“Yes. Thank you,” Buz answered.
“Keep your phone on; keep your phone charged,” Mike said. “And if you need anything … anything at all … you let us know about it, alright?”
Buz nodded again. They all stood up then, everyone giving him an encouraging hug or pat on the back as they asked questions and wished him luck. He spent what was left of the morning hanging out with Otis and Benji and Fae as they listened to him talk about Bobby and what it was like to meet him. Then when the guys started to get themselves ready to board the bus, he made his way back to his room and packed his things. He knew that he and his bodyguard could very well be coming back to this hotel later, but they would get other rooms. And if things went really poorly with Janie, they could be on the road to Toledo in just an hour or two.
He met his bodyguard, Shawn, in the hallway as he was saying goodbye to the others. They all traveled down to the back of the hotel together, and after another quick goodbye they loaded up. While the guys – plus Mercy and Fae – climbed into the tour bus, and Mike and Alison into the back of a limo, Buzzy and Shawn climbed into a black Cadillac SUV and got underway. They drove directly to Janie's house, his mind swirling endlessly the entire way, thinking about Mike's words about paternity tests and parental rights. He had no clue what he was getting himself into. All he knew for certain was that he needed to know the truth, good or bad. The truth about the little boy, and the truth about why Janie had left him so abruptly. He needed answers.
They pulled up across the street from Janie's house just in time to see her pulling into the driveway. And Buzzy was taken aback by the car she was driving. He hadn't paid much attention to it when he was here before, but now he was fixated on it. An ugly, white, beat up, old Olds Cutlass. The thing was covered in dings and rust, and it looked as though it might fall apart at highway speeds.
He watched as she and Bobby got out of the car and headed into the house. And the longer he stared at that car, the angrier he got. Why had she never contacted him for help when she could obviously use a little? The damn car smoked for Christ's sake; it couldn't be safe! And the house. Now that he looked at it more closely, from the outside it needed a lot of work. The paint was severely chipped, a few of the gutters needed totally replaced, the concrete on the porch steps was crumbling and needed mending. He didn't remember it looking so run down before. And as he thought about it, it dawned on him that she obviously hadn't wanted him to ever be a part of this kid's life. Otherwise, she wouldn't have hesitated to seek him out for a little monetary assist. The thought pissed him off, and he had to take a few moments to gather himself before getting out of the car.
“I don't know how long I'll be, so you might as well come in,” he told his bodyguard.
“Yes, sir.”
They got out of the SUV and crossed the street to the house, and Buzzy veered off to the driveway to get a closer look at Janie's car. He walked around it, examining it more closely. The tires were really bad. All four of them were worn nearly bald and completely unsafe. At the very least, she could use a whole new set. He rolled his eyes and continued on to the house.
He could feel his heart pounding out a frantic beat as he climbed the steps to the porch, and he took a deep breath before he reached out and knocked on the door. His heart continued to beat wildly, and when the door was opened, her proximity took his breath away. Why did she always have to look so damn beautiful?
“Robby.” Her voice was surprised, and her eyes told him that she hadn't been expecting to see him again.
“Janie,” he said in quiet greeting, his eyes glued to hers.
“What are you doing here again?” she asked softly.
“Seriously? You don't think we have a few things we need to talk about?” he asked with a slight attitude as he looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
“Robby, I …”
“Hi Mr. West!”
They were interrupted by Bobby's cheerful little voice, and they both looked down to see him standing next to Janie, all smiles. And Buzzy felt himself smile back, giving in to the child's contagious good nature.
“Hi there, Bobby. It's good to see you again.”
“Are you here to visit my mom again?” the child asked.
“Yes, I am,” Buz answered. “But I'm here to visit you too. Is that okay?”
“Yeah,” the kid nodded, and Buzzy looked back up at Janie.
“You gonna invite me in?” he asked her.
Janie hesitated a moment as the fear and uncertainty ran rampant through her mind. Why was he here again? What did he want? “Of course,” she said softly. But before she could open the door, Bobby grabbed at the handle and stopped her.
“Wait! You're not a vampire, are you?” Bobby asked cautiously, his eyes wide with suspicion.
“What?” Buz smiled at him.
“Bobby!” Janie chided.
“Well, vampires have to be invited in, Mom,” he exclaimed, looking up at his mother. “They can't come in unless you invite them first!”
Buzzy laughed at his very logical explanation. “Well, I promise you, Bobby … I am not a vampire.”
“What about him?” he said, pointing to Buz's bodyguard. And the large African American man smiled at the child.
“Oh, Shawn? Nah, he may look a little pale, but he's not a vampire either. I swear.”
“Are you sure?”
“Robert Andrew!” Janie's voice was admonishing.
“I promise,” Buz said raising his hand.
“Okay,” the kid said with a pout as he let go of the door handle. “You can come in.”
The minute Buz stepped into the house he was transported back in time. The inside hadn't changed all that much. He saw most of the same furnishings from eight years ago, even the old sofa with the big floral pattern. The only new addition he noticed was all the paraphernalia that came along with almost eight-year-old boys – toys and books and abandoned sneakers lying about everywhere.
“Um, can I get you anything?” Janie asked nervously as she led them toward the kitchen.
“No, thank you.”
“And you, Mr. …” Her voice trailed off as she looked back and realized that the bodyguard had taken a seat in the small living room and was basically ignoring them.
“Oh, that's Shawn. Don't mind him, he's just … sort of my shadow.”
“Oh,” Janie said quietly, turning her attention to Bobby for a moment. “Um, sweetheart, would you mind going to your room or out in the backyard to play while Mr. West and I talk for a few minutes?”
“Okay,” Bobby said with his now familiar pout. “See ya later, Mr. West.”
“Yeah, I'll see you,” Buz said as he walked away. “Hey, Bobby?”
“Yes, sir?”
Buzzy hesitated a moment. “Um … it was great to see you again,” he smiled, looking the child in the eye. His smile grew bigger as the boy grinned at him. “And it's great that you're being so vigilant about not inviting vampires in. That's good looking out, man,” he said, holding out his fist. Bobby looked at him oddly for a moment, and Buz wasn't sure he understood the gesture. But then his little face erupted into the biggest smile Buz had seen from him, and he pounded his fist with his own.
“Bye, Mr. West,” he called as he ran through the kitchen and out the back screen door.
When he was gone, Janie turned toward the cupboard and pulled out two glasses. Silently, she went about the task of pouring them each a glass of cold lemonade, and Buz could tell that her actions were born from extreme nervousness.
“He seems like a great kid,” he said quietly.
“I like him,” she said lightly as she set a glass down on the table for him and then pulled out a chair to sit down. “Won't you sit down?”
Buzzy pulled out a chair as his eyes moved slowly around the kitchen. And he smiled slightly to himself as he thought about all the meals he had eaten in this room with Janie and her mom back then. He took a deep breath as he sat down. He couldn't let those memories make him
nostalgic right now. He had to stay focused on why he was here. He had come back for a reason, to get the answers he needed.
“Where's his father?” he asked, getting right to the point, and purposely looking to Janie's hands for any sign of a wedding ring. There was none. And Janie looked up at him, startled. “Well, you say he's not mine, so … it seems like a fair question.”
“Well, it's not a fair question, Robby,” Janie replied as her cellphone started to ring. Distractedly, she pulled it out of her pocket and silenced it as she glanced at the caller ID.
“Sure it is,” he countered, holding her gaze. “I have reason to believe that Bobby is my son. But you say differently. So, I want proof.”
“Proof?” Her voice sounded incredulous, and Buz could tell that he had taken her by surprise with that one.
“Yeah. Proof,” he repeated as his fingers drummed lightly and rhythmically on the table. “Show me a birth certificate, Janie. Or better yet … why don't we just get a paternity test? We'll clear this right up.”
“What?”
“My manager, Mike, he's an attorney. He said that's the first step I need to take if I want to pursue this.”
“Pursue what?” Janie asked loudly as she felt the panic begin to take hold in her heart. “What are you talking about Robby?”
He stared at her for a long moment. “All I'm talking about right now is answers, Janie. I need answers,” he said, looking into her eyes with an intense scowl. “And if I have to go to court to get them, I will.”
Janie sat staring at him in complete disbelief. Court? Was he serious? Was he trying to take Bobby away from her?
“You can't mean that,” she practically shouted. “You want to take me to court?”
“No! I don't want to take you to court, Janie,” Buz insisted. “What I do want is answers. I want the truth! I want the truth about Bobby and I want the truth about you and me! I just want you to talk to me and tell me the truth. Can you do that?”
“Fine,” she said loudly, trying not to get emotional. But she was scared. She didn't like the way Robby was talking about attorneys and courts. Why was he here? Why had he come back? She stood up anxiously and began pacing around the small kitchen. “What do you want me to say, Robby? You want to hear that Bobby is yours? Fine. Bobby is your son.”
There was a long silent pause as they stared at each other.
“That's it? That's all I get from you?” Buz asked as her phone rang again. And again, she ignored it.
“What else do you want me to say?”
“I want the truth, damn it,” he yelled. “I want an explanation!”
“Please keep your voice down,” she begged him, glancing first out toward the living room, and then out the window to the backyard.
“What? You don't want Shawn to know you've been lying to me for the last eight years!”
“Look, Robby, I get that you're upset, and you have every right to be mad at me, okay? But he doesn't need to hear it this way,” she said, gesturing toward the backyard. “Please.”
Buzzy glared at her as he took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. Then he stood up and walked toward her as he said, “I'll keep my voice down. But you need to start talking, Janie. Why would you keep something so important from me? Why didn't you tell me that we had a son?”
“Robby, please … try and understand …”
“Why didn't you want me to be a part of his life, Janie?” Buzzy asked, feeling more than a little hurt. “Was I such a horrible person? I mean, did you think I would be a lousy father for him? Was that it?”
“No! Of course not!”
“Because you sure as hell never asked me for any help,” he continued. “Even though you could clearly use the extra money!”
“Hey! I do a good job taking care of our son, okay?” Janie snapped. “We may not have much, but I work hard and we do alright. I never wanted your money, Robby. That's why I didn't tell you about him. Because I didn't want you to feel obligated,” she said tearfully. “I never wanted to trap you! You had so many dreams back then, Robby, and so much talent to go along with them! And I never wanted to stand in the way of that! I didn't want to keep you from your dreams. Can't you understand that?”
“Janie, you were my dream!” He said passionately as he stepped closer to her, wanting desperately to touch her as he stared down into her eyes intently. “I love you. And I can't believe that you didn't understand that!”
His words stopped her in her tracks and his intensity took her breath away as she stared up at him. The sincerity she saw burning in his eyes was overwhelming. He said 'love.' I love you. Present tense. Did he mean that, or was it a slip of the tongue?
“Robby …”
The back screen door opened suddenly and Bobby came rushing in, interrupting their tense moment.
“Mom, can I have a snack?” he asked, looking at Janie expectantly.
She quickly turned away from him for a moment, wiping at her eyes and trying to pull herself together. And she could feel Robby's eyes on her and his breath on her skin as he stood so close.
“Um … sure, honey,” Janie said, stepping away from Buzzy nervously. “Only choose something small okay so you won't spoil your dinner.”
“Can I have apples and dip?”
“Yes,” she mumbled, going to the fridge and retrieving a small package of sliced apples and caramel dip.
Buzzy's eyes followed her around the kitchen as she moved; he couldn't help himself. As angry as he was, he was still so mesmerized by her. Still so wrapped up in her. He wanted to reach out and take her into his arms, like he had done the other night backstage after the concert. He wanted to kiss her, and hold her and tell her that he had never stopped loving her.
He was so caught up in watching her that he didn't notice Bobby watching him. The child stared at him intently, looking over every inch of him with great care. He was tall. Much taller than his mother. And he was strong looking, like Tony Stark. His hair was very long, Bobby decided. Almost as long as his mother's was, and every bit as dark. And he had a tattoo on his right forearm, a picture that Bobby didn't understand – a string of flowers wrapped around two sticks. He frowned as he studied it. But he liked Mr. West's eyes. They were nice. They crinkled whenever he smiled. And they were the same color as his own.
“Can Mr. West and his friend stay for dinner?” he asked when his mom turned to hand him his snack. And Buzzy smiled at the question.
“Oh … honey, I … I'm sure that Mr. West has other things he needs to do today,” Janie stammered quietly.
“Actually, visiting with you and Bobby is all I'd planned to do today,” Buz spoke up, looking her in the eye. He wasn't about to let her off the hook that easily. Yes, he had gotten her to admit that Bobby was his son. But they still had a lot that needed to be said between them. He still wanted answers about why she had left him. And if nothing else, things about Bobby needed to be decided and agreed upon.
“Oh.” Janie was caught off guard by his response. He really meant to hash this out, didn't he? “Well, in that case … Bobby and I would love for you to join us if you'd like,” she offered softly.
“I'd like that very much,” Buz answered, holding her tense gaze. Then he turned to Bobby and said, “Thank you for the invitation, Bobby.”
Bobby smiled at him. “You wanna come see my room?” he asked, chewing a mouthful of apple. “We can play with my video games.”
Buzzy could feel himself smiling from ear to ear. “I would love to come play with you,” he answered. “Um … I mean if … if that's alright with your mom,” he added quietly, losing the smile as he looked over at Janie.
“Can we, Mom?”
Her heart was pounding. Her son was asking if it was okay to spend some time alone with his father. A father he had no clue about. A father she had kept from him because she had thought she was doing the right thing for all of them. Find your voice, Janie.
“Yes … yes, of course, you can play with Mr. West,” she said q
uietly. Mr. West? She inwardly rolled her eyes at the thought. “In just a moment, okay? You go on to your room and I'll show Mr. West there in a moment.”
“Okay,” he said, turning to leave the room.
When he was gone Janie looked at Buz imploringly. “Robby, please … don't say anything to him just yet,” she whispered. “We should talk about this first. About what this will all mean for him.”
Buz frowned slightly at her. “Janie, I would never spring this on him. That's not why I'm here.”
“Why are you here?” she asked, looking into his eyes. “Now that you know about him … what do you want?”
“How can you ask me that?” Buzzy asked in a harsh whisper, looking at her with the most perplexed expression. “He's my son, Janie. He's our son. I just want to know him. I want to get to know him. Am I not allowed to do that?”
They stared at one another for a long, silent moment, each of them searching the other's eyes. Finally Janie looked away, feeling so confused.
“Bobby's bedroom is down the hall to the left,” she said softly.
“In your old room,” he replied quietly.
Janie closed her eyes and smiled at the irony of that. The room where they had spent so many nights in each other's arms. The room where their son had most likely been conceived.
“Yes,” she nodded.
Buz hesitated a moment as he watched her. And then he turned, leaving the kitchen and venturing down the short hallway. He knocked lightly on the partially open door and stuck his head in. Bobby was sitting on the floor of his room with his back against the side of the bed, eating his apple slices and playing a game on a small computer tablet. He looked up and smiled as Buz entered the room.
“Hey. Whatcha doing?”
“Just playing a game,” he said, handing the device to Buz as he knelt down and sat beside him on the floor.
“LeapPad, huh? No Nintendo?” Buzzy asked with a smile.
“No,” Bobby said, pouting again. “I asked for one, but Mom said it cost too much money.”
Buzzy frowned slightly at the kid's words, and it pissed him off once more. The thought of Janie struggling to take care of their child when all she had to do was come to him. She obviously knew that he was doing well; she had shown up backstage at a Jagged Ivory concert after all. But even if he hadn't been making rock star money, he was still the kid's father. So why hadn't she contacted him for help?
The Essential Jagged Ivory (Jagged Ivory Boxed Set) Page 64
