that pretentious, star-studded, Hollywood stuff for us, with paparazzi everywhere and a thousand guests we barely know!”
“You got it all figured out, huh?” he asked, smiling nervously as he felt himself falling even more in love than he already was.
“Mmm hmm. I even know what his name is.”
“His name?”
“Yep. Devlin Dutton. Sounds like a future movie star, doesn't he?” she smiled brightly.
“Oh, I don't know,” Cory said, warming to her game. “He kinda sounds like a future rock legend to me.”
She had giggled at him. “Well, I guess I wouldn't mind too much if he wanted to follow in his daddy's footsteps.”
~~~~~
He smiled at that memory now as he held her sleeping form in his arms. They had fallen in love instantly, and in just three days' time, she'd had their entire future planned out. And Cory bought into it without question or hesitation. She had painted such a sweet picture of what their future could look like that morning, and he wanted it so badly. And they were right on schedule. He had proposed at the two-year mark. They'd had the cozy, intimate wedding with their closest friends and family. All that remained was the promised little boy. They were still on track! Until Donna suddenly decided to alter that picture she had painted. Until she decided that she wanted to be the future movie star.
He tightened his arms around her, suddenly feeling as though she were slipping from his grasp. Closing his eyes tightly, he shuddered at that thought as he held her close, gently kissing the top of her head. He loved her so much. All he wanted was to make her happy. To be with her and to love her and raise a family with her, and to make her happy. Why had that suddenly become so complicated?
He felt her stir slightly in his arms, and he looked down to see her eyes flutter open. She didn't say anything for the longest time, choosing instead to simply snuggle closer to him, and Cory tightened his hold on her even more, squeezing her gently to him.
“Tighter,” she whispered.
He complied, crushing her to him as he turned over slightly, pressing the full length of his body against hers, wedging her between himself and the mattress. They held this position for several languid minutes, and Donna savored every single one of them as she breathed in deep the scent of him.
Cory lifted his head to look down at her. “Baby, I'm sorry,” he whispered. “About last night, I mean. About our argument.”
“Don't, Cory,” she said softly, looking up into his eyes. “I'm not sorry. We both said things that needed to be said. Things we each needed to hear.”
“I'm not sure we settled anything though,” he said softly.
Donna gave him a defeated look. “Do you really feel that way?” she asked sadly. “I thought we had cleared the air. I thought we'd gotten back on the same page about things.”
Cory shifted slightly, loosening their tight embrace as he fixed her with a surprised frown. “Baby, we agreed that you weren't going to keep things from me anymore. We agreed that we were going to have better communication from now on. As far as I'm concerned, that's the only thing we settled.”
“And what you said about us building both of our careers and a family?” she asked. “You didn't mean that?”
Cory sighed and let go of her as he moved to sit up. Propping up the pillows, he sat back against the headboard as she slowly sat up next to him, pulling the sheets up over her breasts. He was quiet for several seconds as he thought about last night's conversation. “Donna, do you remember the first time we ever talked about getting married?” he asked her quietly as he stared down at his hands, twisting the platinum wedding band around his finger.
Donna thought for a moment, and then nodded her head. “Yes. We were in bed together at my old place. That was shortly after we'd first met, and I said that we were going to have a small intimate wedding about three years into the future,” she smiled.
“No. You said we were going to have a little boy three years into the future,” he reminded her, still focusing on the band around his finger. “After the small intimate wedding with close friends and no paparazzi.”
Donna said nothing as she stared at him, astounded, as the entire conversation suddenly came flooding back to her. She had been watching him sleeping, and imagining a precious baby boy with his blue eyes, sleeping sweetly in her arms. She had even named him. She couldn't believe Cory had remembered that.
“Cory,” she whispered.
“That's the dream you sold me on, baby,” he said softly, turning to look into her eyes. “The one I've been holding onto ever since. And I guess … I guess I just always thought that you were too. It never occurred to me that you might find another dream instead.”
She didn't know what to say. He looked so lost, and so disappointed. Last night he asked her if she thought he was being selfish. But now, Donna wondered if maybe she wasn't being a little selfish too.
“It's not an easy thing to willingly give up on a dream,” he continued, his voice full of emotion. “But if you're telling me that you can't do this right now … for whatever reason … and you promise me that we will have that little boy, someday …” He hesitated to finish his sentence as his voice faltered and his eyes grew moist. “T
hen yeah. I will support your movie career dreams. I'll set my dream aside so you can pursue yours.”
Donna stared at him, feeling very small and self-centered, as a single tear escaped and ran silently down his cheek. He looked broken. What had she done to him?
He sniffed, quickly wiping his face and turning away, focusing on his hands once more. “I will do anything to make you happy, Donna.”
“Cory,” she breathed, reaching up her hand to caress his face. “Baby, look at me,” she pleaded as she moved closer to him, nearly climbing into his lap as she gently took his face in both her hands. “I don't want you to give up on that dream! It's a beautiful dream to have, Cory. And it's a dream that I share. I want that little boy as badly as you do! I don't want you to give that dream up or set it aside; I just want us to change the timeframe on that dream. That's all! That's all I'm asking.”
He nodded his head as he stared into her eyes. “Okay,” he whispered. But he couldn't help feeling as though they were suddenly in danger of losing everything.
“Cory,” she whispered tearfully, still caressing his face. “I feel like I'm breaking your heart.”
He slowly shook his head, offering her a small sad smile as he held her in his arms. “The only way you could break my heart is if you left me, Donna,” he said softly. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she whispered, softly kissing his lips. Then she looked up into his eyes. “Will you do me a favor?”
Cory nodded his head.
“Would you please hold me again?” she quietly asked. “Like before? Just … hold me until I have to go. Please?”
Without a word, Cory moved, scooting back down the bed and lying back against the pillows. Then he took her into his arms and held her tightly, gently squeezing her body to his. He held her close for over an hour as they lay in silence, each of them alone with their own thoughts. And when they finally got up and got moving, they didn't say much. They showered separately. And when they sat down to eat breakfast, Donna's stomach was much too bilious to even attempt the Eggs Benedict that Cory had ordered for her. The very sight of it nearly made her retch.
“You haven't touched your food,” Cory said, finishing up his egg-white omelet.
“I'm sorry,” she sighed, covering her plate with the serving lid.
“Was something wrong with it?”
“No. It just … didn't look very appetizing to me,” she said quietly.
“I'm sorry, babe,” he frowned at her. “I just ordered what I know you like.”
“I know.”
“Do you want me to get you something else?” he asked.
“No. Forget it,” she said, waving him off. “I couldn't eat anything anyway. All the stress has been wreaking havoc on my stomach lately. I guess I'm just too upset right now.”
Cory sighed as he looked at her. Then he leaned in and took her hand. “I don't want you to be upset and stressed out, baby. Not over our issues. I mean, there's no reason to be anymore. We've settled things. You got what you wanted; we're going to wait to have a family.”
For some reason, his words only made things worse, and Donna couldn't help herself. “I got what I wanted?” she repeated defensively. “You make me sound very self-absorbed and calculating.”
Cory sat back, letting go of her hand as he stared at her in frustration. “Donna, that is not what I meant. If you're feeling self-absorbed and calculating, maybe that's your conscience talking. Isn't that what you told me last night when I said you thought I was being selfish?”
She didn't respond. But she felt her face flush slightly, and she knew he was right.
“All I said was that you don't have any reason to be upset. You got what you wanted. You should be happy,” he told her.
“I should be happy,” she agreed. “But I can't, because now I'm wondering if you're going to make feel guilty about this for the rest of our lives.”
“Damn it, Donna, what do you want from me?” he asked, wearing a completely bewildered expression. “You begged me to understand after you arbitrarily made a decision that we should have made together! You all but forced me to accept a situation that I don't like and I don't want to be in. And I've done it. I've tried to understand your reasons for postponing our family. I've accepted the fact that it's not going to happen for us for at least two years. Probably longer if your movie career is successful! I have done what you've asked me to do. And I was being sincere when I said you should be happy. So, if you're feeling guilty, don't look at me. 'Cause that shit's on you!”
He stood abruptly and walked to the window, looking out at the street below them and feeling so confused. What was happening to them? Why couldn't they seem to pull out of this tailspin they'd somehow gotten caught up in? That's all Cory wanted. To make things right between them again. He wanted to go back to that perfect moment when he had carried her over the threshold. Or back further still, to the moment he had slipped the matching platinum wedding band on her finger. Or the moment when she had said, “Yes, baby! I'll marry you!”
Donna stood and rushed to the bathroom, her body suddenly wracked with dry heaves. She stood at the sink for several minutes as her stomach lurched uncontrollably. And she felt the tears sting her eyes as she turned on the faucet and began splashing cold water on her face. She felt a gentle hand on her back, and when she looked up, Cory was at her side, rubbing her back and offering her a clean hand towel to dry her face. The worry in his eyes touched her as she accepted the towel and began patting her face with it.
“Baby, I don't want you to worry yourself sick over this,” he said softly, still lightly rubbing his hand over her back. Then, taking her face in his hands, he stared into her eyes. “We are fine. Okay? We've settled things, and I'm good with our decisions, alright? I don't want you to stress out about this. I don't want you to feel guilty, or to think that I'm trying to make you feel that way. I love you, baby! All I want is your happiness, Donna. I will wait however long you need me to wait, okay? I mean that!”
“Oh, Cory!” She fell into his arms and he held her tightly. And as they stood clinging to each other, they heard the knock on his hotel room door, and they both knew that their time together was up. “I have to go,” she whispered.
“I don't suppose there's any way I could talk you into staying until we leave Detroit?” he asked, still holding her in his arms.
Donna looked at him with a sad smile. “I promised Ken I'd be back by this afternoon. I'm sorry,” she said tearfully.
“Don't be sorry,” he whispered, kissing her forehead. “You just go finish your movie. And remember how proud I am of you.” He kissed her lips gently, and then left the bathroom. He crossed the room to the door of his suite and opened it.
“Morning, Mr. Dutton.”
“Good morning, Ron,” he greeted his wife's bodyguard. “Donna will be right out.” The large man nodded his head and then stepped back to lean against the wall of the hallway as Cory closed the door again. He turned to see Donna gathering her overnight bag, and he watched as she fished her dark sunglasses out of it.
“I'm sorry this visit ended up being so tense,” she said softly as she approached him. “I wanted it to be fun and sexy.”
He reached out and caressed her face as he studied her eyes. “It was fun and sexy.”
“Until we started talking,” she smiled sadly.
“We needed to talk,” he said simply. “I'm not sorry you came, Donna. I needed to see you in the worst way. Then I looked up and there you were, like magic! Thank you for showing up when I needed you.”
She smiled at him. “How do you always say the exact thing I need to hear?”
He kissed her deeply for a moment. “I want you to promise me that you're going to take care of yourself, okay? Promise me that you're going to stop stressing over our talk, hmm? I meant what I said, baby. We've settled things and I'm good with it. Alright?”
She nodded her head at him.
“Okay. I love you, Mrs. Dutton.”
“
I love you so much, Mr. Dutton.”
They shared a lingering passionate kiss before they stepped out into the hallway. Then he took her by the hand and walked her slowly to the elevator. And as she and her bodyguard stepped inside, Cory looked into her eyes and mouthed a silent “I love you.”
Donna returned his silent declaration of love, and then blew him a kiss, slipping on her dark sunglasses as the elevator doors closed.
When she was gone, Cory slumped against the wall, feeling as though he'd been run over by a freight train. In just twenty-four hours he had gone on one hell of a rollercoaster ride of emotions and his head was spinning. He took a huge deep breath as he pushed against the wall, his body feeling like lead as he righted himself and slowly began to meander back down the hallway toward his suite.
As usual whenever Jagged Ivory was on tour, they had rented out the entire floor of the hotel they were staying in, and the guys were in the habit of propping their doors open during the day so that they could wander in and out of each other's rooms freely. It was a practice that began during their first tour when the hotels they stayed in weren't all that nice. But they continued the practice now that the band was routinely booked into five-star places because it cut down on that claustrophobic, cabin fever feeling one usually got when staying in hotel room after hotel room. Plus, they had just always enjoyed each other's company. When they first started the band and began getting together to rehearse, they each quickly discovered four kindred spirits in their bandmates. Their mindset that they were a family, not a band formed early on. They knew some bands whose members didn't hang out together, but they simply couldn't understand that.
As Cory dawdled down the hallway feeling abandoned and sort of lost, he heard laughter coming from a doorway to his left and he wandered in, not really knowing whose suite it was. It didn't matter. When he stepped into the room he was greeted by the welcoming smiles of his brothers in rock. Noah and Otis were sprawled across the bed watching the action as Buzzy and Benji sat in chairs in front of the TV, battling it out on the Xbox that Benji always traveled with.
The Essential Jagged Ivory (Jagged Ivory Boxed Set) Page 33
