by Devney Perry
But the placard above the door was the same as it had been for decades. It was the one I’d welded together my junior year in shop class, spelling Reynolds out of bolts and nails and screws.
I walked up the sidewalk, noticing new cracks. The grass was creeping over the edge where I used to come and keep a straight line. I went to the door, inspecting a yellow rose bush in bloom that hadn’t been there years ago.
I knocked on the door, nerves shaking my limbs. Did she hate me for leaving her? Did she hate me for how I’d abandoned our family? If she did, she had every right.
The sound of shuffling footsteps came from inside and I held my breath. The door opened and she stepped closer, her face tired and eyes hazy with sleep. She was wearing the same plush, green robe I’d bought her for Christmas five years ago.
“Kaine?” She gasped, a wrinkled hand covering her mouth. “Is that you?”
“Yeah, Mom. It’s me.”
She stepped closer. Then with a deafening crack, she slapped me across the face.
“I’m sorry for hitting you.”
I chuckled. “For the last time, it’s fine.”
“I used to feel so guilty whenever I’d have to give you a spanking.” Mom sighed. “You were such a good kid and most of the time you’d shape up if I threatened to get out my wooden spoon. But there were a few times you’d push me over the edge. You’ll see.”
I nodded at Mom in the passenger seat.
We’d spent the last two days talking. She knew all about Piper and the pregnancy. She knew that I was terrified of losing another child. She knew exactly what to tell me to put some of those fears to rest.
And to my surprise, she knew where I’d been these last three years. She’d just chosen to let me stay hidden until I was ready to be found.
Mom had hurt me. But I would rather have her in my life than hold on to that old pain. To have her back in my life, I was willing to move past the choices she’d made after Shannon and the baby had died.
“Thanks for coming with me.”
Her eyes softened. “I’m always here for you.”
I drove us through town, dreading every inch as we got closer to our destination.
I’d realized on my drive to Bozeman that I had to stop running. I was going to be a father. By accident or by choice, it was happening. And if I was going to be worthy of my child, I had to put old ghosts to rest.
Mom’s idea was for me to start at the source.
We pulled up to the gates of the cemetery, and I crept inside, parking along the loop that circled through the green grass.
Mom gave me a reassuring smile before opening her door. I swallowed down the urge to hurl and got out of the truck too.
It smelled the same, like cold stone and wet grass. The one and only time I’d been here had been for the funeral. But my feet remembered the way to Shannon’s family plot.
Mom and I sidestepped headstones and sculptures as we wound our way toward a grove of trees. Her parents had insisted on burying her here, in the place where they could visit. I’d agreed on one condition.
That I could pay for our daughter to be buried with her.
Except for the short minutes after she’d been taken from Shannon’s body to try and be saved at the hospital, our baby had only lived in her mother’s womb. I wanted her to have Shannon’s comfort in the grave too.
I didn’t want my daughter resting alone.
As we got closer to their place, I noticed a bundle of fresh-cut yellow roses by their tombstone.
They were the same yellow roses growing outside Mom’s front door.
“You come here?”
She nodded. “Every week.”
She visited them. She cared for them.
When I hadn’t been here, she’d tended to them instead.
A lump clogged my throat. “Thank you.”
Mom’s hand slipped into mine, and we stopped at the base of the grave. The marker only had Shannon’s name on the stone along with her dates of birth and death. But in the lower corner, I’d asked that they carve something for our child.
A tiny pair of angel wings.
Shannon had been eight months pregnant, but we still hadn’t picked out names. We had narrowed down the boys’ names but had struggled with options for a girl.
And since I hadn’t been able to put her name on the granite, I’d given her wings instead.
Tears dripped from my eyes and into my beard. I didn’t even bother wiping them away. I just stood there, holding Mom’s hand, and let go.
Like Piper had once told me on the ridge, sometimes you just needed to cry.
The tears lasted a while, but when they stopped, I closed my eyes and spoke to the ghost I’d tethered to me for years.
Good-bye, sweet angel.
A breeze blew past, lifting her up to fly free.
“Thanks, Mom.”
She squeezed my hand. “You’re welcome.”
I took one last look at the grave, smiled at Shannon’s name, then turned away and escorted Mom back to my truck. Maybe I’d visit again. Maybe this would be my farewell. I wasn’t sure. But one thing I did know was that I had work to do before I went back to Lark Cove.
Talking to Mom had helped me deal with my fears for Piper’s pregnancy. They were still there, they probably always would be. But Mom’s excitement about becoming a grandparent had broken through. She’d helped me see things from a different angle.
I was getting another chance. I hadn’t destroyed the first one. He had.
But if I didn’t pull my head out of my ass, I would ruin this one.
“Kaine,” Mom said as we left the cemetery’s gates. “I’m proud of you for going there today. I know it wasn’t easy. I hope it gives you some closure.”
“It did.”
“Good. We-we should talk about—”
“No,” I cut Mom off.
“But—”
“No.” My voice left no room for argument. “We won’t talk about him. Ever. If you want to be in my life, you won’t bring him up.”
Her shoulders fell, but she nodded. “Okay.”
Just the idea of him made my jaw clench. I didn’t want to be so forceful with Mom, but he was a no-go topic. If I was going to forgive Mom and get over what had happened three years ago, I had to block him out.
I’d made some peace with Mom. I refused to let him take that too.
“What are your plans? How long can you stay?” she asked, changing the subject.
I rubbed my beard with a hand, forcing the tension out of my jaw. Then I took a deep breath, releasing the anger and concentrating on what had to be done. “I need to deal with my old house. I have no idea what’s become of my stuff. I wouldn’t mind stopping by and saying thanks to my landlord at the old shop. And I’d like to fix your fence. Maybe get your car into the mechanic.”
“Oh, Kaine. Don’t worry about those things. I can manage.”
“I know,” I told her. “But I want to.”
It was time to make up for the years we’d lost. It was time to finish the things here I’d left undone.
Because when I went back to Lark Cove, I’d be staying for good.
I was done running.
Standing in front of the window in my guest bedroom, I stared out at Kaine’s cabin. It sat there, empty, just like it had for the past nineteen days.
It had been almost three weeks since I’d told Kaine I was pregnant and he’d thrown such awful accusations in my face.
Just like I’d promised him, I left the shop after dropping the baby bomb and gave him a night to come to grips with our situation. I came home, got sick—again—and tried my best to get some rest. Though with how angry I was at Kaine, sleep was fitful. So I got up early the next morning, did some work, and puttered around the house until I decided his time was up.
By all rights, he should have come to me. But one thing I’d learned in our months together, that man was damn stubborn. He could brood like no one I’d ever met. And since I knew he wo
uldn’t come to me, I pushed aside my own stubborn tendencies and meandered along the path to his place.
I found the cabin empty. There were no dishes in the sink. His bed was made. And something about the air, so undisturbed and too quiet, told me he hadn’t been there in hours.
His silver truck was gone from its normal place in his driveway, and I doubted I’d find him in the shop, but I went to check anyway.
All of the lights were on and the large bay door was open—to the building he locked up religiously. The cold night air had crept inside and taken away the shop’s normal warmth. I closed it all up so the animals couldn’t get inside, then went back to my house.
I kept a careful eye on his place all day. Waiting. Stewing. Then I began to worry.
Was he okay? Was he hurt? I didn’t know his family or friends, so I couldn’t call to check with them. And it wasn’t like I could call the man himself because I didn’t have his phone number.
So I waited. For days, I came to this window and checked to see if he was home. I spent hours standing here, watching his house. And after days without any sign of Kaine Reynolds, I got mad.
Really, really mad.
Because my sexy, caring, shy, dumbass of a neighbor had just disappeared.
He’d clearly severed ties with his former life before coming to this mountain. What was stopping him from doing it again? It certainly wasn’t me or the baby I was carrying.
The bastard was so chicken-shit scared he’d run away.
For nineteen, almost twenty days, I’d nursed my anger. I’d coddled it and let it grow. Because if Kaine ever set foot on my mountainside again, I wanted to be prepared. I had a few things to say about his behavior, and if he came back, he was going to hear it.
Sipping my decaf tea, I kept my glare on his house. It was a dick move for him to leave without telling me, and one day, I desperately wanted to say that to his face.
Along with something else I’d learned in the last nineteen days.
Tires crunched gravel, and I abandoned my post by the window. I’d left the front door unlocked this morning because Thea was coming over. In Lark Cove, I didn’t have to fear leaving a door unlocked for a few hours here and there, unlike in the city.
“Hello!” Thea opened the door.
“Come on in!” I shouted down the hallway as I hurried to greet her.
We hugged as she came inside, though she was missing her normal entourage. “Where are the kids?”
“I left them home with Logan.” She smiled. “He wanted some extra time with them since he’s got to fly back to New York next week.”
“Ah.” The foundation was having a quarterly board meeting, and as the chairman, Logan was going back for the week.
Since I’d started as Logan’s assistant, I’d never missed a board meeting. Even though flying was supposed to be safe, I wasn’t taking any chances with this pregnancy, especially during the first trimester, when the risk of miscarriage was high.
“It feels weird not to be going back with him.”
“He understands,” Thea said. “Trust me. He’d never push you to do something that made you uncomfortable.”
“Don’t tell him I told you this, but he really is the World’s Greatest Boss.”
She winked. “Your secret is safe with me.”
After Kaine had left, I’d gone down to the bar and told Thea everything. She knew all about Adam, our infertility and how Kaine had gotten me pregnant. She listened to my confession for hours between occasionally serving her customers. Maybe it was because she was a bartender and she was well practiced at lending an ear, but she was an incredible listener.
And a wonderful friend.
I was terrified about a miscarriage. Pregnancies were lost all the time and mine could be taken away. This dream might end. So I’d prepared myself for the worst, not wanting to get my hopes up. I hadn’t let my thoughts wander to nursery decor or baby names.
But then Thea and Logan had me over for a celebratory dinner. They were so excited about my pregnancy, it calmed my nerves exponentially. And I let myself be happy too.
I was keeping faith.
“Want some coffee?” I asked as we walked into the kitchen. “Or decaf tea that is supposed to help with nausea but tastes like tree bark?”
“The tree bark is tempting.” She smirked, dropping her purse on the island. “But I’ll pass. How are you feeling?”
I shrugged. “Good.”
That wasn’t entirely true, but I refused to complain about this pregnancy.
Sure, I was tired. I was going to bed before dark and waking up each morning with bags still under my eyes. The nausea hadn’t let up either. But I was so overjoyed to even be having these babies, I wouldn’t let the ill effects of pregnancy get me down.
Every moment I carried these twins was a moment I’d enjoy.
I’d gone in for an exam two days ago and my doctor had given me a vaginal ultrasound. She’d claimed it was because of my infertility history, but I think she’d been able to sense my fears and wanted to put them at ease.
Learning I was pregnant with twins was only slightly less shocking than learning I was pregnant in the first place.
Kaine’s sperm was magic.
It was difficult to pinpoint, but I think he got me pregnant the night we had sex in his shop after he’d surprised me with my table. Though, with how much we’d been together after that, I couldn’t be certain. But in my mind, I gave credit to that night. Because that was when I’d realized how I was falling for Kaine.
I liked the idea that my children were conceived in love.
By the time I reached my due date in March, I was going to look like a whale. I didn’t care. I was going to be exhausted caring for two newborns alone. I couldn’t wait. Life was going to get messy and chaotic and crazy. Bring it on.
“I brought you a present.” Thea smiled and dug into her purse. She pulled out two small woodpeckers and handed them over.
“Oh my god,” I gasped. “Did you make these?”
She nodded. “I thought they’d go with your woodland theme and were gender neutral.”
“They’re incredible.”
She’d sculpted the birds from old silverware. The feathers were made from fork tongs. The back was done with layered spoons. And the face and legs were made from the silverware’s etched handles.
“Those holes in the feet are for screws so you can hang them on the wall.”
“Okay.” I nodded, unable to tear my eyes away. I wasn’t sure where she got her inspiration, but Thea’s ability to make art from articles most would consider trash was truly a gift. “Where’d you get this idea?”
“I made a frog from some old forks a while back for Charlie. And before that I made a bird’s nest from old spoons. I hadn’t made anything from silverware for a while and had some still in my workshop, so I thought I’d give these a try. They turned out kind of cute.”
“Cute is an understatement. I can’t wait to get the nursery painted and hang them up.”
“How’s it coming along in there?”
“Good! I’ll show you.” I led her down the hallway, taking the woodpeckers too. They’d get added to the growing collection of baby things amassed in the middle of the room. “It seems strange to paint a room that I just had painted, but the color I picked out for the guest room just wouldn’t work for a nursery.”
I’d picked a dark, nearly charcoal gray for the room originally. But now that the babies were coming, I wanted something lighter and softer. The nursery would be full of whites and creams and beige, and after I found out the babies’ genders, I’d add some colorful accents.
Coral and pink for girls.
Green and brown for boys.
“Uh . . . I see you’ve been busy online shopping.” Thea stared at the stack of baby clothes on the dresser.
“That would be my mother.” I rolled my eyes. “She’s basically had a package sent to me every single day since I told her I was pregnant. If she keeps this
up, they’ll grow out of all the newborn stuff before they can even wear it once.”
Thea laughed. “You’re probably right. Though I always underestimate the amount of puke and poop babies create.”
“I never thought I’d be so excited at the prospect of poop.” I giggled. “My parents are so excited, I don’t have it in me to tell them to stop shopping. If they want to spoil their grandkids, I’m going to let them. My mom is already making plans to come and stay here for a month after they’re born. And they’ll be here for Christmas.”
My parents would be wonderful grandparents, even from a distance. When I’d called to tell them the news, they’d been delighted. Even though I wasn’t married and lived on the other side of the country, they’d been nothing but supportive.
I’d finally found the courage to tell them about the problems with my marriage, and how I’d gone years believing I probably wouldn’t have children. When I’d told them about Adam’s betrayal, they’d taken a page from his family’s playbook and disowned him immediately.
My mom had begged me to move home so she could be closer and able to help. After my argument with Kaine, I’d considered it seriously for a few days. But when I pictured what life would look like in New York, it wasn’t where I wanted the babies to call home.
I wanted them to splash around in Flathead Lake every summer. I wanted to teach them how to walk in these hallways. I wanted them to play outside under the trees. And when—if—Kaine returned, I wouldn’t take his children to the other side of the country.
According to the doctor’s estimate, I was due in early March, if I went full term. Kaine had months and months before these babies came into the world. I was pissed as hell at him, but I hadn’t lost hope that he’d get his shit together and decide to be a father.
Because he had the potential to be one of the best. He kept his heart hidden, but it was full of goodness and grace.
“Any word from . . .” Thea asked, pointing out the window toward Kaine’s house.
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I shrugged, setting a hand on my stomach. “I’m making the best of this. I’m trying not to think about all of the idiot men in my life. Though I did get an interesting email from Adam yesterday.”
