by Teri Terry
I breathe in deeply and check the time: he only sent that ten minutes ago. Maybe he can’t sleep either.
I’m good and kind of tiger-striped. How are you? Where are you?
I wait, tapping my fingers, hoping he is still there. A message pings in.
I love all cats, but especially tigers. I’m me: I’m always good. Where–well. You’ll just have to guess. Is your friend still with you?
It sounds like he doesn’t want to answer on this forum; he’s not sure if he can trust it. So I won’t either. And by “friend” he must mean Kai. Yes. I mean, usually–he’s doing something–not right now.
Is he okay?
I hesitate. Yes. I think so.
I’ve met his ex. Well, at a distance. So I know you found her, that they split.
And now I know where he is: Kai was right. If JJ has met Shay, he must be with Multiverse. I’m surprised that these two parts of my life have somehow joined up. And yet I’m also not surprised at the same time: they’re survivors. They need each other.
Is she all right? And what do you mean–at a distance?
She seems to be. We can do amazing things these days: come. Find out for yourself.
He’s being deliberately vague. Is he being cautious still, or is he teasing me by hinting at details? Have they worked out a new way to communicate from far away? Maybe he isn’t with Multiverse, then. Maybe they’re just in contact. And I’m longing to know what they can do—longing to be there, to experience it. I shake my head. Focus, Freja, on why you are here.
I’ve got some new friends. They need help, somewhere to go.
There’s a pause. He’s thinking about what I said.
Will they fit in?
He means—are they survivors?
Yes. Absolutely. Would you like to meet them?
Of course. Any friend of yours is a friend of mine. Especially if you are coming too?
And now I feel it even more strongly—the longing. To be with more people like me. Not JJ, not like that—but just part of this whole collective of minds that connect and share things that cannot be shared any other way.
But what about Kai?
I don’t know about that, I answer, finally.
Well, we’ll have to think about how to do this, one way or the other. How/where. I’ll get back to you.
Okay.
I really do miss you. But you’re probably all taken care of where you are.
He wants to know what has happened with me and Kai, now that Shay is out of the picture. And I don’t know what to say honestly, and am not sure I’d be honest if I did know.
No comment, I type at last. He can read into that what he will.
Ah, I see! Is there still a chance for me and you?
No comment!!!
Don’t stress, just let me take my crumbs of hope where I can. Take care. I’ll get back to you soon.
I sit there, staring at the blank screen for ages after he signs off.
What is wrong with me? I want one thing, then another. I don’t understand myself, so how could anybody else?
The only person who ever really understood me was my sister, Dineke.
I wish I could be with her.
The pain and longing to be close to her is never far away. It fills me, and my tears start to fall.
CHAPTER 14
KAI
FREJA LOOKS UP WHEN I COME IN, surprise on her face. “You’re back early,” she says.
“I came straight back.”
“Why?”
“You were right.”
“Excellent! What about?”
“Angus and Maureen.”
Freja looks at me closely, then swears under her breath. “You told them, didn’t you? About Azra and Wilf.”
“I didn’t give any details about who they are or exactly where they are or even confirm what they are, but I think they worked it out. And Angus guessed about you too.”
“How could you?” She’s angry. “We’ve got to get out of here, now—all of us.”
“Isn’t that a little paranoid?” I say, but it was this same unease that made me speed through the night despite how tired I am.
“No.”
“Maureen was trying to convince her dad to listen to me, to consider taking them; they might have come around if I’d waited. Even if not, I can’t believe they’d do anything to put kids in danger.” But even as I say it, I’m not sure, and now I feel even more sick in my stomach. “But okay. Just in case, let’s move.”
Freja defocuses, and I know she’s talking to Wilf and Azra that way, in their heads. There are footsteps, and then the two of them come rushing in.
Neither objects to going, leaving this place that has been a home of sorts. They seem excited, not scared.
“How do we all go on one bike?” Wilf asks.
“We can’t,” I say. “And even if we could, it wouldn’t be safe for me to ride it after being awake all night.”
“There’s got to be an abandoned car around here somewhere,” Freja says. “And we need some tanks—extra gas.”
Freja makes a list of what we need to take with us. Azra tells Wilf to erase the CCTV recordings before we go. Then she goes looking for Merlin. We all scatter to gather the things we need. Wilf knows a place with a car and runs to show me.
And all the time, I’m seeing the accusation in Freja’s eyes. Please let this be okay.
CHAPTER 15
FREJA
I STUDY THE DASHBOARD, then put the key in the ignition.
“You do know how to drive, don’t you?” Kai says.
“Ish,” I answer. “I mean, I had a provisional license and took a few lessons. It’ll be fine; there’s no traffic anyway.”
“Can I drive?” Wilf demands.
“No!” Azra and I say in unison.
With a few hints from Kai on the gears, I manage to get the car off the base, through the nearby village, and onto a main road.
“I didn’t get a chance to tell you before, Kai. There was an email back from your mother.”
“There was? What did she say?”
“The gist of it was yes, she’d like to meet, and she said to call her assistant via the switchboard to set it up.”
“Really? Interesting.”
“I wonder if that is because she’s afraid her phone is being monitored, but through her assistant maybe not?”
“I hope so.”
“So, all we need is to get down that way and find a cell phone network or a working landline.”
“Are we heading to Wales? All of us?” Wilf says.
“I don’t know, do you both want to come?” I say. “We’ll talk when we stop, once we’re far enough away from here. For now, Kai—you better get some sleep. The next driving shift is yours.”
I glance at him moments later. He’s so exhausted he’s out: sound asleep.
I’m getting the rhythm of the car better now. He didn’t say what route we should take, so I randomly head south-ish, staying on quiet roads where I feel safer. It’s not like highways should be a problem for me, since there’s no traffic. But I don’t care; I’ve never driven on one before.
The two in the back seat both have headphones on; they’re listening to music, but there will be nowhere to charge their phones once the batteries die.
It’s my first quiet moment to think since Kai got back, and no matter how annoyed I was with him earlier, I have to take some responsibility for this. I should have guessed he was thinking of taking those two to the farm; I should have talked to him more, not let him go until he understood—or at least promised not to say anything.
Somehow he still doesn’t completely understand what it is like to be a survivor—to be the ones everyone fears and hates. You’d think, with first Shay and then me, he’d know how dangerous the world can be f
or us. Yet he still believes most people will behave decently if you give them a chance.
Like how he believes that of me.
It’s part of why I love him, so how can I complain about it now?
I sigh, the pain and guilt twisting inside me at the lies about Shay that I’ve told Kai—but it’s far too late to say anything now. He’d never trust me again.
CHAPTER 16
KAI
GROGGY, I OPEN MY EYES, not sure how much time has passed. The car is bumping along off-road—is that what woke me?
“What’s going on?” I say.
“We sensed something coming in the sky,” Azra says. Freja brings the car to a shuddering stop now, under the cover of trees by a field.
A group of helicopters appears in the distance—three of them. Big military ones.
“They’re heading for the base. Aren’t they?” Wilf’s voice is small now. “Are they looking for us?”
“There’s no way to know,” Freja answers. “They might be; it’s in that direction. Or they might be doing something completely different that has nothing to do with us.”
“Wilf, did you erase all the CCTV recordings?” Azra says.
“Yes, of course I did! Just like you told me to.”
“Good.”
“Oh.”
“What do you mean, oh?”
“I didn’t turn them off. They’d have filmed us as we left.”
“Wilf!” Azra says, and we all turn to look at him.
“You didn’t tell me to turn them off, did you? Nobody did!”
“No, but isn’t it obvious?” she says, and punches him in the arm.
“Ouch! That hurt!”
“Stop it, you two!” Freja says. “There’s no point in arguing about that now. Where were the cameras that were on?”
Wilf runs through them, and we fall silent. There’s no doubt at all that the four of us will be on them—this car too.
“Maybe they won’t think to check them, or know where to find them in the bunker,” Azra says. “It’s okay, Wilf.”
She touches his hand, but he yanks it away. “If you’re being nice to me, things must be really bad. I’m sorry. It’s my fault, isn’t it?”
I sigh. “No, it isn’t. It’s mine. Completely mine. I shouldn’t have said anything about you to anyone, but I did. If anyone is looking for you, that is the only reason.”
No one denies it, but Freja’s hand reaches out, lightly touches mine, and I reach back for hers and hold it tight.
I’m sorry, I say to her, silently.
I know. It’s okay. Just always do what I say in the future.
Really? Always? I don’t know about that.
Like right now, give me a hug.
I reach out, pull her toward me, wrap my arms around her, and kiss her.
“Stop it!” Wilf makes gagging noises.
I pull away from Freja. “Right. Yes, okay then. Any more helicopters on the horizon?”
The three of them agree: nothing else is approaching.
“Should we get going?” I say. “It must be my turn to drive. There’s just one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Where the hell are we?”
CHAPTER 17
FREJA
WE’RE ON A HIGHWAY now that Kai is driving, and the miles fly past. We’ll have to get rid of this car soon; if they’ve found that CCTV, they’ll know what we’re driving.
Azra and Wilf are asleep behind us. His head has slipped onto her shoulder. They’re like brother and sister—they fight all the time, like Dineke and I did when we were younger. My little sister could drive me crazy, endlessly hanging around me, wanting attention all the time and never shutting up—like Wilf does to Azra. But I’d do anything to argue with her again.
I should try to sleep. I close my eyes, but my thoughts are traveling. I’m keeping a feel out all around us; I’m anxious even though there is nobody anywhere near—no one alive, that is.
The anxiety comes from the feeling that we’re going the wrong way. That’s it, isn’t it? Not so much because of specific dangers of heading south, even though they are there. The farther south we go, the more likely we are to find people—army, air force, immune groups to start with—and then to hit quarantine boundaries. Boundaries that protect people who don’t know what it means to watch those you care about get sick and die.
Or even worse: to get sick and survive.
But if we turn around, if we go north, we could head for Scotland—to Patrick and JJ, I tell myself, but they aren’t all that is there. There is also Alex and his strange ways and his group, Multiverse. Shay, too, and what could that mean for Kai and me? I don’t know, and I don’t want to find out either.
But I still feel it deep in my bones: we’re going the wrong way.
“Kai?” I whisper.
“Yeah?”
“I’m scared. For me, for them.” I glance in the mirror to check: they’re still asleep behind us. “And you too.”
His hand slips off the gearshift to mine, gives it a light touch.
“I know, Freja. But I’ve got an idea to handle at least part of that.”
CHAPTER 18
KAI
WE HIDE THE CAR IN SHADOWS, approach the rest of the way on foot.
“There’s no one either in or near his house. It’s clear,” Freja whispers.
We find the key where Patrick always kept it, hidden outside. It’s funny how he could be so careful about online security and leave his house key under a plant pot.
I unlock the door, and we step in. “It seems so long since we’ve been here,” I say.
“Since we disappeared in the night,” Freja says. “We never said goodbye.” She sighs. I touch her shoulder.
Wilf flicks a switch on the wall. “There’s no power, but you’ll never guess what.”
“What?” I say.
“I’ve got a signal.” He waves his phone around, the screen light dancing around him.
“Be careful: we can’t charge anything,” Azra says. “When it’s dead, it’s dead.”
“That’s right. No games—essential use only,” Freja adds.
“That all depends on what you think is essential,” Wilf says. “Maybe I should confiscate yours,” Azra says.
“I’d like to see you try.”
“Hang on a sec,” I say. “Are these phones registered to either of you? If they are, you shouldn’t use them.”
“No.” Azra hesitates. “We found them in the bunker.”
“They belong to ghosts.” Wilf’s word for the soldiers who died there. “There was no phone signal there; we just used them to put music on.”
“I don’t know,” Freja says. “Do you think anyone would check the numbers?”
“Seems unlikely with the mess everywhere that anybody could be bothered,” I say.
“But if those helicopters were going there looking for us, and if they find the bunker and bodies, they could work out who they are and that their phones are missing?”
“Paranoia aplenty.”
“Yep. But you said you’d listen to me in the future in areas of paranoia,” Freja says.
“True.”
“But we do need to call your mum tomorrow during office hours, so we’ll have to use one of them then. Hopefully it’ll be all right.”
“Are we spending the night here before we go to Wales?” Wilf says. “What’s left of the night, that is.”
Freja and I exchange a glance. “Well, thing is,” I say, “it might be safer for you to wait here while we go.”
“What? Are you dumping us?” Azra demands.
“No, we’re not dumping you. But in case the authorities are hunting for all of us together, it might be safer to split up. I’m going to go and see my mum, then come back here.”
&nb
sp; They both look at Freja, and even I can see their words not said out loud hanging in the silence: Don’t leave us on our own.
“I don’t know yet if I can go,” Freja says. “We’ll have to see where they are meeting. I can’t cross roadblocks; they might be scanning for survivors.”
Freja sighs, looks down. I still think I should go with you, no matter what, she whispers inside me.
I know. But you can’t risk getting scanned. And I know you don’t want to leave these two. I understand that—it’s the right thing to do.
Then why does it feel so wrong?
I slip an arm around Freja; she leans her head against my shoulder.
Anyway, I’m not deciding yet, she says. We’ll see.
“What if you don’t come back?” Azra says to me.
“I will, I promise,” I say. But we all know it is a promise I might not be able to keep.
CHAPTER 19
FREJA
ONCE EVERYONE IS ASLEEP, I slip Azra’s phone out of her room—she’s a deeper sleeper than Wilf—and walk silently down the stairs, then out the front door.
It’s almost dawn. The world is still, hushed, as if it is watching and listening.
I walk down the lane. There’s a bench farther along at a bus shelter, though I’m sure buses haven’t run here for a long while. And when they did, they wouldn’t have come to such an out-of-the-way place very often.
Even so, I reach out all around me to make sure: I’m alone. No people.
Phone on: good—there is still a signal.
Quickly I go to the forum and log in; there’s a load of unread messages, one every few hours. JJ has been trying to catch me online. They all say some variation of hello: Hi gorgeous. Hey beautiful. Hello sexy.
Is this why I didn’t do this with Kai watching? He knows I’m not into JJ, not that way, but he wouldn’t like it all the same. There was always an animosity between them, since the time they first met, when JJ knocked him out by attacking his aura. That was before I’d taught Kai how to block psychic attacks. At the time, however misguided, JJ thought he was protecting the group of survivors he was part of. He did apologize for that—eventually—but Kai hasn’t let go of that grudge.
